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The short story for the first quest
ShortStar- 02/15/2011 06:33 PM
- 304 views
I need a better story for the first quest obviously. How does everyone like this one. Its better that I know now if it sucks than later. Story isn't my strong point, nor is dialog, but I do understand that to hook the player so they care to see an end to the story.
The short story is:
You are a woman (Ashley) back from school to save a friend that grew up with you (who is a princess) from an evil snake woman that kidnapped the princess when she failed to kill the king. The snake woman now holds the princess and waits for the king to come himself. The king has sent many men who haven't returned. Ashley wants to save her and didn't come all the way for nothing. The king reluctantly caves in and aggrees to put you into the party. His majesty has a plan to make sure Ashley stays safe and doesn't go.
However, after some training, Ashley goes off and creates her own party to save her friend Sylvia from Lamia. Ashley and her new party defeat. After a brief reunion with Sylvia, Lamia crashes the party and the party is victorious.
The twist:
Lamia transfered her her essence with Sylvias. So the Sylvia you saved is really Lamia in disguise. Lamia wants the king dead for vengeance on her mother. Since he never came to her, she's going to him and the party is bringing her. This will not be uncovered until later. As the princess, she can rule a kingdom with her father dead.
I've got dialog all set. Hopefully its not too long 6 pages for 1 quest.
The script:
PART 1-A
* dark screen *
ASHLEY:
My name is Ashley, but my dad always called me...
* enter name > default = Ashley *
ASHLEY:
I was abandon in a basket when I was just a week old.
ASHLEY:
The man that found and raised me was an honored knight of Cliffhaven.
ASHLEY:
He was also a good friend to King Christopher, and that’s who I’ve come to see today.
*screen brightens*
*Ashley is talking to a guard*
GUARD:
Yeah? King’s on the throne. Go see him.
* start the game with control of your character*
*talk to the king*
PART 1-B
KING CHRISTOPHER:
My dear Ashley! Look at you! It’s been years since I’ve seen you!
KING CHRISTOPHER:
How were your studies in Calanbruna?
ASHLEY:
They were good your majesty. I felt lucky to be there.
ASHLEY:
Thanks for the extra study money. I needed it for those books.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Are you staying for a visit? I will see to it that you have some quarters upstairs.
No your majesty, I’m here because of your gorgon problem.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
You’ve heard? There is little that can be done I’m afraid.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Lamia is out for vengeance against me.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
She came here a week ago to murder me in my sleep.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
When I ran to safety, she ended up taking my daughter and slithering off into the night.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
My guards were powerless to stop her and were turned against one another by her magic.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
I fear that the men I’ve sent to rescue my daughter have fallen prey to the same magic.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
I’m just going to have to give myself up to Lamia so she will spare my daughter.
PART 1-C
SIR ELLINGTON:
No your majesty!
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Ah Sir Ellington, you remember Sir Chimmil’s daughter Ashley.
SIR ELLINGTON:
Indeed.
SIR ELLINGTON:
Your majesty, I cannot let you give your life to Lamia. I will assemble a party of men.
SIR ELLINGTON:
We will make one last attempt to save Princess Sylvia.
PART 1-D
ASHLEY:
I’ll stop her, your majesty.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
What? You? You’re untrained, unskilled and well…
ASHLEY:
A girl?
ASHLEY:
Yes, which makes me immune to Lamia’s magical charm.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
I owe it to your father to forbid you to go! Throw her in the dungeon until this is over!
ASHLEY:
And I owe it to Sylvia to save her. We grew up together here in this castle.
ASHLEY:
You said you would sacrifice yourself? I would do the same your majesty.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Hmmm…
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Then you can join the rescue party with Sir Ellington…
KING CHRISTOPHER:
In the morning.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
I’m sure Sir Ellington will see to it that you get some training with a blade before you set out.
SIR ELLINGTON:
Yes Sire.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
But there’s one more thing my dear.
ASHLEY:
Yes your majesty?
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Here, 400 pieces of gold for your gesture. Thank you for coming.
ASHLEY:
To save a friend your majesty… to save a friend.
*Ashley walks off*
PART 1-E
SIR ELLINGTON:
There’s still time to throw her in the dungeon Sire.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
That’s no place for a lady.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Go and teach her some basic swordsmanship.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Then tonight, I will send a mage to cast a deep sleep spell to make sure oversleeps your departure.
