TARDIS'S PROFILE

tardis
is it too late for ironhide facepalm
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tardis is an ugly fucking shit who deserves to burn

it was 4:18 am

i was minding my own business

and suddenly, an IM from an unknown user arrived!!

this is the conversation that ensued.
4:18:08 AM: HEY. STOP POSTING PICTURES OF YOURSELF ON RPGMAKER.NET, UGLY.
4:51:39 AM: ...
4:51:59 AM: i'm sorry all i heard was "POST THE PICTURES FROM YOUR SHORT LIVED PORNO CAREER ON RMN, STUD"
4:52:17 AM: Wait a second!
4:52:20 AM: I don't remember saying that!
4:52:34 AM: Something is fishy here.
4:52:36 AM: i'm sorry what was that i couldn't hear you over the sounds of you fisting yourself
4:52:53 AM: Well.
4:53:04 AM: I don't think that would be very loud, but you obviously have a perverted streak.
4:53:21 AM: ... remind me who the fuck you are
4:53:31 AM: Let's just say.
4:53:41 AM: That you have hurt my eyes for the last time.
4:53:43 AM: WIth your pictures.
4:53:51 AM: cool story bro
4:54:08 AM: Yeah.
4:54:45 AM: ... seriously why do you care
4:55:03 AM: Too many pictures of you.
4:55:11 AM: ... and?
4:55:17 AM: what's your point in all of this?
4:55:20 AM: Stop posting so many.
4:55:21 AM: You are ugly.
4:56:06 AM: is this some kind of ellabourate joke
4:56:19 AM: because seriously, i couldn't care less what random aim stranger #312 thinks of how i look
4:56:42 AM: and actually, i don't give two shits about how anyone thinks i look
4:56:42 AM: elaborate*
4:56:55 AM: To tell you the truth, if someone tells me they "don't care," it usually means they do care.
4:57:01 AM: Since you are bothering to respond.
4:57:29 AM: to tell you the truth, i actually don't.
4:57:36 AM: and i don't really see why you're bothering to im me
4:57:44 AM: Well.
4:57:44 AM: like, what are you trying to get out of this
4:57:54 AM: I needed to let you know.
4:57:57 AM: boo hoo, some dude from the internet doesn't like me
4:58:00 AM: that's nice
4:58:02 AM: I don't know you.
4:58:08 AM: So I can't say if I like you or not.
4:58:22 AM: But you are like grafitti.
4:58:46 AM: To rpgmaker.net
4:58:54 AM: and you are the rm picture police
4:58:58 AM: here to rid the world of my jewy face
4:59:00 AM: No.
4:59:05 AM: I am just a citizen.
4:59:13 AM: you're secretly with the thought police
4:59:14 AM: i know it
4:59:15 AM: Doing her job of cleaning up grafitti.
5:00:11 AM: would you prefer some pictures of my butt, seeing as my face is not to your liking
5:00:12 AM: Or at least telling the person who spray cans the side of a beautiful building that their grafitti is just plain ugly.
5:00:23 AM: If your ass looks anything like your face, then no.
5:00:24 AM: HAH. rmn, a beautiful building
5:00:55 AM: so what is your master plan
5:00:57 AM: to get me to actually stop
5:01:12 AM: are you going to start sneaking into my house at night and euthanizing my posessions
5:01:34 AM: because if that is indeed your plan
5:01:38 AM: please spare my toothbrush
5:01:38 AM: Wait!
5:01:45 AM: because not only am i ugly, i am poor
5:01:55 AM: and dental bills are for pretty rich people
5:02:44 AM: i just put the finishing touches on a new shirt for myself
5:02:47 AM: i screen-printed it
5:02:54 AM: Wait!
5:02:55 AM: I was on the phone.
5:02:56 AM: it says "MOVE ALONG, UGGO PRESENT"
5:02:58 AM: Okay, there.
5:03:04 AM: i did it for you
5:03:06 AM: because
5:03:08 AM: how do i say this
5:03:10 AM: because i love you
5:03:13 AM: I am not going to sneak into your house.
5:03:16 AM: I don't go dumpster diving.
5:03:18 AM: Very often, so no.
5:03:53 AM: may i dive into your dumpster
5:03:55 AM: it can be our dumpster
5:03:57 AM: OF LOVE
5:04:07 AM: Why would you want to do that?
5:04:12 AM: i'm sorry was that metaphor too cryptic?
5:04:14 AM: You already have a dumpster.
5:04:20 AM: i want to be INSIDE YOU.
5:04:24 AM: pressed up against your pink insides
5:04:30 AM: Well.
5:04:34 AM: Cool beans.
5:04:36 AM: feeling the firm embrace of your sweet intestine
5:04:44 AM: This reminds me of a story I read.
5:04:48 AM: About rocket power.
5:04:51 AM: But let's not talk about that.
5:04:55 AM: this reminds me of a story we will create
5:04:59 AM: of my rocket-powered ugly cock
5:05:04 AM: pumping into your poop dumpster
5:05:13 AM: Hmmm.
5:05:14 AM: Wel.
5:05:15 AM: well.*
5:05:22 AM: I can't let the happen, Mr. Ugly.
5:05:35 AM: the happen will be very sad if you can't let it happen
5:05:51 AM: and please, such titles are not for an ugly peasant such as myself
5:06:00 AM: Really?
5:06:03 AM: a simple 'fuckface' or 'dickshit' would suffice
5:06:05 AM: Do you sell turnips on a street corner?
5:06:07 AM: Peasant?
5:06:16 AM: that implies i have some kind of employment
5:06:28 AM: you can't expect a filthy, hideous pile of slime like myself to be employed in any way
5:06:43 AM: I do expect you to be employed!
5:06:46 AM: no, i live in a back alley, propped against a collection of grimy trash cans
5:06:48 AM: You should be a photographer.
5:06:53 AM: And only take pictures of yourself.
5:06:57 AM: And sell them for people to laugh at.
5:06:59 AM: Or something.
5:07:12 AM: i literally eat the excrement of the people who live in the apartments above me
5:07:18 AM: because i cannot afford real sustanence
