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Feldschlacht IV
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CloseNo, this isn't a topic about how awesome I think I am. It's actually pretty serious, so I would appreciate some thoughts on this, since this is actually a pretty personal and sensitive issue for me.
I am the oldest of 5 children. However, since my mother chose to use drugs to escape the problems in her life instead of you know, actually dealing with them and raising her kids, I never really got to know my siblings very long due to the wonders of social services and them splitting us all up. Actually, its a bit more complicated than that, I was actually placed under (and raised by) my grandmother for a lot of my childhood life, and I didn't really have much of an upbringing with my siblings at all. It wasn't until much later that the rest of my siblings actually moved in with me and my grandmother.
Fast forward about ten years, I'm in college, and my siblings are in their teens and the youngest is around 12 and besides for myself, our grandmother is still raising us. Our mother is completely out of the picture.
Here lies the problem; when I was younger, I could really get away with not really knowing much about them, even though we were all living together. But, they've spent a lot of their upbringing together, and I didn't. I was either in college or just not around at all. With them getting older, they're starting to look up to me as a role model, and I feel really terrible for sometimes not really feeling 'in'. My sister especially, she's about 13, and that brings a whole gauntlet into itself, with boys, friend drama, self esteem, and the other challenges that comes with raising a 13 year old girl (and there are a lot!). My grandmother, while not an old lady by any means, is having a hard time dealing with it all by herself and everyone is looking to me to be almost sort of a father figure, especially since we don't have one of those, either.
I don't know. I love my siblings with all of my heart, but sometimes I don't know what to do. Being an older brother is one thing, but feeling like you have the lives of 4 people on your shoulders can feel a little overwhelming at times, especially considering our childhood. Being a substitute father figure is also a bit daunting.
I don't know, man! Can anyone offer their thoughts?
I am the oldest of 5 children. However, since my mother chose to use drugs to escape the problems in her life instead of you know, actually dealing with them and raising her kids, I never really got to know my siblings very long due to the wonders of social services and them splitting us all up. Actually, its a bit more complicated than that, I was actually placed under (and raised by) my grandmother for a lot of my childhood life, and I didn't really have much of an upbringing with my siblings at all. It wasn't until much later that the rest of my siblings actually moved in with me and my grandmother.
Fast forward about ten years, I'm in college, and my siblings are in their teens and the youngest is around 12 and besides for myself, our grandmother is still raising us. Our mother is completely out of the picture.
Here lies the problem; when I was younger, I could really get away with not really knowing much about them, even though we were all living together. But, they've spent a lot of their upbringing together, and I didn't. I was either in college or just not around at all. With them getting older, they're starting to look up to me as a role model, and I feel really terrible for sometimes not really feeling 'in'. My sister especially, she's about 13, and that brings a whole gauntlet into itself, with boys, friend drama, self esteem, and the other challenges that comes with raising a 13 year old girl (and there are a lot!). My grandmother, while not an old lady by any means, is having a hard time dealing with it all by herself and everyone is looking to me to be almost sort of a father figure, especially since we don't have one of those, either.
I don't know. I love my siblings with all of my heart, but sometimes I don't know what to do. Being an older brother is one thing, but feeling like you have the lives of 4 people on your shoulders can feel a little overwhelming at times, especially considering our childhood. Being a substitute father figure is also a bit daunting.
I don't know, man! Can anyone offer their thoughts?
Canuck
0
I think to be very real is important. They don't need to see you never fail and always do the right thing, but they need to see you try your best, feel bad when you do the wrong thing, and give them some sense of what they should strive for and what they should avoid. I don't think this is done by being some unrealistic role model, it's just done by being yourself and struggling through daily life as a regular good person.
Also, hopefully there's a lady to give "the talk" to the 13 year old daughter?
Hope that makes sense. It's sort of what I do as a teacher.
Also, hopefully there's a lady to give "the talk" to the 13 year old daughter?
Hope that makes sense. It's sort of what I do as a teacher.
ZPE
1562
Stick with your family to the end. I mean, I know that's hardly case in this modern society but you can't replicate the love you share for your family with others.
Having said that, I'm not in that situation so I wouldn't know but obviously it will drain you but it should be worth the things you go through.