PART 2-A
* Learn battle with Sir Ellington *
* Sparing you all dialog of that *
SIR ELLINGTON:
We set out tomorrow morning.
ASHLEY:
(Not if I save her and get back before then)
ASHLEY:
(But I can’t do it alone… I will need to assemble a party.)
* assemble party *
* find and speak to princess sylvia *
PART 3-A
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Who’s there?
ASHLEY:
Its me! Sylvia? Is that you?
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Well who else would it be?
ASHLEY:
Sorry, there’s a lot of stuff going on.
ASHLEY:
Four years ago when I left, I never thought I’d end up meeting you in a frozen cave.
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Is my father coming?
\n:
Why would he be?
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
I managed to get away from Lamia. Get me out of here please!
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
She’s trapped back there between the rocks! Kill her please!
\n:
Anything, little darlin’.
* fight lamia *
PART 3-B
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Oh it’s good to see you! All of you!
\n:
Hey there darlin’. I’m big \n.
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Hello there uh big \n.
\n:
I’m the one that put together this party to come save you.
ASHLEY:
Ummm...
\n:
Well no. It was Miss. Ashley that banded us together.
These are my associates \n and \n.
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Yes, of course warmest greetings to you all.
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
I will see to it that my father rewards you four.
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Now please let’s go. Take me to him! Does anyone have a return scroll?
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Otherwise we’ll need to get to that exit crystal over there.
* lamia magically transferred her essence into Sylvia long before you arrived *
* the men sent to save her, died before ever reaching her *
* return to the castle *
* get intercepted by the queen *
PART 4-A
QUEEN KRYSTA:
Sylvia? I’ve been worried sick!
QUEEN KRYSTA:
I’m so glad you’re home! Did she hurt you?
QUEEN KRYSTA:
Do you know that your father was contemplating sacrificing himself for you?
QUEEN KRYSTA:
Then I’d lose you both! Do you know what that would do to me?
QUEEN KRYSTA:
Cliffhaven would be left without a royal family...
QUEEN KRYSTA:
*hug*
QUEEN KRYSTA:
Welcome home.
QUEEN KRYSTA:
Look at you Sylvia! You’re so dirty! Let’s get you upstairs immediately for a bath!
QUEEN KRYSTA:
I may need to call the mages to just insta-clean you.
PART 4-B
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Well. Well. Well...
SIR ELLINGTON:
Sir Chimmil’s daughter.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Went off by herself to rescue her friend.
SIR ELLINGTON:
That’s quite noble of her Sire.
ASHLEY:
Thank you Sir Ellington.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
It looks like she and her party did your job for you.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Do you suppose that I should award her your pay Sir Ellington?
SIR ELLINGTON:
If it pleases you, Sire.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Hmmm... Nay. That is not great enough to celebrate your heroism!
KING CHRISTOPHER:
What I will do...
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Is have a bridge built in your honor!
KING CHRISTOPHER:
On the each side will be depicted an epic battle carved in stone...
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Between your party and Lamia.
\n:
Really? That’s it?
SIR ELLINGTON:
You would scoff at the king’s generosity?
\n:
Calm down... No Sir.
ASHLEY:
Perhaps \n cannot understand the long term benefits of immortality in stone form.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Think of it... The fame of everyone recognizes your chiseled mug.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
You will be rewarded in ways you can’t imagine.
SIR ELLINGTON:
It’s more than just petty gold that you waste for fifteen minutes of fun in a harem.
ASHLEY:
You have King Christopher’s gratitude my friend. That’s worth a lot more.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
I will have my mages get started immediately on it!
PART 4-C
ASHLEY:
If I may be so bold to ask. Why did Lamia want revenge on you your majesty?
KING CHRISTOPHER:
It seems like a lifetime ago, but when I was a young prince…
KING CHRISTOPHER:
We received word that a gorgon was kidnapping young women from a village.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
My father was prepared to dispatch his bravest men to slay her.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
But I was a brash prince, eager to impress my father.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
The night before the men were sent out, I gathered a party and we set off to destroy the gorgon.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
We did just that, but I was the only one left standing.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
My comrades were left dead around me.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
In anguish, I smashed all of her eggs, so no gorgon would ever be a problem in Cliffhaven again.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Apparently, I had missed an egg.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
It looks like you followed in my footsteps my dear.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Not much longer after defeating the gorgon, my father passed away and gave me Cliffhaven.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Perhaps I should clutch this scepter a little tighter.
