COULD A MUSIC MAKER/COMPOSER TELL ME WHAT THEY THINK OF THIS?

It could use a bit more development.

First, if you're going for discordance, actually make it discordant. This just sounds like fifths played on a mock twelve-point scale. On a repeating loop, it's going to lose its atmosphere on the second loop, become annoying, and then eventually dull. Consider a different main instrument or at least a different soundfont. The things I would personally do to change this on my second draft:

• Lower the tempo significantly.
• Add a droning, quiet contrabass at a very low octave. At the piano or pianissimo dynamic. Loud enough that you know it's there, but quiet enough that you don't really notice it.
  
• Add discordant notes at the highest chords with occasional discordant notes at various points in the walk up and walk down.
  

Something I'd experiment with is transposing the main melody to different octaves and seeing how different instruments sound. Consider the koto. This is a stringed, Japanese instrument in the harp family. It produces a beautiful sound, but it's also very familiar for the very sharp twangs it can produce. Try different things. Imagine this melody played softly on a piano. The type of instrument can change a melody dramatically.