POV SWITCHING IS A BITCH... >__>
Posts
Pages:
1
I am not a master writer, but it's not like I don't want to improve myself and write a damn good story. With that said, I need some help.
I've just realized that, in this one story I'm (still) working on, I constantly POV switch between the two main protagonists (yes, there are two main protagonists. But I concluded that that's okay because the story is about BOTH of them). Yeah, I went to re-edit previous chapters and discovered that was the reason behind my befuddlement and my lax attitude towards what I was reading was that I kept constantly head hopping. Fuck.
I'm not giving up--which is why this topic exists, you know--so I've have a few questions...
It clearly seems that this may not be okay to do (but I'm gonna ask anyway), but how would one go about switching POV between the two main protagonists, sometimes in the same chapter (that is if switching POV mid-chapter can even be done without sounding like shit), and have the story still sound well articulated and not confusing?
There is an instance of this in my story...
Character "A" is assulated by thugs; (A's POV)
Character "B" drives by, notices, and stops; (B's POV), then...
"A" continues to combat the thugs. (back to A's POV)
See, I feel like I HAVE to switch over the "B's" POV for that short while because I feel I need the reader to see him arrive on the scene...BUT, I can't do it through "A's" POV because he's both busy with the thugs and because he doesn't notice "B", or even know that "B" was looking for him...
EDIT: Also, the same chapter that this scene occurs in has a shitload more POV switches between "A" and "B".
This story is about...no, this story IS both of these characters: their relationship, their actions...this story couldn't exist without them knowing or being in contact with one another. For some reason, I feel that justifies the POV switches, because I want the reader to be able to get inside both character's heads...to be able to understand both of them wholly, but either doing constant POV switches is something I haven't learned how to do well yet, or it's something that simply can't be expressed in text well at all.
Damn this is bugging me. Please help.
I've just realized that, in this one story I'm (still) working on, I constantly POV switch between the two main protagonists (yes, there are two main protagonists. But I concluded that that's okay because the story is about BOTH of them). Yeah, I went to re-edit previous chapters and discovered that was the reason behind my befuddlement and my lax attitude towards what I was reading was that I kept constantly head hopping. Fuck.
I'm not giving up--which is why this topic exists, you know--so I've have a few questions...
It clearly seems that this may not be okay to do (but I'm gonna ask anyway), but how would one go about switching POV between the two main protagonists, sometimes in the same chapter (that is if switching POV mid-chapter can even be done without sounding like shit), and have the story still sound well articulated and not confusing?
There is an instance of this in my story...
Character "A" is assulated by thugs; (A's POV)
Character "B" drives by, notices, and stops; (B's POV), then...
"A" continues to combat the thugs. (back to A's POV)
See, I feel like I HAVE to switch over the "B's" POV for that short while because I feel I need the reader to see him arrive on the scene...BUT, I can't do it through "A's" POV because he's both busy with the thugs and because he doesn't notice "B", or even know that "B" was looking for him...
EDIT: Also, the same chapter that this scene occurs in has a shitload more POV switches between "A" and "B".
This story is about...no, this story IS both of these characters: their relationship, their actions...this story couldn't exist without them knowing or being in contact with one another. For some reason, I feel that justifies the POV switches, because I want the reader to be able to get inside both character's heads...to be able to understand both of them wholly, but either doing constant POV switches is something I haven't learned how to do well yet, or it's something that simply can't be expressed in text well at all.
Damn this is bugging me. Please help.
POV switching will be weird unless you do it between chapters, long segments, or split it up with diary-ish sort of entry type things where you label each POV's beginning with "RALF" "JOHN" or whatever the hell. POV switching too much can be annoying and multiple protagonists can be confusing.
post=133908
POV switching will be weird unless you do it between chapters, long segments, or split it up with diary-ish sort of entry type things where you label each POV's beginning with "RALF" "JOHN" or whatever the hell. POV switching too much can be annoying and multiple protagonists can be confusing.
At times, if it's between two considerably large gaps, I'll POV switch with the use of a scene break: at the top of the scene break, I'll do something like this...:
(San Francisco, California, USA - Monday, May 5th, 2009 - 7:51 AM) <<< I only use this specific scene break method for this one story, though.
At other times, I'll find that I freaking throw you into the mind of the other protagonist on a whim because I want to give his two cents on what is currently happening (which, at some points I find sounds okay, at others, I find it sounds atrocious).
