EPHIAM'S PROFILE

Ted returns home from school to discover that something has destroyed his home and left a gigantic crater where it used to stand. He approaches to find his sister Kentley within the crater.



Ted:
“Kentley! Are you okay? W-what happened?”

Kentley:
“Does it LOOK like I'm okay, Ted? I'm FAR from okay! I just had a giant cat fall from the sky and land on me! And look what it did to our house! Mom and dad are going to FREAK when they see this!”

Ted:
“A giant cat? B-but I'm sure it will all be okay! If you explain to them what happened they're sure to understand, right?”

Kentley:
“YOU barely believe me. They're just going to think that I tried to make spaghetti again. UGH! All the bad things always happen to me.”

Ted:
“Well... at least you're alive! If something did THIS to our house but didn't hurt you in the least I'd say you're some kind of super-hero! That's amazing, Kentley!”

Kentley:
“Well I sure don't feel amazing. I feel dizzy, actually...”

Ted:
“Kentley, you're starting to glow!”

Kentley:
“I'm what...? I am! I AM! What's going on? What's happening to me?!”



In a blinding flash of light Kentley is transformed into a Jackalope right before Ted's eyes. He can only stare in disbelief and bewilderment as ancient magics change the physical form of his sister.


Kentley:
“That was weird. Oh, hey, how did you get so tall? And stop looking at me like that! I'll punch you right between the eyes! Believe me when I say it'll be worse than last time! Hey, are you listening to me?!”

Ted:
“Kentley... It's not me. I didn't get taller, you just got... shorter. And furry. Ha ha! You're kind of cute now, actually!”

Kentley:
“Short? Furry...? AHHH! H-how? What HAPPENED to me? What am I...?”

Ted:
“You look like a bunny... kind of. But rabbits aren't supposed to have horns, are they?”

Kentley:
“Of course not! But that's the only difference, isn't it? Of course... Out of all the animals to change into it had to be a rabbit. Not a lion, eagle, or something cool. Just a rabbit. *Sigh*”

Ted:
“You think it's magic? It HAS to be magic! You were cursed, Kentley!”




Kentley:
“Hmph. I'd say. Whoever wished this on me must not have had a creative bone in their body. I loved being tall and awesome! Now look at me. Short, furry... but I bet I can still kick tons of butt!”

Ted:
“Mmm-hmm. You know what? I bet Grandpa knows what happened to you! He has a whole collection of books about magic and neat stuff like that! Remember when mom got mad at him because he told us one of his stories and then we almost burned the house down? He definitely knows what to do!”

Kentley:
“Never thought I'd say it, but... you're probably right! He DOES like weird stuff like this, doesn't he? That old coot's good for something after all!”

Ted:
“I just hope he doesn't try to catch you and make stew...”

Kentley:
“T-ted! Don't say stuff like that! H-he'd NEVER do that! I'm sure of it. Right...?”

Ted:
“O-of course not! B-besides, I'm sure you'd taste great!”

Kentley:
“Of course I would! I-I'd be delicious. I'd just rather not not have that confirmed.”



Ted and Kentley depart for their Grandfather's house on the other end of town. He's nowhere to be found, but they make their way in regardless and search his belongings to find some clue as to what happened to Kentley.





Ted:
“Grandpa! Grandpa, are you home?”

(Ted sees that Kentley is acting strange.)

Ted:
“Umm... Kentley?”

Kentley:
“HUH?! W-what? Oh. Mind your own business, would you? I'm just making sure he's not sneaking up on me or... something. I'll bite that old man's nose off if he tries any funny business! THIS rabbit ain't being made into a stew!”

Ted:
“I don't think you have to worry. He doesn't seem to be home.”

Kentley:
“Probably out hunting or something... That man should act his age for once!”

Ted:
“Hey, Grandpa's awesome! And he doesn't get mad at you for cooking, does he? He even let's you use his kitchen!”

Kentley:
“... It's not the same! Ugh. Anyway, let's see what we can find. The shorter I'm in the body of some devil-rabbit the better.”

(Ted and Kentley enter their Grandfather's house. They make their way towards his attic.)

Ted:
“I think this is where he keeps all of his weird stuff he doesn't want mom and dad to see...”

Kentley:
“It better be. What?! Look at all of these books! We don't have time to sit and read a few thousand novels! I want to get back to normal by at least tomorrow, not sixty years from now!”

Ted:
“Well, if we waited for Grandpa to come back I'm sure he'd-”

Kentley:
“No time for that, either! Let's just look for something that's about magic or curses... anything like that!”

(Several hours pass...)

Ted:
“Oh! Kentley! Kentley, look! I think I've found something!”

Kentley:
“Well it's ABOUT TIME!”

Ted:
“The Glacar... It's basically just like what you described! A giant cat. Or that's what this drawing looks like, at least.”

