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NEED OPINIONS ON STORY/PLOT/TITLE FOR FIRE EMBLEM
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FatCatEmpire
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CloseSo this fan-made fire emblem project is in its infancy. I'm simply creating the storyline while the team develops the skills needed to turn the story into a game, but I would like opinions on my work so far since this would be my first written piece ever that isn't a college essay. So here it is.
"Fire Emblem - Lost Age"
The Land of Yliare (ee-lee-AIR), a young continent, was in a time of expansive growth. Towns became cities, cities became empires. In no time at all, the entirety of Yliare was laid claim by the 7 great leaders of the age:
Drovor the Steel King,
Alyana (the Truthseeker) and her seers court,
Hilmval the Horsemaster,
the crafty Proestus (the Great Thief King),
Solvenya the Sage Queen,
Erman and the high priests of the north,
and Hawkeye Salha (The Untouchable)
Their kingdoms grew quickly, goods were plentiful, prosperity reigned, and the land of Yliare was bathed in the light of a bright future. But where there is light, darkness grows.
A great evil, unbeknownst to all, spread over the land of Yliare. Infecting the minds of its people, it drove the kingdoms into chaos. Even the great leaders weren't a match for something so powerful. Yliare fell into war...
The kingdoms crumbled...
Out of the darkness a lone figure appeared before the great leaders, ready to face the evil at hand. With a shining spear and shield like a mountain, the hero struck the ground, engulfing the darkness and its followers in light and flame, sealing them within the mystical weapons. As the fog of battle cleared, the hero was nowhere to be found. Only the legendary spear and shield remained.
The hero's weapons were split into pieces in order to prevent the darkness from ever escaping its prison. The pieces were then given to the kingdoms for their safe keeping, ushering in an age of peace.
That's all for the introduction. =) Now for the rest of the plot which is still rough, so it shall be told rough. The darkness = greed.
The great leaders' names mentioned above are the names of the kingdoms themselves. BUT there are only 6 kingdoms in the present time. You follow a young boy who's dad is a commander of the Queen's guard in I don't know which kingdom. The boy begins training under his dad, and the next day (early morning, the kingdom is attacked by its neighbor kingdom. The queen orders the prince, princess, main character, sister, dad, and the dad's company to travel to the neighbor kingdom to say "hey WTF" and discuss politics. Neighbor says "I didn't do it, and besides, your soldiers have been attacking me". So turns out people are flying the banners of certain kingdoms and attacking without the authority of the governing body. They return to find their capital destroyed. From here on out, the company travels the land and stuff happens until you reach the very end. Along the way the things that are learned are: the intro story is actually a true story and not makebelieve, the weapon pieces are real, the people attacking are actually phantoms from the kingdoms of the "lost age" who were corrupted by darkness, and the kingdom that no longer exists in the current time is Solvenya. At the end, you find out that during the journey, the prince of your kingdom has been collecting the pieces of the weapons and reassembling them because "i wanna be a hero" (greedy). Once assembly is almost complete, Solvenya's kingdom is revealed and she turns out to be the hero of old. She sees the prince's greed and kills him, but also vows to destroy the world along with all the darkness, kind of like a corrupted hero that needs to be stopped. Needless to say she is the final boss. She is beaten, happy ending, party.
That's it...hope you enjoyed reading this WIP. ^_^
"Fire Emblem - Lost Age"
The Land of Yliare (ee-lee-AIR), a young continent, was in a time of expansive growth. Towns became cities, cities became empires. In no time at all, the entirety of Yliare was laid claim by the 7 great leaders of the age:
Drovor the Steel King,
Alyana (the Truthseeker) and her seers court,
Hilmval the Horsemaster,
the crafty Proestus (the Great Thief King),
Solvenya the Sage Queen,
Erman and the high priests of the north,
and Hawkeye Salha (The Untouchable)
Their kingdoms grew quickly, goods were plentiful, prosperity reigned, and the land of Yliare was bathed in the light of a bright future. But where there is light, darkness grows.
A great evil, unbeknownst to all, spread over the land of Yliare. Infecting the minds of its people, it drove the kingdoms into chaos. Even the great leaders weren't a match for something so powerful. Yliare fell into war...
The kingdoms crumbled...
Out of the darkness a lone figure appeared before the great leaders, ready to face the evil at hand. With a shining spear and shield like a mountain, the hero struck the ground, engulfing the darkness and its followers in light and flame, sealing them within the mystical weapons. As the fog of battle cleared, the hero was nowhere to be found. Only the legendary spear and shield remained.
The hero's weapons were split into pieces in order to prevent the darkness from ever escaping its prison. The pieces were then given to the kingdoms for their safe keeping, ushering in an age of peace.
That's all for the introduction. =) Now for the rest of the plot which is still rough, so it shall be told rough. The darkness = greed.