I love constant POV switching. I enjoy playing, reading, and viewing every single angle -- protagonist, antagonist-who-you-think-is-a-protagonist, sacrificial lamb, pawns, masterminds, protagonists-who-you-think-are-antagonists, etc.
Mitsuhide, I think you and I would get along really well :)
Mitsuhide, I think you and I would get along really well :)
post=133916
Mitsuhide, I think you and I would get along really well :)
Yay! =D Someone who actually likes me on this site.
Well, I'm not so sure I'm doing well enough in my story at the moment. I'm editing it as we speak.
post=133916
I love constant POV switching. I enjoy playing, reading, and viewing every single angle -- protagonist, antagonist-who-you-think-is-a-protagonist, sacrificial lamb, pawns, masterminds, protagonists-who-you-think-are-antagonists, etc.
Mitsuhide, I think you and I would get along really well :)
Did you even read what he said? Also "playing" is unrelated... Changing POV with a visual aspect like a videogame or film is completely different.
Anyways.
It is bad writing to confuse your readers. (this is different from setting things up for a twist, etc.)
It is good writing to write things out in a clear manner.
Using a timestamp could work however you will want to gauge the flow. The main problem with what I see here is that you will have a short segment broken up by timestamps in a way that may feel unnatural. (using the timestamp you gave as an example)
(San Francisco, California, USA - Monday, May 5th, 2009 - 7:51 AM)
I was walking through the streets in the morning and suddenly from around the corner a big man wielding a knife ran up and I could hear footsteps coming up from behind bla bla bla...
(San Francisco, California, USA - Monday, May 5th, 2009 - 7:52 AM)
I saw some dude getting mugged.
(San Francisco, California, USA - Monday, May 5th, 2009 - 7:52 AM)
I was getting mugged by these two thugs.
You have to make those individual 3 segments lengthy enough for them to have some reason and substance rather than just "lol sudden POV change."
post=133920
(San Francisco, California, USA - Monday, May 5th, 2009 - 7:51 AM)
I was walking through the streets in the morning and suddenly from around the corner a big man wielding a knife ran up and I could hear footsteps coming up from behind bla bla bla...
(San Francisco, California, USA - Monday, May 5th, 2009 - 7:52 AM)
I saw some dude getting mugged.
(San Francisco, California, USA - Monday, May 5th, 2009 - 7:52 AM)
I was getting mugged by these two thugs.
Lol. This actually reads out hilariously.
post=133920
You have to make those individual 3 segments lengthy enough for them to have some reason and substance rather than just "lol sudden POV change."
Well, Azn, if there's going to be that small of a time gap, I wouldn't even use the timestamp (and I don't, it's only when's there a considerably amount of time that there's nothing of importance happening and I either switch POVs or don't switch and I'm just using the scene break/timestamp to get to a different time of the day.
post=133923post=133920Well, Azn, if there's going to be that small of a time gap, I wouldn't even use the timestamp (and I don't, it's only when's there a considerably amount of time that there's nothing of importance happening and I either switch POVs or don't switch and I'm just using the scene break/timestamp to get to a different time of the day.
You have to make those individual 3 segments lengthy enough for them to have some reason and substance rather than just "lol sudden POV change."
Well, I imagine that "someone arriving to view a scene" would be a very short segment.
See, I feel like I HAVE to switch over the "B's" POV for that short while because I feel I need the reader to see him arrive on the scene...Quoting you. Does HAVE mean like... you just feel a random obligation, you feel that way sounds cooler, or you feel that way makes the most sense?
I'm talking about using the timestamp as a POV change which is what you said. You want to find some way to signify a change in POV without it being too redundant. I talked about labeling it with the character's name although personally I would never do that unless I was writing a children's fantasy book. I remember reading a series of books (I think it was Harry Potter? Or maybe the Redwall series) where sections like that were broken up with a long break in the page with 3 stars in the middle.
Although really, depending on the flow of consciousness you don't really need to break up the first character's POV into two sections... You could put character's B with the rest of character B's or place it in the beginning.
By the way, I assumed your general POV is first person.
post=133925
By the way, I assumed your general POV is first person.
Actually, no, it's third-person.
post=133925
Quoting you. Does HAVE mean like... you just feel a random obligation, you feel that way sounds cooler, or you feel that way makes the most sense?
