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Content creation (artistic)
author=Garageauthor=MuteGood questions, these.
Hey what is up guys, it's been a couple minutes
How many separate events should a character's story have?
Also, how long can any single event be before it's too long to enjoy?
I thought about that several times over; but I'm still not sure to have an answer.
I just hope you're not the standard because Nadeshiko is nearly 14 thousand lines long ;-;
That's a complement, Nadeshiko is great
Content creation (artistic)
Hey what is up guys, it's been a couple minutes
How many separate events should a character's story have?
Also, how long can any single event be before it's too long to enjoy?
How many separate events should a character's story have?
Also, how long can any single event be before it's too long to enjoy?
Content creation (artistic)
author=BasedMGYou're alive!
What's this? BasedMG, back from the dead?...but I can't realistically look at it and say I'm content with what kind of story what would write
Tl;dr: Should I go heavy on the drama and issues, or lay it back more and focus on the kind of slice-of-lifey romance that Heartache is known for?**
Cheers!
**That's not to say Heartache doesn't have character conflicts, but it seems they're a bit more subdued than the kind I was going to write.
Write the type of story that you'd want to read if it were published. You say you're not content with a heavily dramatic story... so why do you still have that as an option? If you dislike it, don't write it. Plain and simple.
If you're worried that someone won't like a dramatic story, don't be. That someone can just uninstall and read something else. The people who are interested in that will be there to read it.
Content creation (artistic)
author=Kevincalanor
Side note: Updated the showcase post on the first page, plus fanciness to plus attention x3
Pretty! The only issue is that you misspelled Heartache as Hearthache. This quick access to all the extra stuff for authors is definitely gonna be useful. I just wish the beta access list would be longer.
Content creation (technical)
author=Ilan14
Hi, I wanted to reserve the ID #60 for my character.
Here's some information about her:
Her name is Yuuki Makoda (Just for clarification, Yuuki is her first name).P.S. : Is there a way to make a custom character have a relation with a built-in character?
All the built-ins already have their relation slots taken up, so no. :<
Content creation (artistic)
Hey, Kevin, why isn't Eliza's route released yet? What do you need to finish? You have a completed story. Do you want feedback? Are you feeling hesitant about releasing it? Do you just need the text to be in proper English? Tell us. We (or at least I) will help you.
Content creation (artistic)
author=BDFalcon
The first outfit incorporates all of the colors of the week, something I'm sure enough people here are familiar with, but it also feels like a little much. ^.^; The second version is much less overwhelming, but I'm still fond of the colors of the week thing, so... I'm ultimately asking for input on whether or not the first one is too much. ^.^;
The first outfit is more vivid. She looks prettier with that one, and the colors aren't very distracting IMO.
author=Marrend
From what I've seen, I can reasonably assume she's self-delusional about her relationship with <player>. Even if that assumption is false, I certainly don't think <player> is putting as much stock in his actions toward her as she is.
I only recall seeing two events where she cries. Even if there are more, she could be emotionally immature for her age. Maybe she was spoiled as a child, always getting what she wanted? Maybe she didn't think she needed friends (thus, why she's so socially awkward) because her parents doted on her? Though, that would more than suggest that she comes from a rich family. So, why would she be at a school like Hayauchi?
That's why I brought up the second point. If we knew about Fuyuki's past and what shaped her to be the way she is, that'd be great. But right now, that information isn't in the story, so it looks like she's immature just because she can be.
Content creation (artistic)
author=Fuyuki
Well, seems that my game is cracked or something *sigh* I can't run it correctly.
I didn't test it all, but, well... Here is it. I just finish the main story, so I really want your feed back to complete it ^^
Well, I read through the main story files. It's very clear that this project isn't finished. There are a lot of grammar mistakes, and some conflicts with the established setting, which we try to follow 100%. Not huge issues, these can be fixed, and it's great that you've managed to type the story itself. So, here are the main issues (IMO), summarized:
1. Fuyuki is too childish for her age.
She starts crying just because she can't find her classroom, a fever is capable of making her faint, she can't handle herself in social situations, and she gets attached to the <player> way too easily. She feels like a damsel-in-distress, until the second story file, when she becomes the <player>'s demon girfriend. There better be a damn good reason for her being so.. under-developed for a 17-year old girl.
