Dynastia

There's a slight pause when you click Save and when you click Continue on the title page. I mean it's not that bad but I'm just used to a smooth transition that it just feels wrong. Same with the Vending Machine and all other Item Stores which don't immediately show the options (Buy/Sell/Equip/Cancel).

Why are you accusing me! There should be a question mark. Though since he's shouting it, you don't take away the exclamation point. I personally prefer !? over ?! but it's your call.

I know you caused that earthquake! I think explosion fits better. An earthquake would have a more wide area effect, granted the weaker ones won't necessarily cause damage...

Fine I did it... Comma after 'fine'.

What do you mean it worked! Again, this is not just shouting but also a question. I'll just put !? from now on for this type of correction.

Is that thing in your DEATH ARMOR! !?

Yo although it only knows how to smash staff. Ya should be Yes/Yeah followed by a comma.

Were not your worse students. Apostrophe between we're. !?

Huh you guys managed to summon a Sopum. Add a comma after huh. There's a slight pause when you go 'Huh'.

Ruckess is misspelled. It's ruckus.

I got a special punishment for you. I have, remove 'got'

What could that be! !? (...What is it? sounds better though. I don't think most people shout 'What is it!?' when someone says they have a punishment for them.)

Do you remember the rules I tell every new arrival to our school. Question mark.

Personally, I feel that the rule 'Don't fight another student' is too narrow. How about 'Don't harm another student physically or mentally.'?

Stronger magic Demon magic. Add a colon after magic.

Isn't that one of the most powerful mage signs you can be born under! !?

I want you and Aiden to give him a brief tour and then send him out as quick as you can. 'and then bring him to my office.' sounds better.

Ok May I ask who he fought? Period after Ok.

Get some rest, He will Should be a period if that comma was supposed to be one. Otherwise, 'He' needs to be under-case since it's not the start of a sentence.

I think all cases of 'Wow' should have a comma after them.

Fine but only because we get to meet a hero Comma after fine. There's a pause when you say it.

Unfortunately I can't remember any songs right now. (Examining piano) Comma after unfortunately.

Ariel's Pretty Guard armor description (feminin) is missing an 'e' at the end. I'm no expert on bows but I doubt her Practice Bow is inherently inaccurate. I think it has more to do with the skills and aim of the archer than the weapon itself. And if there is really something defective about the bow's design (like being damaged) that makes its shots erratic, why is she still using it (money issues to get a new one aside)?

'Run down' (after leaving the lab) should be 'Rundown'.

Club Elite? Disregarding how uninspired the name is, some students apparently have a lot of self-importance. Need a comma after 'Sorry' in Yuki Toruni's text.

Looted two lockers for some herbs. I'll pretend they belonged to people in Club Elite. Their fault for not locking them... unless they were my lockers?

The laundry machine in the dorm, when examined, should have 'all in one' be hyphenated as 'all-in-one'.

Ariel: Thanks for walking me to my room.
Aiden: ...Ya.

Aiden seems to like replacing 'yeah' with 'ya'.

You can be so cute when your embarrassed. You're.

There is no need need to tease. Sounds unnatural (not to mention missing a 'me' at the end). Try 'Don't tease me like that...'

Where can I meet you tommorow? It's two 'r's, not 'm's.

I'm actually busy in the morning. I'll be busy in the morning. (Does Aiden not live in the dorms? I was wondering why I couldn't go into his room.

Can you stall the guy. Question mark. Though, 'Can you keep that guy we're supposed to meet busy?' sounds better.

Just stall him please. Just keep him busy please.

After choosing your response (which apparently doesn't matter), the piano area in Ariel's room is glitched with blocks from the blue menu screen (I think it's from the response box 'Hell No/Fine' which apparently didn't disappear). Also, where's the toilet? And if the upper-left corner is the bathroom, she apparently bathes in a sink? Unless she's religious, I don't think having random angel statues in her room is a good design choice. Why have a Journal for saving if you can already do it anywhere? For flavor text?

When I examine the piano in her room, I get "Cool(put a comma here) a new song" or "I've already learned this song." However, after that I get an empty dialogue box that doesn't go away until 5 seconds have passed (this also happens with the piano in the lab where you start the game). For students at a magic academy, they sure have a lack in any... well, magic. Have they not been learning anything all this time?

