Reality is a lovely place...but I wouldn't want to live there~♪

Hiya, I'm Gourdy!
I'm a chill guy with a Kingdom Hearts-esque avatar.
I absolutely adore video games!
I'd also say I'm a fairly decent writer.
If there's one thing I like to do, it's talk!
So, don't be afraid to say hello~<3 I won't bite.

::Gallery Stats::

::Most Quoted::
2. Liberty, LockeZ and ivoryjones 5
3. kentona, Marrend, sooz, unity and nhubi 4

::People who are quoted 2x in a row::

::People quoted and how often::
Gourd_Clae 7 (aka Gourd is secretly narcissistic...)
Misc 4
Leophard 1
ivoryjones 5
Trihan 2
Strangeluv 1
LockeZ 5
King Arthur 1
kentona 4
Neverm0re 1
Max McGee 1
Karsuman 1
Kaiterra 1
thatbennyguy 1
InfectionFiles 3
Pyramid_Head 1
Link_2112 1
Craze 2
Cyberdagger 1
Deckiller (rip) 2
BurningTyger 3
Solarlune 1
Liberty 5
Adon237 1
Isrieri 1
Marrend 4
Corfaisus 1
NewBlack 1
Minnow 1
Little Wing Guy 1
Seiromem 2
Feldschlacht IV 2
Ratty524 1
Unity 4
Yellow Magic 3
Avee 1
________ 1
pianotm 3
nhubi 4
karins_soulkeeper 2
Addit 1
TungerManU 1
kory_toombs 1
accha 1
Merlandese 1
Happy 1
Sooz 4
Mr_SuNa 2
llan14 1
Ebeth 1
suzy_cheesedreams 1
Linkis 1
Dudesoft 1
CashmereCat 1
JJJ7 1
slash 1
Red_Nova 2
Kylaila 1
Pizza 1
REunfound 1
XxXhelazz 1

::Gourd's Favorite Quotes Gallery::

" I'm sorry baby Cthulu, I didn't mean to make you cry! "
--- Gourd_Clae ---

" Kids these days! Always ' I wanna design video games! '
Why don't they ever choose a respectable job like Firefighter, Police, or a Porn star?!
--- Some Old Hag ---

" I hold grudges. "
--- Gourd_Clae ---

" If the number 666 is considered evil, is 25.8069 the root of all evil? "
--- Leophard ---

" Quoting Galore~ (totes not stolen from gourd~) "
--- ivoryjones, in her carbon copy of my Quoting Gallery ---

" They keep talking about killing me. I think I like that. "
--- Gourd_Clae ---

" Tiny wolverines in your underwear. "
--- Trihan ---

" Where am I going to go seduce old guys now "
--- Strangeluv ---

" Ocelot is not a bishounen!!! "

" One year closer to when giraffe marriage is finally legalized "
--- LockeZ ---

" One can never have too much brownies. "
--- King Arthur, irc ---

--- Kentona ---

" I'm going to skip over the deep conversation on language and just post what I got when I did it.

Typed in: Dude, where's my car?

Got back: Hello, car.

Apparently I found my car while waiting for that to finish translating.
--- Neverm0re ---

" when your ban, your ban so hard even your gender is purged from having ever existed "
--- Max McGee ---

" need more dominatrix nessy fanart "
--- Karsuman ---

" Gourd_Clae :: Erm, look at the comments on the video. Like 100,00 people think she's cute

Cave_DOG_IS_BACK :: 100,000 people are also murderers and Dracula, statistically
--- IRC, debate about YouTube singer's looks ---

" Cave_DOG_IS_BACK :: people who put things in their coffee

CAVE_DOG _IS_BACK :: are terrorists. basically.
--- IRC ---

" Kaiterra :: I mean what's Facebook basically?

thatbennyguy :: an empty cup.
--- IRC ---

" Gourd_Clae :: Also, she's kind of chubby, but still really sexy, Clareain.

InfectionFiles :: More cushion for the pushin'!
--- Random Art Topic ---

" It's too bad they couldn't keep things calmer. It would have been nice if the strike had only been...

( •_•)>⌐■-■

... a miner incident.
--- LockeZ, regarding miners ---

" You make me cry pincushions. "
--- Gourd_Clae ---

" Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. "
--- Pyramid_Head ---

" Today's user title is brought to you by the letter N "
--- Link_2112 ---

" Life is turn based. Your turn. "
--- ivoryjones ---

" Everybody starts a noob. "
--- Craze ---

" I was viciously gangstalked by a group of ducks today. "

" Gourdy keeps the last dodo in his basement. "
--- CyberDagger ---

" I guess some people are part of this new anti-capitalizing-i movement... "
--- Deckiller ---

" Gourd_Clae secretly fantasizes about Roxas topping him- and getting circumcised by the broken glass lining his anus :P "
--- BurningTyger ---

" I talk to people on IRC, therefore I am. "
--- Solarlune ---

" most people i know have flat boobs "
--- ivoryjones ---

" Sometimes, when you absolutely need to beat a motherfucker, you need to beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker. "
--- Random Youtube Comment ---

" Ivoryjones:: WHATS YO DICK LIKE
Ivoryjones:: HOMIE
--- IRC ---

" motherfucking plants in your motherfucking houses... "
--- Liberty ---

" God gives the hardest battles to his toughest soldiers. "
--- Some Smart Person ---

" I should have known those "business trips" were nothing but an excuse to have hot, steamy gam mak with another community! "
--- Adon237 ---

" Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that the more you have, the longer you live. "
--- kentona ---

" Y'know what? You guys are alright sometimes. "
--- Isrieri ---

" RMN being fast again feels... so weird! Really happy that everything's loading pretty quickly now since RMN was growing so slow that it was depressing. I almost became an alcoholic. "
--- UPRC ---

" Buttered side up again!? "
--- Marrend, on bread beds and their problems ---

" I've always wanted to play as a chicken instead of just feeling like one. "
--- Corfaisus, probably ---

" There are three certainties in life.

1. Death
2. Taxes
3. More RMN Bros
--- UPRC ---

" Aaah okay, ugh my stuff dun look at good now, but oh well D: will see what it turns out like when finito. "
--- NewBlack ---

" Ah, that first helping of Markerscore. There is no going back now! "
--- Marrend ---

" everyone clap for minnow. she's special. she needs it. "
--- Minnow, 2014 ---

" Also, I’d like to personally thank my win on Minnow and Gourd_Clae for not being able to finish Razed are the Powerful in time. Thanks guys. "
--- Little Wing Guy ---

" Kentona MS: 15778
My MS: 15948

I'm the king of the world!

(....for now.)
--- Deckiller ---

" I don't play by the rules, I'm rude. "
--- Seiromem ---

"Quiet, you! Or a refrigerator will fall on your head!"
--- Marrend ---

" That idea actually sounds extremely sexy. "
--- Feldschlacht IV ---

"I hope Liberty likes what I've done with my map..."
--- BurningTyger ---

" Don't take my daily dose of Gam Mak inspiration from me! ..."
--- Unity, with murder in her eyes ---

--- Ratty524 ---

" Gourd Clae :: bgcghxmbbgj]

YM :: same

Unity :: This is the way the world ends…not with a bang but a bgcghxmbbgj].

Marrend :: The world began with Nu, and it shall end with Nu. This is the truth! This is what I believe! Until a few moments ago.

Kentona :: Looks like someone is trying to make it to the top of the most posts list
--- In What are You Thinking About Right Now? ---

"A very ugly picture painted with a beautiful brush."
--- Linkeagle Eclipsewalker ---

" Back in the days, reading the manual was like foreplay. It got you in the mood for the "real thing". "
--- Avee ---

"The fact that the arm of a woman is stuck in between the boobs of another is just fantastic and deserves my stamp of approval."
--- InfectionFiles ---

"ive got a science joke too

what do you get when you combine oxygen carbon hydrogen nitrogen and calcium

the answer is you

youre the joke
--- _________ ---

"Earlier tonight, I killed a spider with a copy of Charlotte's Web. I'm not sure the spider perceived the irony."
--- pianotm ---

" Sorry you've been demoted to demi-god. "
--- nhubi ---

" Can I critique your potato salad? Does it follow the three-celery rule? "
--- Unity ---

" Sorry if I sounded like a weasel or anything, but really... "
--- karins_soulkeeper ---

" I remember when I used to be a dingus, and then I became an Addit. "
--- Addit ---

" Your instructions weren't clear enough. What do I do with the viola? "
--- TungerManU ---

" The whole point of becoming a game developer was so I could get stalked. "
--- kory_toombs ---

" Why is that town excited? "
--- nhubi, who died waiting for an answer ---

" kentona pls "
--- accha ---

" Though seeing someone try to screw their own brain is probably something people would pay good money to see. Not me, people, I'm not people."
--- nhubi ---

" I'd go with drugs, you can explain anything with drugs. "
--- nhubi ---

" I'm excited to skip over that narrative! XD "
--- Merlandese ---

" You're both pretty, precious snowflakes with valid ideas and thoughts so agree to disagree and move on with your lives. "
--- Liberty ---

" hmm. also i thought they said grind up against Gourd which is something else entirely.
--- BurningTyger ---

" Holy crap I everything alot."
--- kentona ---

" Happy :: There's a finnish proverb: you shouldn't lick before it drops!

Sooz :: What is the intended meaning behind that? Because all my brain is offering is something to do with testicles and I am 90% sure it's not supposed to be that.
--- CYOR: Mafia Game Thread ---

" I am a serial killer. "

" wait, this isn't twitter "
--- Mr_SuNa ---

" why is the enthusiasm of someone's one word greeting something that would tell you their alignment, in any case!! "

--- llan14 ---

" Yes, I think we'd all like to see a wall of butthurt."
--- pianotm ---

" And oh god don't say etymology you'll summon Xand's ghost."
--- Ebeth ---

" Now I can finally be a gourd bgcghxmbbgj] instead of just feeling like one~<3"
--- Gourd_Clae ---

" You are all cruel, cruel people and I love you. ;.;"
--- Liberty ---

" I am Gourd's dad IRL"

" Believe it or not DubROVnik was my phone autocorrecting DynRPG. "
--- Trihan ---

" One of the better ant-depressants out there. "
--- nhubi ---

" I like the shark dude's tight buns. "
--- suzy_cheesedreams ---

" #NotAllRats "
--- Yellow Magic ---

" ah gees, all you guys got great presents and all I got was coal and a lump of poop to clean up from my cat :( "
--- Linkis ---

" Need to wife her one day. "
--- Dudesoft ---

" You're oddly happy Ilan, a little too happy... "
--- Mr_SuNa ---

" 'It is only 80 more reviews'

Aaaaand we'll be right back with... 'Things Only Nhubi Can Say' after this break!
--- CashmereCat ---

" "I dream of making a game that will cause the servers of RMN to get even slower >:D "
--- karins_soulkeeper ---

" I'll never go out with a doubleposter!
That's what girl would say.
--- JJJ7 ---

" Just so we're all on the same page here, I feel like it's important you realize that rocky mountain oysters are not vegan. "
--- LockeZ ---

--- slash ---

" Actually, another villain/antagonist type I like is the unpredictable one that just makes you question yourself and your assumptions. Like Cave_Dog, for example. ^.^ "
--- Liberty ---

" What tension? It was a classroom. It was a clock which looks nothing like a bomb. It ticked... wow. Tick tock motherfuckers. "
--- Liberty ---

" Oh, and giving King Solomon the foreskins of a hundred men! What an item gathering quest that would be! "
--- pianotm ---

" it's supposed to be an illegitimate game. if it was not conceived within sin's embrace, it cannot be entered. i'm sorry, my child. your pure heart must be shattered. "
--- Craze ---

" The quantity matters less than how much suck you can remove. "
--- Sooz ---

" We're all so determined to turn unity into Super Satan for some reason. "
--- Red_Nova ---

" Be the kind of person that, when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the Devil goes, 'Oh shit, he's up,'"
--- Red_Nova ---

" The posting has only just begun... "
--- InfectionFiles ---

" I won't be on that quote gallery. I'll just keep giving out hugs. "
--- Kylaila ---

" No look, his fetish is completely non-erotic, PG-13 wank material. Don't judge him. "
--- LockeZ ---

" You weren't thinking: You were 12. "
--- Yellow Magic ---

" Tis why I posted it! Join! Please! I need friends. I'm lonely. "
--- Seiromem ---

" You're in for a challenge if you're trying to take the "RMN Town Drunk" title from me. "
--- Pizza ---

" The M is for murders. "
--- Sooz ---

" You're alright, dude. Part of being an adult is doing what the fuck you want. "
--- Feldschlacht IV ---

" It's like giving birth to a child, only to then bury the child like you never even had one. "
--- REunfound, on cancelled games ---

" Please excuse me, my brain interpreted Sooz's post as a boss fight "
--- LockeZ ---

--- unity ---

" One time I made fun of a nerd while he was eating and he ran away crying and I got his pizza. "
--- Sooz ---

" I didnt send you that. Youre worst than... Lets say.... XxXhelazz!! "
--- XxXhelazz ---

Razed are the Powerful
A witty near one-liner of an experience based on recruiting your favorite RTP heroes to fight alongside you.


NaNoWriMo - Write with me!

Hey, guys! I don't know how many of you are participating in National November Writing Month, but I'm planning on participating this year and it's a lot easier to do things with friends!

Every day I'm going to post what I wrote for the day in this topic. Everybody else please feel free to do the same! I'd love to read your guys' writing. ^.^

In the meantime:

Do you have tips on writing as much as possible in a short amount of time?
How do you get inspiration for your writing?
Have you participated in NaNoWriMo before? How was it? Link me to you novel!!
Are there any events I should know about related to NaNoWriMo? Resources?

*Link to my full novel will be going here*

Structure Mafia [Night 3]

Okay, okay, so I'm going to lift LockeZ's rules because I'm a terrible person~


1. Do not share any PMs from the moderator. Your private messages must be kept secret. You may describe what was in them, but directly quoting any portion of them will result in mod-kill.

2. The game is divided into day phases of 48 hours and night phases of 24 hours. There will be no talking on the main thread during night phase. Members sharing private chats may talk at any time.

3. No talking to other players about the game outside of Mafia, and NO PMING! You can PM me, but that's it. Obviously, the no PM rule is on the honor system but if I find out, there will be consequences.

4. Each day, players discuss who is most likely to be mafia and vote for one person to be voted off of the game. Voting follows standard rules. Votes are to be presented in the thread, using the following format: #Lynch lockez. If you for any reason you change your mind, use the following tag: #Cancel A lynch is successful when more than half of the players vote for the same person, or when the 48 hour day period ends. If there is a tie when the day ends, multiple people will be lynched.

5. Each night, scum will tell me who they want to kill, and other players will use their powers and items. Scum will have their own private chatroom to discuss who to kill.

6. You must post daily. If you're not talking, you're not playing the game. If you're not playing the game, then why are you here?

7. No editing posts. Only the moderator may edit his posts, and he can also edit you right into the grave if you break this rule too many times. However, double-posting is allowed in this topic.

8. No dead posting. If you're dead, you're dead.

This is Structure Mafia! Everyone will be getting a power in this game - there are no vanillas! Additionally, there will be 1 event each day. Players will be instructed about these as they happen~

Now for the fun part! For this mafia game, I'm going to make everyone who signs up for the game a little person for their avatar. What you need to do is tell me you're playing, then describe how you would like your character to look! You can also provide a picture for reference or whatever~ The less info you give me to work with the more artistic liberties I'll take!

Here are some of them:

Alternatively, you can just pick one I've already made because I've made... many. I'll resize it for avatar use if you point out an older one that you'd like to use.

These are for use in my game, so if I make one for you I was thinking that I would also put you in as an NPC. I just thought it'd be fun!

There will be a few other oddbits here and there for the game, but the reason this mafia is called "structure" mafia is because the inner structure of the game is a mystery~ (Not a difficult one, but nonetheless!) The day and night phases still work the same as always.

When we get into the game I'll give additional information in this post, including how many of each alignment there are in the game. (I won't be sharing what roles are in the game.)
Current Cast:

1. Kloe Schmoey x - Town-aligned Doctor
2. Cap Tap x
3. Odd Mod x
4. Piano Anne-o x Town-aligned Radio Tuner
5. IF Biff x - Mafia-aligned Vote Eraser
6. Catty Ratty x - Mafia-aligned Persuader
7. Cave Pave x - Town-aligned Stalker
8. Ivory Knivery x - Town-aligned Investigator
9. Psy Fi x Town-aligned Lie Detector
10. Snow Foe x - Town-aligned Announcer
11. Ozzy Fozzy x
12. Spandex Zandex x - was he ever really playing Town
13. Lewd Dude x - Town-aligned Absorber
14. Frogge Hog x
15. Tangled Fangled x - Town-aligned Motivator

This is the counter for the End of Day 4 Clock: https://countingdownto.com/countdown/end-of-day-4-25-august-2016-countdown-clock
There are 11 Town players, 3 Mafia players and 1 Independent

[RMVX ACE] Shared HP and MP

So I wanted to create a battle system where all of the actors shared HP and MP, but I'm having troubles implementing it.

I figure you have to set variables equal to each actor's HP, and then add them up so you have the total, but I'm not sure how to display an HP bar with the total HP in it and hide the HP/MP of the actors.

If someone wanted to just write me a scriptlet and be done with it, I wouldn't complain~ However, general advice on how to do this would be appreciated too!

Gourd's Quest 4 w/ New SuNaction!

Welcome... to Gourd's Quest 4! Now with new SuNaction! For those who don't know, which is probably everybody, Gourd's Quest is a forum game in which you choose what to do and I will write the result. That's it! You can do pretty much anything but suggested options are supplied for the decisively impaired.

But wait there's more!

This time around, my good buddy Mr_SuNa will alternate with me on the actual writing of the story and he enjoys some interesting literary techniques. Don't be surprised if we find a nice dog friend who happens to be clinically insane because that's SuNa's thing. Oh oh, and there's more! We're planning on making a game out of what the story turns into. Sounds like fun, right? Riiight?

The OP will be important as it will contain important information for your choices. The OP is a Main Menu of sorts containing your Party, Inventory, the Story Thus Far, and last and probably least: The Option History.

Though you don't need to know what happened in the previous Gourd's Quests, it could help you have a better time appreciating names of people, details, etcetera... but ultimately you'll still be able to follow what's happening without them. You can find them here:
GQ1: http://rpgmaker.net/forums/topics/11604/
GQ2: http://rpgmaker.net/forums/topics/12010/
GQ3: http://rpgmaker.net/forums/topics/13079/

Main Menu
~ Valerie's Party ~
Valerie Altrium the Rich Girl
Malcolm the "Humble" Hero AKA M&M
Cashmera the Friendly App AKA C-c-c-c-cashereCat!

~ Inventory ~

:: Valerie ::
Super Totally Glossy Cellphone w/ Kitty Cat Attachment
Animal Translator Application on Phone
Cashmera Application on Phone
Valerie's ringtone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGL2rytTraA
Trendy One Size Fits All Military Fatigues

Valerie's Invisible Inventory! -6 Panels- (1 panel left!)
Swiss Army Knife (1 Panel)
Food Rations (1 Panel)
Water Purification Tablets (1 Panel)
War Rations x 20 (2 Panels)

Badass Chain Machine Gun x50 ammo
Frag Grenade x3
Shotgun x0 ammo
Magically Appearing Keycard to Valerie's Quarters
Gut-stained Military Uniform

Cashmera can't hold things, silly!

The Story Thus Far:
You kick the back of his seat again.
"Frickin' cut it out, kiddo!"
You smirk. This was exactly the response you wanted from the neanderthal in the front seat. He honestly had it coming with the way he was treating you. Doesn't he know you're the daughter of the president? Doesn't he know he should treat women like delicate flowers? Nope, he came storming into your room yelling about how you were being moved to a space station for safety. Seriously, there's a bunker underneath the White House for a reason. You look out your window, absolutely fed up with the man piloting the spaceship. You marvel at the stars. The only wonder of nature that can even make you remember "marvel" is in your lexicon. Oh, hey, looks like you know the word "lexicon" too. You sigh heavily. Today you were supposed to be out shopping with all your girlfriends but nooooo. Stupid national emergencies always come first.

After a while, you arrive at the space station and take a look around. You're in the loading dock. You notice it's none too organized and shrug it off. Surely that won't be dangerous. The big shot jerkwad who flew you here starts walking off then suddenly, rudely turns around and spits out:
"Are you coming? I don't have all frickin' day."

There are only two doors leading out of the loading dock if you don't include the big door thing that opens for space ships. The ground is adorned with blue lights indicating where to walk and yellow ones where you shouldn't walk.

Suddenly, the man growls and reaches for you
"I said come on, princess."

He says princess with a particularly poisonous tone.


"What's so bad? How about the fact our whole species is under attack and I'm stuck babysitting a bratty teenager!" The man says with malice.
You stare at him completely shocked. How dare he say those things to you?! You're the president's daughter! When you get back to your father you are going to have this man's job. You'll have him working in the sewers! No, he would wish to have a job in the sewers when you're done with him. He'll be sorry the day he crossed Valerie Altrium!

While you stood there fuming, the spaceship rocked and the lights flickered as you are thrown off your feet. Malcolm, the soon to be sewer cleaner, catches you. You start screaming in your head, hating the fact that this man, your mortal enemy, just saved you from falling on your face. You can't let this end like this. You must assert your dominance! What are you going to do?


Assert dominance. Assert dominance... You know! You shall attack him with you tongue! You get in fighting position.
"Uh, what are you-?"
Malcolm tries to get a word in before you assault him, but it was for naught. However, you completely miss and your tongue goes flying into Malcolm's mouth! You pull out and in a rage, you slap him.
"Wh-what the the?! Why are you slapping me? Why are you kissing me? What's happening???!!!?!?!?!"
"I slapped you because you totally kissed me, you creep!"
"What the hell? I did not, you fricking liar!"
Malcolm spits out along with some of your saliva.


After a couple seconds of awkward staring, you brush your black hair over your shoulder and act as if the kiss never happened.
"Take me where ever I must go, I'm getting tired of standing here."
Malcolm obviously looks angered over the fact you are ignoring the kiss, but his sense of duty is powerful enough to help him get over it as he ushers you through a series of gray boring corridors. The place was practically a maze, you doubt you would be able to find your way around on your own. Finally, Malcolm stops at a door and slides a keycard to open it. Inside is a fully furnished room; a king sized bed, two red velvet couches, and even a jacuzzi!
You may not know why you are here, but you know you are going to enjoy it! You literally push Malcolm out of the room, it is time for some personal time.


Realizing there's probably space dust all over your body you gasp loudly. Malcolm stands up unsteadily, still shaken from being tossed out of your room.
"You know, I have watch you so-"
He doesn't get to finish that vulgar sentence as you twirl around and slam the door in his face. You can hear him cursing on the other side about a twit. Perfect~!

You derobe. You had been wearing a lovely sundress, but strangely there was less sun in this spaceship than you were expecting. Oh well, the jacuzzi will make it all better! You gingerly make you way to the edge of your lovely jacuzzi and lower yourself in. Your muscles relax and you let out a sigh of contentment. Now, this is what you've been wanting to do. Not dealing with that freak outside your door. Finally at peace, you drift off in the warm waters...

You wake up to Malcolm standing over you.


In a split second reaction, you fling your hand out and it makes strong contact below the belt. Malcolm lets out an "oof" and falls to the floor cradling himself. You take this opportunity to jump out of the jacuzzi and wrap yourself in a bathrobe that's hanging on the wall. Malcolm is just managing to get back to his feet as you stare daggers at him.
"What?" He asks when he sees your death stare.
"You ape! Why were you watching me?!" You yell at him.
"Well, first of all my job is to watch you, second of all I was trying to figure out the best way to wake you. Your phone has been ringing for the past ten minutes."

You finally notice your ringtone playing from near the couches where you set it down. You walk past Malcolm who is shifting an awful lot and still clearly in pain, and over to your phone. You flip it open and are greeted with a joyous hello. You recognize the voice to be your conscious and self-thinking free will app called Cashmera! Your father bought it for you when you turned 16 after you demanded to have it.