5:07:23 AM: sustainance*
5:07:28 AM: I think that's how you spell it.
5:07:42 AM: got you!
5:07:48 AM: it's sustenance
5:07:51 AM: Ugh!
5:07:53 AM: Is it really?
5:07:59 AM: i think you'll find it is
5:08:07 AM: sustenance
5:08:09 AM: You're right.
5:08:14 AM: but it doesn't even matter
5:08:20 AM: because i am a horrible ugly creature
5:08:26 AM: Don't put yourself down.
5:08:29 AM: That's just self-defeating.
5:08:36 AM: You have the entire world to call you ugly.
5:08:38 AM: And you just do it yourself?
5:08:39 AM: That is just.
5:08:39 AM: Ugh!
5:08:49 AM: now if you'll excuse me, i am going to slit my wrists and rub my hideous ugly blood onto my pathetic grub of a penis
5:08:56 AM: Well.
5:09:02 AM: That actually makes me feel sick.
5:09:12 AM: Could you do me a favor?
5:09:26 AM: do you want me to cease my existence alltogether?
5:09:28 AM: i would do it
5:09:30 AM: i would do it for you
5:09:31 AM: my love
5:09:37 AM: No.
5:09:40 AM: But you can drop the act!
5:09:43 AM: after i am dead, i ask that you divide my body up
5:09:48 AM: into smallish squares
5:09:51 AM: That would be illegal.
5:09:59 AM: I am a musiks composer
5:10:00 AM: and insert the squares into your own anus
5:10:08 AM: Could you tell me if you like my song?
5:10:09 AM: tiny maggot-like particles of my flesh
5:10:19 AM: they'll rot there, and the bacterium will grow
5:10:25 AM: forming a sembiotic relationship with your insides
5:10:26 AM: I think you're trying too hard.
5:10:29 AM: and we can be together forever
5:10:31 AM: and never to part
5:10:33 AM: together forever
5:10:34 AM: we two
5:10:44 AM: and don't you know i would move heaven and earth
5:10:46 AM: to be together forever
5:10:47 AM: with you
5:10:50 AM: That's beatiful.
5:10:55 AM: there was no beat
5:10:56 AM: Too bad you're unattractive.
5:10:58 AM: Otherwise I'd so do it.
5:10:58 AM: that was an a capella jam
5:11:12 AM: i'm actually fat too
5:11:16 AM: Nooooo!
5:11:17 AM: Not fat.
5:11:18 AM: i just suck it in when i walk around
5:11:20 AM: You don't actually look too fat.
5:11:25 AM: Just sort of chubby or something.
5:11:34 AM: and when i get home, it all falls out
5:11:38 AM: cellulite and stretch marks aplenty
5:11:42 AM: Girl, tell me.
5:11:44 AM: about it.
5:11:46 AM: Cellulites are like!
5:11:47 AM: Ugh!
5:11:53 AM: Cellulite is like*
5:11:54 AM: and i walk around in my hideous, tattered tighty whiteys
5:12:00 AM: I do that, too.
5:12:01 AM: feeling sorry for myself
5:12:08 AM: because i know i'll never be beautiful
5:12:11 AM: like society and you demand
5:12:34 AM: some days, when i really can't afford food, i will resort to catching insects that flutter into my house
5:12:36 AM: and i will eat them
5:12:53 AM: Don't you already do that?
5:12:56 AM: At least you'll lose weight.
5:13:03 AM: http://midishrine.com/midi/37383.mid
5:13:06 AM: Is my song okay?
5:13:34 AM: ugly people like me don't deserve to listen to music of any kind
5:13:40 AM: Don't say that about yourself.
5:13:41 AM: because we're ugly
5:13:51 AM: You deserve the same rights as average looking people.
5:14:01 AM: my only girlfriend ever didn't think so
5:14:06 AM: that's a lie by the way
5:14:09 AM: i've never had a girlfriend
5:14:15 AM: nobody would ever go out with somebody as hideous as me
5:14:32 AM: I've never had a girlfriend either.
5:14:33 AM: So don't feel alone.
5:14:37 AM: I'm not ugly, though.
5:14:38 AM: You are.
5:14:46 AM: You could always get cosmetic surgery or something, ya know?
5:14:50 AM: i only brush my teeth every couple of times a month though
5:14:56 AM: so my breath is horrible as well
5:15:01 AM: just goes along with being ugly in every way
5:15:04 AM: Haha.
5:15:07 AM: That made me laugh.
5:15:11 AM: You know what you should do?
5:15:12 AM: oh, it's fine
5:15:14 AM: i'm used to it
5:15:15 AM: Go to a store.
5:15:18 AM: because i'm so fucking hideous
5:15:20 AM: And become a petty thief.
5:15:23 AM: And steal gum.
5:15:25 AM: And chew t.
5:15:27 AM: it*
5:15:29 AM: And you'll have good breath.
5:15:54 AM: but i'll still be a worthless, miserable, disgusting human being
5:15:57 AM: hell, i'm barely even that
5:15:58 AM: NO.
5:15:59 AM: Just ugly!
5:16:00 AM: a human being i mean
5:16:14 AM: society has deemed me unfit for success
5:16:18 AM: because of the way i look
5:16:22 AM: i'm starting to think i'm cursed
5:16:46 AM: Actually.
5:16:57 AM: You could be a stocker at a store.
5:17:00 AM: You can hide in the backroom.
5:17:03 AM: Until the store closes.
5:17:10 AM: That's where they put all of the uglies.
5:17:11 AM: nobody would ever hire me
5:17:40 AM: and on that fucking horrible note
5:17:50 AM: Yeah, that is a horrible note.
5:17:52 AM: i'm going to get my evening jerkoff session in
5:17:55 AM: Ugh.
5:17:56 AM: and try to go to sleep
5:18:00 AM: You didn't even say you liked my song.
5:18:04 AM: Also, it's 8 AM.
5:18:10 AM: not where i live.
5:18:13 AM: Oh.
5:18:18 AM: You must live in like, Norway.
5:18:19 AM: it's the middle of the night- the only time when i can try to forget how fucking horrible looking i am
5:18:34 AM: goodbye, mysterious stranger
5:18:34 AM: Because it's dark inside your dumpster.
5:18:36 AM: Blah blah blah.
5:18:42 AM: have fun looking completely better than me for the rest of eternity


