Let's work on your game descriptions!

If getting the bonus is considered a requirement to achieve an ending, and the bonus is generated at completely random... I dunno. I kinda want to call BS on that?

That's one of the reasons why I publish small game before big project is completely formed. But you're right, if I want some feedback about my game or if I wanted to discuss game mechanics and stuff in context of using them in my next game there's different threads to do it.

So, if you want to be up-front about what the bonus is, and how it could work, my current suggestion is along the lines of...

...a bonus that can be present at random each time you visit the starting classroom (note: it no longer spawns after being obtained).


This can go, thank you.

Let's work on your game descriptions!

I'm fine with using "You" a little bit.

I might also considering leaving out mentioning the bonus that spawns at random in the first class room. I don't know what the chances of it spawning are, nor how often players would visit the first classroom for it to spawn, should it not have been spawned/obtained on first visit. I also don't know what the bonus consists of either. However, maybe having players find it themselves might be considered an easter egg?

This bonus is kind of a secret room. I'd normally not mention this bonuses consider them an easter eggs, but I thought that when getting specific ending requires this easter egg maybe it's better to write down there is such a thing.

Let's work on your game descriptions!

@Recragnae: On the point about the "luck-based bonus", I think my assumption was that it was a bonus that relied on the player's LUCK stat to some degree. Or, if your game didn't use stats, whatever check that does occur would only occur once. If it can trigger each time you enter the room, I think I would word it more like...

...a bonus that can be present at random each time you visit the starting classroom.

...this? The wording can be misleading here, as some people might interpret that to mean that the bonus can be obtained multiple times, if they are blessed by RNGsus. Which probably isn't the case! I'll have to give it a bit more thought.

Thank you, I didn't think about that. Though it can occur only once in meaning that if it happens it won't happen again. But I didn't think that my words can suggest using LUCK stat, silly me.

Waking up in the middle of classroom wondering what happened.

...missing comma aside, there needs to be a subject for a "who" that is waking up in this sentence. Perhaps one can avoid the "you" that I used later on...

The cause of it all seems to be awaiting at the front entrance. so. However, if it's written that way, I still feel the expectation is that there would be a follow-up of "It waits for you." Or, perhaps, a "Will you be prepared for it's trial?" The latter might be a better fit for what you're aiming for. However, if you have somebody waking up, yes, you absolutely need to have some kind of subject for "who" there.

Yes, if I start with "You play as a girl who wakes up" instead of "You wakes up" and follow this, that helps to express that on one hand there's division between player and protagonist and on the other hand there's too little character building and story to use protagonist's perspective.

Let's work on your game descriptions!

*I'm not sure if I should be sorry for late respond*
I'll try with that, but I have few questions.

Luck-based bonus is a chance for something to happen when you walk into classroom and go to the back, does your part in description means that or is it misunderstanding because I wrote something unclear? I'm not native speaker, and I'm not sure about this part.
Just for case I'd change it for
bonus that can be obtained in a strictly luck-based way in a few classrooms nearest start location.
Correct me please if there's anything wrong with this change I made.

Second thing that maybe doesn't need to be written up but is, I have similar doubts about using of "You" like NikkyoConsortium, but less and with slightly different reasons.
You see, it fits perfectly to a nameless generic protagonist, but there's moments where this protagonist becomes part of the horror due to weird/freaky actions or gestures that kinda lightly breaks 4th wall like propability of staring directly at player after pressing a button. And now I think, should it affect description or it doesn't matter because such a stuff is supposed to surprise palyer?

Let's work on your game descriptions!

Apparently my description needs some grammar/punctation help.

"Warning: This game is not suitable for children and people who are easily disturbed.

Waking up in the middle of classroom wondering what happened. Then going trough nightmarigh twisted place that used to be school just to meet the possible cause of all of this in front of the entrance...

This is more or less The Crawling Impossibilities. It's plot is rather vague and unclear, especially if you get the more serious ending.

This game is short, and by that I mean very short. You can beat it in literally few minutes, though it's worth to spend a little bit more time on it because of few bonuses connected to Esc/X pressing event and one luck based bonus in the first classrooms.

There are 4 endings, each sick in a different way. "
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