The short story is:
You are a woman (Ashley) back from school to save a friend that grew up with you (who is a princess) from an evil snake woman that kidnapped the princess when she failed to kill the king. The snake woman now holds the princess and waits for the king to come himself. The king has sent many men who haven't returned. Ashley wants to save her and didn't come all the way for nothing. The king reluctantly caves in and aggrees to put you into the party. His majesty has a plan to make sure Ashley stays safe and doesn't go.
However, after some training, Ashley goes off and creates her own party to save her friend Sylvia from Lamia. Ashley and her new party defeat. After a brief reunion with Sylvia, Lamia crashes the party and the party is victorious.
The twist:
Lamia transfered her her essence with Sylvias. So the Sylvia you saved is really Lamia in disguise. Lamia wants the king dead for vengeance on her mother. Since he never came to her, she's going to him and the party is bringing her. This will not be uncovered until later. As the princess, she can rule a kingdom with her father dead.
I've got dialog all set. Hopefully its not too long 6 pages for 1 quest.
The script:
PART 1-A
* dark screen *
ASHLEY:
My name is Ashley, but my dad always called me...
* enter name > default = Ashley *
ASHLEY:
I was abandon in a basket when I was just a week old.
ASHLEY:
The man that found and raised me was an honored knight of Cliffhaven.
ASHLEY:
He was also a good friend to King Christopher, and that’s who I’ve come to see today.
*screen brightens*
*Ashley is talking to a guard*
GUARD:
Yeah? King’s on the throne. Go see him.
* start the game with control of your character*
*talk to the king*
PART 1-B
KING CHRISTOPHER:
My dear Ashley! Look at you! It’s been years since I’ve seen you!
KING CHRISTOPHER:
How were your studies in Calanbruna?
ASHLEY:
They were good your majesty. I felt lucky to be there.
ASHLEY:
Thanks for the extra study money. I needed it for those books.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Are you staying for a visit? I will see to it that you have some quarters upstairs.
No your majesty, I’m here because of your gorgon problem.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
You’ve heard? There is little that can be done I’m afraid.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Lamia is out for vengeance against me.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
She came here a week ago to murder me in my sleep.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
When I ran to safety, she ended up taking my daughter and slithering off into the night.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
My guards were powerless to stop her and were turned against one another by her magic.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
I fear that the men I’ve sent to rescue my daughter have fallen prey to the same magic.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
I’m just going to have to give myself up to Lamia so she will spare my daughter.
PART 1-C
SIR ELLINGTON:
No your majesty!
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Ah Sir Ellington, you remember Sir Chimmil’s daughter Ashley.
SIR ELLINGTON:
Indeed.
SIR ELLINGTON:
Your majesty, I cannot let you give your life to Lamia. I will assemble a party of men.
SIR ELLINGTON:
We will make one last attempt to save Princess Sylvia.
PART 1-D
ASHLEY:
I’ll stop her, your majesty.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
What? You? You’re untrained, unskilled and well…
ASHLEY:
A girl?
ASHLEY:
Yes, which makes me immune to Lamia’s magical charm.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
I owe it to your father to forbid you to go! Throw her in the dungeon until this is over!
ASHLEY:
And I owe it to Sylvia to save her. We grew up together here in this castle.
ASHLEY:
You said you would sacrifice yourself? I would do the same your majesty.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Hmmm…
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Then you can join the rescue party with Sir Ellington…
KING CHRISTOPHER:
In the morning.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
I’m sure Sir Ellington will see to it that you get some training with a blade before you set out.
SIR ELLINGTON:
Yes Sire.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
But there’s one more thing my dear.
ASHLEY:
Yes your majesty?
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Here, 400 pieces of gold for your gesture. Thank you for coming.
ASHLEY:
To save a friend your majesty… to save a friend.
*Ashley walks off*
PART 1-E
SIR ELLINGTON:
There’s still time to throw her in the dungeon Sire.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
That’s no place for a lady.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Go and teach her some basic swordsmanship.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Then tonight, I will send a mage to cast a deep sleep spell to make sure oversleeps your departure.
PART 2-A
* Learn battle with Sir Ellington *
* Sparing you all dialog of that *
SIR ELLINGTON:
We set out tomorrow morning.
