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Ocean, Bro, It’s Just Not Worth It

  • Addit
  • 01/05/2017 10:44 AM

A Game Made By: Caz
Including The Assistance Of: Archeia_Nessiah
Created Using: RPG Maker VX Ace
That Roughly Takes Around: 4 – 8 Minutes To Complete

Well, 2017 is finally here, and it’s time to stop boozin’ it up! And what better way to celebrate this joyous occasion by playing and reviewing something that was made way back almost two years ago! How’s THAT for being on top of things???

(…Yeah, well…shut up… At least I’m trying.)

Anyways…yes, as a matter of fact, we ARE going back into the past this time around and reviewing something today that was, yeah, unfortunately, released two years ago but finally has made its official appearance on the site just as of last week. It was a game that was created for the RMN Birthday Event which contestants participating in it only had a short matter of time of around eight whole hours or so over the course of a weekend to get the job done and release something that’s somewhat in decent working order in order to score some sweet, sweet makerscore and badges. And one of those said games that managed to make the cut was “Ocean’s Dream” created by Caz with the assistance of the ever-so talented artist-for-hire Archeia_Nessiah.

Yeah, how ‘bout that, we got ourselves another community type of game starting everyone’s favorite food monster and a couple of the most bodacious babes from around RMN in one neat little package. I mean - how can you not resist the temptation? How can you???

Truth be told, I remember hearing about this game a whiles back but never really initially bothered to play it until recently just now. And, I guess while I’m being honest right now, I don’t even think I tried out any of the other submissions for the event either. I guess if there’s no makerscore or achievos to be involved with than Addit just simply don’t care about you’s that much there honey, mm-hmm!

…But, now that there’s something worthwhile and on the line, why not give this the ol’ Addit tries and see just how much of a good job that these guys managed to do within the allotted time limit. Lord knows just how little jack shit I would have accomplished with that much of a time limit doing it all on my own. But I guess one of the main benefits to having an event like this is to see just how much you actually get done on a deadline and then use that new found ability on your own projects to get them done a lot faster and quicker, so there’s that, I guess.

Anyways, I think this is the second game that I’ve played and reviewed from Caz thus far and the...fifth game that Nessiah’s been involved with in now…? Either way, let’s go see if we can get Ocean a virtual booty call for at least one night before she dumps him (or eats him, I guess).

The Story

Such confidence.

That poor, poor sad ba*tard…

Once again, after coming home from a long, grueling day at work and making next to nothing below minimum wage at his…something or other job (???), our dearest friend Ocean arrives back at his bachelor pad while walking over a bunch of crushed, discarded cheesecake boxes – once again – without the company of a real woman by his side to share those said discarded cheesecake boxes. And although he does have a sort of semi-real girlfriend ready by his side at any time when duty calls - it’s only just that, semi-real. Life sure is depressing for this young stud.

After soon logging in his subconscious and brain into the wonderful virtual world that’s known as the Real Men Network for another day of pointless chatter and conversation, he eventually meets up with other fellow RMNer that hails straight from the Wales herself: Caz. After exchanging brief pleasantries between the two, Caz wonders if Ocean has finally gotten laid yet with Ocean then soon being on the defensive afterwards challenging Caz that he could get any woman he wants if he simply just tries hard enough to impress them and appreciate them. I mean – what girl WOULDN'T turn someone like that down!?

Caz then agrees to the challenge and shakes on it, with Ocean now setting his sights on the three nearest beauties next to him in the RMN chatroom… Now why Ocean would just pick these three girls (are you sure that they’re really all girls there buddy, lol) and not try for somebody else outside of RMN is beyond me - but, hey, maybe Ocean just likes the gamer girl types, and good on him! But he’s gotta be quick about it! Because lurking in the distance, not too far herself, is Caz, and she’s gonna do whatever she can that’s in her power to scoop up all three of them at once behind your back and have sex with all of them. (What a b*tch!) Can Ocean finally get his groove on for once and achieve his field of dreams, or is it yet another night behind the shower curtain with old friend mister right hand?

The Gameplay


Pretty much in a Brazilian nutshell (…mmm…), the game’s main objective here is to get Ocean’s Cream over there a sweet, unforgettable night with one of the three RMN ladies here that are single and available between the fiery-hot tempered Australian in Liberty, the strangely dressed, but surprisingly fashionable in SorceressesKyrsty (now known around here as Puddor) and, finally, the hyperactive speedster that’s known here simply as Marimo. Although you have three fine choices here, you can only go out with one of them, so choose one wisely, now. There’s also Caz here as well, but there’s no point wasting your time and money on her as she simply doesn’t give a shit about you and your horndoggin’ ways. (Oh well, her loss.)

In order to get these babes to get down with the clown, Ocean’s gonna have to do some work at his crummy job and use his weekly paychecks to buy the girls various gifts at the gift shop. Each girl will give out a different response (besides Caz) based on what you give them, but ultimately there’s only three items out of the nine here that they appreciate the best. And if you pretty much know a little bit of history about each girl here and have been a member of the site for quite a while (or…you know…you could just always read the game’s description here and figure it out that way...) then you should have no problems in figuring out who gets what in order to make them truly happy; it’s pretty obvious. But you need to be quick about buying them a certain amount of presents, because the longer that you take the more that Caz will begin to take ‘em home other than with you, and you don’t want that. If Caz manages to scoop up all the ladies here before you get at least one, it’s the bad ending for you - and the bad ending sucks!

