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MY FIRST STORY IDEA FOR THIS SITE

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I hope I am in the right forum ;)

2MOS: 200 MEN, ONE STAR

Parallel Universe
Fantasy-Sci Fi Genre (Not Hard Science)
This is just an idea, not a project so its not to complex.

In the year Q.2 475 (Q.2= Cycle 17=Q, Second Lap=2) , The Mayor Star of the Dairum System start to turn off. There were many attempts to save the humanity of Halka Bisba but just 3 towns were able to do so in this Dark Ages.

Nova Luna, A High Class Society combined with Scientific Groups survived by creating a balance in the sustainable development witouth the help of the Mayor Star using High-Tech Machines that manipulate the Water, Air, Thunder, Heat and Nuclear Energy. They Manage to keep comfortable their lives in a high improved city and give the appereance that the city havent suffer a thing since the Mayor Star turn off.

Section 909, A militarized union that risk their live by attempting to encapsulated an explotion from the Mayor Star. Fortunatly they succed and manage to survive with that energy that they call Last Sunlight (LS). They grew very few plants near the LS.

Drima Amta'u, A tiny village of monks that learned to create strange lanterns in wich a Human could put half of his soul in there and create heat. By giving half of their soul they could support 1 year witouth drinking and eating, and other vital activities reduce.

Despite they found how to survive the number of Men in Halka Bisba was decreasing, and the general human mortality age reduce to 30 years. Technologies decrease due lack of energy. The creatures that adapt to the enviroment turn incredible dangerous to survive, and the plants that manage to survive without The Mayor Star or any other energy turn were poison and strange. In Many places there was not enough air to breath, considered as radioctive areas.

Year 134 S.I (Since the incident). A new Baby born in Drima Amta'u. The 200th man on Halka Bisba. At the same time a Star fall in far lands, The last hope for surviving or just a few time more to live.

Here Is Where The Game Start. A journey for the star and a war between the three towns due the different purpose they want the star.

If someone is interested in my story idea and wanted to see more or want to use it for a game tell me and I will work on it, also if some one have suggestion I will be glad to make the necessary corrections. ;)
chana
(Socrates would certainly not contadict me!)
1584
That's a great story, wow! (I'm not a maker, but I should would like to see a talented enough maker arrange this in a game.)
Thanks for your support chana ;), Also i would like that, I am going for it.

Hmmm, I would rethink things a bit if I were you. I mean, how on earth is the Sun going to "start to turn off"? With a bit of astronomical knowledge, you could deduce that the Sun will eventually become a red giant, expand to be a lot bigger and give off a lot less light, but that's going to happen only in a good million years or so. Nowhere near 2476 AD (No idea what NA means, but I'm certain in a million years, humanity will start colonizing the other star systems, blow themselves up by then, or Jesus will come and space travel really won't matter anymore.)

Another problem I have is the "attempting to encapsulated an explotion from the Mayor Star"... erm... did you mean explosion? So... how is that going to happen? I'm not an astronomy major in any sense, but it just doesn't feel right.

This might be nitpicking, but from what I see, you're trying to go for science-fiction. Yet you have a strange tiny village of monks that can do magic. It just feels really out of place. I mean, you could do that, but it would be hard to get away with if you are supposing that the planet this takes place on is Earth.

If I were you, I'm pick a fictional start system with a fictional star going into Red Giant phase (Although, be aware, stars usually expand when they become Red Giants, so I believe this compensates for the light deficiency somewhat), and go from there. It would just be a lot more believable, and not as many people would expect hard science.

I don't mean to sound rude, but if I were playing this game, I would be breaking my brain trying to make sense of the science instead of paying attention to everything else. Just some suggestions, take it with a grain of salt.
Well the story does not develop in the planet earth, i put that the story develop in the world of Halka Bisba so its another universe, maybe i have to explain that a little more n.n'. And yes they encapsulate an explotion with the help of a machine and an spaceship, the sun was turning off so they had to pick all the energy they could before the sun turns complety off. And talking about magic, its a fictional world so i think that will be cool, and i don't want to create a hard science story, I am not so good in science and I was going more like a Final Fantasy apocalypsis thing, Fantasy-Science Fiction. Anyway thanks ;) , i need those suggestions to structure more the story

One question. I like the idea of the sun turning off, and the story is based on that, despite this is a fictional universe and because you told about that Star in red phase, would it be logical that the sun turns off just because this is a ficional story? That expanding star sounds like total apocalypsis no one is safe.

PD: NA is new age u.u' didnt know what to put, and I wanted like division of ages for avoiding putting year 245355509237589789 and keep it simple like 2475. So i think thats the only thing i put without thinking a bit :/
chana
(Socrates would certainly not contadict me!)
1584
There's a one month contest for a game which's theme is not known yet (only the 1rst of august), maybe you can offer your "services" there as story writer and dialoguist, an idea?! (sorry! forget the dialoguist, i forgot you were Spanish!)
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
And by "Final Fantasy apocalypse thing", you mean something like, I dunno, Final Fantasy - Endless Nova?

Anyway, I don't mind the story as much. I have no idea where Saya gets the impression that this string of events is happening in our solar system. I never got that impression, anyway. You seem to want to have a low number for what year this story occurs in. Which is fine, because the year doesn't actually matter. However, there's, like, five events that cause a "year 0" situation. That's a bit much, don't you think? I dunno. Your story, I guess.
Marrend: You are right, actually the year its not something that I care to much, but I also i dont want to forget those little details. Thats why in the begging with N.A (as new age, the first thing that came to my mind) but i change it for a cycle of 10,000 years that are represented with a letter and 10 laps of 1000 inside one cycle. Q.2 475= cycle 17 lap 2, year 475. so there is a year 0 every 1000 years so it will be a sistematical form to fix the no sense division of ages, and well I think that the incident or event of the mayor star is very big so it can be considered like a new age so I did it. I hope is understandable (Doubting about my english hehe).
And i just checked the story of Endless Nova... I guess... Any similarities to actual Stories is merely coincidental... u.u' stupid coincidential. n.n' anyway, What i understood is that Endless Nova is like in the apocalypsis, the difference Is that my story is based on de post-apocalypsis where there is no longer sun. So you can say the story begings in a strange alternative ending of Endless Nova with other universe and another story based on a very similar concept but yes, unconciously, I wanted to do something like Endless Nova. Now is the same but I know a Similar game have already exist :P

Chana: Cool, But I Read you need to have a group to participate. n.n' I Don´t have one and dont know how to get one. And why could I not be a Dialoguist. My english is not the best but I could do it, Like they say, nothing is written, all is rewritable, One of the best support phrases for writers ;). Also I Talk spanish but I dont came from Spain. I am from México
chana
(Socrates would certainly not contadict me!)
1584
Sorry, I got mixed up there! For the contest, to be in a group (though it's not an obligation!), you can say what are your strong points (story AND dialogue!), and is anyone interested?
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
Don't think of your game as an alternate Final Fantasy - Endless Nova. Think of it as a game that happens to share a theme from Final Fantasy - Endless Nova, albeit an altered version of that theme.

As for the event, if you're interested in joining a currently formed team, ask around the event page. There's not supposed to be an "I" in "team", but it's totally allowed to have a team of one. Indeed, as of this writing, there's only one team that has multiple members! Go figure!
\(^-^). I WILL!!! but before I will take a bath :P. maybe later I put more things about my game-story. Thanks for the support (Y)
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