2. There's no backstory for Fuyuki.
We don't get to find out what caused Fuyuki to become a crazy, broken-down monster of a girl. Literally, the only backstory we have about her is that she was in the same class as Takuya in elementary school, and that her parents both go to work. If the <player> and Fuyuki are dating, they should know a lot more about each other. Use the time they spend together and their conversations to give the readers some info about Fuyuki's present and past life, please.
3. Miki should not be the only one who is put in danger.
21 Ways and Seira both have this exact thing. You date them enough, you start to lose your relationship with Miki, or even put her in danger. Why Miki only? Is it too much to make a series of stories for other characters as well? If Fuyuki is stalking the <player> at this point, she should be able to see all his interactions with girls, and her "<player> is only mine; eliminate those who attempt to change this" mentality will kick in. If you want this to make sense, you'll need to have stories for every character.
4. Fuyuki is too good at avoiding arrest.
She tries to stab Miki, then a teacher sees, and what does she do? She literally *disappears*, as you put it. She throws down a smoke bomb and leaps into a nearby tree like the ninja she is, apparently. Next day, she comes back to the school with her bag and uniform as if no staff members reported her to the police for attempted assault. She apparently also did something so bad to the dude who tried to romance her that he transferred to another school just to get away from her. I dunno what kinky, demonic crap he went through, but I refuse to believe Fuyuki could do something like that without being caught.
She starts crying just because she can't find her classroom, a fever is capable of making her faint, she can't handle herself in social situations, and she gets attached to the <player> way too easily. She feels like a damsel-in-distress, until the second story file, when she becomes the <player>'s demon girfriend. There better be a damn good reason for her being so.. under-developed for a 17-year old girl.
2. There's no backstory for Fuyuki.
We don't get to find out what caused Fuyuki to become a crazy, broken-down monster of a girl. Literally, the only backstory we have about her is that she was in the same class as Takuya in elementary school, and that her parents both go to work. If the <player> and Fuyuki are dating, they should know a lot more about each other. Use the time they spend together and their conversations to give the readers some info about Fuyuki's present and past life, please.
3. Miki should not be the only one who is put in danger.
21 Ways and Seira both have this exact thing. You date them enough, you start to lose your relationship with Miki, or even put her in danger. Why Miki only? Is it too much to make a series of stories for other characters as well? If Fuyuki is stalking the <player> at this point, she should be able to see all his interactions with girls, and her "<player> is only mine; eliminate those who attempt to change this" mentality will kick in. If you want this to make sense, you'll need to have stories for every character.
4. Fuyuki is too good at avoiding arrest.
She tries to stab Miki, then a teacher sees, and what does she do? She literally *disappears*, as you put it. She throws down a smoke bomb and leaps into a nearby tree like the ninja she is, apparently. Next day, she comes back to the school with her bag and uniform as if no staff members reported her to the police for attempted assault. She apparently also did something so bad to the dude who tried to romance her that he transferred to another school just to get away from her. I dunno what kinky, demonic crap he went through, but I refuse to believe Fuyuki could do something like that without being caught.
There are probably other issues that I didn't notice or forgot to put in this list, so if others could find them for me, that'd be superb. Don't be discouraged by this list; I do like the story.
Good job, I guess.
Content creation (artistic)
author=Marrend
That eye-edit you're looking for might be a bit difficult for me. I guess I'll fool around in GIMP for a spell, though.
*Edit: Well, here's a supremely hack attempt at taking the eyes that you posted, and editing them to fit with the base tachie. I totally don't expect this to pass inspection.