Mystery Girl: Do we really have to do this. Question mark.

Mystery Guy: Guys if you don't think you can do this than turn back. Comma after 'Guys', 'then' instead of than.

Blonde Woman: Don't you think for one second were going to leave you to do this alone. We're.

Mystery Man: Okay Let's do this. Comma after 'Okay'.

A woman who has no memories (Status > General) Contradicts her 'Child' title.

By the way, the blue response box that I mentioned before that covered the piano area in Ariel's room? It persists into the Mystery Group's dialogue scene and into the 'Nightmare' area. It pretty much follows me for the rest of the demo.

Ariel stop right now! Comma after 'Ariel'.

So your not gonna stop! You're. !?

Your the one that needs to stop. You're.

Fine if your not going to listen to reason... Comma after 'Fine'. You're.

If I told someone I was gonna kill them, I'd probably shout it angrily. Dylan... he just has that one eye closed expression.

When meeting Dylan at the school gate, he says 'your' instead of 'you're'. ...Notice a pattern? Also, his long hair sprite made me mistake him for Ariel. When I interacted with the person at the end of the 'Nightmare', I was like "When did my sprite suddenly turn into Ariel?' when I saw Dylan from behind. Heh.

Soul Stealer says it 'strengthens yourself'. This is misleading since it drains their HP to heal yourself. Replace 'strengthens' with 'heal'.

Rocky Toruni: Sorry but I'm only allowed members of Club Elite to enter. 'allowed to let in'. Also, comma after 'Sorry'. Lol, at Ariel commenting on him saying the same thing as his sister.

Rachel (girl in the room with the martini glass sign on top): We havn't. Haven't. 'Find a local pub to help us out.' is too demanding.' Something like 'Could you please find a local pub to help us out?' Why would they need trade routes or a local pub anyway? Trying to run a business that sells alcohol on school premises? That's quite daring of her, especially since the Headmaster is right next door. Interesting thing to note: if you leave that room, you exit out of the room next door (with the gun sign) instead.

Pretty Gloves (sold in the Gun sign room) have the description 'Their pretty'. 'Their' should be 'They're'. You're not very good with homonyms, are you? Make sure to check out all cases where you've used 'your' when it should be 'you're', okay?

So it turns out the School Weapon Store sells those... practice bows with inherent accuracy problems. No wonder Ariel has one! They're forcing their students to use defective products!

The Control Bracelets come off as odd to me. 'Bracelets worn by summoners.' Okay, so why do they wear them if they don't have any special effect? Is it fashionable for summoners to wear them? Top-brand for summoner accessories? I'm being rhetorical by the way.

Personally, I think Aiden should already have Lab Goggles considering the dangerous experiments he dabbles in but that's just my reasoning.

-Training Hall-
Dylan: I should of got a statue built when I had the chance. 'should have of gotten'

Aiden: Ariel I made you a Heart Ring. Comma after Ariel. Funny thing is that you can equip it to the other different girl instead of Ariel. I guess if you do then Ariel is basically showing that she doesn't appreciate the gift since she doesn't keep it for herself. Re-gifting something you were given is also quite offensive.

Ariel: Is that why you took so long! !?

Ariel: Were...Not lik- We're

???: Oooh is love in the air!!! Comma after 'Oooh' and... you know the drill by now. !? when shouting questions, not just exclamation points.

Dylan: Katherine I was wondering Comma after Katherine.

Katherine: I could perk your spirits right up! I don't think anyone says it like that. How about 'I'll cheer you right up!' instead?

Dylan: Is she really that strict! !?

Dylan: Ya...In the most sadistic way possible. Oh no! Now Dylan is using 'ya' too! Again, it should be 'yes' or 'yeah'. Also, 'In' should be under-cased. The ellipses in this case aren't ending a sentence.

Dylan: I got an idea! I've

Ariel: Isn't that great. There should be a question mark. However, I feel this response isn't sarcastic enough. Try 'Good for you.'

Katherine: Why don't we try out the training room while were here We're

Ariel: 'could of have'

The first armor (brown one) in the Training Hall needs a question mark for its examine text: 'Who could move in something so heavy.'

The leftmost helmet's examine text: 'The blacksmiths this school sucks' needs 'at' before 'this'.

The hat? below the axes needs a question mark for its examine text.