The great leaders' names mentioned above are the names of the kingdoms themselves. BUT there are only 6 kingdoms in the present time. You follow a young boy who's dad is a commander of the Queen's guard in I don't know which kingdom. The boy begins training under his dad, and the next day (early morning, the kingdom is attacked by its neighbor kingdom. The queen orders the prince, princess, main character, sister, dad, and the dad's company to travel to the neighbor kingdom to say "hey WTF" and discuss politics. Neighbor says "I didn't do it, and besides, your soldiers have been attacking me". So turns out people are flying the banners of certain kingdoms and attacking without the authority of the governing body. They return to find their capital destroyed. From here on out, the company travels the land and stuff happens until you reach the very end. Along the way the things that are learned are: the intro story is actually a true story and not makebelieve, the weapon pieces are real, the people attacking are actually phantoms from the kingdoms of the "lost age" who were corrupted by darkness, and the kingdom that no longer exists in the current time is Solvenya. At the end, you find out that during the journey, the prince of your kingdom has been collecting the pieces of the weapons and reassembling them because "i wanna be a hero" (greedy). Once assembly is almost complete, Solvenya's kingdom is revealed and she turns out to be the hero of old. She sees the prince's greed and kills him, but also vows to destroy the world along with all the darkness, kind of like a corrupted hero that needs to be stopped. Needless to say she is the final boss. She is beaten, happy ending, party.
That's it...hope you enjoyed reading this WIP. ^_^
The first thing I just want to throw out there is that if it doesn't reference any previous Fire Emblem games or contain much of their content (items and spells) then you could avoid using "Fire Emblem" in the title of the game, which would allow you to later sell the game if it contains all original content. If you do use items/characters/resources, then by all means keep using the same title.
Second, as a long-time Fire Emblem fan, I can't help but notice that you have a character named "Hawkeye" in the leaders list. In Rekka no Ken (Known only as Fire Emblem outside of Japan), there was a Berserker character named Hawkeye. He was story-essential for a couple chapters and side-quests. I don't know if the reference is intentional or not, but if not, you might want to consider changing his name, since to my knowledge no Fire Emblem game has re-used playable character names to date.
Aside from that, it seems to flow with typical Fire Emblem plot lines and could easily be worked with.
Second, as a long-time Fire Emblem fan, I can't help but notice that you have a character named "Hawkeye" in the leaders list. In Rekka no Ken (Known only as Fire Emblem outside of Japan), there was a Berserker character named Hawkeye. He was story-essential for a couple chapters and side-quests. I don't know if the reference is intentional or not, but if not, you might want to consider changing his name, since to my knowledge no Fire Emblem game has re-used playable character names to date.
Aside from that, it seems to flow with typical Fire Emblem plot lines and could easily be worked with.
Desertopa
775
It sounds like it has elements of a solid, Fire Emblem-style plot, but there are parts where I don't understand the logical connections...
The fact that Solvenya was the hero in the legend is clearly being hidden from the player, otherwise it would have been mentioned from the outset, but it's not clear to me what the plot significance of that is. What elements of the plot are driven by the fact that the hero of legend is not some unknown and unattached warrior, but the queen of one of the seven kingdoms, whose kingdom has vanished? With the amount of plot detail that you've currently described, this comes off to me as a twist for the sake of a twist.
However, I do think that if it's pulled off well, having the protagonists' final adversary be, not the "darkness" that was sealed away, but the legendary hero who sealed it, could make for an interesting reversal.
- Why have the phantoms started attacking the various nations now in particular? How does the cause of this event, and not just the consequences, tie into the core plot?
- If Solvenya, one of the seven rulers, was the legendary hero, why doesn't everyone know this? This goes back to the same piece of advice I just gave in the Plot Twists thread; there should be clear reasons for the vital information not to make it to the protagonists, besides "it would mess up the plot." If one of the seven rulers was the hero that saved everyone, this is just the sort of detail that one would expect legends to preserve.
- Why did the kingdom of Solvenya vanish, and what prevents this also from being common knowledge?
- The hero's weapons were split to prevent an unsealing of the darkness, but what kind of unsealing are we actually talking about here? If this was a literal, tangible darkness, then the audience will probably be confused if the foreshadowing has no payoff. If it's strictly metaphorical for greed, then it's unclear both how splitting the weapons up is supposed to seal the darkness (in the prince's case, it clearly didn't work, the greed was already out of the box in the first place,) and what Solvenya literally did in the first place. How did she defeat greed?
The fact that Solvenya was the hero in the legend is clearly being hidden from the player, otherwise it would have been mentioned from the outset, but it's not clear to me what the plot significance of that is. What elements of the plot are driven by the fact that the hero of legend is not some unknown and unattached warrior, but the queen of one of the seven kingdoms, whose kingdom has vanished? With the amount of plot detail that you've currently described, this comes off to me as a twist for the sake of a twist.
However, I do think that if it's pulled off well, having the protagonists' final adversary be, not the "darkness" that was sealed away, but the legendary hero who sealed it, could make for an interesting reversal.
RyaReisender
200
I can't really help with the story at this point, I just wanted to say:
1. It's great someone does a traditional SRPG, there need to be lots lots more of them (most of the modern ones feel more like puzzle games).
