CALADIUM'S PROFILE

______general notes__________
Using ellipsis and comma together like this,... 
Better to pick one or the other each time

it's -  always means "it is" or "it has".
Use "its" to indicate possession. When the pronoun is "it," the possessive form is "its." Like "hers" and "his," "its" doesn't need an apostrophe

____________________________


~I  recommend consistant capitalization in lists like this, any style is fine, pick one~
shard of glass, holster weapon
Shard of glass, Holster weapon
Shard of Glass, Holster Weapon

Jonathan:
Oh,... the Grimorum,... of course.
(giggles) How could I've been that naive?

~ It is unusual to use a comma followed by ellipsis together like that, as its considered redundant.
If you really want to use both, it is better to attach the ellipse to the words on the other side instead. 

Oh, ...the Grimorum, ...of course.
(giggles) How could I have been that naive?

~picking one or the other in each case is best
Oh,  the Grimorum... of course.
(giggles) How could I have been that naive?

Jonathan:
(Ulp)... and my daughter?
(Ulp) ...and my daughter?


~recommend a comma here:
Neither of them had to suffer, by the way.


I engaged you 'cause I considered your discretion and professionalism useful to our doings.
~not sure about word engaged... recommended? hired?


Jonathan:
(Giggles) funny, isn't it. 
I hired my own executioner.
~capitalize Funny, its is the proper start of the sentence despite giggles in front.
(Giggles) Funny, isn't it. 

~word choice, exactly to certainly:

You won't get any pity from me.
You betrayed the Circle, even though you knew exactly that your family
You betrayed the Circle, even though you certainly knew that your family

~add a comma after right and maniacs
Not at all! I stood up for what is right and unlike all the other maniacs I at least tried to stop it.
Not at all! I stood up for what is right, and unlike all the other maniacs, I at least tried to stop it.


~omit "of" from "of what" and change It's to Its

Do you have any clue of what this is capable of? It's knowledge is older than mankind itself.
Do you have any clue what this is capable of? Its knowledge is older than mankind itself.

~its not wrong but is skimmed what someone would do with this kind of important book... maybe "read through"
I skimmed through two pages one month ago and couldn't sleep a single night since.


This thing,... it,... argh... corrupts whoever gets involved with it.
This thing, it... argh... corrupts whever gets involved with it.

~typo for exclamation mark after Silence 
Silencel! I don't want to hear about this!
Silence!! I don't want to hear about this!

~add comma after wall
Believe me, the writings are 
on the wall and they know it. 
The ritual already begain by

Believe me, the writings are 
on the wall, and they know it. 
The ritual already began by


~use - hyphen with god-forsaken
laying hands on this god forsaken book after so many years.
laying hands on this god-forsaken book after so many years.

~there is a typo space in Streams:
I've seen it. St reams of blood will
I've seen it. Streams of blood will


~pick one or the other for pauses in speech
And when they stop,...

And when they stop...
And when they stop,


~ it's to its,  and Fuckface can be capitalized as its used like a name.  
Trailing ellipsis is overdone. Statement is stronger with period.
On it's way to the cops, fuckface...
On its way to the cops, Fuckface.


Phillipp:
Sure, flavored Bourbon. Here, take a stick of gum before somene else notices it.
Sure, Bourbon flavored. Here, take a stick of gum before somene else notices it.

~ spell out the word okay or capitalize it as OK
Jonas:
(Sigh) Thanks man.
Back to the case, okay?
Any witnesses?

~spelling: threatened
Phillipp:
Even worse, he threadened to rip your head off if he gets his hands on you.
Even worse, he threatened to rip your head off if he gets his hands on you.

~comma
Jonas;
(Sigh) Yes chief?
(Sigh) Yes, chief?

~comma
Herrman:
It's still chief superintendent for you. Have you seen what time it is you moron?
It's still chief superintendent for you. Have you seen what time it is, you moron?