The whip's text needs a comma after 'Eww' (Ariel).

This is pretty dull to call a sword. Replace 'pretty' with 'too'.

Andie (guy at behind the counter in the Training Hall): If you find something good give it to me Comma after 'good'.

So by talking to Andie, Ariel can learn the Songs that she said that she already learned from playing those two pianos? Okay then. How do I teach my other characters skills?

I've noticed that Dylan and Katherine don't have any skills/magic when they join Ariel/Aiden's party. Clearly, that can't be right.

I didn't enjoy the battles in the demo. The Nightmare ones or the Training Hall ones. Neither required any strategy. The Training Hall is worse though since you don't get any offensive skills (besides Ariel's Bubble) and so you have to spam normal attack until your enemies are dead. Then again, this being a demo and the monsters in question being slimes and bats, I probably shouldn't have too high expectations or be too critical.

I'd like to note that Dylan's Luna Blitz (a power 3 skill that costs 25 TP) is stronger than Moon Slash (a power 4 skill that costs 100 TP). Katherine's Choke seems to be weak for a Power 6 skill. I think it might be a physical attack which explains everything since her physical atk. is less than her magic atk. The Assassin's Snipe is pretty much as strong as a normal attack. The Child's Beast Mode is Power 8 with a cost of 100 TP but her Seal Commands is Power 5, 50 TP cost, and can inflict Mute.

The instant healer next to the stairs leading down to the basement: 'Your all healed now.' You're

Headmaster: Katherine I'm not angry with you. Comma after Katherine.

Katherine: You're not! !?

Headmaster: No in fact I was Comma after 'No'.

Dylan: Katherine should of never been treated like a slave! 'should of have' So forcing someone to study and do homework is like slavery? Granted, she wasn't allowed any social interaction but still that's quite an exaggeration.

Ariel: Comma after 'Wow'.

Comeback is one word.

Headmaster: Ariel I'm sorry for lieing Comma after Ariel, lying is the correct spelling.

I wanted you to keep Dylan busy while I got the proper paperwork for his enrollment. 'Got' makes it sound odd. Try 'gathered'.

Ariel: ENROLLMENT! !?

Headmaster: After all I am sending you four on a secret assignment. Comma after 'all'.

Headmaster: This isn't a punishment but I need you guys to listen carefully on what I'm about to tell you. Replace 'on' with 'to.

Five years ago the city of Revelin was destroyed and in its remains created a portal to the demon world. Comma after 'ago', remove 'in'. Though I'm not sure how the remains of a destroyed city created a portal. It'd make more sense if the destruction of the city is what caused the portal to be formed.

Dylan's demon magic though dangerous is our only hope Comma after 'magic' and another after 'dangerous'.

This will be no easy task so I have created a couple assets to help you in your journey.

Dylan's has a fairy You don't need an apostrophe. Only when it's actually in front of something that person owns. For example: Dylan's fairy.

That Headmaster sure gets angry fast (I've had enough!). All it took was Dylan saying that Ariel & Aiden shouldn't come on the mission and that he can just bring back the good old team for it instead.

Leave my office, I will make travel preparations. The comma should be a period.

Ariel: Wow she really doesn't like you. Comma after 'Wow'.

Zack: Well I wasn't sure what Comma after 'Well'.

Well in order to cover the expenses this place brings, I put in a restaurant and a casino, I have other things underway too. Comma after 'Well'. Period after 'casino'.

Well if you're asking about shops then no but I do have skilled craftsman Comma after 'Well'. Comma after 'no'. Craftsmen is the plural. If you meant singular then you need an 'a' before 'skilled'.

How about I propose a deal! !?

I'll have a small item shop and if I see profit I'll look Period after shop. Remove and, capitalize 'if', comma after 'profit': I'll have a small item shop. If I see profit, I'll look

Have a look around and explore, When your finished looking around find me and Period after 'explore' and after 'around'. Your You're

Blonde Andy: I'm selling a couple items if your interested. You're

Pink Andy: If you have some good materials I will trade you a skill scroll. Comma after 'materials'.

Apparently, there are three 'Andy's in this game (four if you count 'Andie) and they're all shopkeepers/skill scrollers. :P

Leon: Since this is your first time here is Cloudy Stone and Angel Dust. Comma after 'time', put 'some' after 'is', and put 'free of charge' after 'Dust'. The 'd' in 'and' got cut off by the way.