More important thing as far as I'm concerned is to look after yourself as well. I look after my disable father and it's really tough and I didn't care much about myself but now I'm feeling the sting.
Having said that, I'm not in that situation so I wouldn't know but obviously it will drain you but it should be worth the things you go through.
More important thing as far as I'm concerned is to look after yourself as well. I look after my disable father and it's really tough and I didn't care much about myself but now I'm feeling the sting.
One thing that makes it doubly hard for me is that I was (and am) THRUST into the situation. The norm is to grow up with your siblings and for them to always be there, but with me, I have about 4 other brothers and sisters that suddenly existed out of nowhere. I've been in this situation for a few years now and I love my brothers and sisters and I want to do well, but sometimes its difficult considering the circumstances, yeah?
ZPE
1562
I'll never understand your situation but I do kind of relate to sudden relatives coming out of nowhere. Man, those times were tough. Overcrowding, food, fights and all that, I just loved school at that point as it meant I more space to myself. ._.
I hope someone gives you real solutions though. Maybe WIP, he did leave for similar reasons
or maybe not (he can't ban users anymore I hope).
I hope someone gives you real solutions though. Maybe WIP, he did leave for similar reasons
or maybe not (he can't ban users anymore I hope).
Yeah I wish sometimes I could just withdraw into my own little world. When they were younger I used to be able to do that, but now that everyone is getting older with real world problems and I'm one of the only people my siblings have to look up to, I can't do that anymore. My sister, for example is getting into her teens, and stuff like sex, guys (and man, some of the guys at her school are total sleazebags), and the like are now topics to discuss, my brother is getting into the mix of high school and considering his education afterwards, and it goes on and on.
I used to be able to just go 'lol' and not really pay much mind to anything when they were young, but now I'm accepting responsibility of not being able to do that anymore. But besides for our grandmother, it's hard being alone in the matter. We don't even have any decent uncles or aunts or anything like that.
I used to be able to just go 'lol' and not really pay much mind to anything when they were young, but now I'm accepting responsibility of not being able to do that anymore. But besides for our grandmother, it's hard being alone in the matter. We don't even have any decent uncles or aunts or anything like that.
Kindredz
7
Be real, be honest, and be there. They're not putting pressure on you...you're putting it on yourself. Trust me...they don't care about you being a role model. The path to maturing as a man will bring these types of thoughts and feelings to mind. You *should* be concerned about your younger siblings' well-being. If you weren't, you'd be a disgusting human being.
I gotta say...reading your posts, it's like watching myself from a few years ago. Only difference was that I was WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY more egotistical and self-involved...eventually I realized that no matter how much I tried to convince myself and everyone else of how great I am, I still felt shitty on the inside and had very low self-esteem. It gets better, though.
Besides, dude...with family, you never know what the future may hold. Despite my still considering him my best friend, I hadn't spoken to my little brother for almost 4 years before I got "the call" 2 years ago. Trust me, man...you don't wanna get "the call". All those years wasted...and now I have to live with the fact that if I'd have been around, he may still be alive. No, I'm not a depressed downer guy but I'm just saying. Not everyone has the strength to live with what I do every day. It's a pain that never goes away...but I do have reasons to smile and I don't dwell on the negative. The thing about family is that we often think they care about things that they really *don't* care about. Your family isn't looking for you to be a role model or an example...they just want you to be you.
Live life...fuck up, make mistakes...or rather *allow* yourself to make mistakes.
Be there, though...
I gotta say...reading your posts, it's like watching myself from a few years ago. Only difference was that I was WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY more egotistical and self-involved...eventually I realized that no matter how much I tried to convince myself and everyone else of how great I am, I still felt shitty on the inside and had very low self-esteem. It gets better, though.
Besides, dude...with family, you never know what the future may hold. Despite my still considering him my best friend, I hadn't spoken to my little brother for almost 4 years before I got "the call" 2 years ago. Trust me, man...you don't wanna get "the call". All those years wasted...and now I have to live with the fact that if I'd have been around, he may still be alive. No, I'm not a depressed downer guy but I'm just saying. Not everyone has the strength to live with what I do every day. It's a pain that never goes away...but I do have reasons to smile and I don't dwell on the negative. The thing about family is that we often think they care about things that they really *don't* care about. Your family isn't looking for you to be a role model or an example...they just want you to be you.