2. Make perma-death optional, like in Awakening.
1. It's great someone does a traditional SRPG, there need to be lots lots more of them (most of the modern ones feel more like puzzle games).
2. Make perma-death optional, like in Awakening.
Thank you for the feedback so far. I know I kind of rushed posting the plot, so some things were missed. I will try and explain my reasoning for certain things, but other points you both made ring true and I will need to look into developing/changing things around.
- I plan to essentially use the exact same gameplay as the other fire emblem games, specifically FE8 Sacred Stones: items, battle screens, sprites, spells, etc.
I don't intend on selling this, just a fan-game.
- Hawkeye was a coincidence. I've never played the original Fire Emblem sadly. If names are never reused, I will try my best not to make duplicate names.
- Being corrupted by greed, the lost age nations began a full out war because they wanted to rule the land themselves. Once brought back, they are still in the mindset of taking over the continent of Yliare. Not sure if that is good enough reason though, so I will have to look into it.
- About Solvenya being both a legendary hero AND one of the great rulers, I can see how this would cause problems...
Every nation is named after the great rulers, so why would Solvenya be forgotten? This is a great point.
- The Solvenya kingdom vanished because it was the smallest of the old kingdoms and was the only one completely destroyed. This was my thought on that topic, but it never made it into the original post. Still, not sure if that is a good enough reason for it disappearing completely.
- You are right, if the darkness is just the mindset of greed, then there would be no point to 'sealing' it since its human nature. I could make out the darkness to be an evil diety that enhances the greed in people's hearts, or something along those lines.
Again, thank you guys for your help, I hope all this work pays off in the end! =)
FYI if this project gets to the point of demos, Rya, it will definitely start out as perma-death. Sorry. =p
- I plan to essentially use the exact same gameplay as the other fire emblem games, specifically FE8 Sacred Stones: items, battle screens, sprites, spells, etc.
I don't intend on selling this, just a fan-game.
- Hawkeye was a coincidence. I've never played the original Fire Emblem sadly. If names are never reused, I will try my best not to make duplicate names.
- Being corrupted by greed, the lost age nations began a full out war because they wanted to rule the land themselves. Once brought back, they are still in the mindset of taking over the continent of Yliare. Not sure if that is good enough reason though, so I will have to look into it.
- About Solvenya being both a legendary hero AND one of the great rulers, I can see how this would cause problems...
Every nation is named after the great rulers, so why would Solvenya be forgotten? This is a great point.
- The Solvenya kingdom vanished because it was the smallest of the old kingdoms and was the only one completely destroyed. This was my thought on that topic, but it never made it into the original post. Still, not sure if that is a good enough reason for it disappearing completely.
- You are right, if the darkness is just the mindset of greed, then there would be no point to 'sealing' it since its human nature. I could make out the darkness to be an evil diety that enhances the greed in people's hearts, or something along those lines.
Again, thank you guys for your help, I hope all this work pays off in the end! =)
FYI if this project gets to the point of demos, Rya, it will definitely start out as perma-death. Sorry. =p
Desertopa
775
I'm glad if my feedback can be any help. Having thought about the setup some more, some ideas come to mind about how some of these issues might be resolved, but if you'd rather not use ideas someone else came up with, that's understandable. If you're interested though, I'd be happy to share them.
Sviel
2006
-It rather irks me when I can't get the pronunciation of a place by reading it. Since you can't really spell it out to the player, why not use something less exotic? Or change the spelling to at least resemble the pronunciation in the language the game is written in.
-This is more of a setting than a plot. There's a lot of 'this thing happens and the characters have to deal with it' but not a whole lot of 'the characters take some action and it results in some consequence.'
-That said, it's a decent setting, assuming the questions it raises are answered...such as why Solvenya ceased to exist after its ruler's disappearance. Was there no succession? No one wanted to claim a kingdom? Everyone just packed up and left?
-Having Solvenya pop up and steal the final boss slot isn't going to be easy to pull off. It'd go a lot smoother if the player stopped the prince, THEN she showed up and had to be popped too. Otherwise it can easily feel like 'lol hi who r u and y r u here?!?!' Given the assumed time-frame, that would be tough to settle without an exposition dump or a soliloquy, neither of which is desirable.
-This is more of a setting than a plot. There's a lot of 'this thing happens and the characters have to deal with it' but not a whole lot of 'the characters take some action and it results in some consequence.'
-That said, it's a decent setting, assuming the questions it raises are answered...such as why Solvenya ceased to exist after its ruler's disappearance. Was there no succession? No one wanted to claim a kingdom? Everyone just packed up and left?
-Having Solvenya pop up and steal the final boss slot isn't going to be easy to pull off. It'd go a lot smoother if the player stopped the prince, THEN she showed up and had to be popped too. Otherwise it can easily feel like 'lol hi who r u and y r u here?!?!' Given the assumed time-frame, that would be tough to settle without an exposition dump or a soliloquy, neither of which is desirable.
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