Leon: Now give them too me Homonyms... 'To' goes here, not 'too'.

The Ingredients say Cloudy Dust 3/0 and 1/0 after crafting Healing Potions. It makes more sense for it to be 0/3 and 0/1 instead.

If you go out of the Teleporter Room, you exit from the Hallway (with the purple crystals) instead.

I think that's the end of the demo? The fact that the item shop in the Secret Base doesn't sell anything different from the ones in the school and training hall makes me wonder why Ariel even bothered asking Zack to set one up.

You provide response choices but they don't actually do anything (no reaction from the character you're responding to). I suppose they won't have any effect on the story and are just for flavor text/illusion of choice.

I assume that Dylan/Kathy/Aiden don't have skills since this is just a demo after all. By that same logic, that's why you can't purchase any skill scrolls for them either.

When I read 'demons' and 'summons', I thought there would be... well, either of those. But Dylan doesn't have any demonic magic and Aiden doesn't actually summon anything (besides the Sopum in the beginning which like never gets mentioned again afterwards). Rather, Aiden built a robot that I presume he controls remotely from afar.

The thing about Aiden is... why do his stats/equipment matter if it's his robot or summon fighting and taking the hits for him? How does raising his defense transfer over to his helper? If he's weak to thunder, why would his proxy also be weak to that? One way I can justify it is if he formed a mental link with them. Another is that he's actually inside the robot which is sort of a mini-mecha or cyber suit. Hmm, but now that I think about it, it seems you might taken the path where he summoned a spirit (Sopum) to possess that Death Armor. Otherwise, if he stays away from the actual battleground, he will never be fainted and could just bring out another minion if one is defeated.

Now, Aiden has a lot of potential whether he's a beastmaster, robotics engineer, or spiritual medium. You see, that's because they can have different stats (physical or magic lean) and elemental resists. A robot might be short-circuited by water but absorb electricity like no one's business. A mutant dinosaur thingy (what's in the lab vat in the beginning scene) could be resistant to heat (fire) but be terribly sensitive to the cold (ice).

Actually, now that I think about it, his application of creating a physical shell and then conjuring a spiritual entity to take residence in it kind of makes him a MagiScientist. Sure, the process might cause explosions but it's... FOR SCIENCE! If Aiden truly does practice MagiScience, you could make his crafting equipment be different robots with different stats/elemental resists as I've mentioned. By the way, I totally wanted that robot to have missile launchers. It's just blasphemous for it to not have any skills. Maybe give it 'Scan'? Robots are typically capable of analyzing things after all. Gives you a rundown of elemental modifiers unless you think that would make battles too easy? Bosses should definitely have more than one action; high agility.

Anyway, the opening info says that there was a war between people who can do magic and those talented in science. It also said that demons have enslaved humanity. You haven't really driven that across in the actual game however. Sure, the students mention a few details but it doesn't come across as serious. If the muggles hate mages so much, why haven't they attacked the school which they know to be a hub for magical children? After all, fear of magic can only so go so far as a deterrent before hatred overrides any sense of self-preservation. Magic doesn't seem to make one a super-human either. A bullet to the head, a bomb, nerve gas, etc. would kill or affect mages just as easily as any non-magical. Sure, they might have shield spells but if they have to manually project it, against a surprise attack or when they're asleep, they won't be able to react in time. If muggles have attacked the school or killed magicals, why hasn't the Headmaster mentioned any protections for the school against those attacks like, say, an invisibility spell or defensive barrier cast over the area? And the portal to the demon world... The way the Headmaster explains it, it sounds like a recent thing so the whole 'enslave humanity' hasn't happened yet. Or, I suppose she could be withholding that info to not cause panic among the group. If there really was a war between magicals and scientists, why haven't the students made mention of it? No news coverage? Maybe some of them might have lost family in the war? That kind of thing would instill hatred in their hearts or fear for their lives, make them think "Am I really safe here in school?"