You figure it best to forget about Malcolm on the floor. Of course, it'll take him a while to forget about you.
"Hey, C-c-c-c-cashereCat~?" Hearing the nickname you set for her to recognize right before you request she carry out a command, Cashmera's "eyes" on screen turn zombie-like.
"Stop that, it's weird," you command.
"Oh, sorry about that! :3" Cashmera says cheerfully and continues with, "So, whaddya want, girly pie~?"
"I'm starving and pizza seems like it'd be the perfect lunch. Any pizza places nearby?" Cashmera thinks about this for a while then confidently declares "We're in space! ^.^"
"Er, yeah, I know that."
"How many pizza places do you think are in space? <.<" Cashmera asks dumbfounded.
"...Are you telling me there are no pizza places on this dumb space station?!" You gasp as those words leave your mouth.
"Nope. ;w;"


You can't stand for this atrocity, you hunger for pizza, and you'll get pizza. You order Cashmera to call your father. The phone starts blaring "My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard", but no one answers.
"What? He always picks up!" You cry out.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but it seems this number is disconnected now." Cashmera informs you.
You barely hold the phone as you go into minor shock. Your daddy has been there for you ever since your mom died, now that he isn't answering you feel very alone. You have to find out what is going on, even if that means working with that mess of a person on the floor. You had to come up with a nickname for him, and you decided on M&M. The ship shakes again, much more violently than last time and the emergency back up lights turn on.
"What's happening?" You ask.
"Seems you've been found." said Malcolm who finally regained his feet. (Men are so weak.)


Determined to find out what's happening, and determined to snub Malcolm at every chance you get, you rush out of the room. You can hear M&M growl, very much over his breath, and run after you. It doesn't take long before you find yourself doing loop de loops and alleyoops and all other manners of weird walking patterns in the Space Station's maze of hallways. You witness people being ushered around into rooms and tied up as you run through the hallways. Luckily, you aren't seen but you can't help but feel a pang of sadness for them. Will they be okay?
"Ugh, whoever built this stupid space station is SO going find themselves unemployed!" You yell out in anger. Today is not your day even considering all the space jacuzzis it had in it.
"God-friggin'...! Stop!" Malcolm booms into your ear.
He then proceeds to grab you very roughly around the arm and manhandles you. "I swear, if you don't start behaving I'm going t-to-!" Malcolm reels back for a second and then lets go.It seems he's dragged you to the Escape Pods. Well, that was fast. He smooths back his buzz cut and growls. Then laughs. "Why am I letting a broad get me so angry?" he laughs some more. Actually, he laughs so much it starts to aggravate you.
"Will you just shove it, Jar-head?!" you snarl at him.
He flashes you a look and states,
"Look, you won't have to deal with me much longer. Since this place has been compromised I'm escorting you somewhere else and they get to deal with you."
You think about the hostages from earlier and ask,
"Will the people I saw being tied up be okay?"
"Why do I care? It's time to go." Malcolm scoffs at your question as if it were funny.


Enough playing around, you swing your leg up like you were kicking a soccer ball and get a strong hit between his legs. You see the tears in his eyes as once again he sinks to the floor then you walk off to try to find better things. You don't make it far, for standing at the other side of the escape pod rooms are two people? You're not quite sure if they are people. They are standing on two feet, but are dressed in black leather from head to toe. They make some clicking noises at you, then start moving toward you at a swift place. You don't know who these people are and you don't really care. You just want to find some pizza, get a hold of your dad, and maybe even get back into the jacuzzi. It is time for you to show these things why they don't mess with you.


Your desire to kick groins takes over and you launch yourself at one of the leather heads. Or, to be specific, at the space between its legs. You make solid contact and smile visibly as you feel this, but... the leatherhead begins cackling! Is a kick to the groin for them some strange aphrodisiac aimed to take power away from a kick to the balls? What sick twisted alien race is this?! As you think about this, the leatherhead you attacked punches you square in the chest and sends you flying back to the wall of the escape pods. You ended up behind Malcolm somehow and he laughs at your failure.
"I'll just magically beat the aliens~<3" he mocks. Soon after he pulls out his machine gun and demolishes the 2 aliens with more force than you think was necessary. Show-off! Strangely enough, the aliens are bleeding red blood. Not some weird alien blood or something.

You stand up and dust yourself off before you begin down the hallway once again.
"Really? You're still going to try and go on your own even after running into those abominations?" You shoot him a look that seems to say "Duh." and he sighs in response declaring, "Women!" Then, looks as if he's thinking before he shoves a map of the Space Station into your hands. "You're going to need this if you even want a chance to get around." he pauses before he asks "You... do know how to read a map, right?"
"Of course I know how to read a map!" you holler at him before storming off down the hallway. You get to the first intersection before you take the map out and turn left. Immediately after you turn the corner you can hear Malcolm snicker. Looking up from your map, you can see that you've run into a dead end. Wait, shouldn't Cashmera be able to give you directions? Why do you even need this stupid map?


You will have your pizza come hell or high water. You throw the map to the floor and pull out your phone, asking for directions. Cashmera kindly gives you directions through this maze of a ship. You find yourself in front of the telecommunications with Malcolm already there waiting for you.
"I figured you would show up here to try to order pizza." He tells you.
You feel like screaming. You don't know if it is because you are easy to read or because he could read you. You decide it is because he can read you. You muster on past him and into the telecommunications room, and face first into three more leather heads.


You enter Super Tantrum Mode and begin kicking and screaming at the aliens. They start feeling awkward, but when they realize you're their enemy they stop caring. They all make some weird clicking war call in unison and charge you. Their arms all transform into grotesque spines and you're stabbed three times in the abdomen. Oh boy!
"A-ahhhh!" you scream loud enough to hurt Cashmera's "ears".
"Ow. }: Are you okay?" She asks from your back pocket.
Malcolm clears the room of all three leatherheads and sighs loudly.
"God, you're stupid," then he proceeds to take out some weird gel and try to touch your puncture wounds with it.
"Hey, don't touch it!" you whine and grab his arm.
"You're going to die if I don't apply it, stupid!" you think on this and decide living is better than dying. You allow him to continue. M&M gets closer to you and goes to work. OW! It burns a lot.
"Nhhhhh!" you whimper in pain and clutch at his arm again instinctively.
"S-sorry." he says as he makes a strangely worried face and continues. Wait, did he just say "sorry"?


You can't help yourself. "You liked my kiss didn't you? You so did." You say and you realize it was more mumbling than talking. M&M says something back, but you can't hear it. Blackness consumes your vision and you are lost to the outside world. You are suddenly sitting in a field surrounded by long grass. There is this man sitting next to you. He is extremely thin but very cut, bald and you think he would stand about 6 ft. If he were to stand up. He is shirtless and wearing baggy black pants with no shoes or socks. He looks over at you and makes a few clicking noises, then clears his throat .
"Hello, Valerie." He says
"What do you want with me?!" You shout.
"We want to breed." He tells you.
"Fat chance! I'm not about to do that with one of you things!" You exclaim.
He looks at you with a hint of sorrow. "You don't have to do that with us, you were already impregnated when you were stabbed. An egg was placed into your uterus and now you wait for it to hatch. Another side effect is I am able to telepathically communicate with you. I am leader of my race and able to talk to those who bare my children. Believe me: I only want to help you."

Perspective change!

You are staring at Valerie's unconscious form - you have already finished supplying the gel and she hasn't woken up. Looks like you'll have to carry her, but to where?


You scoop up Valerie and jog through the maze of hallways. You get lost once or twice because you no longer have your map that miss princess threw onto the ground. You have to sneak around a few of the Lupricobras on your way there, but that's no problem for a hero like you! You smirk as you think this. Then you frown at the girl you are carrying. God if she isn't aggravating! Even as she's unconscious, she's snoring really loud and it's making it pretty hard to sneak around. Regardless, you make it to the Medical Bay without much trouble. You're about to enter a room before you realize there are a ton of Lupricobras in this place. You shoot them all until they are dead. Wonderful! You lay Valerie in a bed before you check to make sure the aliens are actually dead. Weird... one of them is wearing a rainbow nurse's uniform. There's a tranquilizer gun on it! You snatch it up and wonder if the other aliens have anything on them.


If she is't waking up something must be wrong. Unless, she would't pretend to sleep just.so ou had to carry her? No she wouldn't do that. You collect a few random bottles from the medicine cabinet. Hoping this won't kill her you're a soldier not a doctor. You place the bottles on the table and grab a syringe. You suck some of the clear liquid out into the syringe. You ready yourself in case something goes wrong. You lower the tip of syringe to her arm.

Perspective change!
"Want to help me? Then take out the egg." You tell the man
"I can't we need that child, that's why we hunted you down." He tells you
" I'm flattered you decided to attack a whole race to find me but this is seriously messed up!" You exclaim.
"It is not messed up it is life, you are giving life to our species." He says.
"What does that mean?" You ask. Before he can answer you are pulled away back to the real world.
You wake up to see M&M about to give you an injection. You let out a scream and he jumps back dropping the syringe.


Without even thinking, your hand flies out and annihilates M&M's scrotals!
"What's going on?!" you ask in a loud voice.
"U-ugu...!" Malcolm recovers himself somehow and says, "I'm trying to HELP YOU! Now stop punching me in the balls!" he growls at you.
"Oh, that was just a reflex." you say as you examine your nails.
"Yeah, sure." Malcolm sighs. "So, are you still insisting on staying on this dumb ship, princess? You need real medical attention not me."


"Umm, I have two problems with that first, I don't know anything about the medical field, second this is't the most sterile place in the world" he tells you.
"We have to do something, I refuse to give birth, I haven't done that yet!" You shout
"Well maybe you won't give birth to it, maybe it will pop out of your chest." He muses.
You give him an appalled look, seriously considering using your patented kick. "Do you not know anything about how this works?" You ask managing to control yourself.
"Nope this is new to me." He informs you.
The sound of running feet interrupts the conversation as a young man bursts into the room. MMalcolm sir! We need your hel-" he is cut off as a bone like swords appears through his throat. His eyes go wide, then glaze over as he falls to the floor. The alien retrieves its sword and walks towards M&M. He pulls his red handled machete from its death and ready himself. The alien makes the first move with a side cut. Malcolm carries it then slices diagonally across the things chest. It lets out a high pitched click then goes for a series of swings. Malcolm block's every shot then kicked the alien's feet out from under him. M&M decapitates the alien with a flick of the wrist.
"We need to get out of here." He says as he puts his machine away.
Where too?


You grab your unwilling side-kick, M&M, and rush to the bridge. Of course, Malcolm has to lead the way in some places and Cashmera offers a few pointers to best get to the bridge since you're not entirely sure how to navigate the Space Station yet. You see an alarming number of aliens on your way to the bridge. Just how many of them are there? Before long you arrive, but you stop yourself before you enter. Within the bridge is a big fat alien. Geez, is it even possible to have that many rolls? It seems he may be important. The leader! Oh wait, you already know the leader... Perhaps it's a lesser authority?


Without a word you push Malcolm into the room and he instinctively pulls out his shotgun. "Tell us about the egg or I will fill you full of lead!" He shouts as waves the gun around. The alien just looks at him confused, then makes a bunch of clicking sounds.
"I warned you!" Malcolm shouts as he unloads every shotgun shell and ammunition round he has into the alien. As the smoke clears away from M&M's onslaught , you see the alien is fine andvthat fat covers the holes there the bullets made contact. The alien looks mad and you watch on as it sits on Malcolm. He screams are muffled. By the fat on top of him. The alien just stares at you, clearly hating you, but doesn't try to get near you. The alien's face contorted into pain as Malcolm slices his way out from underneath it. The thing turns into a huge pile of fat that Malcolm is standing in , covered from head to toe in gooey lipids. You check the control panels but to your dismay they were destroyed by Malcolm when he was firing at the alien. Looks like this place is. useless. Where to next?


As has been your attitude for most things that have gone awry today, you shrug off the inconvenience and make a new plan. Without warning Malcolm, you turn tail and bolt out the room to the earlier escape pod chambers. You pick any old escape pod and realize there are a lot of buttons. Before long, Malcolm has caught up to you and bangs on the door to your escape pod.
"Let me in there, you have no idea what you're doing!" Seeing your chance, you rest your finger on a randomly selected button. In response, Malcolm points his finger at you and says "Don't you dare!" With a giggle, you push the button and watch as Malcolm descends into an intense state of cussing and yelling as you wave bye to him. Your escape pod detaches from the space station and zooms through space. You're not quite sure if you should be steering or not, though you don't see anything to steer with so it's probably fine.

Shortly after this, you realize you're going to smack right into a nearby planet. You're not overly worried - this is what an escape pod is for, right? You brace yourself anyway and totally rock the impromptu landing. Looking around, the planet seems fairly barren, in fact, it looks like one big desert. You'd be surprised if there was anything living here. Looking up you can still see the space station. It seems that the space station was in the orbit of this particular planet. I guess that means you can expect to see Malcolm soon enough! Returning your eyes to the planet, you can spot a metal structure of some sort in the distance. A building? Perhaps there's life here after all! In the opposite direction you spot a canyon of sorts with small trickles of water leading into it. There are actually trickles of water, uh, everywhere! You realize they're all covered with glass. Strangely, the desert of the planet stretches on in one direction with no trickles. You imagine that area must be a no man's land of some sort.


With Cashmera blasting out Highway to Hell you scamper over to the metal structure. You find the door to be open and it dark inside, without being asked Cashmera turns on the flashlight on your phone (she is still playing music) you shine the light around the room to see a laboratory with over-turned chairs and broken vials on the floor. "It seems whoever was here left in a hurry." You say.
Cashmera sensing the apprehension in your voice switches to a tense song. "Not helping." You say and she switches it back. "Sorry." She says, clearly trying to stifle a laugh. Inside of a cabinet you find is a bunch of survival items, a machete, food rations, a change of military fatigues, one size fits all, water purification tablets, and a swiss army knife. The clothes remind you that you are still in your bathrobe and you decide to change into the more appropriate military fatigues.
You hear the sound of a vehicle engine sputter to a stop outside and you quickly hide underneath one of the lab tables. While under there you find this metal case with a lock, but it seems to be busted. You open the case to find this glass orb that has what looks to be a jungle in it. It reminds you of a snowglobe, but when you shake it, no snow swirls around. You put the orb into your backpack as the driver of the vehicle enters the room. You peek out to see the being is over six feet, wearing a robe, and has cloth wrapped around its head. You can see what looks to be a large sword on the thing's back. It stops moving and unwraps the cloth. Its face looks to be that of a gecko. It walks around before saying in a sweet melodic voice. "Hello? I saw your escape pod fall, I wanted to see if you were alright. Are you in here? Did the person go out into the desert...?" You here the thing say.


"I'm under here." you offer your position to the gecko man. He bends and lifts up the cloth of the table and exclaims "Ah! You are under there, aren't you? Why don't you come out?"
"Don't mind if I do." you agree and slide out from underneath the table. When you're finally standing you put out your hand for a handshake and the gecko man smiles warmly. "Don't mind if I do." he mimics your voice perfectly as he shakes your hand - it was almost like you were the one who said it.
"Wow, that was really good," you remark mouth agape.
"Thank you! Imitations are my specialty. I'm very good at speaking all sorts of languages and that's why I'm the ambassador of my people to yours." he says with a fanatical twinkle in his eyes. "Anyway, are you alright? It's quite dangerous around this area."


"So do you know about Lubricobras?" You ask
"Lubricobras? Hmmm, no can't say I've ever heard of them, but we can go back to my camp, there are many travelers there, someone may know something there." The gecko "man" (it.. it's not a man, it is a lizard).
You decide why the heck not, what else are you going to do? Wait for Malcolm? Why would you want that?. You follow the gecko to its vehicle and get comfy in the passenger side. The gecko gets in and starts the car. "It's a long ride, you might as well get comfy." It tells you. You are about to refuse, but the gecko blinks, and its eyes turn from a warm bfown to a bright yellow. As you look into them, you feel tired, you know you have to look away, but don't have the energy. Your eyelids slide close and you are once again consumed in darkness.
You open your eyes to find yourself in a penthouse, and there next to you sits the leader of the lupricobras.
"Hello again." He says to you, not waiting for a greeting in return he gets up and makes a couple of drinks at a bar sitting in the middle of the room.he hands you the drink and says, "it is non-alcoholic, nodrinking while you are pregnant."
You just look at the drink, really wishing he hadn't said that.
"What is your name?"you ask.
"For our purposes, you can call me Bufie." He tells you.
"Why do you do this egg thing?"
"Why? It has to do with our anatomy, we have no reproductive organs like most other species, we carry the eggs of our children, but we need some other species to hatch the egg. We've used many different species, including this lizard friend of yours. However the offspring were weak more often than not, 3/5 of our offspring would die before the age of 3. Thousands of years ago we came across humans, and we found that our offspring were stronger than ever. Our infant mortality rate dropped to 1/20 of our offspring died before the age of 3."
"This has been going on for thousands of years?! How have we just now waged war with you?!" You shout.
"We did our work in secret, until a certain woman in rainbow clothing. But that is a story for another time." He says. With that you feel a pull in your gut as you wake up in the car, but in front of you is what looks to be a city, the buildings made of clay and brick.


"Where am I? Is there pizza here?" You are all about asking the hard-hitting questions and it appears gecko man (lizard or whatever - he's pizza gender for all I care) here can appreciate that about you.
"Haha, it's good to see you have your priorities straight! We're in Dahlariah City. I'm afraid there isn't any pizza here!"
You contemplate destroying the gecko man for this development but decide that would be unfair. You're a little curious how you fell asleep and a little dumbfounded at the information you've learned about the Lupricobras.


You tell it about your dreams, and it looks at you dumbfounded. "I'm not sure what to do about that situation, but there are many types of people here from all over the universe, I'm sure someone can help you." It tells you.
You want to scream in frustration, first there is useless M$M, now all this thing can say is "there might be somebody here who can help you." You can't stand it, why does no one understand your position, it is almost like they don't care. But you know that is a lie, there is still one person who cares about you; your father, but he won't even take your calls, for the second time you feel very alone. A movement in the corner of your eye knocks you out of your depressing stupor. You see a dark skinned little human boy, and he is waving to you. You feel this weird compulsion to follow the boy.


You grab Lizard "Man" like you' grab Malcolm and pull him towards the boy. Strangely, the boy looks very surprised by the weird lizard thing you'r toting around and flees. You try and pursue him, but he's just... gone. You turn to the gecko man but he looks more complexed than you. "Why are you dragging me around"
"It's my thing just go with it," you reply somewhat cheerfully. Perhaps that boy would have been better pursued alone.


"So uh, what's your name?" You ask as you and the lizard stand there.
"My name is Darvelle." It tells you.
"Darvin...cool... so is that a boy's name?" You act as if you did something sly by asking it like that.
"My species changes its gender based on the conditions it is put through or straight up will power." Darvelle explains.
"So if you wanted to you could become a girl or a boy whenever you wanted?" You continue.
"Pretty much, it takes 25 hours to make a full transformation though, it isn't instant." It tells you.
"What are your families like?"
"I was born in a nest with 26 siblings, five of them are currently still alive, I am the youngest at 17 Earth years of age."
You find that rather coincidental since you too are 17, well in a week you'll be 17 anyway. Once again you see the boy, but this time he isn't motioning towards you, but instead he is talking to a street vendor.


"Hey, stay here a second, Darvin!" you leave the dumbfounded Darvelle quite suddenly.
"Uh, okay!"
You run off towards the boy and grab him by his shoulders. You hear a gasp as he turns around.
"Oh, you're alone!" he exclaims happily.
"Geez, got something against lizard men things?"
"Sure, let's go with that. Anyway, that's not important. What is important is whether or not you want to meet her."
"...Her?" you ask in confusion
"The rainbow nurse." he smiles knowingly.


"Alright, but only if I get pizza." You say and the boy nods vigorously then turns and walks away.
You follow him through the twisting city streets for what seemed like forever befor he stopped at a door.
"Wait here, I'll be right back." He tells you before vanishing inside.
You wait there, fuming, how dare he make you wait outside! He re-appears a few minutes later and motions for you to come in. You don't know what you were expecting, but not the tidyness and cleanliness. The outside looked run down, but the inside was the complete opposite. There was a chandelier that illuminated the room, the wall paper was a design of black and gray, the rug was red with a diamond pattern. There was a brown couch and a coffee table with a glass top. The most interesting thing in the room however, was the girl sitting on the couch. Despite being called the rainbow nurse she was wearing a brown robe with large sleeves, her red hair was tied back into a ponytail and her blue eyes warned to not under estimate her. She was holding a cup of tea in her slender fingers, and another cup was sitting on the table. She motioned for you to take a seat on the chair opposite her. You sit down and sip on the warm tea in front of you.


"I'm going to get right to the point," you say "where is my pizza?"
"Oh, let me get that for you," she smiles confidently and claps. The coffee table suddenly disappears into the floor and then returns with a plate. On top of that plate lies... tofu...?!!!!
"This is NOT pizza!" you challenge in rage.
"Oh, it seems the coffee table is on the fritz. Looks like you aren't getting any pizza." she frowns but doesn't appear to be as unhappy as she should be.
"I see." you pout for a little before Brown Nurse asks:
"Are you done with your tantrum? I have something to tell you."
You feel like you're being watched...


You whip your head around frantically, trying to find the eyes that are boring into you, but you see no one.
"What's wrong?" The girl asks.
"I felt like there were eyes watching me." You explain, still looking around.
"There probably are, your name is Valerie right?" She asks.
"How'd you know?" You ask, completely forgetting about the feeling of the eyes.
"There is a lot to explain, but I will start at the beginning. Lupricobras. As far as I can tell, humans weren't around very long before they came into the picture. They'd come into tribes and secretly implant an egg in a woman without their knowledge. Nine months later, a child would be born, most of the time everything went smoothly. The lupricobra would sneak in impregnant, then come back about a year later to pick up the child. For the most part the kid looked like a lupricobra after their tenth birthday, until then they could be mistaken as being a full blooded human.
However, there have been some irregularities, the child would become a hybrid, the ability of lupricobras, while still looking human, lupricobras getting caught while planting the egg, and so on. There is actually an old recorded story of a lupricobra getting caught implanting someone, they said they were an angel of God, I don't remember the rest of the story. But anyway, to explain why you feel eyes on you, that's because the leader is connected to you through the egg, I'm sure he's already talked to you, but as the egg sets itself, the connection gets stronger and stronger to the point where he can suggest you do things, and without thinking you do them." She told you.
"Mind control?!" You shout, really wishing you could get rid of the egg, you refused to be controlled by some weird alien leader.
"Something of that sort, he can cause delusions and control your memories, erasingnthem and making new ones if he wished to. However, don't worry, it isnt impossible to fight back against this, you have to think of a memory that is important to you, and whenever you are unsure think of that memory and cause yourself pain, that'll override whatever he tries to do." She explains.


"So, how about fixing that table so I can get some pizza?" you ask, quickly forgetting about the information you've just learned.
"There are more important things to deal with," she says to you.
You realize you have no idea what exactly is happening right now with this brown nurse.
"Er, what's your story? How do you know so much about the Lupricobras?"
"I was one of the unlucky people they kidnapped," she explains. "Though, I suppose it wasn't all bad luck. I have a daughter I love very much. I even gave her my favorite nurse uniform. Unfortunately, she's all but too Lupricobran. She identifies too strongly as a Lupricobra and hasn't talked to me for a while. I hope she's alright..." she looks up to you after having her head down for a while.
Wasn't there a Lupricobra with a rainbow nurse's outfit earlier that you killed?


