Zero's Impossible Fortress

I know what you’re thinking. “lol Soli I’m sure it can’t be that hard, you just suck!” To that I just say “Hahahahaha.” Welcome to the Impossible. A thousand deaths await you.

The game has a very simple premise. The evil Emperor Zero is sick of that stupid hero always breaking into his fortress and ruining his plans. He decides to resolve this situation by simply removing all the platforms from his fortress, thus making it impossible to navigate. Now no one will ever rescue the poor maiden!

You take control of the hero, and guide him through many dangerous side-scrolling levels. You must jump from platform to platform while avoiding deadly traps and pitfalls with the aid of Mega Platforms, a portable platform creation service. In places where the hero needs an extra platform to proceed, the player can actually draw it in for him with the mouse!

Sounds easy, right?



Level Design 3.5/5 :

The game starts innocently enough. You’ll get a few levels to get used to the mechanics of the game. Your hero has a very basic command set, he can move left or right with the WASD keys, and jump with the space bar. The controls for it are functional but perhaps not quite as perfect as would be ideal for a platforming game like this. Once you jump, you are committed and cannot really control your falling the way you can in many similar games. This can make it a little hard to hit tiny platforms.

Your other important mechanic is Mega Platforms. In each stage you are required to pick up two items: A platform item that gives you a certain number of platforms you can draw, and Ink for your platforms (which goes down for each pixel you draw, effectively limiting how long you can make each platform.) You can draw these platforms in with the mouse if the hero needs some help to proceed. Basically, it’s Mario meets Harold and the Purple Crayon.

Each level will require you to draw a certain number of platforms to reach the exit. While drawing platforms with your mouse, the game slows down into a sort of “bullet time” (platform time?) and if you’re quick, you can even draw a platform under your hapless hero as he falls if you see he is about to plummet to his doom. Additionally, there are multiple types of platform that you encounter on your trek through the fortress, such as falling platforms, platforms that move up and down or side to side, or platforms that function as bouncy spring boards.. You’ll also be introduced to a few basic traps such as spikes which you will be required to avoid on your quest. Your hero dies from only one hit, so watch your head!

You’ll have a certain number of lives to clear each world. Each world consists of a certain number of “levels,” and sometimes worlds hold secret levels that let you advance instantly to the next. Finally, once you reach a certain world you will be forever free to skip immediately to that world from the tile screen. If you run out of lives you will have to start a world over from the beginning, but many levels contain respawning extra lives if you are skilled enough to retrieve them.

While the first few levels seem simple enough, it doesn’t take long before the difficulty level goes crazy. This game is brutal. It is merciless. It will redefine what you consider a difficult platform level. It will take the difficulty and crank it up to eleven, and then go higher. Later areas in the game introduce more dangerous obstacles such as disappearing floors and walls, Metroid-style passages that require you to shrink yourself to pass through, After a while it will almost seem as though the designer is mocking you with how hard each level is. Of course, the harder the level, the more satisfying when you finally beat it!

For the most part, the game is great fun. The mechanics are clever, the levels are very well-designed (and very sadistic), and its most enjoyable when you can take the time to appreciate just how well-crafted the game is. However, in many later levels you are forced to race through levels so quickly you won’t have time to enjoy it. Later levels are pure suffering. It becomes an exercise in frustration akin to the rote memorization needed in I Wanna Be The Guy or the more obnoxious Mario hacks. Some require you to place every single platform absolutely perfectly or you will fail. I feel like this premise could have been better used in a game that wasn’t so mind-breakingly difficult.



There are a few other problems as well. Pixel collision is very unforgiving, you’ll occasionally suffer a cheap death because a nearby spike nicked your toe. And the life limit really feels like an unnecessary feature, a classic case of fake difficulty that obliges you to start over and redo puzzles you have already cleared before being able to advance. Finally, in a few levels it is possible to trap yourself, unable to die or advance, obliging you to start the game over and lose your progress.

Characters and Story: 3/5

The game begins with a delightfully Engrish intro explaining the circumstances of the game and establishing the premise. This is the only story we get. This is a platformer game and was obviously never meant have a focus on story so it won’t factor into my review much.

However, after a while of playing this game, something occurred to me. Emperor Zero was simply the most nefarious villain of all time. The brilliant simplicity of his strategy was to create a labyrinth of endless torture that the hero (and the player) willingly subjects himself to until the hopelessness warps his brain and destroys him forever. King Bowser never had level design of this quality. After facing the true horror of Zero’s wrath I was unable to overcome him, and the knowledge that I failed to stop him and he is still out there, plotting , haunts my dreams to this very day.



Music and Sound 3/5:
There are only two tracks, the title theme and the level theme. Both are delightful little midis that create the atmosphere of a an old-school platform game. The only downside is you’ll be hearing that same tune a lot. I guess it is possible later levels have different music, but I certainly didn’t get far enough to find any.

Overall 3.5/5:
As you’ve probably deduced by now, I was unable to finish this game. In fact, I don’t think I even got that far! It is still a very fun game, but reader beware: this game is brutal. Download at your own risk. You have been warned.