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Information Guy: Status Effects 4 (Player Buffs)

Hi. Information Guy here. You’re looking at me as if to say, “I thought I was done with you.” Well, I’ve got a problem with that, buster. And that problem is a little thing called “friendship.”

Monsters are pretty much bad news. I think we can all agree on that, especially my great uncle, who once tried to give a twenty-minute lecture on the history of dentistry to a giant gaping mouth in the ground. Some people might say that it’s his fault he has no legs anymore. I mean, it wasn’t a giant gaping ear in the ground, so I don’t think it was listening, but, if it were a giant gaping ear in the ground, the lecture wouldn’t have really been apt, so I’m going to have to side with my great uncle on this one.

You know what could’ve turned it around for him, though? Buffs. And, since we’re all nerds here, it goes without saying that buffs are ways to temporarily strengthen yourself and your friends in a battle. Well, I guess I said that anyway. That’s the kind of guy I am: a says-things kind of guy. Hey! Here are a few buffs you might use if you run into a giant gaping mouth in the ground:

Normally, I like to keep an even temperament. Cool as a cucumber. You can’t frazzle this cucumber, no sir. But, some cucumbers get frazzled. And, that’s okay, too. It’s how we get pickles. If you’re an angry little pickle, you might not listen to reason anymore. Reason, schmeason–you’re doing double damage. If I weren’t such a cucumber kind of guy, I might be willing to give up being able to control myself for that kind of power.

Well, look at you. Aren’t you cocky. You just made a called shot. Again, not my style, but I’ve worn the same outfit for the past twenty-eight years, so my middle name isn’t “Style;” it’s “Stinky,” for your information, and it’s a bit of a sore spot for me. If “Style“ is your middle name, though, you might want to make a called shot, cause you’ll do twice as much damage on the next turn. Imagine what might happen if you call a shot right before you perform a really awesome super attack like what happens in your favorite anime. Just don’t get startled, or you’ll end up doing no damage and going right back to square one.

As anyone with a kick-me sign attached to their back can attest, being a human target isn’t fun. If you’re a fan of getting beaten up by everyone, then, by all means, be a human target. How is this a buff, anyway? Well, maybe you can use it on some useless guy or something.

Ah, the sugar rush. What was once a normal child is now a high-speed demon bounding down the path to type-two diabetes. But, imagine if you could contain and utilize this power for good. You might just get hyper enough to double your agility for the current turn, allowing you to get an all-important hit or heal off without fear of an enemy mucking things up for you. One problem: you’re not going to be an engine running at maximum efficiency anymore. Every time you make yourself hyper, expect your mp cost to double for the current turn.

Sometimes monsters fight dirty. This has been covered at length in the past. But, when you’re a good girl or boy and get vaccinated, you’ll be temporarily immune from incoming status effects. Don’t listen to some of the weirdos out there, kids; listen to me instead: get vaccinated. I make sure to get vaccinated every chance I get. Why, right now I’m immune to influenza, whooping cough, ashy skin, lycanthropism, sucker punches, hauntings, stomach grumblings, athlete’s tongue, aggressive nostril flaring, restful leg syndrome, poisoned Caesar salads, frequent (and infrequent) hamboning, head gout, silence, uncontrollable cartwheels…

That’s it for this time. Would you like me to repeat that?


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Information guy continues to be the best. These are some damn good status effects you've got cooking up as well.
I love this.
I love everything.

And boy, do I love the writing!
More and more, I need this game : D
Glad ya'll are still liking these! This is the last set of status effects Information Guy's going to talk about. I'll keep him in mind when I'm cooking up other blog ideas, though. He's definitely fun to write!
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