Well, it doesn't sound cool at all...so I guess because it makes the most sense since I feel like I can't rely on character "A" to discover for the reader that character "B" has just arrived, so I direct the readers attention for a short moment to show that he has.
I mean, I guess I could just NOT direct the reader's attention and--i don't know...maybe have the reader just connect the dots and find out the character "B" finally located character "A" based on what happens after the fact...but that seems kind of like too much of surprise. I don't know.
post=133925
...where sections like that were broken up with a long break in the page with 3 stars in the middle.
Yes...the asterisk method...
* * *
I know of that method. But like I said, is it worth using on such a brief POV change?
post=133925
Although really, depending on the flow of consciousness you don't really need to break up the first character's POV into two sections... You could put character's B with the rest of character B's or place it in the beginning.
Like...how would that be formulated?
EDIT: Wait, wait, wait... I was re-reading part of my story and it hit me...and the way I just interpreted what you said--putting character "B's" action before "A's" yet still from B's POV--would make it seem like that "A" is, in a way, telling the future. I applied this theory to a particular paragraph just now (like, A is telling you what B is doing, even though he isn't witnessing it or knows that it's happening), and it still kinda feels like it's from B's POV...I suppose I changed up the wording and took away internal thoughts from B, it could pass as A's POV...but I'm still skeptical.
EDIT^2: Also, this could kind of sound like it's from neither "A" or "B's" perspective.
Yeah, I think the asterisk method works if you aren't using first person.
That's not what I meant... Let me clarify it like this:
*POV of B finding the scene*
*POV of A*
*later POV of B*
or
*POV of A*
*later POV of B*
That's not what I meant... Let me clarify it like this:
*POV of B finding the scene*
*POV of A*
*later POV of B*
or
*POV of A*
*later POV of B*
I'm not sure if I understand.
By this do you mean...
*POV of B driving by and seeing A*
*POV of A, at this point, getting jumped by the thugs*?
If so, that won't work. "A" has to get jumped by the thugs and THEN "B" has to show up.
post=133936
*POV of B finding the scene*
*POV of A*
*later POV of B*
By this do you mean...
*POV of B driving by and seeing A*
*POV of A, at this point, getting jumped by the thugs*?
If so, that won't work. "A" has to get jumped by the thugs and THEN "B" has to show up.
I'm interested in seeing how you handled this with some example text from your book, rather than an explanation. My book stuck to 3rd Person, though there were two main characters like this. However, it was my understanding that you change it up like this only if it is necessary to tell the story. Azn makes a good point that 'good writing' is clear and easy to understand.
If you continuously switch 'literal camera angles' like that you would need A) a good reason, and B) a very clear different style of writing. Mannerisms and inner monologue should be starkly different so that the switch is very obvious.
You gave the example there, and I personally see no reason to change perspectives to explain that character 2 is coming to the scene with character 1. It would work just as well to have character 2 enter the scene whilst still in character 1's perspective. Because it sounds like you're trying to express what each character is thinking, right? (correct me if no) and by taking the camera away from character 1, we are instantly missing out his thoughts or reaction. You could make this work great by using purely intentional perspective swaps at integral moments / thoughts.
For instance... don't give us the perspective of character 1 being jumped. Give us perspective 2 to start as he finds the guy being jumped. Because character 2's reaction to the situation would probably be more powerful and interesting to read about. Then, maybe when he goes to intervene with the situation, switch to character 1 and get his reaction or WHATEVER. I don't know what your book is about so. Yeah.
The point is; you as the story-teller must weave your words in a coherent and understandable fashion. You are entertaining your audience, and you want to keep your audience. By switching perspectives several times on one page, you may end up causing your readers to slow down. They have to keep track of who is who in the scenario already... but now they have the added task of decoding who is who in who's eye from what part of the stage etc. It almost becomes work, and the pacing will be shot to hell.
In the end, our words are just words. You don't need to follow this advice, because maybe this exercise or yours will turn out great! It's an artistic choice that you're making, so think long and hard about it before going full-throttle at this. And really take into account -why- you're changing perspectives. Like, you don't need to be in someone's head to know what they're thinking. Describe what the other character is doing or convey their mannerisms in such a way that the reader understands what they're thinking.
If you continuously switch 'literal camera angles' like that you would need A) a good reason, and B) a very clear different style of writing. Mannerisms and inner monologue should be starkly different so that the switch is very obvious.