I'd like to note that Dylan's Luna Blitz (a power 3 skill that costs 25 TP) is stronger than Moon Slash (a power 4 skill that costs 100 TP). Katherine's Choke seems to be weak for a Power 6 skill and it doesn't seem to cause instant-death (at least, that's what I thought the skull icon in its effect meant. Unless it's a low chance of course). I think it might be a physical attack which explains everything since her physical atk. is less than her magic atk. The Assassin's Snipe is pretty much as strong as a normal attack. The Child's Beast Mode is Power 8 with a cost of 100 TP but her Seal Commands is Power 5, 50 TP cost, and can inflict Mute.

I suppose it doesn't really matter since 'Nightmare' was a one-off area and Dylan/Katherine definitely won't have access to their full repertoire any time soon. Oh, Kathy's Cute Whip description needs the 'fith' removed.

Now that I think about it... how does a Healing spell work on a Robot? Mending organic wounds is different from repairing machine parts. NANOMACHINES, Son! Also status effects... poison, sleep, rage, fascination, all of that doesn't affect robots since they don't have a body that feels any of it. They also wouldn't be able to drink any of those healing beverages (unless you introduce Motor Oil anyway though gas-guzzling is quite expensive. Batteries would also work for recharging a robot)... Wow, that's some fridge logic (sudden realization) right there. You can still blind them by damaging or covering their ocular sensors and you can confuse them DOES NOT COMPUTE since they can go haywire. That's something to consider.

the Headmaster says you should practice your own element and that Dylan is a 'Gale Stryker'. Ariel comments that that's one of the rarest mage signs you can be born under.

However, besides Aiden, your other three party members have dual elemental resists/weaknesses. Aiden practices demon magic, hence his dark resist and light weakness. But Ariel has water resist (her being able to learn Bubble confirms her specialization) and fire resist, while Katherine has fire resist (and fire magic) and ice resist. So where do the secondary modifiers come from?

As for Aiden, he has wind resist but I don't think he's a Gale Stryker. He doesn't have any wind spells (or anyway offensive spells at all) after all. So is he fire element since he can learn 'Pyro Blast'? Ahhh, but that seems more like something his robot would do. So this brings us back to speculation about it. A summoned spirit possessing a robot body. As I said before, how do Aiden's stats/equipment/and even magic matter if he's not the one fighting? It's not like what armor he's wearing will affect the robot's defense, right? And how would the robot be able to use skills/magic that he knows?

Aiden's Energy Convert is... weak. 15% of HP is not much at the lower levels and there are cheap healing items that restore 10% and also Dylon's Healing Wind probably outclasses it anyway. I suppose I find it useless only since the current demo monsters aren't threatening and I'd rather kill them faster with a offensive spell (like Thunder) than have a healing one. BUT. If you do make his robot unable to consume healing beverages or affected by healing spells, then I suppose it's the only option for healing (besides the possible can of Motor Oil or batteries I mentioned before. Speaking of Batteries, that can be an Accessory that lets the robot regen TP/MP each turn but perhaps with limited charge so you have to buy a new one when it runs out. I was originally thinking the Battery could jump-start/reboot a KO-ed robot, an Auto-Revive of sorts. But thinking on it, why would an energizer be able to fix up the broken/damaged parts; HP? So that idea was... scrapped, hehe. A revive spell obviously wouldn't work on a robot much like how it doesn't work on undead. Well, it does work on undead... it kills them. That's "positive" healing when used on a negative-life being. Necromancy works on them because it's negative-healing. But there are lifeforms that don't have either positive or a negative lifeforce. Things like golems and robots have neutral life instead. What I'm trying to say is... there can be a skill where Aiden comes onto the battlefield to physically repair his broken, damaged robot. Though again, being able to revive endlessly 'cause you truly haven't "died" is kind of OP). If you don't make the robot unable to drink healing drinks, it would be fine as it is just so long as you throw in some extra TP regeneration which would hopefully make it better.

So the school did lift their bridge to prevent outsiders from just walking in. I suppose the technology level isn't high-tech enough to have planes, jets, or helicopters yet? Prohibiting them from leaving the grounds probably didn't go over well with the student's parents. Actually, I don't think it went well with the kids themselves either. After all, they have to keep themselves entertained somehow or they'll go crazy if they just doing schoolwork. I suppose that girl saying there was no trade routes and asking you to find a local pub for help may have been because of the lockdown. Don't know how she expects a local pub to help unless the people working there are magical. I don't think muggles would be eager to help a magic school.