"How long have you had the egg for?" She asks.
"Like six hours." You tell her.
"Its too late, it has to be removed within an hour if it was to be done by me, unless you want me to take out your whole reproductive system." She tells you.
You are hesitant, losing your reproductive system seems pretty permanent. There is rapid knocking on the door, which knocks you out of your decision making stupor. The nurse nods to the boy, who exits the building. You can hear him conversing with someone, but you cant hear the voice. The boy runs inside and a familiar figure follows after him. "M&M! How'd you find me?" You asking the angry soldier.
"I asked around, some people pointed me the right way for a price." He explains.
You are somewhat surprised that he worked that hard to find you, but then you realize you don't really care. Youare still pregnant, so that was priority numero uno. Before you can say anything the nurse stands up and speaks.
"What are you doing here?" She asks.
"You, could it be?" Malcolm says, then points his gun straight at her.
She puts up herhands, then with aflick of the wrist is holding her own pistol, aiming straight at Malcolm's heart.


"C-c-c-cashere cat! Play Thrift Shop!" you command. The nurse and Malcolm look over to you confused. They don't necessarily get ino the music, but they're bewildered enough by the sudden music that you have time to get in between the two of them.
"This is my kill!" you say. Heh heh.
"Geez, can you not call me a kill?!" M&M facepalms a little at the exclamation.
It looks like you've stopped them for a second but it seems they may just continue fighting if you don't figure something out.


Your fist slams into the side of the nurse's head. You spin around after doing that and look Malcolm straight in the eyes. "Don't worry, you don't have to kiss me again." You say to him.
"Kiss you?! You kissed me!" He shouts
"I did not!" Was the only thing you could come up with for defense.
You feel a tap on your shoulder and you turn to an angry nurse.
"Why did you punch me?" She asks.
"That was suppose to knock you out..."
"It's going to take more than that weak punch of yours, and besides, your boyfriend was the first to draw his gun, I was just defending myself."
Your conversation was cut off by the sound of marching, the three of you leave the house, walk down the street, and see that in the town square where you woke up there were hundreds of soldiers. They all wore tan and brown fatigues and tan helmets that covered their heads. From your hiding spot you guys watch at the one soldier without a helmet steps up to Darvelle, who is standing exactly where you told him to wait.
"What is your name young uh... lizard?" The gray haired soldier asked.
"Darvelle." He says
"Well, Darvelle, are you new here?"
"No sir."
"Really, then why didn't you run when we showed up like everyone else?"
"I am waiting for someone."
"Well whoever it is I hope it is worth it, because now you're going to help us collect supplies."
"I can't sir."
"And why is that?"
"I was told to wait here, so I am."
"You aren't going to listen to me?"
"I'm afraid I can't sir."
"Alright, fine, no matter." The man grabs Darvelle's shirt and throws him to the ground.
Without a word Darvelle stands back up and gets back into his position.
"I suggest you don't do that again sir." He tells the man
The man grabs Darvelle's shirt once more, but with a hissing noise Darvelle draws his sword and puts it at the man's throat. The man wrenchs Darvelle's sword arm and drives his knee into his gut, winding Darvelle. He drops to the ground and the man kicks starts kicking him.
You are pulled back from where you are hiding.
"We need to get out of town, now." Malcolm says
"No, we just have to get back to my house, and defend it in case one of these soldiers decides to search it." The nurse argues.
"Valerie, we have to help Darvelle, they are going to kill him if we don't! You're the reason he's in this mess, he was waiting for you." Cashmera tells you.


"Oh, you picked me~?" Cashmera trills in joy.
"Not that it matters what you picked," Malcolm says in exasperation. He grabs you by the arm as if to pull you away, but you simply use this to your advantage. You slip out of his grip and he falls from the sudden lack of resistance. While he's dazed on the ground, you swipe the tranquilizer gun he had on him.
"Th-that looks familiar...!" color confused nurse remarks dumb-founded.

"Enough with that! Let's save Darvelle! >:O" Cashmera exclaims. You nod and jump out at the scene of cruelty. The helmetless soldier stops for a second when you surprise him then gives a crooked, disconcerting smile before he continues as he was doing before. Outraged at being ignored and taking advantage of his insolence, you raise the gun and point it right at his neck... then shoot. Woah! You weren't expecting knockback that strong! The gun bucks in your hand and you end up hitting yourself in the face. A tear has been created in your face and you just know it's the ugliest thing in existence. You look back to the scene, and to your surprise, you actually hit the soldier. A long rainbow-colored dart sticks out of his neck as a beacon of your victory. He doesn't appear to quite be done yet however!

"Did you just... shoot me?" the soldier has a strange look on his face. You don't recall ever seeing someone whose eyes literally became swirls when they became upset, but he certainly has rust red swirly eyes! "No one... has ever... shot me before?" he stops kicking Darvin as he slips into this menacing state.

Ever so slowly he walks toward you.


You raise your gun and let off another shot. It sends you to the ground. You start crawling away as the man keeps coming towards you. You watch as a sword appears through his chest.
"You will not touch her!" Darvelle shouts then shoves the guy to the ground. You notice two things; first there was no blood second,he was getting back up. He turns around to face Darvelle.
"What are you?!" He shouts then slices the man's head off. It stops at your feet and you see wires and computery things in his neck. You don't have time to examine it anymore as the soldiers raise their guns towards you and Darvelle. He runs over to youand snatches you up into hisarm and runs fullspeed away. You manage to grab the head before you were whisked away. Darvelle runs over towards the closest hiding spot, which happens to be where Malcolm and the nurse are at. You get there to find Malcolm and the girl pointing guns at each other.
"Really!" You shout, which makes them put their guns away. The four of you high tail it towards the nurse's house for protection. You arrive to find soldiers there wrecking the place, and the boy who took you there dead in front of it.
"I'm going to kill these bastards!" The nurse yells.


"You... don't need to say that every time you need me to do something. O.O"
"But, I like it." you mumble to yourself dissappointed. After this small exchange, you look at Malcolm and Darvelle. "You guys have to help!" you plead.
"Only if you start listening to me." Malcolm says while stomping his foot and pouting. Darvelle on the other hand happily jumps into the fray with the nurse.You shrug at Malcolm and sit on some barrel in the street.
"So, how about some Spacebook, Cashmera?" you ask.
"Oh, of course! I thought you'd never ask!" Cashmera emits gleefully and switches to Facebook. What?! Gwen had 5 children while you were gone?! This just won't do, you better poke her. After poking her once for each child she's had, you look up to see Malcolm glowering at you. (Guys help how do I facebook I don't even know) You suddenly realize that you forgt to ask for pizza! At the speed of light, you drop Gwen a message: "sos bring pizza pls totes dying!!!" Instantaneously she replies: "omg i got u home grrrl!!!" It seems help is on its way... You look back up from facebook and realize the entire exchange took the blink of an eye. Not that that's a surprise~


So after sitting there for a while you get bored and decide to do your new favorite pass time; Mess with Malcolm. You give him a cutsy stare and bat your eyelashes.
"What do you want?" He asks
"If you go help I'll give you a kiss like you kissed me back in the hangar." You say
He just looks at you and laughs.
"I'd rather kiss a loader bot."(Gourd, a loader bot is from Borderlands 2 look it up some time they are pretty cool).
You stare at him with anger flaring up in every one of your pores. he had never spoken like this to you before. You feel tears start to well up in your eyes.
"If you're going to start crying then I'm going to go help to get away from you." He says with a roll of the eyes.
You are left alone as you feel crushed, even Malcolm won't put up with you anymore. Maybe it was about time you changed. You are sick of people always getting angry and frustrated at you, couldn't they see you were just a lost soul in the need for friendship and love? No they were all blind to it. That is partly your fault, you hide behind flashy clothes and make-up, being a jerk whenever someone tries to be nice. you even had your dad buy you a friend; Cashmera, and she even told you off.
As you were thinking about this Malcolm the nurse and Darvelle cleaned up the soldiers.
"Well looks like I'm sticking with you guys." The nurse says as she shakes her head at her ruined house and dead servant.
"I'll go too, these soldiers want me dead now anyway." Darvelle states.
You smile a bit, you still have some time, you can fix this, by time this whole thing was over you'll have friends in your three companions.

Where to first?


"Guys... come here." you say solemnly. Shocked at your sudden demeanor, everyone obeys! You find a lovely alley with comfy barrels and everyone sits down. "We need to get everything straight. We're a team now!"
"Uh, no we're not-!" Malcolm starts to object but the brwon nurse interrupts him.
"Oh? We're not? Well, we're all stuck together one way or the other and we all will share common goal. Valerie. Tell us all what our goal is." She smiles knowing you know the rigth answer.
"Our goal is... to defeat the Lupricobras.And get pizza." you sneak in that last part hoping no one will notice.
"Oh! Haha, you're still on that pizza thing?" Malcolm jokes at you. It's strangely less agressive since you've taken control.
"Does anyone know about those soldiers that we just encountered."
"I know." says Darvelle.
"...Care to share?" you ask after waiting a few minutes.
"Oh, sure," Darvin says then continues, "they're big bullies is all. They live under the surface of this planet. They have major connections to the Lupricobras."
"I believe they raid this town every so often for materials. There's not much to live on below the surface it seems." the rainbow nurse adds.
"What should we do?" you ask mostly to yourself. Everyone seems to have an idea!


Pumped up on your new team building going on, you say
"Let's destroy the army here."
"One problem, there are four of us and hundreds if not thousands of them." Malcolm points out.
You deflate a bit before Darvelle chimes in.
"There are people in this town who would love to see that army destroyed, people with guns."
"So we have to find them, and hope they agree to work with us." You say.
"There is still another problem, This place is crawling with soldiers hunting for our heads ever since we killed that guy." Darvelle states.
You hold up the head for the others to see.
"I forgot to show you this for a minute there, but look, he was a robot or something." You say.
The nurse grabs the head and examines it.
"If I'm correct then there are more where this came from, this won't be the last time we see this face. The question is who are they modeled after? My guess would be someone important, it might be a good idea to track him down. He might be the key to destroying the army." She says.
Three soldiers appear at the entrance to the alleyway. Malcolm kills all three with more accuracy then you've ever seen before from him.
"So how are we going to get to these people who might help us?" He asks.
"Leave that to me." Darvelle says.
He stands up and takes off his gun holster. He stretches then before your eyes he seems to disappear, wait you can still see a slight outline of his head.
"What about your clothes and sword?" Malcolm asks.
"I just have to find it... there it is!" You watch as Darvelle's robe and sword also seem to disappear before you.
"Well what do we do while we wait for him?" Malcolm asks.
"I think we could help Darvelle. People might be more likely to help if they see they could win." The nurse says
"What do you have in mind?" Malcolm asks.
"let's fight a few skirmishes, show we can win." She says.
"I could do that, but I could use some more ammo first."
"Follow me."
You and Malcolm follow the nurse to her house and inside to the back wall of the living room. The nurse raises this weird looking stone key and places it against the wall. You watch as the the wall falls through the floor and behind it is a small room full of weapons and ammo.
Malcolm whistles and says "This could put the weapon's locker on the ship to shame."
"Take all the ammo you need." The nurse says.
She walks over to a wall and grabs a pistol and hands it to you. "This should do fine, it won't have nearly as much kick to it as the tranquilizer gun."
You take the pistol and weigh it a bit. You place it in a holster the nurse hands to you along with 6 clips of ammo. She then grabs the tranquilizer gun and looks at it.
"I thought so." She says, "Hey Malcolm, why did you have this?"
"What? He looks at the gun in her hand.
"Why? Why did you have this gun?!"
"I got it off a dead Lupricobra."
"What was it wearing?" She asks, her voice starting to crack.
"A rainbow colored outfit, a lot like you used to have." he says.
"No... No." She says, tears sliding down her cheeks.
"What's wrong?" He asks.
"That was my daughter... I told her if she went with the Lupricobras she would end up dead." She says, drying her cheeks with her sleeve.
"Sephiroth, I'm so sorry." Malcolm says.
You realize for the second time there might be history between them, which for some reason upsets you a bit.
"Excuse me for a minute." Sephiroth says then leaves the room with the tranquilizer gun. She comes back a few minutes later. She had shed her brown cloak and replaced it with a rainbow colored one, the tranquilizer gun strapped to her back.
"let's go kill some soldiers shall we?" She says.


"Alright, it's time to move!" you order. Your loud voice is finally coming in handy!
Sephiroth and Malcolm both nod. The three of you bust out of the house and sprint to the outskirts of the city. You managed to avoid being seen up til now, but it seems it's too open out here for you to sneak around. You're not quite sure how many there are, but there are... enough. Sephiroth and Malcolm both get to work! Their expert war knowledge allows the both of them to easily dispatch the soldiers and you get whatever is leftover. You've certainly grown, but you're still a little weak. You'll get there. As you think this to yourself you begin to wonder about the bond Malcolm and Sephiroth share.
"Hey guys, wait up!" you holler as you catch up. They don't really wait or stop to answer you, but they're not really breaking a sweat so they continue killing baddies as they listen to you. "Do you guys know each other?" you inquire.
"I know... of her." Malcolm scrunches his face as he answers.
"I know... about him." Sephiroth says with a grimace.
"I think they're avoiding the question. :O" Cashmera voices what you're thinking.
"I-I am not! Since when has that cellphone lady been so sassy?" Malcolm asks.
"Er, I dunno. Always?"
"He's changing the subject again. :|"
"We're war buddies. Happy?" Sephiroth states with a dry tone.
"I saved her, but not her friend Adam." Malcolm grimaces, "then she up and ran away! Or at least, that's what I thought."
"The Lupricobrans kidnapped me. This was before the Lupricobrans were so openly aggressive about their need to reproduce." Sephiroth continues with "See for a long time, the Lupricobrans just came back for the child after their chosen mother gave birth. However... this had a few flaws since some children would never want to go back after being with their mothers too long. Sometimes they'd be forgotten altogether and they'd be lost forever. Now it seems they're trying out a different approach. Perhaps what happened with me is the predecessor to this event? A test run of sorts?"

Soon after she finishes, you realize you've circled the city a few times.
"Geez, this place isn't too big is it?" Malcom says.
You can see some heads peeking out from some windows. You look like you've caught the people's attention! Now it's time to show them what you can do. Down a street leading back into the city, you can see the face of the soldier robot again. And he sees you!
"Another one?!" you yelp as you get your gun ready.


Since you know people are watching you, and well, you are Valerie Altrium, you decide it is time to show off. You hold your machete above your head and start swinging it in circles as you run towards the soldier while Cashmera blasts out the song "Uprising" by Muse. The soldier drops his gun and waits for you to get there. "This might have been a bad idea" You think, but it is too late now! You swing the machete, aiming for the neck, but the soldier just grabs your wrist and stops it cold in its tracks. He then grabs your throat and lifts you up. In a panic you do the only thing that you can think to do; you kick him in the gonads. Luckily for you, even though you thought this was a robot, it was in fact a human. He groans and drops you. Malcolm and Sephiroth reach you at this point and malcolm raises his gun at the soldier.
"Wait. We may be able to get some information out of him." Sephiroth says.
"But if we don't kill him here with everyone watching, they may think we are weak." Malcolm countered.
"What do you think Cashmera?" You ask.
"I don't know, I'm staying out of this one." She says.


You realize some amount of authority needs to be shown here. There are a lot people watching and you need to make a point. That the city is safe and that those soldiers shouldn’t ever come her e again. And he may have information. The only way to do this… torture? You couldn’t do something nasty like that! But wait! Sephiroth could definitely pull torture off. “Sephiroth,” you look to her and nod at the soldier. She nods back at you, somehow knowing what you want to say.
“Am I missing something?” Malcolm comments about the nodding.
Sephiroth ignores Malcolm and walks to the soldier. Quickly, she’s extra sure to pin him to the ground with her foot. He’s pinned by his neck…
“How do we get to your city?”
“I don’t-“
“Liar.” she brings her foot down harder. A distinct cracking can be heard.
“How do we get to your city?” she has a dangerous look in her eyes.
“The… entrance is where… the trickles all meet...” he gasps.
“Do you know who that kid was?” you look to Sephiroth. Is she talking about her servant?
“Good. You don’t deserve to know his name.” she sneers and thrusts her foot down.
“W-woah-!” Malcolm lets out just as Sephiroth’s foot smashes right through the soldier’s neck.
“Let’s go.” Sephiroth says as she makes her way out of the city. The people of the city all slowly come out, but they’re a bit hesitant of you and your friends.


"Cashmera, play some nice calming music." You whisper to your app. As the music plays you stride forward and stop in front of the gathered group. You figured you could do this, after all, you are the president's daughter. You've made speeches before.
"Citizens! we are here to help. My companions and I are here to rid this beautiful town of these disgusting soldiers. Your town has been under the grip of this terror for too long! We need your help though, we are few in numbers, but with some strong warriors from you we can drive these terrorists from the town! I know it is a lot to ask, especially after the display of my friend, but I assure you that we only did that because it was absolutely necessary. We got what we needed and plan to leave that nasty episode behind us. Who's ready to liberate this planet!" You exclaim.

The people are completely silent. Then an elderly elephant looking person stepped forward, along with a short green creature with a large face, most of which is covered in giant yellow eyes. "We are with you." The green creature says.

You are unsure of what they could do to help, they looked pretty weak to you, but the villagers seem to take them in high regard. No one else stepped forward, and you were just about to talk to the two who did when Darvelle appears in front of you.

"Here you guys are, I didn't expect you to go on a rampage. I had to follow a path of bodies to find you." He says
"We thought we would help out and bring confidence to the townspeople." You tell him
"There might have been a better way to do that, but did it work?"
You motion to the two people who decided to join you. "We got them to agree to help out.
Darvelle spins around and when he sees who you are motioning to, he bows. "I'm sorry Quill, I didn't see you standing there. Now we must go before more people show up. People! Head back into your homes! We'll notify you when it is safe for us to come back!"
With that Darvelle grabs your hand and pulls you along throughout the city.
"Where are we going?" You ask
"I convinced some people to help, we are holing up in a safehouse of sorts while we plan everything out."
You stop in front of your "safehouse", a bar. Before you can protest Darvelle pulls you through the front and into a backroom. It is spacious with multiple tables which are meant to play Poker. It was currently occupied by ten people not including those who came with you, so 16 in total. You follow Darvelle to a larger table in the center of the room where Darvelle sits down along with Malcolm and Sephiroth and another large hairy man.
"Valerie why don't you go occupy yourself while we talk." Darvelle says.
"Excuse me?! I'm the leader of the group!" You shout.
"Sure, but you also don't know the first thing about planning, we'll draw up some plans and go over them with you afterwards." Darvelle explains.
You can't argue that, even though you wish you could, so you walk away and look around the room, there are eleven people to talk to.
The two you convinced to join sitting at one table, Three other men, all wearing raincoats and fedoras playing poker at another table, an eight foot, muscle man completely covered in black hair, A tiny blue creature on another table shuffling cards, a human wearing a weird suit covered in lights and wires, and a beautiful dark haired, tan skin girl watching everyone.


next you walk towards to the girl, who stares at you.
"Hi, how are you?" You ask.
She just continues to stare at you.
"Cat got your tongue?"
She stays quiet.
"Nice tattoos." You say, pointing to the art on her skin.
She stares at you, then nods.
"Not much of a talker huh?"
"Don't worry Valerie, just scan her with your phone, i'll search her." Cashmera tells you.
You raise the phone and snap a picture. Cashmera makes some weird noises. "I got it. This is Sheera, she was placed in prison when she was 11 for killing her father, who had repeatedly beat his wife. She escaped when she was in her mid twenties and vanished for three years. She surfaced on the planet Rangoolan after becoming an assassin. An expensive one at that. She is also a weapons developer. She created a bow made from nanobots that shoot arrows made of light energy. It is held in her bracelet and can be constructed in less than a second. It is rumored that she is able to hit a fly from around 1000 kilometers away. She has killed on record two hundred twenty three people in five years. She is not someone to mess with." Cashmera said.
Sheera just looks at you and nods again. "Well, I'll be going now, see you in the fight." You say before hurrying off.


"Uh, hello!" you say to the people playing poker.
In unison, they all slide their fedoras over their eyes and ask,
"Did you get lost? The nail salon is down the street," and continue playing their game.
"Well, that was rude. >.>" Cashmera comments.
"Hey, what's your problem?" you ask with an edge to your voice.
"We're trying to play a game. Take a hint." the furthest raincoat says to you.
"Geez, fine!" you throw out and stomp away.
"Who were those guys, Cashmera?" you ask.
"Oh, hey, I can just scan them!" Cashmera says and does just that. "Uh, these guys don't appear to be in any database I know of, Valerie. ;w; I'm sorry! Maybe they wear the raincoats and fedoras to protect their identities. It'd make sense considering they pulled their fedoras down when you came close."


You walk over to the tiny blue creature angrily. "What's got you in such a huff?" He asks without stopping his shuffling of the cards. He had big green eyes and stood about two playing cards high.
"Those guys over there in the fedoras, they're so rude!" You say.
"Who? The Catall brothers? Yeah they aren't the friendliest people around."
"What do you know about them?"
"Other than their names? Nothing, they keep themselves to themselves and are notorious for keeping secrets."
"That's something you know about them." Cashmera said.
"Who was that?" The creature asked in his deep, mellow voice.
"That's my phone, Cashmera."
"Nice to meet you Cashmera, I'm Begoul. I'm sorry miss, I seem to have forgot my manners, what is your name?"
"Valerie." You answer.
"Well, Valerie, let me show you a trick," he holds out the playing cards, "take one, memorize it, then throw it at me."
You grab a card from the deck and look at it, the ace of diamonds. You throw it like a frisbee. To your surprise it flies like a throwing knife. It goes to the left of Begoul, but he opens the deck and snaps the card up in it. Instantly he starts shuffling it. You can't help but stare at the strange creature.
"Why are you staring at me?" He asks.
"What? I'm staring at the cards, not you." You snap back.
"No, you're clearly staring at me."
"Fine! It's just, I've never seen your species before, and I've been to the Intergalactic Peace League." You answer.
"My species is pretty... reclusive." He answers.
Before you can ask anything else he rapidly throws down 51 of the 52 cards, which stick into the table by the corner. He holds up the final card in his hand; the ace of diamonds.
"Is this your card?" He asks.
You nod, then hear "Valerie, we're ready!" Darvelle shouts.
You walk over to the planning table and see maps with two paths drawn on them. "Alright so wqe've worked it down to two paths following the trickles. We have the Kappa trickle and the Ragal trickle." Davelle says.
"what's the difference?" You ask, trying to sound official and in charge.
"The Kappa trickle leads to some steep cliffs and the Ragal trickle leads us through what used to be a desert before the trickle was there, the nights there get extremely cold with hot days." Darvelle explained.
"How long is it going to take us to get there?!" You ask.
"As far as I can tell with vehicles, it will take five days. Without about 7 depending on how fast we walk."
"Why would we go without vehicles?" You ask.
"There are bound to be groups of soldiers leading all the way to the base, while vehicles would be faster they would be noisier as well, attracting more attention."
"I don't think we would want that!" Cashmera says.
"So, Valerie, you insist you are the leader, so choose what we're going to do." Darvelle told you


"Let's follow the Ragal Trickle without any vehicles." Vehicles is a very official sounding word you think to yourself. Perhaps with enough pretending to be official you will be official. It's worth a try. "Well? Is that all? If so, let's get going." you order in an attempt to do just this.
"I think we have everything else under control. Yeah." Darvelle responds.
"Alright, let's get going." Malcolm says. You get a little angry at this considering you just said that, but manage to let it go.

Before long, you've managed to walk the entirety of the group to a very desolate piece of desert. You can still see the Ragal Trickle, but not much else.
"This looks like a good place for camp." Darvelle says.
"Uh, what's different about this place compared to the miles of desert in front of us?" Quill asks.
"It is getting dark." Malcolm comments.
"Yes, it is." Darvelles says as he works on setting up camp.
"Oookay. He didn't really answer me. Alrighty..." Quill says looking a little dejected.
"It's okay, Quill. He's justr weird like that. He likes you I swear..." you hear Georg try and comfort Quill as they walk off together to help Darvelle. You see that Sheera found one of the distinct feature this area has to offer and is currently sitting on it: more sand. The Catall brothers seem to have brought their poker table with them and have set it up. Actually, you're not sure if they ever put the poker table away... You're not quite sure where Begoul is though! You probably have time to talk with someone before it's time to got to bed.