You gave the example there, and I personally see no reason to change perspectives to explain that character 2 is coming to the scene with character 1. It would work just as well to have character 2 enter the scene whilst still in character 1's perspective. Because it sounds like you're trying to express what each character is thinking, right? (correct me if no) and by taking the camera away from character 1, we are instantly missing out his thoughts or reaction. You could make this work great by using purely intentional perspective swaps at integral moments / thoughts.
For instance... don't give us the perspective of character 1 being jumped. Give us perspective 2 to start as he finds the guy being jumped. Because character 2's reaction to the situation would probably be more powerful and interesting to read about. Then, maybe when he goes to intervene with the situation, switch to character 1 and get his reaction or WHATEVER. I don't know what your book is about so. Yeah.
The point is; you as the story-teller must weave your words in a coherent and understandable fashion. You are entertaining your audience, and you want to keep your audience. By switching perspectives several times on one page, you may end up causing your readers to slow down. They have to keep track of who is who in the scenario already... but now they have the added task of decoding who is who in who's eye from what part of the stage etc. It almost becomes work, and the pacing will be shot to hell.
In the end, our words are just words. You don't need to follow this advice, because maybe this exercise or yours will turn out great! It's an artistic choice that you're making, so think long and hard about it before going full-throttle at this. And really take into account -why- you're changing perspectives. Like, you don't need to be in someone's head to know what they're thinking. Describe what the other character is doing or convey their mannerisms in such a way that the reader understands what they're thinking.
If I need to switch between POV's, which I do quite often whilst writing, I introduce the scene and try to get across the message -this is not the same character-.
Also '*' are my best friends. I use them to break up parts when I don't really want to create a chapter.
This could work for your idea. I remember doing it once, but not everyone was in the same situation. (It was a Heroes novelization =/)
However though two or more POV's can work, I don't know if your idea is really one for coherency. If you're telling a more abstract tale this might work, but your reader needs to know this is about to happen, that this book is going to jump a little, from person to person.
You've also got to consider what works better as a scene rather than portraying each character's thoughts. Sometimes not knowing what a character is thinking makes them intriguing. Maybe we'll find out the other character's thoughts when he reflects back in another chapter. There's plenty of oppurtunity for POV switching and elaborating other points in a book, it's up to you to use your best judgment to what would fit into your style of writing and the style of story. After all, it's your story.
Also '*' are my best friends. I use them to break up parts when I don't really want to create a chapter.
This could work for your idea. I remember doing it once, but not everyone was in the same situation. (It was a Heroes novelization =/)
However though two or more POV's can work, I don't know if your idea is really one for coherency. If you're telling a more abstract tale this might work, but your reader needs to know this is about to happen, that this book is going to jump a little, from person to person.
You've also got to consider what works better as a scene rather than portraying each character's thoughts. Sometimes not knowing what a character is thinking makes them intriguing. Maybe we'll find out the other character's thoughts when he reflects back in another chapter. There's plenty of oppurtunity for POV switching and elaborating other points in a book, it's up to you to use your best judgment to what would fit into your style of writing and the style of story. After all, it's your story.
There's a really good short story by Julio Cortazar called 'Nurse Cora' where the whole point is that the point of view of the events switch constantly, even midsentence, but it works really well and isn't confusing at all. I guess it's different if you're doing a larger work and the more time you spend continuously in one p.o.v. the more disorienting it'll be to suddenly switch viewpoints. So if you're gonna do it then do it consistently, I guess, and don't just suddenly switch over halfway through the piece or whatever. Things like timestamps won't change this jarring much, although they could let you write in specific perspectives for longer because now the reader has a reference point.
There's not much to say without looking at the story itself but I do think that sometimes the very confusion of a sudden p.o.v. shift can be compelling in itself! Obviously it's annoying when it confuses the reader enough that they assume they've missed something but suddenly shifting from expectations can be really effective if used right. You could say this about anything I guess but don't be afraid to mess around with stuff.
There's not much to say without looking at the story itself but I do think that sometimes the very confusion of a sudden p.o.v. shift can be compelling in itself! Obviously it's annoying when it confuses the reader enough that they assume they've missed something but suddenly shifting from expectations can be really effective if used right. You could say this about anything I guess but don't be afraid to mess around with stuff.
Hoo boy.
