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HISTORY OF MY GAME (WHAT DO YOU THINK)
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XxXhelazz
40
XxXhelazz
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CloseSomeday a men is lost in a forest. He is walking but with an extrange feeling, he feels someone watching him. Suddenly two wolves attack him but before they attack her another wolf appear and defeat the others. Later that wolf is reveal into a woman called angela. she says him that 1 year ago she signed a pact with god making him the protector of the church. She asked the men to sing the pact and he agree but angela leave him. He starts looking for her and he founds a chruch. He goes into the catacombs. There he hear an scream that come from a coffin of a virgin. He oppen the coffin and found jesucrist dead body. He leaves the catacomb with fear. In the church he hear a voice saying that he discover something humans not supose to do and that there is no god and no evil, that all things are only marionentes but you can be a god for signing the pact. Are you ready?
XxXhelazz
40
author=Satedthe real end was that the men commited suicide because he think life has nosense and he loose al hope for life but I change it.
I'm not entirely sure what I just read, but that honestly sounds worse than something I would come up with and I'm a terrible writer.
Avee
5794
author=XxXhelazz
Someday a men is lost in a forest. He is walking but with an extrange feeling, he feels someone watching him. Suddenly two wolves attack him but before they attack her another wolf appear and defeat the others. Later that wolf is reveal into a woman called angela. she says him that 1 year ago she signed a pact with god making him the protector of the church. She asked the men to sing the pact and he agree but angela leave him. He starts looking for her and he founds a chruch. He goes into the catacombs. There he hear an scream that come from a coffin of a virgin. He oppen the coffin and found jesucrist dead body. He leaves the catacomb with fear. In the church he hear a voice saying that he discover something humans not supose to do and that there is no god and no evil, that all things are only marionentes but you can be a god for signing the pact. Are you ready?
That is not really a story. It's a short outline that you would use as a starting point to write a more complete story. You should write more and explain who are the characters, what are their motivations, what have they lived before the events of the current story, etc.
You should also answer the questions that the readers will think of while they read: Why is the body of Jesus Christ in that tomb? How does God communicate with the humans to sign that pact? Why can some people turn into wolves?
etc.
You make several mistakes when you write so I'm wondering if English is your native language? If not, try to read more books in English to get better.
And you seem to be young, so take your time to learn more about English and about writing.
I believe that the best advice you need right now is to read more stories made by other people (by reading books, playing games, watching movies, etc.).
That way you will better understand how stories are written and developed.
Is there some reason Anglia would make a pact with God one year ago making the man in this story the protector of the Church? I'm assuming we're talking about the organization as a whole, not a specific building. Though, maybe, it could be a specific building.
XxXhelazz
40
author=Aveebecause at the beggining of the history the narrator says that jesus didn't die in the crox, that was transported by sea to franceauthor=XxXhelazzThat is not really a story. It's a short outline that you would use as a starting point to write a more complete story. You should write more and explain who are the characters, what are their motivations, what have they lived before the events of the current story, etc.
Someday a men is lost in a forest. He is walking but with an extrange feeling, he feels someone watching him. Suddenly two wolves attack him but before they attack her another wolf appear and defeat the others. Later that wolf is reveal into a woman called angela. she says him that 1 year ago she signed a pact with god making him the protector of the church. She asked the men to sing the pact and he agree but angela leave him. He starts looking for her and he founds a chruch. He goes into the catacombs. There he hear an scream that come from a coffin of a virgin. He oppen the coffin and found jesucrist dead body. He leaves the catacomb with fear. In the church he hear a voice saying that he discover something humans not supose to do and that there is no god and no evil, that all things are only marionentes but you can be a god for signing the pact. Are you ready?
You should also answer the questions that the readers will think of while they read: Why is the body of Jesus Christ in that tomb? How does God communicate with the humans to sign that pact? Why can some people turn into wolves?
etc.
You make several mistakes when you write so I'm wondering if English is your native language? If not, try to read more books in English to get better.
And you seem to be young, so take your time to learn more about English and about writing.
I believe that the best advice you need right now is to read more stories made by other people (by reading books, playing games, watching movies, etc.).
That way you will better understand how stories are written and developed.
author=XxXhelazz
because at the beggining of the history the narrator says that jesus didn't die in the crox, that was transported by sea to france
If it was in the beginning, why didn't you put it there? What else is spoken by the narrator that is not being relayed here?
I dunno. There seems to be this huge knowledge discrepancy here that isn't doing your readers any favors.
Toaster_Team
966
Did Jesus commit suicide when he realized life had no meaning? Is this why he's dead?
So, Jesus isn't dead? So whose body is it that he found in the catacombs? A Jesus copycat?
What is sent to France, the cross/crox or Jesus?
It's a bit hard to follow to be honest.
because at the beggining of the history the narrator says that jesus didn't die in the crox, that was transported by sea to france
So, Jesus isn't dead? So whose body is it that he found in the catacombs? A Jesus copycat?
What is sent to France, the cross/crox or Jesus?
It's a bit hard to follow to be honest.
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