i just realized my client doesn't show usernames. shouldn't be that hard to deduce who's who. "her" messages are all the properly capitalized ones.

discuss:
tardis is ugly as shit
tardis can never be successful
internet stranger speaks for all of society
maggots in butthole

HAPPY BIRFDAY BRANDONABLEY

facebook told me it was happening i am really just an insensitive asshole

happy birthday bro

not that this really matters seeing as he never posts any more

CARS CARS CARS CARS

i am currently down in monterey, CA for the biggest car-related stuff in the country. i am typing this from the lobby of my terrible hotel on my terrible netbook on their terrible internet. i will attempt to post up some photos of the car my father and i are showing down here- it's an original design of his that he built on a mazda miata platform, and it's some cool shit.

i will be fully back in town around monday or so. until then, expect sporadic updates here, there, and everywhere. and also sporadic pictures.

until then, l8r d00ds

Screenshots

Every time I go to check out a game's screenshots, I instinctively try to page through them with my arrow keys. This never works. But it would be cool if it did- especially for games like Hero's Realm that have 1351340761463097987162 screenshots.

Chiptunes!

Favourite chiptunes thread. Also, cool chiptune-related crap! It's never the wrong time for gratuitous 8-and-16-bit worship.






CHIPOPHONE

Leveling Up

Saw a thread like this on another forum I'm on, figured it might apply here well.
It dealt with the concept of 'leveling up' personally. The example given in the OP of the original thread was losing 200 pounds over a year and how the dude felt he'd leveled up in life.