You look around, and sick of seeing sand, you decide it is time to mess with Malcolm (You haven't changed completely) You find him by the edge of camp staring at the horizon. "Look at that sunset." Malcolm says as you stop next to him.
"What about it?" You ask.
"I haven't seen many of these, I'm usually to busy fighting to enjoy one."
"Really? I usually watch all sunsets, not much else to do at dusk. My dad's usually working until dinner an hour after sunset and my friends were doing homework." You explain.
"Why weren't you doing homework then if your friends were?"
"Please, I never did homework."
"Not once."
"That's impossible, everyone's done homework at least once."
"Not me, those were the good old days."
You and Malcolm fall silent as you watch the last rays of light start to disappear. "Valerie, can I ask you a question?"
You smile and can't help but say; "As long as it doesn't lead to you kissing me again."
Malcolm sighs and then looks at you. "I'm going to ask anyway, what made you change so suddenly?"
"Change? Whatever do you mean?"
"How you were before. You know-"
"When I kicked you in the gonads?"
"Yeah, now you act s different. It's weird."
"Man, you were angry when I would hit you, now I try to change and be nicer, and you find it weird! I just can't please you!" You shout then hit him in the gonads and walk to your tent.
You wake up to the sound of ripping. You exit your tent, ready with your machete. You see this dark skinned guy and girl, probably in their late twenties, rummaging through food storage. They are dressed in tan robes with hoods, which were currently down. The man steps in front of the woman and holds his arm out in front of her defensively. You see he's ready to fight. Then you notice behind them is two children dressed similarly to the man and woman.


"Why don't you guys just take some food and go?" you suggest to them.
For a moment, they look at you hesitantly, then eventually start gathering up food. It doesn't take too long for them to skedaddle away after they've gotten some food.
"What the hell did you do that for?!" Malcolm exclaims. "You let them take so much food! We definitely don't have enough for everyone now."
You look around at everyone in the camp and then at your food supply. You... really did let them take way too much. There's a pitiful amount of food left - just enough to feed everyone once. That's only if you're conservative with rations though.
"Maybe we should go back to the village?" Quill suggests hesitantly.
"I think we can make it." Darvelle says.


"I have an idea. how about M&M and I go find some more food?" You suggest
"Great idea, except we're in the middle of the desert!" Malcolm shouts.
"Well, there's bound to be some wildlife out here we could hunt."
"Mostly predators themselves that eat rodents that live out here." Some other person said.
"Is there an oasis or something around here?" You ask.
Malcolm pulls a map out from his back pocket and studies it. "Yeah there is. It will take about a day to reach it then meet back up with everyone else, but we can manage it."
"All right! Let's go!" You shout.
"Wait up! We have to take packs with us to carry what we find!" Malcolm shouts as he catches up to you. He hands you a big gray backpack and you two head into the desert.
Quickly getting bored with looking at sand, you start a conversation.
"So, do you care to tell me more about your history with Sephiroth?" You ask.
"Not particularly." He answers before speeding up.
You practically have to jog to catch up.
"Come on, tell me." You plead.
"Because the only other thing to do is stare at sand, so you might as well talk to me."
"But why about me? Why not about you?"
"I know all about me, but next to nothing about you."
"What if I wanted to know about you? Oh wait I already do. You have had everything handed to you without lifting your finger since you were born." With that Malcolm speeds up, forcing you to run so you couldn't talk.
Thanks to Malcolm's fast pacing you made it to the oasis in good time, mid afternoon. You were gasping for breath but Malcolm was barely sweating. This was the first time you had really seen how incredibly in shape he was, and you despised him for it. "Come on, we better hurry if we want to get a good haul before dark." He says with a smirk on his lips. He realized the same thing you had.
He kept to a strict silent policy whilst hunting. You got bored and started daydreaming, and before you knew it Malcolm had vanished. You wandered around for a bit trying to find him. You went to tak a step towards a giant tree you were examining when you couldn't move. You start panicking, thinking some monster in the woods was holding your pack, toying with you before you were eaten. You gave one more tug, and heard the bag rip. You tumbled to the ground and over an edge you had failed to see earlier. You rolled down the steep hill for what felt like forever before you came a stop.
With a groan you struggle back to your feet, feeling aches and pains all over. You have a sudden flash of horror as you imagine how worse it could have been if you were still wearing the towel. You silently thank yourself for deciding to put on the fatigues even if camouflage wasn't your style. Then a roar snaps you out of your clothing nightmare. Standing in front of you is a giant leopard, crouched, its green eyes peering into your soul. You reach for your machete to find it had fallen off of you during your tumble, along with the gun you were given.
You reach for the only other thing you have on you; the orb from the lab. But you aren't sure if it would stop this beast, but it was the best you had.


Unsure of what else you could do, you throw the orb at the leopard. It rears back as you throw the orb at it and and pounces. Before it gets too far, the orb makes solid contact with the Leopard's face and bursts! The small jungle decoration within the orb seems to almost float for a second then, before your eyes, it slowly grows. You feel like you're floating for a second then realize that a tree is growing beneath you. Looking around, you see there are also trees growing in what seems to be a large circle around you. The circle of trees are so big and so tall you can see the city in the distance. The leopard seems to have disappeared in the thick jungle that's grown. You peer down from your tree and see layers of tree canopy below. A few trees over, you see Malcolm desperately flailing around on a branch. He's been hooked by his backpack and is dangling with his face away from you. You notice a host of large fruits that are jiggling about and long sturdy vines thick enough to walk on connecting all of the trees. Suddenly, you realize you've lost your phone, and by extension, Cashmera!


You yell her name, but don't get a response. You'll have to do this the hard way. You climb down the tree and search the floor of this new jungle near the tree. Just when you're about to give up you hear "My Milkshake brings all the Boys to the Yard" coming from underneath a fern. You reach underneath it and grab your phone.
"I thought I was going to be lost forever!" Cashmera shouts. Your joyous reunion is cut short by a familiar growl. Your feline problem wasn't over. To your surprise however, another growl comes out of the darkness and english comes out of your phone. "She's mine. Mine not yours, leave me alone. She's mine."
You almost forgot about your animal translator on your phone.


"Hey it's alright, Mr./Mrs. Leopard." you say in a soothing voice.
"Oh, shut up, simpleton." the leopard growls.
"It's a lady, Valerie! :V" Cashmera tells you.
"It's also incredibly RUDE." you add.
"If you don't leave, I'll destroy you. I'll destroy you...!" the leopardess continues.
"Maybe we should just go, Valerie. ;w;" Cashmera whines.
"Won't she follow us?" you ask dumbfounded.
"Uh, why would she do that?" Cashmera asks.
"Because she wants you?" you ask.
"What? I thought she was talking about the little one over there." Cashmera says. You look past the leopardess and realize there's a baby leopard hiding behind a tree.
"We'll be leaving no need to pounce!" Cashmera says.
You walk away slowly as the leopard and her child watch you cautiously. Just before you finally get out of their line of sight, Malcolm springs from the canopy above declaring:
"I'm here, Valerie!" and seems ready to fight the leoaprdess!


You grab the gun before he pulls it up to his shoulder.
"What are you doing?" He asks.
"Don't you dare kill her, she just wants to protect her cub!"
"Cub? What cub? I don't have a cub. You hear through the translator. Although, the way the leopard says it clearly shows it's hiding something
"That one over there." You say pointing, then realize that the cub is nowhere to be seen.
"Valerie, you must have hit your head during the fall." Malcolm says, trying to wrestle his gun out of your hands.
"Then who were you talking to before I started talking to you.
"I was talking to him." It answers.
"Who? M&M?" You ask.
"No him, the one standing behind you. He wants you, but you're mine! I won't let him any closer to you!"
"You look around for whatever the leopard is talking about, but see nothing.
"This leopard is clearly feral! Let me put it down!" Malcolm shouts, ripping the gun out of your grasp.
He aims it straight at the leopard's head. Before he can fire you hear the cracking of a twig and something jumps on top of Malcolm, who falls face first onto the jungle floor. The thing stands up and looks at the leopard. It stands easily seven feet tall, completely black, almost like it is forever in cased in shadow. You hear a weird whispering that you can't make out, but luckily Cashmera can.
"It says; leave her alone feline, she is under my protection. I won't hesitate to kill you if you come near her again." Cashmera tells you.
The leopard slinks off with a parting warning; "Don't trust him, he's not natural."


"Malcolm!" you shout. Realizing he may well be hurt, you shove the shadow figure off of him with astounding strength. Malcolm takes a huge gasp of air revealing he couldn't breathe while trapped under this mystery person. You help Malcolm to his feet and look to the figure. It seems this mystery person wasn't just cloaked in shadow - his entire body is black. He doesn't seem to be hostile right now but...


You decide since hitting a shadow seemed stupid, you'd tickle it instead. You reach out but before you can touch it, it grabs your wrist. "I'd prefer that you didn't do that." It said.
Fine, if he didn't want to be tickled, he would be kissed. You pucker up and go in for the blow, but you are once again stopped. "How about you don't do that either."
You deflate a bit from being stopped both times, but before you can say anything, the shadow continues. "Listen, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not interested in any of that." He says apologetically.
"Oh, you're gay." You say, the pieces coming together.
"No, I'm just interested in leaving this jungle, nothing else. I think we need each other for that.
"What? Why?"
"I can keep the dangerous animals away from us and you guys can help me once we leave it, I've got nowhere to go."
"I don't know, he's awful shady." Cashmera says.
You shake your head at her joke then look at Malcolm, who just lays on the ground and whimpers. Looks like he won't be much help.


"Uh, no." you say flatly.
"...No?" he asks.
"Yeah, you kinda just hurt Malcolm. Not cool." you say.
"Huh? But, I can be useful."
"Not really looking for another dick. Malcolm just about fits that roll. Besides, why should I even trust you?" you say. As you look to Malcolm he smiles albeit a bit weakly. You grab Malcolm's hand an help him up. He's not quite fighting fit, but he can walk.
"..." A little weirded out, you figure you should make your leave.
"Let's go, Malcolm." you say as you lead Malcolm away from the shadowy figure who just sits in silence. It seems he didn't have an answer for you!


After a few minutes of wandering you get tired of being lost and ask Cashmera, "Do you have GPS to get us out of here?"
"Give me a moment.... I can't seem to access the satellites orbiting this planet anymore, it seems that someone is blocking the signal."
"Probably the Lupricobras, which means they know you're down here and that we need to get off this planet as soon as possible." Malcolm said.
"However, I can tell that there is some sort of structure in the middle of the jungle emitting radio waves, if we head there maybe we can find something to help us get out.
You decide it is better than nothing, so off you go with Cashmera leading the way. Along the way you can hear twigs snapping and birds flying off in the distance. You wonder if it is the leopard or the shadow man. You decide you wouldn't like either situation.
As dusk arrives you arrive at a small clearing in the middle of which is a giant stone structure. As you get closer to it, you see there is writing on pillars that are on the left and right of a large stair case. At the top of the stair case is a doorway leading inside. the structure itself looks a lot like an Aztec temple.


Unconcerned of how you'll look, and gripped by some strange force, you begin jumping about on the temple and laughing. You gradually intensify your play until you're doing flips and jumping from higher and higher areas on the temple. You're very careful not to jump too far. As you jump, you laugh maniacally and uncontrollably. To your horror, you realize you can't stop playing and laughter begins to spill more rapidly from your mouth - like flowing blood your mind morbidly thinks for some unknown reason. Your dread quickly intensifies as you realize you're no longer acting of your own free will. In the background is the melancholic droning of Malcolm desperately trying to stop you as you jump higher and higher and higher...


You think about fighting it, but why? You're sure there is a reason why this is happening, might as well go with it. You stop for a second. Might as well go with it. The thought came from your head, but it didn't seem like it was yours. Ah well. You sink into the good feeling that had been itching at you as you started playing. Laughter bursts out of you, and Malcolm, who you had heard trying to stop you seems far away. Not sure how you got there, you look around to see you are at the top of the temple, still laughing and enjoying yourself. You look over the edge and see a pool of water. So thirsty. The weird thought came back. It was right about going with it before, you were having the time of your life. It must be right about this as well.
Even still you are unsure. As you look at the pool, again you hear a weird sounding thought; So thirsty. You realized it was right. Your mouth felt like the desert you had been passing through. There below you, was how you were going to quench it. Just a little hop and you'd fall in. You could gulp down as much as you want and swim. Yes, swim. Swimming sounds like so much fun. You step forward a little bit. You become excited at the thought of the cool water on your skin, sliding down your throat. Quenching your crippling thirst. You need that water. You step forward and feel nothing but air. You start to fall, but someone tugs you back. You think it's Malcolm and are about to yell at him when a familiar voice stops you. "Don't listen to it, fight it! Fight it!" The shadow man said with authority.
This confused you, the only thing to fight was him. Then the thought whispered to you; Fight him. Kill him. You didn't know what else to do, so you struggled out of his grip. You lead in with your soccerball kick, but he moves out of range quickly. "Get a hold of yourself. The thoughts are not yours, they are the temple's." He tells you.
You don't believe him, they seem so real, they're in your head. They are yours, he's lying to you. yes, he's lying. Kill him. Get rid of him. There was no arguing with this voice, it was yours. No doubt about it.
You launch yourself at the being, but for being made of shadows, he had an iron grip. He grabs your shoulders and holds you at arm's length. "Get a grip! This temple is persuasive! It is trying to get you to kill yourself! You have to snap out of it." The last sentence sounded so genuine and pleading, you actually consider listening to him. Then you hear He's trying to deceive me. i have to get rid of him. You once again rose to fight him.
"You have to be stronger than this, you have to be." Once again the pleading tone made you hesitate.
You decide to give him a chance and test this voice. "Malcolm's such a great guy! I have to protect him from you! I-I love him!" You shout, trying not to vomit from the last sentence.
Yes, kill him, protect my love, Malcolm. You caught him. You would never think something like that, not in a million years. This thought was not yours, and now you had to get rid of it.
"Get Out" That thought poured into your head, scrubbing out the taint the voice had left. You could feel your mind clearing up as the voice, whatever it was, was forced out. As your mind came fully under your control, you look over the edge to see the pool of water. You stare down, shocked to see there was no water; you were about to throw yourself to your death. You stumble back from the ledge into the arms of the shadow man. You start to cry from the thought of how close to death you had been. Sure this wasn't the first time this week. But this was the first time you were going to be the one to cause it was too much for you. Who could you turn to when you couldn't even trust your own mind to keep you safe? "Let's get down from here." The shadow man said in such a sympathetic voice that he almost sounded like a worried father rather than a stranger who you ditched almost an hour ago.
You sat down on the temple steps and watch as the shadow man checks on Malcolm who was on the ground unconscious. "What happened to him?" You ask.
"He was hallucinating something was surrounding him. He kept shouting the name Sephiroth." The shadow explained.
Malcolm sat up quickly, swinging his arms around. After he calmed down, he looked around disoriented. "What's going on?" He asked.
"I figure you two have a lot of questions, might as well ask them." The shadow said.


"What was that voice?" you ask him dumbfounded.
"Didn't I tell you? It's the temple." the Shadow says.
"Wait a second, I still know nothing about you." you say.
"I was trapped in here along with the forest. I was cast out by my people for having human sympathies. I don't normally look like this either - I only look this way in the forest. No doubt some kind of mental torture." he says.
"Why is the temple here?"
"It came with eveything else. I suppose it was trapped away in the ball along with me because we were both too dangerous. The markings, however, are the history of my people. Written by me." he says without missing a beat.
"Uh, why would you do that?" Malcolm asks.
"I got bored."
"Well! That's quite a bit of info to take in!" you say. "Sorry I tried to kick you in the groin!"
"That is fine! I wouldn't have felt it anyway." the shadow man says.
"Valerie! We have to focus." Malcolm says suddenly.
"Huh? Focus on what?" you ask dumbfounded.
"Don't you remember what we were doing? We needed food because you gave ours away. And then this jungle craziness happened! Probably your fault too!" he says.
"Oh, shut it. I mean, you're not wrong, but..." you trail off.
"I have plenty of food at my house. I also know the fastest way out of the jungle - it's exactly the same as always but with new land around it instead of glass." the shadow man says matter of factly.


"Cashmera, where is that pizza that was supposed to be brought to me?" You ask.
"what does pizza-" The shadow man started to ask.
"Don't ask dude." Malcolm told him before he could finish the question.
"I don't know, it probably would have been helpful if you had told her where you were!" Cashmera said with a little bit too much pep. Was it just your imagination, or was Cashmera getting a little too happy that you still didn't have your pizza?
"We can worry about the pizza later, we need to figure out what we're going to do. It's getting dark and I want to be out of this jungle while I can still see my hand in front of my face."
You rolled your eyes, why couldn't he realize how important the pizza is? Ah well, it was time for you to make a decision, after all; you're the leader here!


"So, is there any chance you could help us out of this jungle and score us some food?" you ask your new shadow buddy.
"Of course." he responds in a reassuring manner.

Before long, the four of you find yourselves at a small hut hidden in the canopy of trees.
"We're here!" the shadow man exclaims.
"Is this where you live?" you ask.
"It's kind of branchy..." Cashmera remarks.
"Branchy is one way to describe it..." Malcolm scoffs.
"At least we can get some food here." you roll your eyes.
The shadow man leads you to the far wall of the hut and opens a shelf revealing a plethora of food!
"Ooh, is there pizza?" you ask eyes gleaming.
"Pees-uh?" shadow man asks.
"Y-you don't know what pizza is?! How deprived can you get?" you exclaim. "We need to get you some ASAP. Well, as soon as I can get some."
"I can agree with her on that at least - pizza is great." Malcolm throws in.
"Regardless, it is time for us to leave if we want to leave this forest before night fall." the shadow man says.
You grab enough food to sustain the army for a while and set out to catch up with every one. In fact, you quickly get to the edge of the forest before the shadow man stops.
"What's wrong? :O" Cashmera asks in concern.
"Hm..." he thinks before taking a step. "I've lived in this forest for a very long time."
"Stockholm syndrome? With a forest?" Malcolm asks.
"Not quite." the shadow man sighs.
He takes a step out of the line of trees and before your eyes, you watch as the blackness that covered him is stripped away from his body in long shimmering strands of silver and dissolve in the air.

Before your eyes stands a Lupricobra! Malcolm's eyes widen as he instinctively reaches for his gun!

Beginning of Story:
You kick the back of his seat again.
"Frickin' cut it out, kiddo!"
You smirk. This was exactly the response you wanted from the neanderthal in the front seat. He honestly had it coming with the way he was treating you. Doesn't he know you're the daughter of the president? Doesn't he know he should treat women like delicate flowers? Nope, he came storming into your room yelling about how you were being moved to a space station for safety. Seriously, there's a bunker underneath the White House for a reason. You look out your window, absolutely fed up with the man piloting the spaceship. You marvel at the stars. The only wonder of nature that can even make you remember "marvel" is in your lexicon. Oh, hey, looks like you know the word "lexicon" too. You sigh heavily. Today you were supposed to be out shopping with all your girlfriends but nooooo. Stupid national emergencies always come first.

After a while, you arrive at the space station and take a look around. You're in the loading dock. You notice it's none too organized and shrug it off. Surely that won't be dangerous. The big shot jerkwad who flew you here starts walking off then suddenly, rudely turns around and spits out:
"Are you coming? I don't have all frickin' day."

There are only two doors leading out of the loading dock if you don't include the big door thing that opens for space ships. The ground is adorned with blue lights indicating where to walk and yellow ones where you shouldn't walk.

Suddenly, the man growls and reaches for you
"I said come on, princess."

He says princess with a particularly poisonous tone.

> Follow him, but don't let him touch you
> Kick him in the balls and run (to wherever you'd like)
> Kick him in the balls and follow him
> Ask him what's even happening that's so bad
> Other: Do what you'd like!

Gourdy wants you(r game)!

Hiya all~<3 It's my birthday! This was going to happen on my birthday but then things happened. What does this mean for you? It mean I'll review your games now if you ask! Isn't that wonderful? Honestly, this is an attempt to get myself to the top of the Most Reviews list - I find that I can get more done if I'm doing something for people. A list to refer to when I have free time is also nice!

Link is playing games over on his thread if you'd prefer a gameplay video!

Hey Kel is reviewing things too! He reviews pretty quickly from what I can tell so if you're sick of waiting for my slow butt you can ask for a review from him too~<3

  • I don't mind if your game is long just keep in mind it'll take a while for me to play it as well as review it. Additionally, I'm going to prioritize shorter games over your game so that I don't get snagged on your epic in my work load.
  • Your game can require RTP - I have most of it. I'll download it if I have to! If I have to download something else just make sure it's pretty clear what I need to have.
  • I'll try to review/play games in order, but I reserve my right to jump around on the list~
  • You don't have to request a game on this thread. I'm fine with you shooting me a PM. If you have a problem with my review you can just post a comment on the review. Or PM me. Whatever works for you.
  • I don't really have a preference, so don't worry too much about your game's genre - I won't!
1. Bunraku
2. Soul Shepherd
3. Estopolus
4. Okiku, Star Apprentice (Played!)(Reviewed!)
5. Whisper
6. Celdran's Curse (Played!)(Reviewed!)
7. Seraphic Blue
8. Touhou Fantasy
9. Farmyard Chronicle, Director's Cut!
10. Erayu
11. Nachtheulen (Played!)
12. Fly Forever(Played!)(Reviewed!)
13. We the People
14. Tristian: Lady of the Lion
15. Lionheart
16. Carpan
17. Cave Adventure

The Purge?

The idea behind the purge seems like a really interesting concept, so I'm really looking forward to the movie! I'm kind of worried it'll focus too much on murder, but enough of that.

The point of this topic is that I was wondering what the people here on RMN would do if crime was legal for one day. I, unfortunately, can only think of silly things. Like, buying 7 seven dildos in Texas or something. If you want, tell me what you think about the movie, too!

Gourd's Quest 3 - Forum Adventure Game!

Hiya guys, since I got back I decided I REALLY wanted to play another game of Gourd's Quest with you peoples.

If you haven't played before, I basically will be writing a story, the third in a trilogy, based on choices you guys make. I write, you choose! It's a lot of fun for everyone since I love seeing how you guys react to what I throw at you, and it doesn't take much effort to participate.

Note: There will be suggested options after each piece of the story, but feel free to get creative if you can think of another way to solve problems, or a fun way to talk to people.

The OP will be important as it will contain important information for your choices. The OP is a Main Menu of sorts containing your Party, Inventory, the Story Thus Far, and last and probably least: The Option History.

Though you don't need to know what happened in the previous Gourd's Quests, it could help you have a better time appreciating names of people, details, etcetera... but ultimately you'll still be able to follow what's happening without them. You can find them here:
GQ1: http://rpgmaker.net/forums/topics/11604/
GQ2: http://rpgmaker.net/forums/topics/12010/

One last thing, in GQ3 there are two parties you'll be in control of. You'll see the beginning of both parties' stories, then you'll take control of Richard's Party. You can switch between parties at any time the option "> Switch Party" is present. Sometimes, one party can't continue until the other has progressed. The inactive party's menu will be in a hide tag under the active party's menu.

Main Menu

~Richard's Party~
Richard McKree the Rich, Slightly Snobbish Aristocrat
??? the Baby Blueberry Dragon

:: Richard ::
Gold Plated Underwear
Fruit Knife with ornate handle
Diamond Painted Bidet Remote with Internet Connectivity
Classy Tuxedo ~Monaerie Values~

-Classy Tuxedo Pockets - 5 Panels Left - 3 Panel(s) in Use

Pocket Change: $7500 (1 Panel)
Diamond Encrusted Phone with Hologram Capability (1 Panel)
Tarvatio Red Vines Wine, 1934 (1 Panel)

:: His highness, the Divine, the Conquerer on blue wings, Lord Blugon II of The Royal Household of Blueberry Drakes ::
Cute Little Baby Horns ~<3
Infinity Scales
Round Dragon Tag
42 Wallabe Way, Sidney

-Stomach - 0 Panels Left - 1 Panel(s) in Use
??? (1 Panel)

-Infinity Scales - 10 Panels Left - 0 Panel(s) in Use


~Ted's Party~
Ted Bear the Brave-Hearted Child


:: Ted ::
Stinky Adventurer Hand-Me-Downs
Deceased Father's Favorite Hammer
Adventure Time Bag

-Adventure Time Bag - 17 Panels Left - 3 Panel(s) in Use

Father's Picture (1 Panel)
Adventurer's Phone with Sonar Capabilities ~Present from Uncle Dick~ (1 Panel)
A "Don't Judge Me" Teddy Bear (1 Panel)

Story Thus Far...