Live life...fuck up, make mistakes...or rather *allow* yourself to make mistakes.
Be there, though...
As one older sibling to another*, it seems to help when you listen to their problems. Even if you just let them know that if they need to talk about anything you're there for them and willing to listen. Don't pressure them into talking, though. Teens tend to want to do things in their own time.
Try not to be too smothering, but stand up for 'em when they need it - especially if other family members are saying stuff. That can be very hurtful to them and it helps them to know they've got someone in their corner.
Also, praising them when they do well in things and make the right choices. Leading by example can work for some - but not all of the time. They're their own selves with their own problems. You can't handle one brother the same way you handle another. And your sister will be a whole other ball game altogether.
The best way to get closer to them is to spend some time with them. Set aside some time to do something together. Interaction is really the only way know them better and understanding them will help a lot with making you a closer family unit. It doesn't need to be big, either - start small and build up gradually. Maybe help them with their chores/take them shopping/go for a walk/play a game together. Any time spent talking and sharing ideas/thoughts/jokes is time spent bonding.
Most importantly, be yourself. Let them get to know you better. Once they start to trust you with their problems you know you're on your way to a closer relationship with them.
As to your sister - may I recommend that you ask her if she needs 'The Talk' before arranging something. There's quite a bit that you pick up at school about that sort of stuff, if not from the Sex Ed classes, then definitely from friends. No need to embarrass yourself - though if you want to be teased by your sister in the future... by all means, go ahead. ^_^ (Though personally - I'd get Grandma to talk to her about that)
*Four younger brothers, and a sister 9 years younger than me.
Try not to be too smothering, but stand up for 'em when they need it - especially if other family members are saying stuff. That can be very hurtful to them and it helps them to know they've got someone in their corner.
Also, praising them when they do well in things and make the right choices. Leading by example can work for some - but not all of the time. They're their own selves with their own problems. You can't handle one brother the same way you handle another. And your sister will be a whole other ball game altogether.
The best way to get closer to them is to spend some time with them. Set aside some time to do something together. Interaction is really the only way know them better and understanding them will help a lot with making you a closer family unit. It doesn't need to be big, either - start small and build up gradually. Maybe help them with their chores/take them shopping/go for a walk/play a game together. Any time spent talking and sharing ideas/thoughts/jokes is time spent bonding.
Most importantly, be yourself. Let them get to know you better. Once they start to trust you with their problems you know you're on your way to a closer relationship with them.
As to your sister - may I recommend that you ask her if she needs 'The Talk' before arranging something. There's quite a bit that you pick up at school about that sort of stuff, if not from the Sex Ed classes, then definitely from friends. No need to embarrass yourself - though if you want to be teased by your sister in the future... by all means, go ahead. ^_^ (Though personally - I'd get Grandma to talk to her about that)
*Four younger brothers, and a sister 9 years younger than me.
Yeah, I definitely try to get the time to spend time with them. I'm busy a lot of the time, and they're in a lot of activities and such so they are too, but I try to make time to do stuff together.
Yeah, our grandma already gave her The Talk, but sometimes I cover some bases as they come up.
Hmm?
As to your sister - may I recommend that you ask her if she needs 'The Talk' before arranging something. There's quite a bit that you pick up at school about that sort of stuff, if not from the Sex Ed classes, then definitely from friends. No need to embarrass yourself - though if you want to be teased by your sister in the future... by all means, go ahead. ^_^ (Though personally - I'd get Grandma to talk to her about that)
Yeah, our grandma already gave her The Talk, but sometimes I cover some bases as they come up.
I hope someone gives you real solutions though. Maybe WIP, he did leave for similar reasons
Hmm?
I am the middle child in the family, one younger brother and one older one. I honestly can't relate to your situation. My brothers and I aren't close like that, as in we don't talk about shit and look up to one another. I can empathize with you, but not sympathize.
Plus, there's never been any absence of parents in our family.
Sorry, dude, I've no helpful advice...
Plus, there's never been any absence of parents in our family.
Sorry, dude, I've no helpful advice...
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