STATUS

NEW YORK -- The Rangers fired combative coach John Tortorella on Wednesday, four days after New York was eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Tortorella was unexpectedly dismissed with one year left on his contract. He led the Rangers to the Eastern Conference finals last year and into the second round this year before New York was eliminated in five games by the Boston Bruins.

Quickly, HE'S AVAILABLE! He may not know anything about the "Three Tile Rule," but he can sure deliver some amazing pep speeches and sudden insults to noobs that violate the rules. Kentona! NOW'S THE TIME TO SPEND THAT DONATION MONEY WE'VE ALL GIVEN UP AND HIRE US A "REAL MAN!!!" :D

Quickly, before some shit team, like the Florida Panthers scoop his ass up.

B...But think of his many wives and multiple children!?

HOW CAN YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON THEM!?

AW, GREAT, NOW HE'S OUR COACH FOR THE CANUCKS!!!