You wake up earlier than usual, and wipe the eye boogars away. You're usually a motivated spirit, but today is special! Today, you're going to meet your pen pal who lives far up North in a Monasin settlement. You can't help but fantasize about all the fun things you'll do together. It'll help you get your mind off of...other things in your life. Namely, the departure of your father. Since then, your mother's pretty much said "yes" to everything, allowing your trip, so...silver lining? You realize you've been ignoring the main phone's ringing while you were lost in early morning thought. You jump out of bed, grab a few things you'll need for the trip, then scurry to the phone before it stops ringing. On the other side of the line is a rather distraught sounding Uncle Dick!
"Hey?! Hey, please I need help! These tyrants have come into my house and-"
"Hey, hey! Slow down, Uncle Dick! What's wrong?"
"Ted? D-don't call me Uncle Dick you little sh-! Uh, never mind, put your mom on the phone, please!"
"Mom's sleeping. Something I can do for you?"
"PUT YOUR- ugh, Ted I NEED to speak to your mother, I'm in trouble wi-"
The line is dropped and Uncle Dick stops talking.
"Uncle Dick?"
You try dialing his number again, but the line is definitely disconnected. You can't just let your Uncle get hurt! You charge into your mother's room screaming your head off. This upsets her a little too much, and she chalks up the gibberish that you're spewing to excitement over the trip. Fine, if she won't help Uncle Dick, YOU will. You both go outside, and pack the car full of trip necessities. Then, you hop in and your mother starts driving down the winding road of sure adventure. This is going to be fun.

Several hours earlier
Richard's Party

Ugh, another putrid little creature has sneaked into your home. Before you stands a Thog. It's pig like features only make its brown fur look uglier. And you're sure those tusks haven't been brushed in, like, ever! Annoyingly enough, the little devil is in your luxurious mansion. Your chef scurried off somewhere for some drugged food so that you can "humanely" dispose of it. Honestly, you're sure it'd be more humane to let the bugger fight for its life. You've grabbed a rather ornate knife off the stand nearby, and are ready to strike. You wonder if your chef will resign if you kill it this way. Oh, what was his name again? You never really bothered to learn his name since you don't particularly...mingle with persons of a lower social class than yourself. But, the man can make some damn good coffee. Regardless, the Thog is foaming at the mouth, savoring your indecisiveness. Time to choose or lose!
The beast turns out to be well-versed in the politics of the local area, and is unaffected by your lecture. Luckily though, he's unaware of national politics, and the Helix vs. Luc water supply debate is more than enough to crush its puny mind. The repugnant beast falls dead without even a drop of blood on your exotic carpet! You clap for yourself, then notice your chef barreling into the room loudly yelling. He's so caught up in being frantic that he trips over the Thog's corpse, and then gives you a thumbs up with with his cooking battered hands. He stands up dust himself off and speaks,
"Good job, this'll make great eating for your guests Sir McKree! I'll make sure he's ready right away."
He visibly rolls his eyes when he says good job, but you're more interested in what he said than how he said it.
"Guests? I invited no guests you silly chocolate peasant. Melquior why do you insist on daydreaming?"
"Huh? If you're not having guests, what's with the stuffy looking jerks outside?"
You shoot him a look for implying that you associate with 'stuffy looking jerks', but cautiously approach the window and look out calmly. As soon as you look out, men and women in yellow combat vests break into your house simultaneously through shattering your ornately painted windows, including the one you're currently peering out of! You jump back defensively, and stab instinctively. The woman you catch with your knife is inflicted with a large gash across her face to your pleasure. You start running into the kitchen Melquior is motioning you to enter, however an ample amount of men far stronger than you block your path. The woman behind you clamors for revenge, so you kick her producing a pig-like yelp. You'll have to think to get out of this one! "Hasta la bye bye!" you scoff at the crowd as you jump out the window. You feel like James Bond until you realize you cut your hand. It'll ruin your suit, but to avoid being tracked, you tear off a little bit of the cloth and wrap your hand. You quickly sprint to the nearby village, your mind filled with contempt and the sound of sirens getting closer. You go down a secluded alley to hide away. Your body...definitely wasn't made for running as much as cunning. Falling back on a nearby wall, you fall into a peaceful slumber.


Ow! You wake up to find a very round shiny blue dragon nibbling on your fancy shoes.
"Scat you little vermin!"
It looks hurt and lets out a raptor-esque roar. Your noble blood isn't in the slightest bit intimidated.
"Oh, shut up you giant blueberry."
It circles you a little bit, then plops down on your leg. Looking at its round shape, you can tell it's a house pet. You're a lot alike, you were both ousted from your comfy lives into this rather dreary alley. Despite the fact you don't also share a love for the taste of shoe, the two of you become friends in just an hour.
You stand up, pull your pants up, and leave the alleyway determined to find a way to reclaim your manor, law or no law.
Little does, well, anyone know on the outskirts of the hot, waterless desert town of Tarvatio lies another waterless landmark. A well! Within lays the hush-hush entrance to your not-so-humble abode. Grabbing your chubby new companion, you jump in using him to cushion the landing. His pride is damaged by the time you get to the bottom of the mildew ridden well, but otherwise you're both unharmed. Subsequently, you grab the key from behind the rock with your family's insignia etched into it, unlock the door, and return the key to its rightful place. The two of you casually stroll into the door and find your self in your most luxurious wine cellar... Sure enough, the heathens have infested even the most sacred of grounds. You'd think their mother would have taught them messing with a grown man's booze is dangerous. They seem to be talking. From their English... if you could even call it that, you conclude they must be much too young to be drinking, let alone be in the Gourd Military. Two mere hood rats who found your secret entrance. You haven't been listening all this time, but now that you know they're no threat... it might not hurt to... "Gather Data". Not sure what to do, you naturally look to your only current ally. You wink at him, and like a parrot mimicking speaking, the blue cotton swab winks back. Which isn't to say that he was particularly ready to grabbed roughly and man handled. It freaks out and flails desperately trying to escape your grasp. Probably having flashbacks to entering the well, huh? You hold the blue dragon up over your head, realize how silly this is, and begin to speak.
You hear three sets of feet all stand up, and two voices scream like little girls. Ironically, as you walk out from behind the wine rack, you see two teen males run out the door. Great, now they're wandering around in your mansion! You look at Blue distastefully as if it were his fault, then realize you overlooked a third person. Before you stands the most beautiful woman you've ever seen tied to a nearby wine rack. She's got long flowing red hair, yet strangely there are no freckles in sight. She has very little makeup on and her beauty is natural. She wearing a long, glimmery green dress that makes her look like she just got here from the red carpet! She looks a little disheartened from the way you're examining her, but you're a gentleman. You have Blue go to work at nibbling at the ropes and freeing her. Meanwhile, you browse your selection of wines and try to start a conversation.
"So, what are you doing in my wine cellar, if I may ask?"
She doesn't respond. In fact, she doesn't respond to any of your questions.
"Why won't you answer me? I insure you, I'm more noble than to harm you!"
Around then, you turn around after snatching a bottle, and she's now been loosed from her bonds. She points to her throat, then shakes her head "no".
"Oh! Please forgive me, I didn't know you were mute. "
She smiles warmly, then bows as if to leave. H-hey! Where's she going? Now is your chance to stop her if you're going to. She walks out the door, and you can't help but think: What a curious woman! Why was a total (-ly hot) weirdo tied up in MY Wine Cellar? With the somewhat audacious belief that you deserve to know everything, you follow the woman. With her far in the lead, the three of you begin walking down the basement hallway. You're caked in shadows, impossible to be seen. Thank god you were too cheap to fix the lights down here! She walks slowly, hugging herself as if cold, and looks around as if frightened and a little confused. At the sight of it, you infer she probably hasn't seen much more of your house than her temporary prison. Then, she stops, hesitates, then goes into a nearby room on the right side of the hallway. She's entered your personal vault room...! You knew something was off about her! You hop to it, yelling "Aha!" when you burst into your lavishly furnished vault room. Within, you find the very tense looking woman back to you, her hand still on the number pad. Was she trying to guess your password? She turns around, her long red hair flowing with the motion, and shakes her head in an attempt to clear her name. Then, she proceeds to point beyond the glass wall at your giant stacks of ever lovelier moolah.
"Yeah, I can see you're trying to steal my money." you say in an irritated voice.
You step forward, Blue in tow, intending to throw the brigand upstairs into the vast amount of officers upstairs. She puts her hands up as if to say "stop". And gives a desperate face, pointing again into your vault. She tilts her head like a dog in order to assess your understanding, but is exasperated by the answer your face gives.

Option History:
> Bore it to death with politics
> Go out the broken window nearby
> Sneak into mansion through secret passage
>Hold his highness, the divine, the conquerer on blue wings, lord blugon II of the royal household of blueberry drakes up over the rack and pretend to be the dragon who kills booze thieves.
> Deny woman into party and...
> Other: Secretly follow her.

Beginning of Story:
Ted's Party
You wake up earlier than usual, and wipe the eye boogars away. You're usually a motivated spirit, but today is special! Today, you're going to meet your pen pal who lives far up North in a Monasin settlement. You can't help but fantasize about all the fun things you'll do together. It'll help you get your mind off of...other things in your life. Namely, the departure of your father. Since then, your mother's pretty much said "yes" to everything, allowing your trip, so...silver lining? You realize you've been ignoring the main phone's ringing while you were lost in early morning thought. You jump out of bed, grab a few things you'll need for the trip, then scurry to the phone before it stops ringing. On the other side of the line is a rather distraught sounding Uncle Dick!
"Hey?! Hey, please I need help! These tyrants have come into my house and-"
"Hey, hey! Slow down, Uncle Dick! What's wrong?"
"Ted? D-don't call me Uncle Dick you little sh-! Uh, never mind, put your mom on the phone, please!"
"Mom's sleeping. Something I can do for you?"
"PUT YOUR- ugh, Ted I NEED to speak to your mother, I'm in trouble wi-"
The line is dropped and Uncle Dick stops talking.
"Uncle Dick?"
You try dialing his number again, but the line is definitely disconnected. You can't just let your Uncle get hurt! You charge into your mother's room screaming your head off. This upsets her a little too much, and she chalks up the gibberish that you're spewing to excitement over the trip. Fine, if she won't help Uncle Dick, YOU will. You both go outside, and pack the car full of trip necessities. Then, you hop in and your mother starts driving down the winding road of sure adventure. This is going to be fun.

Several hours earlier
Richard's Party

Ugh, another putrid little creature has sneaked into your home. Before you stands a Thog. It's pig like features only make its brown fur look uglier. And you're sure those tusks haven't been brushed in, like, ever! Annoyingly enough, the little devil is in your luxurious mansion. Your chef scurried off somewhere for some drugged food so that you can "humanely" dispose of it. Honestly, you're sure it'd be more humane to let the bugger fight for its life. You've grabbed a rather ornate knife off the stand nearby, and are ready to strike. You wonder if your chef will resign if you kill it this way. Oh, what was his name again? You never really bothered to learn his name since you don't particularly...mingle with persons of a lower social class than yourself. But, the man can make some damn good coffee. Regardless, the Thog is foaming at the mouth, savoring your indecisiveness. Time to choose or lose!

> Kill the Bugger with a stab to the heart
> Appease the beast with a Thog promotional video on your phone
> Throw your bidet remote at it
> Wait until your chef arrives
> Bore it to death with a lecture on politics
> Throw money at it
> Other: Do what you'd like!

Gourd's Quest II - Forum Adventure Game!

--- ::Endgame Quote:: ---
" One day... you may meet again."

Hiya guys, let's play another game of Gourd's Quest!

If you haven't played before, then basically what happens is I will write a little piece of a developing story and leave some choices at the end. I'll roll with the choice of the first person who picks an option. You guys will determine the story through choices, and I through writing based upon your choices.

Note: You are not limited to the suggested options. You can get creative too!

The OP will be important as it will contain important information for your choices. The OP is a Main Menu of sorts containing your Party, Inventory, and a section of the entire story thus far, creatively named Story Thus Far... The last part is the Option History, which keeps track of the options made throughout the story.

You can also check out how the last one went here.

Main Menu

Gazpar Wiles the Child Clown Extraordinaire
Lorthos the Lovely Lock Picking Octopus

:: Gazpar ::
Stylin' Purple, Red and Green Clown Costume
Heavy Metal Bar of Manliness 'n Stuff Tipped with Ornate Spearhead
U.F.O :: Underside Floating Obscurers

-Clown Backpack - 25 Panels Left - 6 Panels in Use

Friend's Impressive Art You Stole (1 Panel)
Clown's Wrath Megaphone ~Monaerie Values~ (1 Panel)
Dream World's Demonic Boomerang (1 Panel)
Ornate Diamond-lined Spare Pole (3 Panels)

:: Lorthos ::
Tough Purple Slimy Skin
Demeaning Rainbow Nurse Pet Hat

-Strongest Six Free Tentacles - 5 Panels Left - 1 Panel in Use
Melquior's Note:
"Hey...Gazpar. I know you and I are friends, but you must leave me here. The fate of the world depends on it. I know...cheesy, right? But, before you save yourself AND the world...I need to be just a little bit more cheesy. Gazpar...I love you.
L-Like, not in a gay way or anything, just..."
The note ends there.

The Whole Story
You just love the dramatic 'oohs' and 'aahs' that are instinctively drawn out of your adoring crowd as you perform daring and life-shortening tricks. Acting is really important too - you have to keep their emotions and entertainment constantly in your control the entire time unless you like not being paid. Though, for the first time, you've lost control and are dangling from a tight rope, and your arms are starting to hurt... The audience doesn't think anything of it - they believe you're just toying with them again. Your grasp is slippin one finger at a time. The brilliant colors of the tent's red and yellow interior walls and ceiling is messing with your adrenaline tainted vision. One more finger...
Ah, heck, there's no way you're not getting paid today! You take off your pants with one hand, (this invokes a few awkward giggles and gasps), and then let go of the tight rope, your specially made clown floatation underpants flap around as you fall. They just so happen to be the heart-pattern ones too. The pants aren't working as parachutes, but your underwear certainly is! Defying physics, you float down slowly and gently. Maybe a little too slowly as you are very exposed right about now. And, it is only made worse by the fact that you turn a deep shade of red at this. Once on the ground you put your large fluffy pants back on and bow. The clapping for your performance is marvelous, it being one of the best shows you've put on for a while. You scurry quite quickly out the tent, colliding face first into your boss's gut. Whoops!
"You need to be more careful out there, sport! I can't have you losing your head and falling."
McCarkle has always been very kind to you since the day he revealed he was your biological father. Not that you'd ever want to look like him though, as his face is very beaten up and crinkly at only the age of 30. And his walk reminds you of a shaved, defiled walrus in Hawaii.
"It was all a part of the act, McCarkle!"
"Yeah, right kid! If it was, then you were trying to delay school for yourself or sum'tin'. It ain't workin'. Now go to your friend's house and go to school. No more skippin', ya hear?"
"I do," you say passively as you dash away, grabbing your backpack and running off, waving goodbye as you leave. Now it's time you to decide where to go!

You wonder which friend he was talking about. Oh, he meant Melquior! Ah, yes, Melquior! He's been your best friend since you were little and is still a good friend to this day. He began hanging out with you ever since you saved his life from a bunch rampaging crocodiles. You feel like he's been trying to make it up to you despite you telling him it was no big deal. He was very persistent. Speaking of Melquior, you're walking up to his brightly painted house right now! You knock your secret knock that indicates something urgent, giggiling the whole time. Not 5 seconds pass by before he bursts out the door, wearing little more than his underpants yelling his head off. You notice he still has his toothbrush in his mouth.
You starting laughing really hard and even harder when he makes an awkward astonished face when he realizes nothing's wrong.
"Not cool dude!" he says annoyed, dashing back into his house. You allow one more immature giggle, then invite yourself in, opting to wait in Melquior's room upstairs. Melquior's done with his morning routine in a flash and comes stomping upstairs excitedly. He grabs his gym bag up, clearly ready to go, but decides he should tell you something first.
"Hey, did you know that big dude is getting off probation today? And that he's actually going to come to school today? I remember he was the one who let out those vicious aligators."
"I'm not a afraid of any bully. Besides, the more pressing problem is you were wrong: they were crocodiles not alligators."
"Whatever. You don't think about what they are when they're trying to steal your creations."
"Ooookay. Let's just go, okay?"
Melquior is a little bit of a goody two-shoes, but you think he's alright. It's going to be hard skipping school with him in tow. You'd have to ditch him if you decided to go elsewhere, which honestly, isn't your preference.
You'd rather not ditch your friend, and if bad things happen, having him with you would be nice.
"Okay, let's go!"
You both depart from the brightly colored house and walk down the street slowly and talk about various things as you usually do. Close to your school something wicked approaches! The large kid, who could barely be called a kid anymore, at the age 21. He's handsome - you'll give him that. But his brain is virtually nonexistent.
"Ahhh! Here, he comes, Gazpar!"
Melquior hides behind you, attracting the bully with his fear, and his yelling.
"Stop yelling! He's like a shark, ya know?"
"Who's like a shark?!" you hear screamed in your ear, along with a bunch of saliva. You feel yourself lifted from the ground and being yelled at about something along the lines of 'Oh look, you're a clown, I'm going to pick on you.'
You put on your most annoyed face and say:
"You're stupid." But his reactions certainly aren't slow as immediately after you comment on his grey matter, he comments on your face with his fist.
"Hurhurhghe!" he laughs slightly in a slightly retarded way.
You try to squeak out more but your face muscles don't seem to work at the moment. Melquior takes the hint though, and knocks out the big lug with his frying pan, after which he runs away towards the school.
"Thanks!" you yell towards him. You kick the big jerk and follow Melquior inside the school.


