WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?

It's true! But we both just did that, didn't we? There's only so much you can know about any individual situation, especially when we're just on a little forum, so some generalizations are expected, y'know? I don't want to pretend that I'm giving some godsent flawless advice. I can only speak from experience... but I also definitely think that "suicide is selfish" is a pretty widesweeping and flawed statement.

author=kentona

author=unity

author=kentona
suicide is so fucking selfish

-_- True or not, that sentiment isn't helpful towards a suicidal person. It will come off as "Hey, don't die, because it would be really inconvenient and painful for everyone else. You should live for the sole reason that your death would be selfish." Which, if the pain of living is already bad enough to the point where you want to end everything, isn't much of a comfort at all.

Or it can come across as "fuck, you're right. I am dwelling so much on my self and my misery and situation, that I have been unable to see past that. Thank you for helping me."

Also, if you are getting defensive about being pointed out how selfish it is, then you still have some sense of self-worth. Think on it.

I'm talking about people who are actively considering killing themselves, not just pondering it. At that point, their opinion of themselves is probably well past "selfish" and probably in the "I don't deserve to live" zone.

Although what you say about blanket statements is also true, I don't think you're going to find "tell them they're being selfish" on any list of suicide hotline tips. Because while that might help someone, it's just as likely to hurt someone in that position.

This subject is deeply personal to me, so I'm going to peace out for now and avoid this thread for awhile, as I can't speak on this without getting emotional.

I've stared into the void. It doesn't make sense until you've gone that deep. Suicide is a very difficult subject.

indeed it is. We're all quite... Fragile. Aren't we...?
Nevertheless, @Kentona I understand your point. Yes. In fact I have done this to a friend of mine once... To a great effect.
But it helps that I was right by her side, physically hugging her as we shared some choc donuts dipped in dulce de leche xD

Mmm...

I don't think I've ever soberly mentioned what an awesome bunch of caring, loving people this site is populated with. I don't understand how it still exists on the internet. Sorry if I left you out of the love section of my post, but I think you'll understand that I couldn't be assed to write down nearly every username on the site.

This is practically the perfect example of why I'm trying to quit drinking. Not that I have an uncontrollable addiction, but that whenever I come into contact with it I act like I do. I realize that sounds fucking stupid as hell and like I'm in denial, but honestly, the only reason there was even liquor in the house last night was because my room mate wanted some and welcomed me to it. Had it been my decision to buy or not to buy, there wouldn't have been any. I am, historically, bad at self control once the liquor/junk food/etc is already technically in my possession.

I want to stress that I'm mostly okay. You all know that the only thing I hate more than being Human is Therapists. I appreciate that people want me to see one, but we all know it won't happen. I'm not the kind of person that can accept that "professional" help, and to be honest having it would probably only push my sober self over the edge too. The support that you guys give me is incredible, it's what I need when things turn bad, and yet again it has brought me back to base camp, so to speak.

I also want to stress that sober Pizza would never dream of suicide. If you can forgive me for the Terminator reference (my room mate and I have been watching them all in prep for Genisys), I cannot self-terminate. I'm too much of an introspective nutjob. I know that, as a creative mind, it is selfish to do it. I can't leave the world before I do what I was born to do, to make these games.

And the truth is, it always hurts. When I consider the love which has poisoned my life so much, it hurts worse than anything else, and yesterday was one of the really bad days for it. The knowledge that I need to remain "trapped" here is awful, but it keeps me going. I know that I'm doing what I do for the sake of who I am, and what I believe in, and that nobody else is filling that role. Maybe it sounds like a bit of a hero fantasy, but without me there I know that nobody would fill the specific role I've bred for myself. I would explain more in detail but you know, pain and all that. I cannot, lest I become the self-damaging person that is drunk Pizza once again.

But the good thing is, even if my life lacks that love which I desire most, it contains a second love. The love of the people, the community, the love which we all demonstrated only hours ago on this thread. It's unbelievable to see such an outpouring of care and consideration on the internet, and it's why I come here of all places when I feel those terrible emotions and thoughts brewing. Because I know that the community will keep me here, it will prevent me from doing something else which could actually cause serious harm. It's the best lifeline that I could ask for, and I'm thankful beyond words for that.

Anyways, back to being regularly crazy sober Pizza. Back to making games. If anyone still wants to talk to me about whatever, I'm always here, and I always will be. I'm sorry for being such a dick and threatening to destroy myself.

It is. What that means to you is another topic entirely, however.


Still, it's not the point.
I don't know what's going on in your life, Pizza, but this won't be the first second you are in it.
Remember how strong you are. You've made to to the here, you fucking made it. And that's why you still can go on. You can. You are as strong as you could be, and you are taking every straw you can get - that's determination.
We'll be here to support you, so try your best to live, my friend! If only for the consideration of your future self. If you feel like you can't make it, we'll always hear you out.
We can't change it, or overcome anything for you, but we can remind you of the fact that you can.

And I can only echo Red. Do. Stuff. You can think all you want, but only action can truly show you that you're there and that you're capable.


.. as for therapists.
It's weird what people make them out to be. You know, Max is totally right when he said that what they can do can do a good friend better - but that's not their point, imho.

The point of therapists is to give support for people who couldn't do so otherwise, support for people who need to be selfish and concentrate on themselves rather than a mutual supporting and understanding as friends need it (if you talk about everything with a friend, it can be exhausting).
Support for people who already withdrew from their friends or where their friends and family are too emotionally involved to properly deal with it (you know, the "WHAT DID I DO WROONG!?"-mother scenario, for example) - and of course, the anonymity makes it easier to talk to them in greater detail.

It can help, but a good therapist is there to support you until your friends and family are enough support.

When I drink on RMN I go on skype and make podcasts/annoy people into talking with me.

Alcohol is a funny devil, affecting people differently. I guess it also depends on what's going on in your life at the time, though. I would have hated to see what it would have done with me when I was going through depression. >.<;

When I drink, I... don't know. Because I don't ever drink.

When I want a change of pace, I usually find a nice quiet place to pull out my stash. See, I've got a pile of tree shavings that I use to trip balls so hard it's not even funny. The best part is that the shavings don't require much to get you going! See, each shaving has symbols burned onto them with lasers to form specific patterns that have, through extensive research, been proven to trigger chemical reactions in the brain to form striking visual imagery. All it takes is a few seconds with these shavings and you're off in a different universe!

But I guess you normal people call it reading.

I'm really glad to see this love in regards to Pizza. Sometimes, life just plain hurts, and sometimes, all one needs is just a little something (a push in the right direction, somebody who seems to give a damn, whatever), to get out of that spiraling downward thought-cycle.

*hugs for all*

I get pretty happy and cozy and occasionally a bit whiny when I drink. I probably get a little more annoying, too... I guess it just accentuates what I'm like normally :P