When you do happen to go to work, you’ll then enter a quick timed-based mini-game where you have to press the A, S and D keys in the right sequence to what’s being shown on the screen in order for Ocean to get that sweet, sweet pocket change. If you happen to press the wrong key, or happen to not press it at all, Ocean will then begin to nod his head down and begin to fall asleep on the job, and if you manage to do that more than enough times then Ocean’s boss will then come in at the end of the shift and fire his ass right on the spot. And remember - no job means no monies which means no hotties! You’ll get an instant game over and a quick kick back to the title screen if you happen to fail, so don’t do that.

Look, we may like to pick on Ocean and all here - but seeing him get fired like this on screen!? That’s even worse than getting the bad ending.

Other than that, there really isn’t that much else in terms of variety in this game; you basically go talk to some of the girls, then head on over to work, then come back to work, and then proceed to buy said girls said gifts and then it’s rinse and repeat all over again until you happen to score and win…or just completely strike out. It’s basically like living the Ocean’s Dream (I’m not sorry).

The Soundtrack

No - get your own man servant, Kyrsty!
Or should I say “PudDOORS!”

This game only happens to feature two whole songs throughout the shorten life experience, and they’re pretty much ripped straight out of the RTP. These songs consist of the “Animal” and “Tavern” tracks from RPG Maker 2000 and / or 2003, but instead of them being in MIDI form, like they usually are, they’re in .OGG format here – so they sound a little bit better on the ears than they usually do. Despite the limited number of tracks and no custom music to speak of here, which would usually be an issue, I don’t think it’s too much of a hindrance for this type of game, as the music here kinda fits well with the whole goofiness of the game’s overall theme, and considering the time frame that these guys had to do this, I don’t think these guys had too much of a choice here. It’s fine the way it is.

Sound effects are also done with the RTP, which is also not too much of a problem here. But I think one feature that would have been really cool, thinking about it just right now, is if these guys had enough time and energy and some divine courage as well to be able to do some actual voice dialogue and put it into the game and have them talk to one another throughout all the cutscenes. That would have been freakin’ hilarious, and probably wouldn’t have increased the file size by that much since it’s a small game. I’ve heard Liberty’s, Ocean’s and Caz’s voices before in the past, but I’m curious to hear what Marimo or Kyrsty sounds like in real life. Maybe they sound like dorks. Either way, food for thought.

The Aesthetics

Pretty much Liberty’s reaction 90% of the time whenever she goes over the submissions queue.

I actually think it looks quite cute! The custom portraits of the RMNers here pretty much look exactly like with what they look like in real life - and are done pretty well and in good detail. Even the sprites themselves look quite nice, and all the custom ending sequences with each of the different endings brought a particular smile to my face when I saw each one in action (including the bad ending, lol). They’re not the best of quality that I’ve seen from Nessiah in the past, but considering the type of game that this is and the limited amount of time that she had, she did a pretty good job here. I think everything fits the bill quite well, despite the actual HUB world and Ocean’s workplace being a bit on the dull side to look at and really doesn’t provide that much in terms of any actual scenery here. I don’t know exactly where Ocean works during the course of this game, but it looks like it could be anywhere: a parking garage, a loading center, Macy’s…??? I really can’t tell here. But, whatever, it’s not all that important, anyway.

The End Result

Oh, Ocean…you deserve so much better than this…

Overall though, for something that was whipped up in a couple of hours for an event to poke fun at Ocean’s expense, I must say that I enjoyed my brief time with this one. This game’s almost seems a lot like a pre-cursor to the RMN Make My Score Valentine’s Day Game in a lot of ways that we had that was released last year, but in a much more limited type of role. And although this game isn’t really anything extremely noteworthy or demands more attention out of it, it does exactly what it’s supposed to do in being a little, silly side diversion to past some time and have a cheap laugh. I suppose if Caz and Nessiah had some more time to work on this during the event that they would have added in a lot more stuff to do and all, like actually setting up Ocean on actual dates and stuff, but you can only do what you can do.

Unfortunately though, because this is a community game, only long-time community members who know who these people are, are the only ones who are gonna get any sort of enjoyment out of this, which is quite brief in itself. For everybody else, though, you probably should find something else to wet your appetite instead - but you should already know that!

Don’t worry there, Ocean. One of these days you’ll find yourself true love…

…just not with these idiots.

2.5 / 5 - C- ~ Passes, But Just Barely.


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I lost my arms in a tragic chibi accident
A great review Addit, I enjoyed reading it.

Also poor Oshun.
Besr Richard Slayer
In real life, all ocean needs to do is show his pixel art of clouds and stuff. Dudes a genius.
Self-proclaimed Puzzle Snob
Did it take longer to write this review than to create game? Addit, your reviews are always a great read. Maybe one day I will get one. Maybe I should release the extended version of my 8th birthday game. This game was quite a fun silly little diversion, though.
This was a fantastic read, thanks Addit! I was thinking the exact same as Cash: did it take you longer to write this than it did for us to make?!

Nessy's art was done in an instant. I think she did all of it genuinely in like half an hour. Maybe less. I looked away for A SECOND and boom, there was art.
Did it take longer to write this review than to create game? Maybe one day I will get one.

Well, it took me around three hours to type the whole review up and another hour, at least, to proofread the damn thing, so I think you guys still took longer than me to do this, which, usually in most cases when it comes to getting anything done around here is usually the opposite. (Yeah, I suck...)

And one of these days, Cashmere, I’ll play and review one of your games. That Account Mu one looks pretty tasty thus far.

Nessy's art was done in an instant. I think she did all of it genuinely in like half an hour. Maybe less. I looked away for A SECOND and boom, there was art.

Well I wish I had someone like that! You’re lucky to have her as a slave friend, you know that?

And, thinking about it, I think I had WAY too much fun typing this review up than I should have had. That just goes to show you that you shouldn’t type anything noteworthy past 1 A.M..
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