About halfway through the day, while chewing on your pencil, you look out the door window and see a monster of some kind attack a girl.
"What is the problem, Mr. Wiles?"
You ignore the teacher and storm out the door to help the girl. When outside, you see a monster attacking the girl's face. Upon seeing this you get in a stance. Melquior runs out and jumps into a stance as well.
"Zombies aren't as scary as bullies!" he yells out.
He's ready, but are you?
You back up way behind Melquior, and he charges and attacks the monster with his fryin' pan, weakening it. You then charge into it full force, knocking both the monster and the girl down - you fall down close to the monster. In his scramble to finish off the monster before it escapes, Melquior accidentally hits you with the frying pan, leaving the monster enough time to bite your hand and run away. A large bleeding mark is left on your hand.
"Sorry, sorry!"
"It's okay, but that thing bit me."
"Oh no!!!"
"Haven't you ever seen a zombie movie? You're infected now!"
"Uh, grow up. that was not a zombie."
Melquior can't seem to decide if he's sad that you disagree, or happy that you aren't turning into a zombie any time soon.
"Anyway, I'm going to go get it! You coming, Gazpar?"
He runs off, but you opt to check on the girl. She's sitting up now, looking at you with her mouth slightly ajar.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine."
You sigh contentedly and offer to help her up - she happily takes your hand.
"Mr.Wiles! What is the meaning of this?"
You look back and see the teacher looking at you with piercing eyes. The kids behing her snickering at you, laughing almost in a...sinister way.
"There was a monster attacking her!" you point to the girl.
She immediately cries out in dissent.
"Liar! I was just walking down the hallway and you ran into me!"
"Well, Mr. Wiles?"
When you try to show her the bite mark on your hand, she acts as if nothing is there.
"I don't see it, young man."
"It's right there!"
"If you're going to lie, at least make it believeable! Now, off to detention with you and the girl!"
The girl yells out again.
"What? No fair!"
"Please, little lady, you were obviously truant."
She complains, but you sigh loudly and drag her to detention with you. On the way you spot the girl of your dreams in a classroom. Her hair is beautifully long and golden, her attire always conservative while being liberal in all the right places. She's a little older than you, but you're attracted nonetheless. She's never even talked to you before, but she waves to you for some reason. the girl you're draggin gets sick of your staring and starts dragging you to detention. Once there you're both told to sit down and not speak, which you happily don't comply by.
"Hey! Girl! Yeah, you!"
"What do you want, you maniac?"
"What gives? I saved you!"
"Whatever. Crazy."
"Ugh, can I at least know your name?"
"Samantha. Now shut up before we get more detention, I have a job to attend to, clown boy."
You ignore her insult and look around the room. It's pretty bland, and you're the only two in here not counting the 'warden' of sorts who isn't even awake anymore. Something is seriously wrong with the school, you need to get out of here. Maybe Samatha could help? You should probably hurry up too, for some reason you feel this sleepy feeling is a little more than not enough sleep.
You decide you're going to have to sneak out of here. It should be easy considering the warden is asleep.
"See ya, Samantha. I'm out of here!"
"What? Hey, that's juvenile!"
"I don't care. Something weird is going on here and I'm going to figure out what."
"And I'm just going to let you leave?"
"Come with me then."
Samantha mulls it over a little bit and makes an angry face.
"Great, but stop sighing so loudly."
Samantha gets ut of her chair followed by you. She starts tippy toeing and makes it all the way to the door before you begin. She gives you a thumbs up sign and a warm smile after a quick look at the Warden. You start to tip-toe...but your big clown shoes are mde of squeaky rubber. It doesn't seem to bother the warden so you just continue on. You're almost there when Samantha smiles in a sinister way shushes you loudly, waking up the warden as she leaves the room.
"W-what? What's going on? Get in your seat right now, young man!"
"Oooh, I'll get your for that Samantha!"
"Stop blabbering and sit!"
You obediently sit down. After a few minutes you look out the window and see Samantha sticking her tongue out at you. By now the warden was asleep again, but she bangs on the window, causing him to wake up again and yell at you to quiet down.
A few minutes later, Melquior comes in and sits down.
"You okay, buddy? I didn't mean to ditch you or anything."
"I'd be better if I wasn't here."
"Here, I'll whip up something to put him to sleep for good."
"You're going to kill him?!"
"Nooo, I'm just going to put him in a coma. He'll wake up. Eventually."
You let out a laugh and Melquior winks then goes to work. He whips up a nice radish soup instilled with some saliva from that monster. You watch as he takes it up to the warden and tells him to taste test it. The warden obeys and is knocked out almost instantly.
"It kind of makes me worry that some of that stuff is in your blood, Gazpar."
"I'll be fine. Come on, we have to help the school."
"Help it with what? I already took out the monster."
"No, something weird is going on."
"You saw how they didn't see my mark. They were faking."
"You're right. But, what are we going to do about it?"
"Um...I hadn't thought about that."
You think about it. Perhaps you should chase after Samantha. Or maybe alert the principal. Maybe you should wait for the saliva to affect you. If you get hurt, you may want to admit your love to Ralsabeth before it's too late. The bully Nigel never actually goes in the school either and hangs out in front of the only exit all day. Chasing Samatha may not be so easy. And admitting your love to Ralsabeth may inflict Nigel's rage onto you as he's recently broken up with her. The principal may be affected too and you'd rather not know what the saliva is going to do to you.
"Well, Gazpar? I'd think we may want to regroup at your house. Maybe get some help from your clown friends."
"Let's go to my house and get some back-up."
"Okay, beatcha there!"
The two of you race down the main hallway of the school and outside. Melquior won, but that's fine.
You were lucky - Nigel wasn't out here.
Melquior asks a question.
"What if they don't believe us?"
"Melquior. Clowns don't joke around, and they don't expect others to either."
You then proceed to run home, leaVing him in your dust with a "Wut." face on. He realizes you're joking then quickly catches up, laughing at himself. You make it there in record time: 15 minutes. McCarkle is dealing with a midget outside his tent. Once he finishes, you run up to him and gasp something out too quickly because you used up all your air running.
"Eh? Slow down, I can barely 'ere ya."
"I said I need your help."
"What with?"
"There are monsters in our school and everyone's acting weird!"
"What? Did ya hit your head er sum'tin', boy?"
Melquior pipes up.
"No, it's true! We can prove it - look at Gazpar's arm!"
You show him the oddly shaped bite mark on your arm.
"My, you weren't lyin'!"
"Yeah, so we need your help for back-up in case we can't handle it."
Melquior pipes up again.
"Yeah! Cause no one messes with clowns!"
McCarkle chuckles at this and nods.
"Woo! Thanks a lot!"
You watch as McCarkle walks into his tent and comes out with a megaphone. Then, he shimmies up the nearest pole and yells into it.
The three of you then shuffle into the tent, while wadinf through the countless clowns filing in. The three of you take position in the middle of the tent and McCarkle yells into the megaphone again.
You can't help but beam as your clown friends and family applaud at this idea then all stand up ready to follow you the ends of the Earth. Clown family is forever.
"Okay," you say "let's go back to the school!"
They applaud again then flock to their mini, purple cars outside. You, Melquior, and McCarkle ride in an even smaller one with a flame decal.
Melquior obviously had never seen anything so cool as he said:
"Cool! I'm getting in first!"
After Melquior has troubles getting in, he doesn't like it as much. You shove him in, then get in with easy. McCarkle hops in and drives. Everything is going fines until Melquior decides he likes the car again and attempts to drive it, throwing you all into the school wall.
"Shut it."
Melquior extracts you from the car after he and McCarkle get out. You're starting to feel tired again.
"Are you okay, Gazpar?!"
"I'm fine, Melquior. Well, it's not your fault at least. Let's hurry up though, okay?"
McCarkle states he'll have the clowns camp out here on the side of the building. He also gives you the megaphone.
"Just scream 'Sherrrriiiii' into it when you need us, okay?"
Now it's time to decide what's next on the list.
You figure if dealing with whatever is happening is going to kill you, Ralsabeth should know. It might be a little awkward doing this in front of Melquior though.
"Um, Melquior?"
"Yeah, Gazpar?"
"How about you wait with the clowns?"
"What?! Why?"
"Well, we need a competent general for our army don't we?"
Melquior smiles at this and jumps and down excitedly.
"Okay! I can do it real good, Gazpar! Hurry up and use the megaphone soon, okay?"
"I will, no worries."
"See ya later!"
You turn your back to your friends and enter the school. It feels a lot different now. There are parts of the wall coming off where bits of purple splats can be seen. You'd rather not think about whatever it is. You walk down the hall briskly, feeling very lonely and insignificant without Melquior with you. You quickly find Ralsabeth walking down the hallway with Samantha. Ooh, this would be the perfect time to get even with her. You contemplate changing your plan, but Samantha flees upon seeing you, leaving Ralsabeth looking dumbfounded. You take in a deep breath and approach her.
"Huh? Hello, Gazpar is it?"
"Yeah... it's nice to meet you."
"Likewises, I saw you playing hookie earlier."
She lets out the cutest laugh you've ever heard.
"Haha...yeah I saw you not playing hooky. Uh, I actually came to admit something."
"Well, I actually kind of sort of..."
"Go on?"
"Like you."
"Well, you're pretty darn interesting yourself with your clown suit you wear daily."
"No...I mean I really like you. Like LOVE."
You can feel your cheeks burning as realization dawns upon her face.
"Look... this is really cute, but you're a little too young for me don't you think? I'm not saying we can't be friends, but anything beyond that would be weird - especially so considering this is the first time we've ever spoken."
You hang your head in mixed emotion.
"Don't feel so bad, okay? Maybe you'll have a chance with a prettier girl than me."
You doubt it.
Ugh, you feel so broken. You walk away down the hallway, still looking at the ground.
"See you later, Gazpar...!"
You push aside the front door and hit your head on a wall.
"Owww...why me?!"
"Because you're useless."
You look up into the mischievious gleaming eyes of Nigel and two of his pals. In your weakened mental state, you almost believe his incredibly weak insult.
"Oh, glad we see eye to eye, Clown boy."
Nigel's friends laugh hysterically. Nigel snaps at them.
"Shut up, idiots!"
They quiet down right away.
"So, I heard you have the hots for my girlfriend."
How could he have possibly heard that - it just happened!
"I can see by how wide your mouth is that it's true. See, a little birdy told me..."
You see Samantha disappear around a nearby corner. She must have known what you were approaching Ralsabeth for.
"So, I figured I'd help you."
He picks you up by your collar - you're in no state to fight back as he mercilessly pounding in your face. He throws you to the ground. The earlier sensation of not being able to speak is present again. Nigel's reinds kick your sides in. You think your sides are broken, but you can't be sure because you can't really feel much of anything. The sleepy feeling you've had all day is coming into the forefront of your mind right now. then, it is quickly shoved to the side as you hear Nigel speak again.
"Hahaha! You don't have your stupid chef friend here to help you anymore do you?"
You couldn't care less, you'd rather take a nap. But then you hear another voice.
"Oh, yes he does!"
You hear a frying ban reverb off Nigel's head again. You'd like to see who's saving you but your eyes feel glued shut. Whatever, you can tell it's Melquior, I mean who else would save such a mess as you? You feel really tired now.
"G...azpar?! A...you...okay?! Gaz...r!!!"
Mmm...nice little nappy...
You wake up in a very bright place, with oddly colored dirt everywhere - blue! You get up and look around. To the north you see a relatively humanoid female figure. She appears to be naked and completely white with no eyes or mouth to speak of. To the east are a bunch of plateaus of varying height. To the south is another humanoid figure - this one looks like Samantha. Just...smiling at you evilly. To the west is where the light is coming from. People say never walk into the light, so you'd rather not go there. You decide, considering Samantha has been ruining your already horrible day left and right, it'd only be fair if you kicked her teeth in. You walk towards Samantha and her slightly creepy face. Sheesh, this blue dirt is really sticky. You've been here five minutes MAYBE, and there's already wads and wads of it stuck in your shoes.
"Okay, Samantha. I'm sick of your crap. What's your deal?"
"My deal? You're only the single most insignificant thing I've seen on this planet."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever."
You take out your pole and smile - you're going to enjoy this. Samantha poises herself. You jump up and while spinning in the air, fling your pole at Samantha. She can hardly bear this.
"H-how can you be this strong? I thought my mother broke you-!"
"I'd say hallucinating an alternate world is as broken as a person can get. I guess it's a perspective thing. Anyway-" you retrieve you pole and hold it over your head again. Samatha cowers back a little.
You slam down hard on her again with your pole and she looks as if she's glwoing form her wounds.
"-this is fun!"
You kick her in her side and she almost completely snaps in half. Her body can barely be seen amidst the light. You sigh and kick her other side, throwing her towards the plateaus. She screams loudly as she dissolves away into nothing but tiny pieces that fly away in the wind.
"If only I had this kind of strength for real."
You sigh again then realize Samantha left something behind.
It's a boomerang with a circled asterisk-type symbol printed on it in red. You pick it up and put it in your backpack."Why am I bothering looking for stuff? Why am I talking to myself?"
Pffft, you do whatever you want. You jump up the the plateaus one by one. There appears to be less gravity here so hopping up them is very easy for you. It's really fun too. Just as you had anticipated, you spot some treasure. An entire chest is ahead of you guarded by two large feral lions. No problem. The left one pounces you, but you have your pole out by now and you easily parry it. You send it flying - unexpectedly far. It is sent careening off the edge of the dreamy world. While you were watching this, the right cat had picked the lock on the chest and used its contents on you - it was an expertly carven obsidian spear! Yeowch! You're speared right to the ground. You throw your pole and you hit! The other cat is knocked out. You wiggle off the spear and look at it. It really is nice, but you like your pole better. You rip the ornate tip off of the spear and attach it to your pole using some blue dirt. Cool! You put your extra pole in your bag. Now that you have your upgraded pole, you pole vault to the next plateau holding the 'zombie' from earlier.
"Don't you think I forgot about that bite you gave me earlier!"
You run at the thing, it looking very distinctly frightened. When you get close enough, you plant your pole in the ground and use your remaining velocity to spin up the pole and kick the zombie off the side of the dream world. A bottle of zombie spittle comes flying back up into your hands. Melquior would like this. You put it in your bag and snatch up a particularly pretty flower to also stash. You think that's everything here. You walk to the North. Huh. It's like a statue. You poke it. The woman in the north, seemingly frozen in time until now, stretches whilst flying slightly above the ground.
"Ahhhh, child. How long was I asleep?"
"Huh? I have no idea."
"Of course you do."
"Uh, no. Hey, you're kind of freaking me out, lady."
You turn around to walk away.
"How dare you walk away from the one who gave you life?! Insolent child."
"Huh?" you turn around "you're...god?"
"Did I say I was?"
You're really confused now.
"What are you?"
"Well, I'm a god. I breath the life. Gaia creaes the vessel. Everything you are is thanks to me. And much like breathing, things live as I breath out, and die as I breath in."
"So...did I die?"
"No, but you should have. Your friend cheated you. He bound you to the Earth while you were crossing to live with I. You are in a purgatory of sorts. He was a msitake anyway."
Mistake? Melquior has saved you countless times - he's no mistake!
"What?! Don't talk bad about my friend!"
You're having trouble hiding your emotions here.
"Do not tempt me, child, I will destroy you if you show too much disrest."
Who does this lady think she is? Without thinking, you swing your bar at her. You hear melodic, evil laughing and you fall down. Yeowch, you can feel being beaten up all over again. Your head hurts...

"Your mind is no longer your own."
*Launch Melqiuor Perspective*

You have to pause to rest again. Gazpar really weighs quite a bit, or maybe you're just weak. It is midnight now and you're dragging Gazpar home. The moon is hanging heavily upon the sky as you slowly move Gazpar to your house. The clowns all agreed that your house was Gazpar's best shot at a recovery.
"I'm going to help you okay? You're going to be fine."
Your eyes are still a little red from when you thought he was dead. It took all the strength you could muster to not murder the bullies while they were lying face-down, knocked out cold on the ground.
"...Think you a...?"
You almost drop him in surprise when he speaks.
"G-Gazpar? Are you okay? Oh my god, I'm so happy you're alive."
"Yes? Mel...?"
"Yeah! You're okay."
You are very ecstatic when you realize he's fine.
"How did...? Erf."
He's not exactly 'with it' though.
"You have Ralsabeth to thank for you living, Gazpar. She had Equilibrium Stabilizers in her purse - her mother takes them daily apparently.
"Thank you..."
"Thank her not me. "
"You saved me..."
"Well, yeah, I guess"
"And you're breaking your back moving me...I'm useless..."
"Don't say that! You've saved me plenty of times! Remember the alligators?"
"Hehehe. Crocodiles..."
You both laugh. Gazpar seems to be feeling better already. You begin to cry again, because you're so happy.
"Don't cry...I'm fine."
"What if they come at you again when I'm not with you?"
"Heh...I'm not afraid of any fucking bully."
His language is vulgar but his words ring true. You arive at your house shortly. Throughout the night, you tend to Gazpar with the immune stabiliers you were gifted. He tells you of his dream and shwos you the things he brought back. You both rationalize it must have been real. The next morning, Gazpar is rarin' to go. He's no longer injured save for a limp.
"Okay, Melquior! Let's get to the bottom of what's happening today! I figure that naked chick was behind this. The only way we're going to end this is to end her! We only have to figure out how to get back to that realm. "
"Well, you got there by having the snot beat out of you. How about we try NOT to do that and find another way?"
"Fair enough. Any ideas"
You think about it and come up with one.
"Gazpar, let me see your shoes."
"Huh, why?"
"Just do it!"
He shows his giant clown shoe to you and you find exactly what you were looking for.
"There! That blue dirt!"
You rip it off of his shoe and feel it. You've always had a natural sense...when you feel something, the perfect recipe appears in your head.
"What are you doing, Melquior?"
"I know exactly what to do. We need a dragon fang, orphan tears, zombie spittle, a brew of a Loransiun Georinia and chocolate, and the final ingredient..."
"The final ingredient...is a hero's ashes."
"Well, that's great. So, if we find all these we accomplish...?"
"We'll have access to the purgatory. I can feel it."
"If you say so... Where are we going to find these, anyway?"
"Easy. The Adieu Orphanage and the Brewers' Lair. We can find all those things there. Also, we'll need a big space."
"How about the football field?"
"Perfect. We'll make this and gather the clowns at the football field."


The Adieu Orphanage is a very happy place. It's very peceful and serene. It was also built upon a hero named "Emily Adieu" There's even a statue of her there. It's very well kept however so obtaining the ingredients you need will be a task.
"Let's do this, Melquior! Pick our entrance plan and let's go!"
You had always wanted to see this statue in person - it's somehow even more heroic up close than you had expected. It depicts a beautiful girl with long golden hair. By the look of it, is made of smooth, colored marble. Below the statue is a plaque that reads: "Say adieu to your Past, and hello to your new Present - the Future."
You've always thought it very poetic, but you wonder now if there's a little more to it. 
"Hey, Gazpar?"
Gazpar leaves the shoe heel he was inspecting and comes to the front of the statue.
"What do you make of this?"
You watch as he reads it.
"It's some dumb poem I guess."
"Come on, think harder. If I can find something weird with it you definitely can."
Gazpar shoots you an annoyed look and looks again.
"Well...it's kind of weird how 'Past', 'Present', and 'Future' are capitalized."
Oh! You were looking at a smudge. Leave it to Gazpar... You'll just take credit for this discovery anyway.
"Yes, exactly!"
There's an awkward silence. 
"...I have no idea. How about we look around more?"
You prod at the capitalized letters as you walk away. They glow at your touch.
The f comes off in your hand.
You can't help but gravitate back to the statue.
"Uh, we already looked here, Melquior."
"Well, I can't help but feel the answer is here somewhere..."
"Whatever you say..."
Gazpar goes to check out the back of the statue but you stop him.
"I'll inspect the back this time."
"No, no it's okay."
"Come on, please?"
Gazpar looks quite mad at you - probably for insinuating he can't look for clues correctly. You walk to the back of the statue and immediately see peeling paint. You scratch at it and see a space to place a letter shaped like an 'f'.
You place the "F" in it and suddenly feel your stomach churn. The ground shakes violently as the statue move to the side and reveals a conspicuous staircase.
"I did it! I did it!" you jump up and down excitedly.
"Er...let's go get our ingredients now."
Gazpar leads the way down the dark staircase and then the hallway. He finds an opening at the end and goes through without a second thought. You follow and find yourself in a cozy room with a fluffy rainbow carpet, several large wardrobes, two doors - one to the north and one to the east, a fish tank with an octopus in it, a desk with several important-looking papers on it and you can hear footsteps coming from behind the east door.
"Melquior, you have to hide!"
Gazpar jumps into one of the large wardrobes. You catch a glimpse of rainbow-colored nurse suits. How odd. Either way, you have to decide where to hide quickly!
You dash quickly to the desk and hide under it just in time. A woman in a rainbow nurse outfit comes in. She's holding a tranquilizer and the sight of it makes you pray she doesn't find you. Luckily, she's not come in here for anything in her desk but rather to obtain something from her wardrobe... the one Gazpar is in.
"Ah! What are you doing in here?!"
She whips Gazpar out of the wardrobe and across the room. You can't help but well up inside and you can't stand it. You're too scared to object though. Gazpar stands up though, ready. 
"I SAID: What are you doing in here?"
She raises her tranquilizer gun to him and grunts. 
"I'm here to get a few things..."
"You've come to steal our stuff? Nobody steals from me."
You take it she doesn't directly deal with the orphans considering how quick she was to whip a child across the room and point a tranquilizer gun at him.
She shoots. Gazpar rips it out unphased. 
"I'm not afraid of you."
Gazpar rears up and jumps to the woman, whacking her hard with the pole once. She falls down but isn't out. The woman stands up and rushes Gazpar into the wall. Gazpar is definitely hurt now. He looks to be knocked out. She turns around and begins to walk to the phone on her desk but Gazpar wakes up and hit her with his pole from behind. Not expecting it, she takes a direct hit to the and passes out.
You crawl out from underneath the desk.
"You did it, Gazpar! Good job!"
"Right. We should be able to look around now."
While Gazpar keeps lookout to make sure no one else comes, you check out the desk. On it are many papers that look important. They include many names of, presumably, orphans. You take note of a paper with a red star on it. It says "Emily Bondile". Interesting. It seems that the hero's friend, Adam, named his child after his friend. You check the drawers next. The first drawer contains a brass key and some tranquilizer darts. You pocket the key just in case. On the other side of the desk in the second drawer are various reports regarding your school. Why would an orphanage be spying on your school? You look at the rainbow nurse and shiver. Creepy. You close it and take a look under the desk again. The carpet's a little ripped. You rip it up and find a switch. You switch it and the earth rumbles again.
"Melquior, what are you doing back there?!"
The shaking stops and upon looking out a nearby window, you see the statue has moved back into place.
"Hey, about handing the investigation over to me, buddy?"
Honestly, after the statue incident where he couldn't even see peeling paint, you're not sure it's such a good idea.
"Gazpar, you're doing such a great job guarding that door! I don't think I could keep watch that well! Besides, I'd rather any other rabid rainbow nurses eat you rather than me."
"Gee, thanks a lot."
Speaking of rabid nurses of rainbows, you decide to inspect the nurse as...questionable as that may sound. You check her large pocket and discover some tranquilizer dart reloads. This makes you realize you should take her tranquilizer gun from her. Your mother always told you not to steal but never specified if stealing tranquilizer guns from nurses who attacked your friend was alright... You figure it is and obtain both the reloads and the gun. While thinking of the next place to search you hear Gazpar's voice.
"Are you going to check the hat or not?"
It hadn't occurred to you to check there. You run your hand over it and feel something sharp... Hey, it's the dragon tooth you needed!
"See, what'd I tell ya?"
You ignore him and carry on with your investigation. In her back pocket is a highly explosive Monasi Ball. You're taking that with you for sure.
"Hey, hurry up with the search Sherlock Holmes, there's this guy talking about getting something from here after he deals with orphan problems."
The dragon tooth is a little too big for your bag so you allow Gazpar to carry it for now. "I'm almost done, don't worry."
You continue your search at the octopus tank. It's really gross-looking but you rationalize sticking your hand in, because you know that your school needs you. Inside feels as disgusting as it looks.
"Ahh, what?"
"...I think it licked me."
"Octopuses don't lick people."
"They do if you have your hand in their mouth."
"What?!" Gazpar turns around and sees the octopus has latched onto your hand.
"Why the heck did you stick your hand in there?!"
"I was curious."
Gazpar face palms and directs you to lift your hand out so he can search the inside of it octopus free. You obey, and as Gazpar predicted, it's still attached to you. Now that you look at the purple thing closely, you believe it's a female. Gazpar plunges his hand into the aquarium and finds a string on the bottom. Upon pulling it, a compartment underneath the creature's home opens up revealing ashes and an urn.
"Hey, do you think those are Emily's ashes, Melquior?"
The octopus makes a loud sucking sound in approval.
"This little guy certainly seems to think so. you're going to have to carry it though, I have no more room."
The octopus makes more sucking sounds, as if trying to communicate.
"I think he wants to hold it, Melquior."
"Er, that's probably a bad idea. I mean, he's not even coming with us."
It bites you.
"Okayokayokay, it can come." It makes more sucking approval sounds and grabs the ash filled urn with a spare tentacle, crawls to the bag on your side, and roots itself to the side of your bag.
"Hey, why do you get the octopus?"
"If you want him, take him."
The octopus slaps you on your butt with a tentacle.
"Yeowch! Nevermind, he wants to ride with me."
"Fine, but do you hear the footsteps?"
Someone's coming! The both of you scramble to the North door and attempt to open it. It's locked! You try your key but it doesn't work here.
"Oh no..."
When you both give up, your new tentacled friend reaches over to the door lock with a spare tentacle and picks the lock. The three of you immediately rush in. On the other side, you pat your new friend.
"Thank you, it means a lot."
The octopus clearly approves. You find your self in a large, light-blue room with waterfalls everywhere. In the middle is a display case featuring a bottle with some kind of a liquid. The octopus is pointing to it with a tentacle - he also almost made you fall with the shift in weight.
"Do you think these are orphan tears, Gazpar?"
"Why would they have a bottle of orphan tears in here?"
"Well...they may have gone a little cuckoo at the loss of their friends. Besides, How'd you think we were going get orphan tears, Gazpar?"
"I figured we were going to punch an orphan in the face or something."
"You're horrible..."
Gazpar shrugs and walks to the casing and gives it a nice bang with his spare pole. This results in flashing red lights, the activation of a large fan, and many holes in the floor opening up. Gazpar is sent flying around the room. You'd join him if your octopus wasn't holding you to the floor. Time to figure this out.
Thinking fast, you sling your octopus who you've named "Lorthos" over your head and prepare a radish stew that will make you heavier. You drink it all, sling the octopus back onto your bag and begin to leap across the large holes in the floor. It's hard to jump, but thankfully you make it just fine with no more than one scare near the end. You strike the glass as hard as you can with your frying pan and obtain your orphan tears. But there's no way to stop the wind and get Gazpar back down here...
You can't help but giggle at him trying to talk. You try to climb the wall using Lorthos' tentacles, but she's not exactly comfortable carrying you with her. Around the time you think about giving up, an admittedly handsome man with short jet-black hair, well-built athletic body, and some slight stubble enters the room. By the...unmanly(?) aura he gives off, you believe this must be the hero's friend, Adam Bondile. He's been your role model your entire life, but now he's your enemy. He doesn't look particularly happy, and his muscle weight keeps him on the ground. 
"Who are you?! What are you doing in this room? Get out?"
He's coming closer and you're suddenly gripped with fear - you can't hurt him, he's your hero! 
"Melquior! Man up, sheesh!" Gazpar yells from the skies, strangely clear. He's right but...you still can't move. Adam goes to grip you by the neck, but Lorthos intercepts! The lovely octopus attachs to his face, blinding him and giving you enough time to go around the back of Adam, cook up a deliciously deadly radish dish and give it to Lorthos to force feed him. When Adam passes out, the air stops and Gazpar plops onto the floor, injuring his butt.
"Ow..." You're ecstatic!
"I did it! I did it! I got the tears and beat Adam!"
You suddenly feel your butt assaulted. 
"Oh, with Lorthoses help too of course!" You give her a slimy hug and place her back on your backpack.
"So are we done here?"
"I guess so, but where are we going to find chocolate?"
"Um, in a store?"
"Chocolate was banned years ago, Gazpar..."
Why would Gazpar forget about the chocolate ban? How odd...
"Er, well! I suppose it doesn't matter! Adam here has some chocolate!"
"Why would a hero have something illegal on him?"
"Why would a hero try to choke you out?"
...He has a point. Sort of, you were trespassing though.
"Why don't I carry it, Melquior?"
"I think I'd rather this be with Lorthos and I."
You give Lorthos the chocolate and she swoons affectionately. You make sure to be clear she's not to eat it.
"And, actually...I think I want the other ingredients too."
"Huh, why?"
"You'll see why."
He grumbles under his breath, in a rather dangerous tone, but hands you the ingredients anyway.
"Okay, let's get out of here!"
The two of you scurry to, and out, the secret passageway. After moving the statue again, of course. Outside, there are row upon row of multicolored clown cars. You both hop in the one that you rode in before, driven by none other than McCarckle.
"'Kay, where to now, gentl'men?"
Gazpar responds quickly, as if in a rush:
"The Brewers' Lair!"
"Th' Breuwers' Liar it es!"
Before you know it, you're in the Brewers' Lair. And, for once, it goes off without a hitch, and you're in and out. With the brew, you head to the school, and get out, along with many clowns, on the sidewalk. You see Nigel, and wave at him confidently with a smirk on your face. He falters slightly, and storms off somewhere. When looking to see Gazpar's reaction, he seems distant and uncaring.
"Are you...okay? Gazpar?"
"Hm? Yeah, sure. I guess I'm just a little nervous to be going back."
"Yeah, I guess I could see that."
Yeah, that answer was bullcrap. You can tell. You're all in the football field now - every clown is accounted for - and you set out the ingredients, sitting down by them. You carefully mix the ingredients - a true chef's touch! Huh? Wait, where are Emily's remains? You look to Gazpar and see him stomping the ashes into the dirt! No time is wasted as you fling yourself at him, frying pan in hand.
"I knew it!"
"You little..!" Gazpar gasps out as you hit him.
"I hope...I hope I didn't hit him too hard."
"Ahm' su'r he es fine, Melly." McCarckle offers.
You gather what you can of the ashes and put them in your concoction. Wait, where's your frying pan? You open up the portal quickly.
"Melquior! Watch ou'!"