I am still unclear if you are talking about third person limited, changing perspective characters between scenes (this is common as dirt in modern fiction, and was popularized by Stephen King and others; The Stand is a pretty popular and totally standardized example of this approach) or a quasi-omniscient third person where you switch perspectives within a scene without any kind of break (which is a more antiquated approach (as is third person omniscient in general). A Brian Lumley novel I'm reading right now from the 70s or 80s does this and it's slightly jarring, not in and of itself, just because it's so not the done thing today.
It is pure coincidence that both of the examples I just mentioned are trashy paperback horror.
I am still unclear if you are talking about third person limited, changing perspective characters between scenes (this is common as dirt in modern fiction, and was popularized by Stephen King and others; The Stand is a pretty popular and totally standardized example of this approach) or a quasi-omniscient third person where you switch perspectives within a scene without any kind of break (which is a more antiquated approach (as is third person omniscient in general). A Brian Lumley novel I'm reading right now from the 70s or 80s does this and it's slightly jarring, not in and of itself, just because it's so not the done thing today.
It is pure coincidence that both of the examples I just mentioned are trashy paperback horror.
post=133916Sounds like you'd also get along with Wheel of Time.
I love constant POV switching. I enjoy playing, reading, and viewing every single angle -- protagonist, antagonist-who-you-think-is-a-protagonist, sacrificial lamb, pawns, masterminds, protagonists-who-you-think-are-antagonists, etc.
Mitsuhide, I think you and I would get along really well :)
Seriously, Robert Jordan can do some POV switching like you wouldn't believe. The fun thing is that he manages to work in the kind of misinformation and misunderstandings that can happen between people, especially when they're long distances apart and communication is slow. He does this for protagonists, antagonists, and random joes. If you can handle the ponderously large cast and complex plot, you can pull a lot of enjoyment out of that series.
And if you're interested in POV writing, you could learn a thing or two. In general, he seems to do third-person limited, and when focusing on the character, the narration is kind of a hybrid between an outside narrator and the current character's own thoughts, which is interesting.
post=134025
I am still unclear if you are talking about...a quasi-omniscient third person where you switch perspectives within a scene without any kind of break...
I've only just noticed that I do this, so I've started to make sure I let the reader know of a POV change, like with * * *
post=134025
or ...third person limited, changing perspective characters between scenes...
I'd do this, as well. In fact, I'd like to start doing it this way exclusively...though I can't promise I won't do quasi-omniscient POV change at times (I will try to make sure I don't, though).
post=133959
However though two or more POV's can work, I don't know if your idea is really one for coherency. If you're telling a more abstract tale this might work, but your reader needs to know this is about to happen, that this book is going to jump a little, from person to person.
To be honest, the very first chapter is halved between the two main character's POVs; if that doesn't let the reader know that the POVs of the two main characters of the story will constantly switch as the story progresses, then I need to figure out what will.
Anyway, I think I'll take Dudesoft's advice and post the scene I'm having trouble with to gain feedback...
The following is about a page into Chapter 2...
(and yes, this is the same story as in the other thread I had about battle scenes)
(also, I'm changing the characters names to "A" and "B")
("C" is a character that appeared in chapter 1, but is only mentioned once here...)
(Finally, the scene takes place in a downtown area of a modern day city...but this is established beforehand; the reader would already know this.)
"A" had taken refuge in an alley situated next to a basketball court. It seems that when "C" claimed he was sending him to futurity he was not lying. Whether it was in the evil tyrant's intentions to send him to another country or not was unknown. However, such information was no longer vital; he was here, in this peculiar, astonishing new world, all alone and feeling weary at his surroundings.
He inhaled continuous deep breaths. He was pasted to the brick-walled building behind him looking back and forth at the streets, automobiles, and oddly clothed people, who themselves had not yet noticed him. “What is this place?†"A" pondered, “I believe it would be valid for me to say this is not my homelandâ€"I am no longer in Japan. But then...what foreign republic is this?!â€
He fell to his knees, the shear extremity of the situation was almost too much for him to bear, which surprised him. He had been trained to handle stress on a very large scale. However, never did he judge that "C's" power was this affective, this...horrific. This triggered him to a briefly ponder the source of his nervousness: was it the shock of his new surroundings? Or was it that "C" had the ability to move others through time? The thought of it made him shudder. It was embarrassing, even to him, to feel as apprehensive as he was.