I have a similar story- I tend to be kind of a musical shut-in when it comes to my primary instrument, the drums. I don't suck, but most people don't know that because I rarely play in public. Singing or playing the guitar in public are easy. Drumming? Not so much. I'm pretty self-conscious about it. Or rather, I was, until this past friday. I played the drums in front of a bigger audience than I ever have- around 200 people. Not with a band either- I did a solo on a talent night thing. It was pretty well received, and while I haven't seen video proof yet, I think I did a pretty good job. The folks I knew there said I rocked it. So personal level up achieved: I don't feel so self conscious about my playing!

What personal level ups have you achieved lately? Any experience-gaining goals for the near/foreseeable future?

Zelda gaming marathon for charity.

http://www.thenerdgamers.com/

Bet you thought I was going to refer you over to The Speed Gamers. But no.
These are a few young dudes I know doing a sort of tribute to TSG, in the same vein. They're pretty silly and their commentary is fun thus far. They're doing the Zelda games in pieces and switching off between them, so it appears things will stay interesting and varied, rather than just blasting through the series in order.
Right now they're fighting one of the early bosses in Link to the Past.

So check it out, watch some, join the chat, and send them some support. Besides, it's for charity.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KENTONA

Tardis: The Musical

I'm going to let the old, badly-named thread die and try this again. Hopefully, it should be slightly less lame this time around.

TL;DR TARDIS IS MUSICALHAS BEEN KNOWN TO ATTEMPT MUSIC

I've been in voice and singing training since I was very young, and I also sang barbershop music for a lot of years. How do I spend my time? Recording mediocre covers of showtunes at 2am, of course. Rushed, done with no plan as usual, and a hemorrhaged mess of the good bits of two different takes.

Impossible Dream

I also went through years of guitar lessons (with a teacher who was a great guitarist and a great guy, but not a good teacher...) and so I only have a passing knowledge of the instrument. Anything I actually know, I taught myself. 4 years of lessons = about 2 years of actual knowledge.
That said, I own numerous guitars, and so at 3am I was like 'lol i should record something.'
So I did. Do not expect anything remotely decent. Pieced together from some amount of Canon Rock I used to know aeons ago and improvisation throughout. No rhyme, reason, or arrangement. Or any semblance of a plan. Whatsoever.

MOTHERFUCKER

5am, and I'm finishing a song I should have had done a few days ago. Considering I'm supposed to be performing it tomorrow with my standup act. This is the now-completed version of a song from the old thread- Dear George. Written for a friend of mine who was sad when his wife flew out for work for about three weeks a little while back. The song is written from his perspective. Expect widespread silliness.

Dear George

Showtune insomnia, recorded around 3am. This one goes out to my man Mog. Yes, everything is intentionally pronounced super-white. I'm quite proud of keeping my lisp in check on this.

Old Man River

Two words hold infinite power over me in this word. One of them is "Barbra."
Hint: the other is Streisand.

Don't Rain On My Parade

Getting late. Can't be all brassy and Streisandy this late- gotta tone it down a notch.

Bring Him Home

AznChipmunk had some assignment for some drama class where he had to come up with some 5 minute musical. He asked he for help writing one of the songs, and got a lot more than he bargained for. Hastily cobbled this together (for a fast buck).
I play multiple characters in an epic of garbagemen, postal workers, and shenanigans.
Lyrics by AznChipmunk and some of the kids from his highschool. Minor edits by me. I still don't get what the fuck this issupposed to be about, I just wrote music around it.

Ode To Our Tax Dollars

A Cappella Chiptunes (taking requests)

Requests full, should finish one or two of them tonight, though.

Onnette - Earthbound
Kuru Kuru Pedal - Earthbound
Terra Firma - FF6
Opera on the Moon - Duck Tales
Celery - FF6
Unfunny Puppy - Earthbound

Singing. Singing is one of the things I've done since a very young age. I've gotten a lot of damn good training. Sometimes, I like to record myself so I can sing with myself. I like chiptunes.
Naturally, I throw away all my singing training and make silly a cappella chiptune covers. :)

I am going to take requests of cool, awesome chiptunes that you like. Tell me an awesome chiptune, and i'll do a short a cappella version of it if it isn't the most horrifyingly complex or fast thing ever. Examples are above. Each tune will be probably less than 1 minute long, and will most likely be silly. I do these for fun, so don't expect anything horribly epic. Also, there will be one(1) witty comment at the end, which I will determine myself.
I'm only going to take 4 requests at a time.
1. Stickerbrush Symphony - Donkey Kong Country 2
2. Unknown World - Dragon Quest 1
3. Ocean - EVO Search for Eden
4. Stage 1 - Return of the Joker
5. Battle Theme - Keitai Denjuu Telefang
Fulfilling these in whatever order I damn well please.

Humouresque of a Little Dog - Earthbound