You were just in time.
Gazpar Perspective LAUNCH!
You wake up again in the same place. The blue, sticky earth is here and everything. One thing however is missing: Melquior! You can remember trying to help him get back here, but very little else. Oh no, she took your buddy! No. No! NO!
"Hey, bitch! Give him back to me!"
Your voice echoes unnaturally.
"Give HIM BACK!!!"
No response. You call for him again. And again. No response. Your anger and frustration wells up inside. Did she make you...kill him? You can't help but glare at your hands in disgust...
"Come out and face me! Bring him with you!"
You can hear Melquior now. He sounds like he's begging for his life. And then screaming. A portal opens up and the white woman's voice booms.
"You must choose. Your life, or your friend's!"
By nature, you are selfish. But Melquior has become such a part of you. Losing him would be like losing part of yourself. Screw Ralsabeth - Melquior will be your friend forever!
At the thought, Lorthos drops from the sky.
"Oh, and take your stupid squid, it keeps kissing me."
"It's an oooocctttooopuuuusss!!!" you can hear Melquior cry out.
Good to know you didn't hurt your little buddy.
"I choose..." you deliberate for a while, but you make a decision.
"I choose myself. I am to live on."
"Very well. Typical human response, and to think I thought you were different."
You grunt at the comment, only slightly unhappy with your choice. Melquior would want it this way. The windless area suddenly begins to gain wind, eventually blinding you. When you can open your eyes again, you find yourself in the football field alone. It's raining pretty hard, and since the school never invested in turf, it's pretty muddy. You feel kind of groggy like you'd been dreaming for a long time. You begin to hope you had been dreaming, but you find a note in your ahnd from Melquior. You decide not to read it - you want to detach yourself from him now. You stagger slowly to leave the football field, the mud all around you not jiving well with your humongous clown shoes. Just as you make it to the goal area, you are sent spiraling to the ground with a frying pan. You look up to your attacker, seeing the cold, killer eyes of Nigel. With your friends gone, and nothing left to fight for, you put up very little fight as he smashes you into the cold, muddy ground. Then, he picks you up and ties you to the goal by your hands, your body hanging limp, and beats you with a wiffle ball bat for what seems like hours. All the time with an uncaring look in his eyes. You can't feel your body anymore, but you hear a familiar voice.
It's Ralsabeth's! They begin to dispute, but you can't see it, heck, you can't feel or taste anything other than blood anyway.
"Stop now, Nigel!"
"Come on, babe, you protecting him?"
"S-stop! Don't touch me!"
"I thought you liked it!"
"I-I don't! I said stop! Let go of me!"
What's he doing to her?! You can hear the drone of police engines and ambulances. Good...
"They're here now! They're going to take you away now! Now-now let go!"
In a rage, Nigel begins to beat at you again, as hard and fast as he can. The authorities can be heard running towards yelling at him, while Ralsabeth sobs loudly. You can't feel anything still, and the taste of blood is gone now. It's beginning to get hard to hear and breathe now too. The last thing you hear are Ralsabeth's words.
"I'm sorry...I never told you that I do love you..."
You were loved by all.

But, don't worry! The great god of the sky had mercy upon you. You are to be reborn as a demon, and your friend released back into the world, his memory of you gone forever. One day...you may meet again.

Option History:
> Other: With one hand, take off your giant clown pants, and attempt to use them as a giant clown-pants parachute as you float down to the ground in your heart-pattern boxer shorts. Then play it off as a joke.

> Go to your friend's house.

> Go to school: Don't ditch your only backup for when shit hits the fan.

> Other: Crash into the monster. First priority is to get him as far from the girl as possible.

> Other: The warden's asleep. Time to put your Sneak score to good use. Try to escape silently.

> Go home to gather an army of clowns

> Admit love for Ralsabeth

> Go South to beat the crap out of Samantha

> Search for treasure on the plateaus

> Approach woman, of course. Never leave an area without examining all the corners.

> Look around Emily's Statue for Entrance

> Look around statue more

> Hide under desk

> Search Desk

> Search Rainbow Nurse (Take her Tranquilizer Gun)

> Search Octopus Tank

> Make a Radish stew that will make you heavier then hop across gaps.

> Allow Lorthos to hold chocolate

> Choose yourself

Beginning of Story:
You just love the dramatic 'oohs' and 'aahs' that are instinctively drawn out of your adoring crowd as you perform daring and life-shortening tricks. Acting is really important too - you have to keep their emotions and entertainment constantly in your control the entire time unless you like not being paid. Though, for the first time, you've lost control and are dangling from a tight rope, and your arms are starting to hurt... The audience doesn't think anything of it - they believe you're just toying with them again. Your grasp is slippin one finger at a time. The brilliant colors of the tent's red and yellow interior walls and ceiling is messing with your adrenaline tainted vision. One more finger...

> Let go and pray something will save you
> Allow your vision to fade and just sleep~
> Hold on and scream 'Help!'
> Other: Do what you'd like!

Gourd's Quest! - Forum Adventure Game {-The End-}

End Game Quote:

"Emily Adieu Orphanage; Say Adieu to Your Past, and Bonjour to Your New Present - the Future"


Hiya, guys, let's play a game!

This is a game where I will post a part of a story leaving at the end a choice to be made. The first person who makes a choice will be the one I roll with. So you guys decide how the story goes! (Though, I will be writing it.)

There'll be a Party, an Inventory, and the story thus far in the OP. I'll try to update the OP as much as possible. Also, note that you don't HAVE to choose the options I give you, you may choose your own if they're appropriate with the situation.
Main Menu

Emily Adieu the Orphan
Cloud the Terminal Dragon (Watching in the skies)
Adam Bondile the Monaerie Athlete
Sephiroth the Badass Rainbow Nurse


:: Emily ::

Flameproof Gourd Armor ~ Monaerie Values
Women's Suffrage Pink Female's Spurt Panel Anklet

-Elementalist Backpack- 22 Panels of Space - 15 panels in use

Singed Large Rope (1 panel)
Blackened Right Key (1 panel)
Flame Scar Bazooka x14 ammo (10 panels)
Cup of Water x2 :: Deluge Water Elemental Spell (1 panel)
Intimidating Badge x :: Healing Wind Protection Elemental Spell (1 panel)
Red Pen of Death X3 :: Flare Destructive Elemental Spell (1 panel)

:: Adam ::

Athlete's Suit of the Gourd Variety
Bondage Claw
Manly Baby Blue Male's Spurt Panel Bracelet

-Totes Invisible RPG Inventory- 15 Panels of Space - 8 panels in use

Box of Spurt Panel Accessories ~Sign of yours and Emily's new friendship~ (4 Panels)
Athlete's Foot Pass a.k.a. Proof that you're an athlete in Luc Monaerie (1 Panel)
Jug of Water that Came From Nowhere (2 Panels)
Bloody red pen (1 panel)

:: Sephiroth ::
Incredibly Deadly Automatic Tranquilizer Gun Mk. 2k3 x783 ammo
Sexy Ranibow Nurse Suit
Reinforced Gravitonne Scarf

-The "Inventories are for Chumps" Inventory- 100 Panels of Space - 90 panels in use
Tranquilizer Gun Cartridges x20 (20 Panels)
Eyedropper Claw (5 Panels)
Ultima Bazooka (17 Panels)
Healing Potion (1 Panel)
Spurt Bracelet ~Mugged from Greeting man because of being just plain impolite~ (5 Panels)
Nuclear Ball (10 Panels)
"RIGHT" Chest (15 panels)
Left Key (1 Panels)
Wooden Plank (1 Panel)
Jon Adieu's Cremated Body (15 Panels)

The Whole Story:
He lunges at you again. You knows he coming this time and you know it's going to HURT. You hold your breath and close your eyes. You're ready.
W-was that a...gun? Are you shot? Are you dead? Where's Emily? Why'd it have to be you? Your head is a mess with questions. You swallow hard and think. You start listing the basics of yourself to make sure you're alive. You think you saw it in a movie once. Anyway...
Name? Jon. Jon Adeui. Age? 23. Do you have any family? One kid, the mother skipped out on you long ago. Current situation? You...think you just got shot. During endurance training you were paired up with Sam "The Cheetah" Daranio. He's known for being a little merciless during training, but guns? Never. You decide to open your eyes. Slowly... You look around and see Sam on the ground holding himself. Well, you know where the gunshot went...but question is: Where did it come from and are YOU in danger? You scope your surroundings. You're in a wide area enclosed in walls. There are bunch of other "Gourds" running around being gunned down from the lookout towers on the walls. On the wall to your left is a door leading to into the building. On the wall to your right is a way up to the look out towers and a door into the city. You notice Sam has a sword.
You run over to Sam to pull him into the building. You feel something...bite you on your way over. It hurts, but Sam is clearly more important at this moment. You prop him up and grab his shoulders. You tug. OUCH. He's too heavy! Or.. no. That SWORD is way too heavy, you pick it up with both your arms and throw it towards the city exit. Much better! You grab Sam and haul him towards the exit. The Gourd troops are too in a frenzy to realize they're trampling you as you go in the door. You manage to crawl towards the infirmary while dragging Sam there somehow. It's packed with plenty of Gourd soldiers. There also a fair amount civillians here because of overcrowding in the hospitals as well you'd assume. Which means the whole town was targeted... Emily! Your daughter is in trouble! You run out of the room not thinking and feel another bite in the butt. What the...? You collapse and faint. A nurse in a tie-dye style nurse suit smiles victoriously at her catch behind you. She blows on the end of the tranquilizer gun to be comedic and hauls you onto the bed. There are IVs and needles filled with some serum on the table beside you, as well as straps to keep you on. She's looming over you about to strap you to the bed. She set the gun just barely within your reach...
She smiles at how content you look asleep. Little does she know that you're not quite sleeping yet...

(I need to get to Emily!!!)
You wait for her to turn around to tend to getting your feet up and grab her gun. You give her a swift kick to the face and pistol whip that bitch. She appears to be out cold on the floor - her cocky smile gone. Good. You grab your self a bottle from her pocket because you can't think of any other way to repay her for inevitably making you fall asleep, though for now you're fine. You go to walk out and again you're stopped. This time by Sam.
"You saved my life. I-I-uraha" He snatches the bottle from you and drinks it. It magically heals his wounds and he starts talking. This time normally.
"Hey, what are you waiting for? Little Emily could be hurt, bro!"
"I'm going as fast as I possibly can," you say exhausted.
"Well, I'll have to help you go faster, huh?" He begins to proceed to the door.
You're not sure if you want Sam's help, he may slow you down. You make your decision.

"FUCK YOU SAM I RIDE ALONE," you say. Not sure where it came from. You're tempted to say something about him taking half your potion, but hold back. Sam looks dumbfounded as to why a pipsqueak who he could snap like a toothpick would ever deny his help.
" Bub, what did you just - ?" He's interrupted by the angry rainbow nurse draggin him back to his bed. She comes to take you back too but realization dawns on her face.
"Little Emily!" she cries! She runs off dragging you along with her through the hallway. You put your arms out trying to stop her and instead grab a handful of items. You grab a salty piece of bread, some water, a rope, a small knife and a backpack on your way out. Apparently she didn't notice you trying to claw your way out of her grip. She drags you out to the field that is still in disarray but has calmed down a bit. Good to see the troops weren't too in a frenzy to do something about the shootings. She stops here and rips the gun out of your hand while giving you a displeased look. She runs up to the lookout tower quickly and finishes off the remaining two shooters. She turns around to walk back down and one shooter appears to not be dispatched yet. You go to call out to her but you're a little late. You watch in awe as she flips the terrorist over her back and throws him off the lookout tower. Yup, that looks like it did it. The rainbow nurse then proceeds to...jump down all the way from where she was and lands on her feet miraculously enough.
"Come on Numbnuts!" she beckons you into town. You follow obediently.
You are amazed at the damage that was done and see where all the soldiers really were - fighting out in the street. To no avail at that. The rainbow nurse proceeds to go down the street. You see a Tailor shop, Weapon shop and a big fat dragon that ate half the town. Though, you may not want mess with...all of that just yet. Sam comes running out as well. You proceed to promptly kick him back in.
"I said I don't need your help!" you yell. You take note of the boards in front of the tailor shop. And look at your dagger.
You decide to throw caution to the wind and jab at the dragon tail. The dragon doesn't seem to mind, guess it's into acupuncture. Still not one of your best ideas though as you plunge your dagger deeper. You lose it. But a scale pops off which you have to accompany you on your trip. What trip you say? Oh, you're only flying at full speed towards the Tailor shop. The dragon had swung its tail to sweep you away much like a horse to flies. The tail takes out the butcher shop that you weren't aware was there and, as you already are aware, sends you flying towards the Tailor shop. You are behind the wooden planks that lay on the ground and fear you'll fall into a pit or something if you step on it.
Huh. What's fear anyway? You decide to ignore your wimpy side and jump right up onto the planks. You confidently stroll forward, stomping every step - daring the boards to collapse. You safely cross to the other side, with all your limbs.
The weapon shop is right next door to the Tailor's shop and you arrive quickly. There doesn't appear to be a door to knock on so you just walk in.
In the middle of the room is a Music Box playing a very beautiful melody. To the right are the melee weapon stands. To the left there are the guns. They're both locked with special, ornate locks that match the music box. Upon closer examination, you see the music box has a large opening that looks like an object should be put in. You realize there are lyrics to the melody, though you can't hear them correctly. You believe it was describing a object. Dull colors...circles...something like that. You figure it's talking about your Dragon Scale and pop it in. Looks like you were right. The scale's surface lights up and displays text. It is asking for a number. You're not sure what number it could want so you enter 69. Much to your surprise it works! The music box opens and displays its contents. Two keys. You can only take one however, as the box has an odd mechanism that disposes of the key you don't pick.

You take the right one because if right equals right which is correct, then left must equal wrong which is incorrect. Or something like that. Anyway, as you pick up the key you watch the other key sink into the music box untl it's out of your sight. You then hear a clink noise suggesting that the other key fell under the box. You check under the table and see that there's a small hole in the ground. It leads to the sewers if your nose is serving you correctly. Huh, you could swear there were no manholes in Helix. Whatever. You go to the right stand and unlock it with your key. You lift up the ( very heavy ) cover and stare in awe at your spoils.
1 LEGEND Dagger (3 Panels each)
1 Axe (3 panels each)
5 Small Daggers (1 panel each)
2 Battle Wrenches (2 panels each)
1 Standard Gourd Army Sword (1 panel each)
Huh? What's this? There's also a bazooka? Someone must of misplaced this.
Bazooka (10 Panels) More bazookas for you, though!
You pick up your newly found bazooka and decide there's nothing left to do in here. Besides, the singing from the music box was starting to get... weird. You walk out the door while trying to shove your bazooka in your backpack, as a result you get the bazooka in but a bunch of stuff fell out and is now laying on the floor. You forget to care however as you see Sam's figure fall into the newly created hole in front of the Tailor's shop. Huh. Guess your instinct was right after all. It's his fault for being fat you suppose. You have a hunch that if you wanted to get into the sewers, that is how you'd do it. Regardless, the second you look up you get a mischievious grin on your face and take your bazooka out. The dragon won't know what hit him. Haha! You quickly run over to the dragon's tail. On the way you notice that some of the terrorists are running away like little bitches. Guess the sight of a guy in sweaty gourd armor with a bazooka over his shoulder freaks them out. Can't say you blame them really. You shoot right into the opening in the Dragon's tail that you opened up earlier.

You DESTROY that dragon's tail and the dragon howls in pain, and swipes you up with its claws. It starts at you with its mouth wide open and you take another shot at its mouth. You watch as it swallows the "gift" and visibly becomes melancholy at the fact that his life is almost over.
"I-it was just retaliation...," the oaf cries. "I never even did anything with my life, I just ate things and breathed fire! I don't even have a NAME." he continues to cry and the only way you can think to cheer him up is to allow him to help you fight off the terrorists.
Hm... you think hard as to how to cheer up the dragon and decide on your original idea; you've thought up a name and everything.
"Hey, don't cry boy, I'll make it better. I'll let you help me save Helix. I've even thought up name for you; your name is Cloud."
The dragon thinks hard as to whether or not he wants to do something with his life and makes a decision.
"...Okay. Climb on up!" He motions to his back. You obediently mount the giant serpent deciding to make your seat a giant upturned scale. The second you sit down you feel your stomach practically jump out of you as Cloud quickly ascends.
"Where to, Jon?" the slightly less melancholy Cloud asks you.
"Right there! That lady in the rainbow nurse outfit! Her name is Sephiroth."
"Sephiroth?! I don't know why, but I REALLY dislike that name," the dragon snarls.
He swoops down to Sephiroth quickly with a diving action - he looks as if he'll ram himself right into her, but instead pulls up and lands elegantly in front of your house.
"Well, it's about t-t-t-t-TIME!!!" Sephiroth yelps, "Is that that dragon from earlier?" You look as cool as possible and lean up against your burning house.
"Why yes, yes it is."
"Whatever, look at your house, we have to save Emily!" she exclaims.
You look up in awe and gaze at your house. Realizing your daughter is in there, you run in with out thinking, knocking Sephiroth down as you enter.
"H-hey!" You slam the door shut out of habit and realize that you just trapped your self inside. Oh well, you can just have Cloud swipe at the building once you find Emily. To your right is the Kitchen, its entrance engulfed in flames. To your left is the Living room and directly in front of you are the stairs. The only notable rooms on the second floor are Emily and yours's rooms and the bathroom which Emily likes to hog. There is also an attic that you have to go into the basement to get to. The basement is leading off from the kitchen.
You quickly go to go to go up the stairs, there are more rooms there then down here. Surely she's upstairs in her - oooooooh -- you notice your staircase is shiny despite being burnt and marvel at its beautiful...burntness. ...Why are you looking at stairs? You rush up the stairs and decide to check the bathroom first, nope not in there. Well, she is in essence. There's her hair dryer, her facial cream, her...uh, you don't know what that is. Oh well. You look in your room. Why would she even be in there? The only thing that IS in there is a very "RIGHT" chest.
"Daddy!" you hear.
It's coming from Emily's room. You approach the doorway and a wall of fire beams up in front of you, blocking the way into her room.
"Daddy...Help me!" You need to find a way to put out the fire in the doorway. Even if you do get water, you'll need more space to carry it. Better hurry, the house is falling apart, and you better hope Cloud doesn't become impatient.
You're not letting anything happen to your little girl. You jump up and land on the fire. And you start rolling. And it buuuuuurns. At the very least you smother the fire. It probably would've been better to have gotten some water, but that wouldn't have been edgy enough for you. You enter the room and realize the fire has burnt the support beams and weakened them enough to snap.You watch in horror as the half of the room Emily is on cracks off from the house and starts falling... Her golden hair covers her face a little and she looks happy to see you there with her. She's unaware of her fate. You go to jump and realize this might...kill you. You don't want to die.
But, you can't just watch! You get a running start and leap to Emily. You easily clear the still growing gap. Emily, just now realizing that she's in danger, hurries to you - but stumbles back. She begins to fall backwards but snatch her up and wrap around her to protect her. At this moment, the room gives and you're both sent flying...falling...falling... it's almost imminent that you will both die here, as you can see you are heading for a firey pit - you take comfort in dieing with your daughter in hand. But no! You have to save her. You. H..ave...to. You decide this a little too late though as the fire from flopping on the floor earlier has finally creeped up on you and now you're burning to death. You die peacefully.
*Commence Emily Perspective*
You watch in horror as the last of your kin burns to death while still holidng onto you.
You notice his armor isn't burning though... Is it flame-proof? You wrench your self of his grip and and tear off his armor. It saves you as you fall into the fire pit.
As disgusting as it may sound, you stand on your dad's corpse for safety and look around. You're in a burning pit. Well, OBVIOUSLY. But, it appears to be your basement. It's very small and anything useable has been burnt to ash. As you look up, you realize you are very close to the exit into the kitchen, but the stairs ar ebroken midway and are directly above you. You take your father's things - maybe one of his things could help you reach the staircase?
Since your father just died, and you're technically an orphan, it's only natural to feel angry. However, only an angry badass prodigy orphan would even think to attempt something as epic as what you come up with. Sure, a rope is conventional, but you wanna blow shit up. You take out the Flame Scar Bazooka, jump, and shoot at the ground to propel yourself up to the stairs. Er, your ground just so happens to be your dead father, soooo oops. He probably would've been fried anyway. You easily reach the stairs and elegantly land on both feet. You walk into the kitchen and take a nice look around. There's a sink and a few cups, a couple cupboards which are flaming. Ooh! What's this? You found a green "RIGHT" chest! The way out of the kitchen is blocked by a wall of fire. Best not to try any rolling like your father.
You walk over to the sink, pick up the cup, and pour some water. You realize that you're quite parched and drink the entire glass in one gulp, bringing to your mind memories of walking on the seashore with dad. You can't possibly imagine how you'll get on by yourself. ANYWAY, enough monologue -- you've gotta get out of here alive first! The house rumbles. Poof! An icy piece of...magic strikes down the nearest fire. Did you do that?
You fall on the "RIGHT" chest and examine yourself. Your bum appears to be the most affected area. You rub it.
Someone is getting impatient out there...
You take out your Right Key and use it to unlock the right chest. Inside is your one of a kind, super extra special Elementalist Backpack. You had gotten it for christmas, but when you tried to store it in your Deluxe Lockomatic you realized you didn't have a key. The right key to be specific - not that you had the left key either. You wonder what dad was doing with it. Oh well, better to ponder that later. You keep in mind you can put thing like glasses of water in the side pockets and you wouldn't lose any of it. The advertisemnet said it was engineered only for people who could use the elementals. There are about 3 glass cups.

You return to your cup festival and pour water in all of the cups. You drink them one by one. 1. 2. 3.
Wow, that's the first time you've been able to use magic on command! Like, ever. You fill up the cups again in excitement of being an all powerful elementalist. Er, rather, a novice untrained child orphan elementalist...person. Well, now that you've put your self down you proceed out the kitchen still clearly happy with the water spell and stroll over to the front door. You tug on the handle. Nothing. What? Why is the door stuck shut? Nooooo! You don't have a hope to get out.
"Stupid door..." you mumble as you fall to the ground. Clearly you've been in this heat for far too long and you can't stand. You look up through a flaming hole in the roof and see a single cloud. Mocking you.
(You'll never be free, Emily. Haha, just like your father.)
Social etiquette doesn't really matter anymore, so you don't really care if you look sane, or girly, or whatever or not as you yell:
You, clearly too exhausted from cursing at the cloud, pass out.


You wake up in a dark room, in fact, you can't see anything. All of your stuff is at the foot of the bed you're on.
"Oh, great. I died, that's just..wonderful. Nothing like being a DEAD orphan, eh? Oh god, I'm talking to myself."
You get up from your bed and stuff your things into you backpack, taking note that none of your water is gone. You sling your backpack over your shoulders and proceed to investigate. There is a table with needles and a bag of IV on one of those rolling things. You only now realize that it's in your arm. You tug on it and realize it's the Gourd Military brand of IV tubes. Very sturdy. You figure you may as well wheel it around with you. You also find a key. It's made of a twig and you think it may just be for show. You pocket it anyway. You realize that there are many hospital type beds in here with alot of people sleeping, forever or otherwise, in almost all of them. You find the door after a lot of fumbling around and attempt to open it. Nope. It didn't work. You try your twig key, and it snaps off in the key hole. Great. You somehow manage to dig the twig out of the hole. Maybe you could ask someone how to get out? Or maybe...you look at your bazooka.
You don't really have a bucket of water on hand so you settle on the next best thing which is to throw all of your glasses of water at them to wake them up. You try to throw all three glasses at once to simulate that "bucket feel". This was a stupid idea as one glass flies from your hand and lands in the wounds of a crippled soldier. Whoops... Not that the water was much better as many of the people laying in the beds can't move and are now drenched in ice cold water. Wow, way to go you bad person.
"Uh, I need to find a way put of here please." you say quietly because of your embarassment.
"akmsdmll" you can't pinpoint where it came from.
"I said you have to wait!" the man in the bed said again.