He shut his eyes and inhaled a deep breath. Once more, as he gradually stood, he took to heart the thoughts of his training and his past. Sure enough, these thoughts effortlessly expelled the unease from his mind; how convenient. With that conundrum now solved, he thought it would be best to find refuge in another, more isolated, area. He turned and attempted to depart, but was only able to take a couple of steps when he was halted by a booming voice.
It came from a well-built man in a green muscle shirt at the opposite end of the basketball court, painted on his face was a sinister smile. There was another man standing at each side of the first; they, too, looked rather threatening. It was obvious these men were up to no good.
“Hey, you, weirdo...!†said the first man; there was deep, unpleasant thunder to his voice, “You think its Halloween or something?†"A" didn't respond to the man, mainly because he did not have a single clue about what he meant by ‘Halloween'. He resumed walking towards the exit of the court, but the two secondary men quickly approached and flanked him, once again bringing him to a standstill. He shifted his head from side to side, looking at both of them.
The first man leisurely paced towards him. “Hey...didn't you hear me you piece of shit!? Or are you deaf or somethin'?†He said. "A" again paid him no mind, not even bothering to look towards him when he was addressed. The burly man, now upon him, gazed into his eyes with a menacing scowl.
A few moments elapsed and "A" spoke up. “I have neither the time nor patience to idly squander with you three. Please allow me to pass.†He stated. The three men roared with laughter.
“You hear this idiot?†The first man said.
“Yeah! Sounds like he's too busy for us!†another man said.
“Well,†the first man said once more, “He'll just have to make time...†He lunged for "A", his fist floating in the air. Though he may have been in an exotic land, he knew when someone was resorting to violence. With great finesse, he swiftly dodged the man's punch, who staggered forward upon missing. Out of astonishment the man jerked his head back. “What the...?! Kick this freak's ass!†He said.
The guy to his left charged with a punch of his own; he easily evaded this one as well, moving as fluidly as a leaf in the wind. He realized, even though this fight had only progressed a few seconds that these violent men would not stop until they were dead, or at least immobile. Though, being that he was in an unfamiliar world and was certainly not in the mood for their trivial savagery, he preferred the former.
As the third man came close to strike, he swatted his arm awayâ€"like a ragdollâ€"with his left hand. He immediately followed up by chopping at the man's neck with his right and finished his combo with a spinning, mid-air kick to the face. The man let out a brief yelp and he was out with the final hit; his body twirled a few times before slamming onto the rigid concrete. “I can do this as long as needed.†"A" stated, looking at the first man. It was true; out of the plethora of things he was skilled in, a high endurance was one of them.
* * *
At that moment, "B" was about to bypass the very basketball court "A" was in. He looked to his left and crushed the brake pedal beneath his foot; he had found "A". “That's him!†"B" exclaimed. As he opened the car door, he noticed the two heinous-looking men leering at "A". It clicked in his mind, mainly due to the third man already lying unconscious on the ground, that they were attacking him.
^^^^^the above is the POV change I've been tussling with.
* * *
Like a raging tiger, the other, still-conscious man reared back with his arms above his head. His fingers were curled ferociously as if they were ready claw the sky; he lunged and thrust his hands forward. "A" was neither amused nor concerned; he would be able to triumph over such laughable tactics without so much as trying. Despite his small stature, his combat knowledge far exceeded that of these lowly ruffians.
His hands darted up and both of them were latched into place with one another. The muscled man smiledâ€""A" was positive that he was thinking he would be able to take him down.
He didn't respond immediately and allowed the man to push him backwards, treating his attempt as a joke. Then, he dropped to the ground, with something like that of a rolling motion and extended his foot outward, flipping the man over; the man slammed onto the rough, uncomfortable concrete with a deep thud. The oxygen was driven from his lungs, and shortly after, he was unconscious.
Because he had turned to grab his kusarigama, "B" did not witness the second man's defeat and was rushing for the nearest entrance of the court. Though he now had noticed the second man lying helplessly on the ground, he didn't question how he'd gotten there. He looked down at his hands as he hastily wrapped the chain around the handle of the kusarigama; it only took a few seconds. He jerked his head into the vision of "A". “Hey! Here's your kusarigama!†He yelled, underhand throwing it in his vicinity.
^^^^^the above also sounds somewhat awkward. I told myself it was being read from "A" perspective (but he's not even watching "B" do the things he's doing). Nevertheless, the reader needs to be aware of what "B" did in the above. So, I may need to fix this somehow. Suggestions?