Kentley:
“THAT'S IT! That's the... the THING that fell on me! The cat!”

Ted:
“Really?! Wow! Well, uh...”

Ted:
“Okay, so apparently it can grant wishes. But ONLY if you sneak up on it and catch it. And if it grants one of your wishes... it dies.”

Kentley:
“It disappeared... so that means it died? Good! But what I find REAL interesting is that someone WISHED this would happen to me?! What a heartless...! If I find the person responsible I'm... I'm... AGHH!”

Ted:
“But it doesn't STAY dead! It comes back. It says the Glacar flies around Four Points and... and... I can't make out the rest. Is this coffee...?”


Kentley:
“He spilled COFFEE on the MOST IMPORTANT PART?! Oh how CONVENIENT! Leave it to him.”

Grandpa:
“Oh-ho! Well I'll be a jack-rabbit's grand-pappy! Nice of you two to drop by. And Kentley, I don't think you've ever looked so... well-groomed! He he.”

Ted:
“Grandpa! Wait until you hear about what's happened! You're never going to believe it!”

Kentley:
“So... wait, you knew it was me?”

Grandpa:
“Ho ho! Well at first I thought someone had broken in; I told you two to always shut the door behind you! I'd prepared my finest frying pan to confront the poor bastard who'd broken into MY house... when I heard Ted! And then I saw you. So plump, juicy, and delicious... I began to wonder if I had enough vegetables in the pantry to make a nice stew. But THEN I found out it was YOU! So long story short: I don't know what I'm having for supper anymore...”

Kentley:
“You crazy old man! You were going to EAT me?!”

Grandpa:
“WAS, my dear! WAS! Not anymore. Unless you want to keep calling your Grandfather “OLD?” Then I'd have to say you'd go great with some turnip.”

Ted:
“So do you know of any way to get Kentley back to normal, Grandpa? Is she stuck like that forever?”

Grandpa:
“Like that? If she wants to be, I suppose! But there IS a way we can return her to being that button-nosed cutey she's always been. Though don't get me wrong, Kent, you pull off that furry look real well! Maybe you should reconsider?”

Kentley:
“... Turnip?”

Grandpa:
“No, no! Now that I've thought about it I think some celery and onions would do you more justice.”

Kentley:
“Stop that, would you?! Do you know how I can return to normal or not?”

Grandpa:
“I know all, my lovely horned princess! And yes, you can. Like I said, it all depends on YOU! But then most things do, I suppose... Either way, it's possible. You just have to put in the effort. And time. Believe me, it's going to take a WHILE. And that's with more luck than you can shake a stick at!”

Ted:
“I thought you were going to tell us some super-secret spell that would change her back in a jiffy?”

Grandpa:
“Would if I could, m'boy! But that's impossible, I'm afraid. Any magic I could riddle off would probably make things WORSE, not better. I have a strange feeling she doesn't want forty eyes or eleven ears...”

Grandpa:
“No.... The only way to reverse this is to find the Glacar its self and WISH that rabbit-suit away! Otherwise we better stock up on carrots.”

Kentley:
“Find it? But it's DEAD! It dies when someone makes a wish, so how-”

Ted:
“It comes back! It'll come back, Kentley! The book said so!”

Grandpa:
“Kid's right. And when it does, we'll find it and MAKE it grant us our wish! Ho ho, I'm starting to get excited! You know what... I think I know just the man to help us accomplish this task, too!”
Ted:
“You do?!”

Kentley:
“Oh great, another old coot who's probably going to want to eat me...”

Grandpa:
“Ted Wilkinson. Local shaman and magic extraordinaire! If anyone knows of a way to hunt that overgrown cat down it's him! Used to be a great hunting buddy of mine, but then he decided to fully dedicate himself to the dark-arts. A shame, really...”

Kentley:
“Okay, so we just find this Ned Nelson guy, and he'll point us to where that cat is? Great! What are we waiting for? Let's go!”

Grandpa:
“Not so fast, my furry little friend! He's going to need something to go by if we want him to work his magic for us. A hair, tooth, nail... skin flake? SOMETHING.”

Kentley:
“Well I'm sorry, but I don't think it lost a few teeth trying to chow down on me or anything. In fact I'm quite content that this is ALL it did to me, thank you.”

Ted:
“It crashed into the house, right? So what about that crater? Do you think there could be something there?”

Grandpa:
“Wouldn't hurt to go look! Anything would be great right about now. Especially some rabbit stew. Mmm-mmm. My mouth's watering just thinking about biting into that juicy meat with a rich aroma of peppers and celery in the air...”

Kentley:
“Could we NOT start in on that again, please?!”



Grandpa:
“Hm? Oh. Oh, sorry Kent! He he he. Just thinking out loud again!”

Kentley:
“I'm not taking my eyes off you. Ever again.”