~cut a word "we"
This is the third goddamn time I've had to warn you this week and we it's only TUESDAY, bloody hell.
This is the third goddamn time I've had to warn you this week and it's only TUESDAY, bloody hell.

~hyphenate what-so-ever, add comma after up
Herrmann:
Three brutish murders, no helpful witnesses what so ever and to top it all up I have to struggle with you.
Three brutish murders, no helpful witnesses what-so-ever and to top it all up, I have to struggle with you.

~added comma
Jonas:
Well of course, chief superintendent.
Well, of course, chief superintendent.


~omit 'a' and added comma after advice
Herrman:
Take this as a well-intentioned advice and let yourself be transferred. 
Maybe to the record office?

Take this as well-intentioned advice, and let yourself be transferred. 
Maybe to the record office?


~comma Sir,
Jonas:
Excuse me? With all due respect Sir but the record office is for assholes.
Excuse me? With all due respect Sir, but the record office is for assholes.

~past/present tense agreement: spent - was or spend - is  
Herrman:
ENOUGH! Every second I spent with you is a waste of my life. Hurry up, we're questioning the witnesses.
ENOUGH! Every second I spend with you is a waste of my life. Hurry up, we're questioning the witnesses.

Herrman:
Well,... may I introduce, Gabriel and Peter Fischer.
Well... may I introduce, Gabriel and Peter Fischer.

~usually use numerals when its time
Gabriel:
at something around four am.
4 a.m.

~comma
He came out, messsed around with the lock and left the door wide open.
He came out, messsed around with the lock, and left the door wide open.

~wordiness~
Gabriel:
It was just too rainy and too dark.  All I can say is that it was a middle aged guy with black hair and a blue coat.
It was just too rainy and dark. All I can say is that it was a middle aged guy with black hair and a blue coat.


~change gentalman to gentlemen, there are two of them. comma after 'all'
Jonas:
Alright gentleman. If that's all I would like you to come to the polidce station and record your
Alright gentlemen. If that's all, I would like you to come to the polidce station and record your

Gabriel:
We are,... well...

We are... well,
We're on our way to the north. 
To visit our grandmother

~spelling: mean time  not meatime

Herrman:
I'll take them to the police station and you will have a look at the bodies in the meatime. Understood?

~omit 'a' and comma after tears
Jonas:
She's in a terrible shape. According to the tears she must have been aware of her doom.
She's in terrible shape. According to the tears, she must have been aware of her doom.


Officer:
You know,... its very hard to take when kids are involved.
You know... its very hard to take when kids are involved.

~word choice suggestion. its not wrong as-is tho
Jonas: 
Don't worry, you're not the only one seeing it that way.
Don't worry, you're not the only one feeling that way.


~comma up,
Jonas:
Hmm, its the only room that's not messed up which means that no one tried to find valuables here.
Hmm, its the only room that's not messed up, which means that no one tried to find valuables here.

~coma after both oh and dective; victim's
Officer:
Oh detective, glad you're here. The victims name is Jonathan Vogt. He was some kind of celeb-attorney.
Oh, detective, glad you're here. The victim's name is Jonathan Vogt. He was some kind of celeb-attorney.

~change word 'of' to 'from'
Jonas:
He looks terrible. The impact of the bullet must have tossed him of his chair.
He looks terrible. The impact of the bullet must have tossed him from his chair.


Hmm,... all the booze indicates he must have had a hunch of what was coming to him.
Hmm... all the booze indicates he must have had a hunch of what was coming to him.


~looks like a double space between Phillip and notice
I'll give Phillip     notice of my departure and head back to the police station


~as a team of players its more correct with their, and asses. Or if you keep it the first way fix it's to its
Phillipp:
What about the football match tonight? I can't wait to see how Breman get's its overpaid ass kicked.
What about the football match tonight? I can't wait to see how Breman get's their overpaid asses kicked.

~comma
Jonas:
Sorry but we're having a little troube at home.
Sorry, but we're having a little troube at home.

~comma
Jonas:
Don't bother pal.
Don't bother, pal.