"A", still being wary of his opponent, shifted his view. The kusarigama was still in mid-flight seemingly about to land just a couple of feet to his right. It only took a moment for him to sidestep and grab hold of its handle. He made small circular motions with his arm, allowing his weapon's chain to unfurl rather speedily. Whipping his left hand outward, he clasped the chain, did a back-flip, and assumed a battle stance.
The man in the green tank top was completely speechless; his face looked both amazed and irritated. “What the hell are you supposed to be; some kind of ninja?!†He questioned.
“No. Calling me a ninja would be giving me an improper title. A more suitable name would be...chaos incarnate.†"A" answered. He wondered if he had frightened the man enough to actually make him believe that.
Without giving much time for his opponent to react, He flung the chain. In an instant, it had coiled around his neck as tight as a viper. The man clamped his teeth and tried to reach for the chain, but "A" didn't even allow the man's fingers to meet it. He gave the chain a quick, but harsh tug andâ€"like a controlled marionetteâ€"the man staggered forward without resistance. In less than a second, "A" bent his arm back and then thrust the kusarigama into the man's stomach, piercing the man's flesh as silently and easily as butter.
"B" flinched in surprise.
^^^^^??? This okay to put in?
The man's eyes bulged and his mouth hung opened, shaking in what anyone could guess was complete anguish. A moment passed and "A" jerked the blade from the man; a gout of blood leaped from his wound. The man did not budgeâ€"the pain too overwhelming. When it seemed he was going to fall, he stamped his foot in front of him to keep balance. This was futile, though; he crashed to the ground a moment later.
He inhaled continuous deep breaths. He was pasted to the brick-walled building behind him looking back and forth at the streets, automobiles, and oddly clothed people, who themselves had not yet noticed him. “What is this place?†"A" pondered, “I believe it would be valid for me to say this is not my homelandâ€"I am no longer in Japan. But then...what foreign republic is this?!â€
He fell to his knees, the shear extremity of the situation was almost too much for him to bear, which surprised him. He had been trained to handle stress on a very large scale. However, never did he judge that "C's" power was this affective, this...horrific. This triggered him to a briefly ponder the source of his nervousness: was it the shock of his new surroundings? Or was it that "C" had the ability to move others through time? The thought of it made him shudder. It was embarrassing, even to him, to feel as apprehensive as he was.
He shut his eyes and inhaled a deep breath. Once more, as he gradually stood, he took to heart the thoughts of his training and his past. Sure enough, these thoughts effortlessly expelled the unease from his mind; how convenient. With that conundrum now solved, he thought it would be best to find refuge in another, more isolated, area. He turned and attempted to depart, but was only able to take a couple of steps when he was halted by a booming voice.
It came from a well-built man in a green muscle shirt at the opposite end of the basketball court, painted on his face was a sinister smile. There was another man standing at each side of the first; they, too, looked rather threatening. It was obvious these men were up to no good.
“Hey, you, weirdo...!†said the first man; there was deep, unpleasant thunder to his voice, “You think its Halloween or something?†"A" didn't respond to the man, mainly because he did not have a single clue about what he meant by ‘Halloween'. He resumed walking towards the exit of the court, but the two secondary men quickly approached and flanked him, once again bringing him to a standstill. He shifted his head from side to side, looking at both of them.
The first man leisurely paced towards him. “Hey...didn't you hear me you piece of shit!? Or are you deaf or somethin'?†He said. "A" again paid him no mind, not even bothering to look towards him when he was addressed. The burly man, now upon him, gazed into his eyes with a menacing scowl.
A few moments elapsed and "A" spoke up. “I have neither the time nor patience to idly squander with you three. Please allow me to pass.†He stated. The three men roared with laughter.
“You hear this idiot?†The first man said.
“Yeah! Sounds like he's too busy for us!†another man said.
“Well,†the first man said once more, “He'll just have to make time...†He lunged for "A", his fist floating in the air. Though he may have been in an exotic land, he knew when someone was resorting to violence. With great finesse, he swiftly dodged the man's punch, who staggered forward upon missing. Out of astonishment the man jerked his head back. “What the...?! Kick this freak's ass!†He said.