You sigh in exasperation. They've been a lot of help - and by a lot you mean not at all. Though you feel bad bad about losing glass in the wounds of a likely soldier, you don't feel like sticking around to find out the reprocussions of that. Ugh, you feel like such a bad person. You take out your bazooka, aim, and shoot at the door. The blast knocks you backwards, sending you flying into a near wall.
You're a bit shaken, but otherwise alright. Out of the dust you can make out the silhouette of a woman and a ferocious serpent. What's a dragon doing in town?! The dust settles and the rainbow nurse lady gives you a displeased loook. The dragon however looks as if it'll break out in a laughing fit. You appear to be in the Gourd army couryard, and you figure that you just blasted a hole in the wall from the infirmary.
The dragon, finally laughing, flies toward you and swats downward. Ah! He's trying to squish you! You roll out of the way and book it to the rainbow nurse. She looks displeased with you, but even more so with the dragon.
"What? I was just giving her a high five."
"She didn't know that you oaf. Now come here and apologize before I make you."
The dragon grumbles under his breath and walks back towards you, he sighs and apologizes.
"I'm Cloud by the way. And that SLAVE DRIVER over there is Sephiroth."
Sephiroth gives him a sharp look, but then shrugs it off as if it didn't matter if it was true anyway.
"Anyway, you need to get back in your bed little Emily. You're not fit for, well, anything. Besides, what are you going to do about all this?" the nurse remarks.
You wonder what exactly you were going to do, then remember something your father has whispered to you as he died. It was a name.
"Hmm...do you know somebody named Cash Mona-er something?" you query.
" Cash Monaerie? If I remember correctly, she was accused of being a major comspirator leader. She lives in New Luc City if I'm not mistaken?"
"Oh. Thanks." you say.
You don't care now. You'll end up going to an orphanage far away from the place you know if you do what Sephiroth says - that is if the terrorists don't end up taking over. You faintly remember you father always being against Cash whenever she would come on the television at home, you may as well be your father's daughter, eh?
You begin to walk back to the infirmary, but when you get close enough you bazooka whip Sephiroth and run up Cloud's tail just as he's beginning to take off.
"W-woah wha-?"
"Just keep flying!"
You hold on tight as Sephiroth shoots up at you, and Cloud lifts off - rather ungracefully in your opinion. He keeps flying as you told him to and you wave to Bishie McSephiroth Sephiroth. She's obviously going to pursue you, but for now you have the upperhand.
"Okay, can you please fly to the East, Mr. Dragon?"
"My name is Cloud!" he roars.
"Oh, sorry, I forgot. Can you Cloud? Pwease?" you put on a puppy dog pout face despite the fact that Cloud clearly can't see you on his back.
You smile mischieviously.
"I could dig that. Next stop New Luc City!"

It takes you and Cloud a total of an hour to get to the city. Wow, it's so pretty! New Luc is also known as the water city, but you've only ever been here this one time in your entire life. The streets are paved with a gray cobblestone and are lined with little mini-canals. You notie that there are very few steps anywhere, and wonder why.
The very plump man who welcomed you rushes you along while simultaneously clipping on your new bracelet
"What? What do you mean there are no more men's bracelets?" a handsome man with short hair asks.
You are a little flusted by the man insinuating that YOU made the mistake but decide not to worry about it considering the handsome man looks too rushed to care. You turn around and end up getting knocked over by the same guy.
"You jerk!"
You stand up and dust yourself off as he turns around and jogs back to you.
"Oh! Sorry, I just really have to get to the Luc Monaerie!"
"What's that?"
"It's a sporting event." he responds then leads into "and I'm Adam by the way."
"Why is it called the Monaerie?"
"Gee, you sure ask a lot of questions. How about I just take you there and we can find out together, eh? Maybe I can answer some of your questions on the way?"
This is clearly a golden oppurtunity to find Monaerie. You wonder if Cloud would be a problem though.

You nod to Adam.
"I'd love to go with you! But, I need to do a little something reeeeal quick."
Adam gives you confused look, but then looks at his watch and figures it should be fine if it doesn't take to long. He indicates this with "Go ahead" gesture with his hand. You gaze angrily at the "welcoming" man and run towards him as fast as you can while simultaneously taking out your bazooka.
"Hey, jerk!"
He turns around and looks very VERY scared as you tackle him to the ground, stand over him, point your bazooka right in his face, (so close that it's in his mouth in fact) and say in a very dangerous voice:
This results in the man throwing the box at you hard enough to knock you away and allow him to get up and run out the city gate. You briefly entertain the idea of feeling bad, but then realize that there were plenty of bracelets in the box for Adam to have. What a douche. You look back at Adam, half expecting there to be horror in his face; you are pleasantly surprised to see him holding up a sign with the number 10 scrawled on it.
"Here you go! Now let's go to the Monaerie thing."
He deftly catches the box of anklets and bracelets. Of course, you replaced your man bracelet with a fashionable woman's anklet before tossing it.
"Alright, follow me."
Adam sticks the "10" sign back in the ground and leads you through the city. You both wander through the maze-like streets of the city being jostled every once in a while when someone bumps into you on the street. For some reason you get a very negative feel from the entire city and resolute to get out of it as soon as possible. You both come upon a circular engraving on the ground that is very large.
"Okay, step on and put out the foot with your anklet on." Adam directs.
Adam does the same as you except he puts out the hand with his bracelet on it. Your accessories both begin to glow and you feel a small tremor beneath your feet.
"Ahhhhh! What's happening?"
Adam looks a bit worried but assures you that you're probably fine. You're not exactly convinced. Suddenly, you are both launched high into the air, soaring far above the clouds. Or at least you imagine it that way as you cling to Adam's leg. He looks at you awkwardly and just detaches you while saying:
"Uh, we're here."
You stand up and look at the massive colliseum type building. It's smooth and shiny though as if newly built and has the same water motif going on as the rest of the city.
"It's a sport?!"
"Yeah, Monaerie named the sport and it's center after himself. It's an obstacle course whilst fighting monsters. Though the monsters were never part of the events until this year! Doesn't it sound fun? Hey, you've got that bazooka of yours -- let's team up and win the tournament. Of course, by the end, we'll end up fighting each other, but hey, it's not like it's to the death or anything. Keep in mind pets can't accompany you into the tournament."
You ponder this. You find it increasingly difficult to ponder however as you realize you're thirsty. And with all this water it would be a shame for none of it to ever experience the sensation of rolling down your throat. You tell Adam to hold on a second as you get some water, drinking some and filling up both your cups. Adam had a jug as well that needed filling up anyway so it was all cool by him to get some water before you made a decision. He fills up his jug though probably only because you were getting water too.
"Well, have you decided?"
You think you have.
"All right! I'm in."
"Really? That's great! Come on, we've wasted enough time - let's sign you up."
You both walk into the building. Once you step inside the wave of awe that you thought you had gotten over before washes over you again. It's so beautiful! The walls and just about everything else are shiny marble. The room also has a giant waterfall in the middle of it. The tiny rivers made from the falls have bridges over them. Unfortunately that is all below you whereas you are on the platforms above. You think it may be just for show. Adam walks you to the reception desk where a woman with a creepy smile sits.
"Um, hi Matilda. This is Emily. We'd like to sign her up for the Luc Monaerie."
"Oh? you would would you?" she somehow widens her smile. You can tell she's had platsic surgery many a times.
"Well, I'm afraid it would be IMPOSSIBLE! Yup. Poof, no spots. It's too bad cause we had like a million gazillion before. I suppose you'll have to LOOK ELSEWHERE. MANWHORE!!!"
You aren't too sure of what's happening as Adam sighs in exasperation.
"She's not my girlfriend Matilda. And I already told you I never cheated on you, you psycho bitch. Now make with the writey-writing, m'kay?"
Huh. So that's what's wrong here. Matilda tightens her smile even more. You feel a little threatened as she looks at you looking oh so happy but never moving her lips as she says
"Oh, of cooooourse. Sweeetie. I'd love to sign you up, just stick your foot in this box right here."
You comply and when you take your foot out your anklet is glowing pinkish.
"All signed up. You go on and have a wooooonderful day. Sweeetie."
She visibly presses her teeth together hard enough to chip her front two teeth. You're quite freaked out so you jump when Adam leads you towards the Athlete changing rooms.
"We'll be in in 20 minutes, Emily. You can look around if you want in that time. First let's get changed into our suits."
You nod in agreement and cringe when you hear Matilda's voice one last time.
"Oh, and if you call Matilda again Adam-poo, I'll give you a vasectomy with that red pen right there."
She nods at the red pen on her desk. You're sure she is probably bluffing.
Adam doesn't look so sure.

You both suit up. You were ecstatic when you realized they had Gourd Armor as an option and you made Adam dress like you so you guys could be twinsies.

You realize you have some time to look around before the actual tournament starts. And you think Matilda has a RIGHT chest behind her desk. There may also be goodies in Adam's changing room. Yours was painfully dull so maybe a trained athlete's room like Adam would have more in it.
It takes a while to convince Adam but due to the fact you're his ace in the hole of sorts he agrees eventually. You watch as Adam confidently strolls up to Matilda's desk and puts on his best douche bag smile. Matilda smiles wider as if it were a contest. Adam bends down to Matilda's ear and whispers one word. You know exactly what he said; you can see AMtilda slowly reach for the red pen... Adam then bolts to his room followed in tow by a not-so-happy-anymore Matilda armed with a red pen of death. You visibly relax as you see Adam beat Matilda to the door. You then visibly tense up again as you notice Matilda literally begin to gnaw through Adam's door. You quickly hurry to the right chest and open it up. Ooooh! It's a red pen of death. The label advertises it as good at performing vasectomies, a good elementalist item, and just plain good at "stabby stabbing" past boyfriends. This is weird but you take it anyway. You realize that Matilda is walking towards her desk again. She...doesn't appear to have her pen anymore. She also looks very happy again. You don't think she saw you take the pen but you run to Adam's room just in case. There's a large hole in the door, which kinda is making you a little hesitant to step inside. Inside is Adam who looks failry fine. In fact he looks a bit happy.
"Are you okay? Did she hurt you?" Emily asks
Adam coolly replies "Oh no, I'm fine. It only took me saying sorry to make her go away. Can you believe that?"
You actually don't. In fact, you higly doubt it. The red pen is nowhere to be seen and despite him saying he's fine you feel like he's a lost a sense of...manliness to him.
"Anyway, we need to come up with a game plan for this round. There will be exactly 3 if we do well."
"What if we do poorly?"
"Well, the monsters will be happy at least."
This makes you want to reconsider, but you feel like you'd be shaming your family if you quit. You suddenly come up with the best idea.


You take a deep breath in and hold it. You let it out slowly. Then, you walk through the door and the dark, cylinder shaped dirt tunnel. As you briskly walk, you jump when you hear two voices that belong to, presumably, two middle-aged men.
"Oh, yeah Steve! It's going to be a hot one tonight at the Luc Monaerie!"
You realize that they're the announcers of the Monaerie. This makes you visibly facepalm. You think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel now...
"Oh, look Bob! Adam "Spaghetti" Bondile and his new partner Emily "The Enforcer" Adieu are stepping into the platforms now!"
"What ever happened to his last partner Steve?"
"Oh? Heeeer? Well, she was killed in a horrible accident in this very ring! I hope this young lady here was aware"
Of course, they can tell you weren't aware as you falter in your progress outside. Only for a second of course. It's too late to back out now. Spaghetti comes up behind you running quickly. Just as you realize that you are starting on an elevated platform, Spaghetti flips over you while simultaneously grabbing you and flinging you, with him, over the edge into the waterfall's waters.
"Ooh! Looks like little Enforcer wasn't expecting that one, Bob!"
Apparently you were also directly over the waterfall. You do admit that you enjoy the adrenaline rush as you ride down the falls, though as it overlooks the point at which the opposing couple are entering, you decide to stir up a little trouble.
Depite previous momentum gained from falling down the waterfall you start floating in place unmovable. This throws Adam off of course as he rams into you and then bounces off back into the waterfall, presumably, with a very injured groin and pride. Your eyes glow a slight shade of red and you evaporate a red pen while simultaneously swinging your arm in a downward arc to direct the Flare. You watch in awe as the carnage that is flare obliterates one of your enemies. A woman if you saw correctly. Not a woman anymore.
"Oooooh! Steve, did you see that? I think our own Spaghetti picked a real good gal pal this time."
"Yeaaaaah. ~<3"
You feel sad though as the rush of magic stops flowing through you and you finally fall down into the water at the bottom of the falls. Er, where the falls USED to be. Flare apparently evaporated the falls as well. As you take this amazing feat in, the male counterpart of the woman jumps you. You turn around just in time to see....Spaghetti! Spaghetti easily overpowers the other man, clearly more powerful than him and forces the poor guy into the slightly more wooded area of the platform.
"Sure is nice to see the raw power that Spaghetti posesses, Bob! And just look at those abs!"
"Nothing. Forget about it. Oh? What's this? The Enforcer is taking her move! Loving this young adventurer already, Steve!"
You dash in after the two men and ready your rolly I.V. thing. Inside the shrubbish you find that Spaghetti winding up, his claw in hand, to slash the man. You quickly cast Bio and it poisons the poor man while he is cut asunder at the same time. Spaghetti lets go and the man's Spurt Bracelet suddenly expands to the point of covering the man and poofs away.
"Alright! Emily and Adam have finished off their rivals quickly this round, being lucky enough to have a vantage point above their opponents in the begininng! Now they just have to get to the goal which has appeared at the top of the, uh, not falls."
You look at Spaghetti. He looks back at you. It becomes abundantly clear that it's a race to the finish - just for fun of course! Spaghetti takes off, zooming away with his muscular legs pumping. Ha! He's going the long way on the grating all the way to the top. You simply mosey on over to the front of the giant cliff where the waterfall was, jump, and shoot your bazooka at just the right time that sends you flying all the way to the top where you land safely and, of course, elegantly.
"Woaah! Steve, I've never seen anything like this ever before! These two have completed the course while breaking the previous record of fastest completion!"
"Truly is amazing, Bob! I loved the beautiful bazooka jump by the way, Enforcer! You're so much better than that dumb old Spaghetti!"
"Don't go forgetting who the trained athlete is, Steve!"
Spaghetti comes running up the grating platform huffing and puffing. He then subsequently touches his bracelet to your anklet in the goal spot to send you guys back to your changing rooms via teleportation.

You need to prepare for the next round now! It'll start any minute!

"We're fine exactly as we are." you state confidently. Adam, commending your courage, gives you an intimidating badge just in case things get bad. This time you two walk through the dark cylinder-ish tunnel together clearly ready to kick butt.
"Ah, here come our favorite duo again Steve; Spaghetti and The Enforcer!"
Your breath is taken away as the crowd in the stands cheer for you. They love you! Apparently, as Adam describes it to you, elementalists are rare in New Luc and no one has ever entered the contest and been able to wield the elements. Your face is absolutely beaming as you step into the light, followed by Spaghetti who keeps tugging on your sleeve. "Not now Adam!"
And then you are sweep kicked and land on your face. The crowd that was cheering for you is now laughing at you.
Your voice catches in your throat as you stare mouth hanging open at the figures before you. There stands Sephiroth and her assistant Sam.
"Oooooh! Looks like the Elementalist Pulverizer Sephiroth and her partner The Large Bendaho are showing no mercy, Bob!"
You quickly jump up and attempt to backflip kick EPS. She deftly catches you in midair by the foot and sends you flying into the wall. You end up in the arms of Adam who is out cold having suffered the same thing you did while you weren't paying attention to him. You look around and realize you are in an area that looks like a flaming house.
"Do you know how much trouble you caused little girl? I'll tell you how much. I lost my job because of you and I am here to get revenge. Get ready girly-pie because I'm about to show you just how I feel." you don't like the sounds of it but are to injured to do anything about it. You use your intimidating badge as you panic and almost pass out. But not before you feel the warmth. You keep your eyes closed as she approaches. Right as Sephiroth reaches down to pick you up you unleash flare yet again. You can see in her eyes that she has never been so surprised in her life as you send her flying out of the stadium. The crowd goes wild at this.
"Well. I'd have to thank you for taking care of that awful lady Emily." Sam starts and grins evilly "But she's the least of your worries. Let me introduce myself. I am Monaerie. Yes, the same that you are pitifully pursueing for revenge. But you'll never even come close to touching me girl." You begin to stand up, but are thrown against the wall again as Sam slams you against the wall telepathically. "See...I burned down your home to find you. Yes, you are the sole reason your father died. The idiot, he played right into my hands. I was to adopt you legally then..." he does a slicing motion to his throat " I woud kill you and figure out just what made you so magical." He frowns as Spaghetti gets up and realizes what's happening. "W-what?" And then he joins you on the wall. You make an annoyed look at Adam who looks back apologetically.
"I suppose...I could just kill you here."
You start to feel an invisible force grip your throat...
You kick at Sephiroth, she clearly doesn't feel good after a face-full of Flare, but she stand up regardless and points the tranquilizer at Monaerie.
"Back off, Sam."
"Oh, you're awake, my beautiful Sephy."
"Cut the crap. I won't allow you near her. She's mine."
You quickly contemplate who you'd rather be ripped to pieces by and decide you could at least fend off Sephiroth. Maybe.
"Ah, do you not like me as a handsome billionare? Is that it?"
He makes a mock sad face. Then lets out a deep, hate filled laugh.
"I well- S-stop messing with me! You were faking..."
She looks down a moment which is all the time Monaerie needs to pin her to the wall right along with you.
"Good job."
You slap her on the shoulder as you say it and get an angry kick in retaliation.
"Shut it."
You can take a hint; she clearly wants to be part of your party!

You feel Monaerie's deathly invisible grip tighten. Tighter. Tighter. You can't hear or see. You can't feel or think. Your mind goes blank and your body limps. However, your body surges with a warmth you can't feel. Your body and the magic that is within quells in protest, not allowing such a fate to befall you. You are watching now, as if detached from you body as it launches an extremely powerful surprise Flare at Monaerie, burning his face and hands badly. The next Flare however, is not launched so smoothly, as he deflects it onto to Adam. Had your protective Healing Wind not have taken the hit, he would've died for sure. It also frees both him and Sephiroth. You launch another spell, this time Deluge, which hits Monaerie square in the chest, knocking off balance and tripping him. By this point, your power wavering, the only reason your friends believe you to be still alive is the constant stream of spells pulverizing Monaerie. While he is down, Sephiroth takes the oppurtunity to heavily sedate him. Monaerie, paralyzed from his neck down, yields to your barrage, yet you show no mercy. The closest you even show to being human is when you speak few words, your head lulled on your shoulder:
"We will not allow you to poison our planet, our consciousnesssssssss..."
Your magic ignorant as to how to stop making the "s" sound, ignores itself and goes in for the kill. But it can't. There is no more magic left in you and your mortal coil is unwound. You no longer belong here. You begin to fade...
*Initiate Adam Perspective*
You stare in horror as your dear friend fades away.
"Emily?1 Emilyyyyy!!!" you shriek loudly.
A look of disgust and bitter hatred washes over your face and you point at Monaerie in disgust and disbelief.
"Me," Monaerie mockingly scoffs, then coughs, clearly close to expiration.
"You deserved to die horribly. Sephiroth was it?"
"Hurt him."
Sephiroth nods, clearly as upset about your friend's passing as you are. She looks up to the hole burned through the fake roof, puts two fingers in front of her teeth, and whistles. Suddenly, the ground shakes as a large black dragon storms down from the heavens, its target clear. It doesn't stop or waver, it flies driectly into Monaerie, exploding upon impact. You're not sure why, but don't count your blessings.

The crowd around you goes wild, applauding and whistling like crazy as you reluctantly put your hands up in victory, Sephiroth doing the same. You feel very...bitter towards your fans and adorers and desire to be alone. But you don't leave until you get your prize for winning the tournament. Monaerie had set aside money in the bank specifically for the winners. You beat Sephiroth easilt and win the 2 Million dollars, though you both walk out hand-in-hand, both knowing exactly what to do next.

Two years later, the Bondile news reports a popular orphanage started up 2 years prior by 2 mysterious individuals. In the front yard, under a statue of an attractive young girl, are the names of the orphanage and its motto lovingly engraved into the smooth marble:

"Emily Adieu Orphanage; Say Adieu to Your Past, and Bonjour to Your New Present - the Future"

Beginning of Story:
He lunges at you again. You know he's coming this time and you know it's going to HURT. You hold your breath and close your eyes. You're ready.
W-was that a...gun? Are you shot? Are you dead? Where's Emily? Why'd it have to be you? Your head is a mess with questions. You swallow hard and think. You start listing the basics of yourself to make sure you're alive. You think you saw it in a movie once. Anyway...
Name? Jon. Jon Adeui. Age? 23. Do you have any family? One kid, the mother skipped out on you long ago. Current situation? You...think you just got shot. During endurance training you were paired up with Sam "The Cheetah" Daranio. He's known for being a little merciless during training, but guns? Never. You decide to open your eyes. Slowly... You look around and see Sam on the ground holding himself. Well, you know where the gunshot went...but question is: Where did it come from and are YOU in danger? You scope your surroundings. You're in a wide area enclosed in walls. There are bunch of other "Gourds" running around being gunned down from the lookout towers on the walls. On the wall to your left is a door leading to into the building. On the wall to your right is a way up to the look out towers and a door into the city. You notice Sam has a sword.

>Run into the building
>Run into the city
>Drag Sam into the building
> Other (Do whatever you want!)

Phoenix Wright: Ace Mafia

Phoenix started slumping over on his podium. He had been waiting forever for the court to obtain "in session" status. Now he falling a...s..l...e..e...p...
HEY! Apollo slammed on the desk in front of Phoenix, "Wake up, the power went out and there's been a murder in the courthouse!" . Phoenix suddenly rights himself as he hears voices--they're saying they wanna vote to decide who's guilty. Hmph, fine by Phoenix. They step into the light of the window and start voting. They look oddly familiar to Phoenix though... but he can't seem to remember anything, was he hit over the head?


Bold and put a "#" before it. I.E.:
#Lynch Gourd_Clae
!Your vote will not count if it isn't bolded at least!

Townspeople =Innocent
Mafia= Murderers
Independents = Subordinates

There are:
~~~~~9 Innocents ~~~~~
~~~~ 4 Murderers ~~~~~
~~~~~~2 Subordinates~~~~~
~~~~1 ????? ~~~~~~~

Player List
chana --- Trucy Wright
CAVE_DOG_IS_BACK --- Franziska Von Karma
Dudesoft --- Apollo Justice
Marrend --- The Judge
Zeuzio --- Kristoph Gavin
MrChearlie --- Mia Fey
Little Wing Guy --- Ben
Despite --- Detective Gumshoe
MirrorMasq --- Shelly De Killer
Trihan --- Viola Cadaverini --- Town Alignment
ldida1 --- Miles Edgeworth
Yellow Magic
SorceressKrysty --- Maya Fey
Shinan --- Pearl Fey
ivoryjones --- Furio Tigre
(This will be updated regularly.)

Day Phases will last 2 days or until a majority of votes have been reached.
I will update the vote count everyday at 5:00 P.m. Or, whenever I feel like it.
Night Phases will last 2 Days or until I get all actions.

Day Phase 1 will begin now and end Thursday at 5:00 P.m.

Pages: first 12 next last