ASHLEY:
(Not if I save her and get back before then)
ASHLEY:
(But I can’t do it alone… I will need to assemble a party.)
* assemble party *
* find and speak to princess sylvia *
PART 3-A
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Who’s there?
ASHLEY:
Its me! Sylvia? Is that you?
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Well who else would it be?
ASHLEY:
Sorry, there’s a lot of stuff going on.
ASHLEY:
Four years ago when I left, I never thought I’d end up meeting you in a frozen cave.
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Is my father coming?
\n:
Why would he be?
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
I managed to get away from Lamia. Get me out of here please!
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
She’s trapped back there between the rocks! Kill her please!
\n:
Anything, little darlin’.
* fight lamia *
PART 3-B
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Oh it’s good to see you! All of you!
\n:
Hey there darlin’. I’m big \n.
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Hello there uh big \n.
\n:
I’m the one that put together this party to come save you.
ASHLEY:
Ummm...
\n:
Well no. It was Miss. Ashley that banded us together.
These are my associates \n and \n.
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Yes, of course warmest greetings to you all.
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
I will see to it that my father rewards you four.
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Now please let’s go. Take me to him! Does anyone have a return scroll?
PRINCESS SYLVIA:
Otherwise we’ll need to get to that exit crystal over there.
* lamia magically transferred her essence into Sylvia long before you arrived *
* the men sent to save her, died before ever reaching her *
* return to the castle *
* get intercepted by the queen *
PART 4-A
QUEEN KRYSTA:
Sylvia? I’ve been worried sick!
QUEEN KRYSTA:
I’m so glad you’re home! Did she hurt you?
QUEEN KRYSTA:
Do you know that your father was contemplating sacrificing himself for you?
QUEEN KRYSTA:
Then I’d lose you both! Do you know what that would do to me?
QUEEN KRYSTA:
Cliffhaven would be left without a royal family...
QUEEN KRYSTA:
*hug*
QUEEN KRYSTA:
Welcome home.
QUEEN KRYSTA:
Look at you Sylvia! You’re so dirty! Let’s get you upstairs immediately for a bath!
QUEEN KRYSTA:
I may need to call the mages to just insta-clean you.
PART 4-B
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Well. Well. Well...
SIR ELLINGTON:
Sir Chimmil’s daughter.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Went off by herself to rescue her friend.
SIR ELLINGTON:
That’s quite noble of her Sire.
ASHLEY:
Thank you Sir Ellington.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
It looks like she and her party did your job for you.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Do you suppose that I should award her your pay Sir Ellington?
SIR ELLINGTON:
If it pleases you, Sire.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Hmmm... Nay. That is not great enough to celebrate your heroism!
KING CHRISTOPHER:
What I will do...
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Is have a bridge built in your honor!
KING CHRISTOPHER:
On the each side will be depicted an epic battle carved in stone...
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Between your party and Lamia.
\n:
Really? That’s it?
SIR ELLINGTON:
You would scoff at the king’s generosity?
\n:
Calm down... No Sir.
ASHLEY:
Perhaps \n cannot understand the long term benefits of immortality in stone form.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Think of it... The fame of everyone recognizes your chiseled mug.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
You will be rewarded in ways you can’t imagine.
SIR ELLINGTON:
It’s more than just petty gold that you waste for fifteen minutes of fun in a harem.
ASHLEY:
You have King Christopher’s gratitude my friend. That’s worth a lot more.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
I will have my mages get started immediately on it!
PART 4-C
ASHLEY:
If I may be so bold to ask. Why did Lamia want revenge on you your majesty?
KING CHRISTOPHER:
It seems like a lifetime ago, but when I was a young prince…
KING CHRISTOPHER:
We received word that a gorgon was kidnapping young women from a village.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
My father was prepared to dispatch his bravest men to slay her.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
But I was a brash prince, eager to impress my father.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
The night before the men were sent out, I gathered a party and we set off to destroy the gorgon.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
We did just that, but I was the only one left standing.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
My comrades were left dead around me.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
In anguish, I smashed all of her eggs, so no gorgon would ever be a problem in Cliffhaven again.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Apparently, I had missed an egg.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
It looks like you followed in my footsteps my dear.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Not much longer after defeating the gorgon, my father passed away and gave me Cliffhaven.
KING CHRISTOPHER:
Perhaps I should clutch this scepter a little tighter.