The guy to his left charged with a punch of his own; he easily evaded this one as well, moving as fluidly as a leaf in the wind. He realized, even though this fight had only progressed a few seconds that these violent men would not stop until they were dead, or at least immobile. Though, being that he was in an unfamiliar world and was certainly not in the mood for their trivial savagery, he preferred the former.
As the third man came close to strike, he swatted his arm awayâ€"like a ragdollâ€"with his left hand. He immediately followed up by chopping at the man's neck with his right and finished his combo with a spinning, mid-air kick to the face. The man let out a brief yelp and he was out with the final hit; his body twirled a few times before slamming onto the rigid concrete. “I can do this as long as needed.†"A" stated, looking at the first man. It was true; out of the plethora of things he was skilled in, a high endurance was one of them.
* * *
At that moment, "B" was about to bypass the very basketball court "A" was in. He looked to his left and crushed the brake pedal beneath his foot; he had found "A". “That's him!†"B" exclaimed. As he opened the car door, he noticed the two heinous-looking men leering at "A". It clicked in his mind, mainly due to the third man already lying unconscious on the ground, that they were attacking him.
^^^^^the above is the POV change I've been tussling with.
* * *
Like a raging tiger, the other, still-conscious man reared back with his arms above his head. His fingers were curled ferociously as if they were ready claw the sky; he lunged and thrust his hands forward. "A" was neither amused nor concerned; he would be able to triumph over such laughable tactics without so much as trying. Despite his small stature, his combat knowledge far exceeded that of these lowly ruffians.
His hands darted up and both of them were latched into place with one another. The muscled man smiledâ€""A" was positive that he was thinking he would be able to take him down.
He didn't respond immediately and allowed the man to push him backwards, treating his attempt as a joke. Then, he dropped to the ground, with something like that of a rolling motion and extended his foot outward, flipping the man over; the man slammed onto the rough, uncomfortable concrete with a deep thud. The oxygen was driven from his lungs, and shortly after, he was unconscious.
Because he had turned to grab his kusarigama, "B" did not witness the second man's defeat and was rushing for the nearest entrance of the court. Though he now had noticed the second man lying helplessly on the ground, he didn't question how he'd gotten there. He looked down at his hands as he hastily wrapped the chain around the handle of the kusarigama; it only took a few seconds. He jerked his head into the vision of "A". “Hey! Here's your kusarigama!†He yelled, underhand throwing it in his vicinity.
^^^^^the above also sounds somewhat awkward. I told myself it was being read from "A" perspective (but he's not even watching "B" do the things he's doing). Nevertheless, the reader needs to be aware of what "B" did in the above. So, I may need to fix this somehow. Suggestions?
"A", still being wary of his opponent, shifted his view. The kusarigama was still in mid-flight seemingly about to land just a couple of feet to his right. It only took a moment for him to sidestep and grab hold of its handle. He made small circular motions with his arm, allowing his weapon's chain to unfurl rather speedily. Whipping his left hand outward, he clasped the chain, did a back-flip, and assumed a battle stance.
The man in the green tank top was completely speechless; his face looked both amazed and irritated. “What the hell are you supposed to be; some kind of ninja?!†He questioned.
“No. Calling me a ninja would be giving me an improper title. A more suitable name would be...chaos incarnate.†"A" answered. He wondered if he had frightened the man enough to actually make him believe that.
Without giving much time for his opponent to react, He flung the chain. In an instant, it had coiled around his neck as tight as a viper. The man clamped his teeth and tried to reach for the chain, but "A" didn't even allow the man's fingers to meet it. He gave the chain a quick, but harsh tug andâ€"like a controlled marionetteâ€"the man staggered forward without resistance. In less than a second, "A" bent his arm back and then thrust the kusarigama into the man's stomach, piercing the man's flesh as silently and easily as butter.
"B" flinched in surprise.
^^^^^??? This okay to put in?
The man's eyes bulged and his mouth hung opened, shaking in what anyone could guess was complete anguish. A moment passed and "A" jerked the blade from the man; a gout of blood leaped from his wound. The man did not budgeâ€"the pain too overwhelming. When it seemed he was going to fall, he stamped his foot in front of him to keep balance. This was futile, though; he crashed to the ground a moment later.
There is more...but this is the "thugs assailing "A" scene" and that's really all I really needed help with.
And, yes, if you couldn't guess it, this is my "ninja" story that I've mentioned before.
Pages:
1



















