Intro

"Oh No, It's My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" was developed by CrazyBabi and Marmalade using GB Studio. And was developed as part of the 1.44 Floppy Disk Event. An event where people were tasked with making a game that could fit onto a standard 3 1/2 inch floppy disk that could hold 1.44 MBs worth of data. I suppose the people running the contest could have been a little more generous.
After all, there were 3 1/2 inch floppy disks that could hold up to 2.88 MBs worth of data. Albeit that was rather uncommon format in the 90s since the drives needed to read them were rather expensive. So only really high-end systems ever bothered with them. I suppose it was a technology that just came to late to be actually useful and is probably mostly forgotten about now a days.

Oddly enough my parents actually had to buy floppy disks for my school supplies when I was a lot younger. This is because I was expected to save my homework in computer class to a floppy disk so the teacher could look it over later. Though, I'll admit the need to do so was a bit weird in retrospect since 3 1/2 inch floppy disks were already obsolete by the time I was in 6th grade for the most part. Oh well, I guess you can't expect a school to spend money on technology upgrades when you can go to the store and buy stacks of 3 1/2 inch floppy disks for a couple of bucks.

Though, I'll admit another oddity to me is that I actually have hundreds of 3 1/2 inch floppy disks in my room. This is because my dad left several sliding drawers stuffed with the damn things in the attic when he decided to move his man cave downstairs. So while some of them are old demos for "Space Ace" or disks for games like "Ultima 5". Some of them have names that suggest they probably contain pornographic images. Or at least they might still have really old pornographic images on them if the disks haven't gone bad by now.

Though I suppose I'm getting sidetrack by old technology at this point, but I'm guessing the whole point of the event this game was apart of was to relive those days of being a 90s kid and watching "Hey Arnold!" on Nickelodeon.

Story

I suppose I could have hidden this section, but the title basically gives the game's twist away. Instead of playing a virtuous hero in this game whose out to rescue the princess from an evil knight. Your playing as the evil knight's crazy ex-girlfriend that refuses to accept that she's been dumped by her honey buns. Though why she likes the evil knight is beyond me considering he's a lying piece of shit.


I know I left way too much in, but I figured it's funnier this way!

I know they say once you've tasted crazy you can't go back, but I'm guessing most of those people haven't actually tried it. After all, that evil knight must be running for those nearby hill like he's being chased by Pepé Le Pew for a good reason. Actually, it's probably a whole bunch of reasons. So many you'd need several ink wells and a bunch of old scrolls to list them all.

Gameplay

"Oh No, It's My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" is a very basic platformer where you need to find keys in order to advance and requires the player to perform some tricky jumps. Albeit those tricky jumps are a byproduct of jumping to close to the ceiling or having to worry about being to close to other platforms above you. Admittedly the latter can be taken advantage of in a few places while the former is a massive pain in the $%#.

This is because the jump button isn't as sensitive as you'd expect. So it's very easy to hit the button too hard which will result in the character slamming into the ceiling or the other platform and falling short of their target. Or you'll under jump and fall down to the previous floor. Assuming there is anything conveniently below your location. In a few places you'll fall for several floors. Thankfully long falls like that don't hurt, but needing to get back up to where you were is a massive headache.

Another headache with this game is that you don't automatically pick up keys upon walking over them. Instead you need to jump into the air and hit a certain pixel in order to pick them up for some reason.



And I have no clue why this is a thing. It's just one of those quirks you need to be aware of in order to beat this game quickly.

Another odd quirk with this game is that the weapons you gather in a stage are specific to that stage. As a result the sword in the first stage is effectively useless since you need to go out of your way to get it. In fact, the first level takes longer if you go out of your way to get the sword. So my advice is to ignore the sword and focus on perfecting your jumping skills since you'll need to do a jump that is hard enough to reach another platform while being soft enough to not go so high you end up on an annoyingly placed tightrope.

On a more positive note the character does have a health bar and you can find extra lives in some of the chests in this game. And it does include a boss battle with a dragon turtle. A choice in enemy that makes me wonder if one or both of the developers have a soft spot for Gamera, defender of children. Albeit this version spits fireballs and is incapable of flying via fire jets. On the other hand, it can kill you after it's defeated since it takes a moment for the game to realize you've nailed it with all four hammers in the third and final stage. So it can get some truly dirty revenge if your down to your last heart of your final life.


Yep the green machine can kill you even when it runs away by running towards you.

Graphics

The game features some nice custom art work and has a simple charm to it. Though I do wonder why swinging the sword makes you look like a tengu.



Oh well, at least it isn't as eyebrow raising as this shot from "Godzilla: Domination" for the Game Boy Advance.



Sound

On the plus side this game does take me back to the old days with it's music sounding like something you'd here while playing a Gameboy game. On the other hand, the music for those games tend to be rather grating which is why I tended to turn the sound off when playing most games as a kid. The same also applies here where I wish there was a volume control to turn the sound off. At least one that didn't require me to go messing around with my sound mixer.

Conclusion

"Oh No, It's My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" is a rather comedic game at points, but it's gameplay needs a bit more tweaking in a few areas. The most obvious being the hit detection for picking up keys. Seriously, why do I need to jump in the air in order to pick a key that is laying on the ground. It doesn't make any logical sense.

While I do have a few issues with the game's jumping mechanics as well. Those issues can be overcome through trial and error. So much so that I was able to master the trickier jumps in this game after beating it a few times. As a result I was able to make most of the harder jumps on my first try during my speedrun for this game.

As for my final verdict, I'd say this game is worth playing at least once. At least if your fan of jokes that break the 4th wall and are willing to accept that some parts of this game are a tad annoying.