I SORRY, RPG MAKER WEB. CAN I COME BACK? (IT'S BEEN 3 YEARS)

Hello everyone. Over 3 years ago in early 2020, I made a terrible mistake. During a manic episode on a day where I forgot to take my meds, I posted something terrible. A long, incoherent rant on the support page of "ask the mods" that went completely off topic from my concerns over RPG Maker MZ to discussing a conspiracy theory that KAKOKAWA engaged in human trafficking, which I completely made up in my manic, borderline insane mental state at the time. What I did was absolutely wrong an inexcusable. I should have no posted anything until I was calm and could think rationally, re-reading through my post to get rid of all the insane rambling I did. I left my PC for the day and went to sleep, and woke up the next day to a message saying that I was "banned from RPG Maker Web for perjury and targeted harassment." Perjury is a very strong legal word, so I would rather use the word "slander" which was only prompted by me having a manic episode where I began to confuse fiction and reality and come up with insane delusions. But I never harassed anyone, especially "targeted harassment," so I have no idea where they got that from.

I looked at my post history a bit ago from a guest account (I didn't actually make an account and I wasn't signed in) and could not find anything of the sort relating to that conspiracy post I thought I made and the so-called "targeted harassment." Since my memory isn't exactly the best, I'm not sure if I even made that conspiracy post all those years ago. I also received no time estimate for my ban. From what I've heard permabans are incredibly rare on that website, but I've checked back multiple times trying to sign in year after year and I'm still banned, so I assume I'm permabanned.

In this last 3 or so years I've changed tremendously. I no longer post those insane incoherent off-topic rants and make sure to watch what I say before I say it. After repeated instances of me getting in trouble for my "rants" both online and in real life, I've learned to temper what I say and not rant uncontrollably. I've also gotten a bit more control over my manic episodes, and whenever I have them I make sure to stay away from the internet and not post anything for the day. I have also gotten a job and started college, which I had not done in 2020. (I only just turned 18 and still in high school) I'm pretty immature for my age, so while I was 18 back then and technically an adult, I had a brain akin to a 15 year old, still very immature and inexperienced.

Therefore, with how much I've improved and strived to not make the same mistakes in the last 3 years, I would like a second chance back on RPG Maker Web to start over. I love the RPG Maker community and want another chance to interact with it again outside of like the 5 people who visit the RMN forums, and I want to prove to everyone how much I've changed and improved since my ban and how many important life lessons I've learned, hard lessons. And if you're wondering about my "beef with Yanfly," it's over. I don't really care anymore. I still don't know what happened with the RPG Maker discord stuff, but I've long since moved on from that and have almost entirely quit discord for my own mental health. I don't care about Yanfly and his prices or his business pratices or whatever. I just ingore Visustella whenever I can and stick to MV. $5 is an absolute steal for Yanfly's entire MV collection, and I can justify that price a lot more now that I have a job making $200 a week and paying $6 of it (more than all of yanfly's plugins) to merely go to the gym for an hour.

I've tried to get in contact with the RPG Maker Web mods multiple times through their "contact us" forms and even trying to message the mods on Discord and on here on RMN in order to apologize for my actions, but they would never respond. So, I'm posting a formal apology here for everyone to see, especially the people from RPG Maker Web that I hurt with my harsh words all those years ago. I'm sorry for posting that insane conspiracy rant on RPG Maker Web back in 2020, I really am. Please, forgive me. I want a second chance. I've learned so much in the past 3 years and want to rejoin the community on RPG Maker Web. It has been 3 years since I was banned off the site. I have repented, apologized, and I want back in. So if any of the RPG Maker Web mods see this, please consider my formal apology and let me back on the site. And for any of the higher ups from this site, maybe you could get my in touch with the RMW mods so I can apologize directly to them and get back on the site? Thank you for reading.

author=kentona
Sir, this is a RMN

I have no other way to contact the RPG Maker Web mods, so this is the best I have.

author=Darken
is RMN not enough? what RPG Maker Web can do we can do better

There's way more people on RPG Maker Web then on here. It's also a lot more active. There's also the issue of me being unable to download a lot of plugins and other assets from there since I don't have an account anymore. You have to be logged in to download anything from their site, and since most plugins hosted on there are through the site, I can't download them because I'm banned.

author=Strak
I mean, if you need the plugins that bad, could you not just... Make a new account? It would take like 5 minutes. Even if that's all you use the account for is just accessing content.

That's ban evasion and would get me into even more trouble. They can check your IP.

Got it. I'll stop using this site as a personal blog to vent about my issues.

author=Sgt M

author=KrimsonKatt
I no longer post those insane incoherent off-topic rants

Like this? Half of the site's forum activity lately has been you using it as a blog, and If I was an RMWeb staff member lurking here, I'd probably be taking that into account as whether to unban you. I don't imagine that they want that spilling over there.

You need to calm down. Write in a diary, open a blog, anything is better than oversharing on a forum about RPG development software.

That post was on topic, and I never went off topic in that post. It was a rant, yes, but a relatively short one. Yes, I do agree that I need somewhere else to vent then on here. I would talk to my family, but they know nothing about video games or game development so they can't really help me. They're just never interested in what I have to say.

I do want to write a blog to vent about random stuff, the only problem is that no one would ever see it if I post stuff on Blogger or my own website or whatever. I don't use twitter, that site is literal hell and is currently imploding. Do you have any other suggestions of where I could blog that people would actually SEE? I tried threads but it's really incomplete and unfinished as of now.

I personally don't really consider myself to be oversharing because I'm not as bad as someone like Chris Chan, but I do tend to talk a lot about my personal life on here. I didn't realize that was an issue, so I'll try to focus my posts here solely on game dev rather than using my status updates as a blog of sorts doing constant life updates. I should probably post those life update stuffs somewhere else. Maybe I could start a Tumblr? IDK I've never used Tumblr before and have no idea how it works.

author=Strak

author=KrimsonKatt
I do want to write a blog to vent about random stuff, the only problem is that no one would ever see it

That's kind of the issue, honestly. When it comes to personal problems, sharing that stuff publicly is not only inappropriate, but can be dangerous. There's stuff that I share with friends and family that I don't share with strangers. There's stuff I don't even share with my best friends. Venting about personal issues and life problems is not what public forums are for, that's what therapy is for. The problem isn't knowing where to share your problems, it's feeling the need to have the world see them. If someone cannot help you with a problem, it doesn't do anyone any good to share it with them. Talk to a professional about that stuff, or find a private confidential support group. Please, for your own sake and safety, don't post or blog about your personal life in a public setting where people could use it against you.

So me sharing my personal problems with the world is some sort of complex I have? Is that even a thing? I thought being emotionally open was a good thing? I just want to be seen and heard. The stuff I'm talking about is rarely even serious. It's just silly drama like the Baldur's Gate 3 thing and other such nonsense. I know I shouldn't share about my personal life on here, like mentioning my daddy issues after talking about my game completion, or ranting about politics on a gammak forum. I'll stop, that part of me is done. No more politics, no more personal issues. It just feels good when people agree with me and notice and acknowledge me. But from now on I'm stop giving personal details in my posts. Just keep it short and simple.

Edit: I mainly post off-topic political/personal stuff on here and my DeviantArt because I don't have another outlet. I don't have social media and don't have any friends, so this and my DA are the only platforms I have to talk about stuff opening. I need to find another outlet to talk about what I want to talk about and start a conversation, but if all emotional openess is bad, then I don't know where to turn to...