Heartache 101 ~Sour into Sweet~

author=BDFalcon
Tell me I'm not crazy and that this actually looks better. ^.^; I'll probably end up going with this version regardless.

It does~ Thanks to the contrast, anyway. But it's possessed of the same issue. You should widen the divide between her hair and skin on the left side of her head - it looks like it cuts out of her skin rather than growing out of it.

See above note about not having them thoroughly thought out. ^.^; But! They are going to be a character that will become more interesting as the player gets to know them, of this I am certain. Some story stuff:

Most of her story involves the creation of her game and likely the breaking down of some of her self-enforced social barriers in the pursuit of that goal. She has a good reason to be generally anti-social, I assure you. There's not a whole substantial lot hidden in this hide tag. ^.^;

That was certain. The issue is that it's not very... intriguing in any way to the Player. Let's list:

1. The player continually expresses his interest in the visually pleasing and feminine. Never has there been a route where he didn't use the word 'cute' or 'pretty' or 'girly' to describe the love interest. Let's not care how stereotypical that is, it's what he's interested in, hands down.
Seiryu is not conventionally attractive, so purely visual interest is out. This would be good in and of itself, as that's an exception in heartache we'd need, buuuuut

2. She's not very capable either. Even ignoring that it's a sensible way to judge a partner, we know The Player shows interest - or outright admires - the qualities of the girls. Tsubasa awes him with her mental prowess first, and that's why he chooses to pursue her. (Her figure is not immediately apparent.)
So Seiryu's creative, but too lazy to express it. Which game devs do you know who are like that? That's you guys, don't look further. And hands up, any of you impressed your dates with your creative qualities as a game dev?

>.>

<.<

Yeeeeeeeeppp. Saw it coming, that one.

No one is really impressed with 'gee, yeah, I'm working on this game, just doesn't have anything to show that you could really play.' You have to sit down, and finish that damn thing.

3. Last but not least, the Player likes mystery. Look how popular Riho and Akari are. He, and everyone else is drawn to girls who are antagonistic for no immediately apparent reason. 'This person hates me! Why?! I must know more!'
It just inevitably makes you think she's interested but hiding it(we're looking at you, Ms. I-Got-Another-Pillow, lady), since had she not paid any heed to you...

4. She would just ignore you. She has 'self-imposed social barriers'. She's not trying to date anyone herself. That makes for a one-sided effort. And the player himself isn't going to be interested when there's Tsubasa's or Masako's applied intellect to drool over.


Thus is the prediction: There will be a blatant excuse of a plot twist so they end up working together even though they don't share interests to begin with, and want nothing to do with each other.

You'll have to execute that swimmingly for this to work out. Otherwise, The Player and her both will need to change according to one another to fall for one another. (This is assuming she has an ending and not just an affair for the 'player' kinda Player.)

The way I'd pull this off is by building an interest in video games in the player first, and introduce Seiryu later. They'll bond over a hobby and you jump over the difficulty.