Oh god, it's as scary as the wasp-waist girl from way back.
Finished content
Review: Playtime with the Magic Girl
- Kuwabara Emiko by Marrend
This route was quite an interesting experience, to say the least. The route is a little quirky at first, seeing as how the player attempts to date a woman who he assumes to be in college.. and actually turns out to be past college. Not only that, but this route contains plenty of references to games made by RMN, including Heartache itself. Emiko is practically a huge advertisement. Even past that, she's like an in-universe stand-in for the author, and the story has some mythical themes later on.
Unfortunately, I feel like Marrend wasn't taking this route so seriously, or maybe he just lost some of his arcane charm, because it was just satisfactory for me. But, this is a completely subjective review, so it might just be that this story didn't appeal to me personally.
STORY: 4/5
- The events that happens between the characters.
Pretty cool. I will say that it's not amazing. The story did not leave me with a charm that, say, Riho or Junko did. The story mostly takes place at the Market Street, seeing as how Emiko works there. The initial part, for me, was annoying. Marrend was trying to drill through the fourth wall, I tell you. The amount of references just left me feeling like I was watching a commercial. Well, of course it wasn't that bad, but it still left something of a sour taste in my mouth.
However, it's really adorable seeing the two bond through goddamn video games. I don't know how plausible that is, but I'm willing to ignore that. They form a relationship at a nice pace, going slow enough to show that Emiko has a life away from the player, and yet fast enough for the major events to happen when they need to, and when the reader wants them to.
Now.. I'm not a major fan of fantasy in my realistic, slice-of-life Heartache world. That's why the latter portion of the route, when Emiko finds out she is a MAGICAL WIZARD FROM ANOTHER WORLD*, killed me a little bit. That's more of a personal issue, really. I would have rated this lower if Marrend failed to make the bonding and romancing interesting. You can see the subtle and less subtle bonding between the two protagonists during Emiko's crisis/the fantasy events, and it was that development that let me survive.
*Not really. I'm not actually sure. The route itself does not tell us where she got the powers from directly, but I'm guessing one of Marrend's games would explain it well enough.
CHARACTERIZATION: 3/5
- The characters themselves and how they contribute to the story.
Good, I guess. Emiko is pretty solid. She's a person. She has friends, family, habits, tendencies, mannerisms, etc., but I feel like she's way too solid. In the beginning of the story, she seems to be completely fine. She was stable and supporting herself well, she had no issues of any sort, and the main conflict isn't about the person, it's about the person's magic powers. Other characters have their own problems that affect them.. not their bodies, that reflect on how they act and what they do. Emiko could have been any random shmuck, but the crisis would still be able to apply to them.
I wanted to support her as she dealt with her personal problems. Since I couldn't.. I wasn't so satisfied.
The player feels more like Marrend than flowerthief's player, but Marrend writes the player well enough so I didn't notice this until I read the story a second time. He doesn't change very much throughout the story, but I guess Emiko and the player clicked. There wasn't a need for him to change much.
EXPERIENCE: 4.5/5
- How smoothly the route goes for the reader.
Great. There are some missing brackets and periods, but otherwise, no issues that can be accredited to you.
CONTENT: 2.5/5
- The amount of stuff there is to do.
Well, fuck. I so badly want to give Marrend another 1/2 point here for finally managing to write forty main-route stories on one character (this is an accomplishment for him), but it's still only forty damn stories.
OVERALL SCORE: 14/20
This would be, like.. B-. Satisfactory. For me, that's good enough.
I'm not a professional reviewer. This is completely subjective. I probably missed a lot of things, and some of this info might be incorrect, so don't take this review too seriously.
- Kuwabara Emiko by Marrend
This route was quite an interesting experience, to say the least. The route is a little quirky at first, seeing as how the player attempts to date a woman who he assumes to be in college.. and actually turns out to be past college. Not only that, but this route contains plenty of references to games made by RMN, including Heartache itself. Emiko is practically a huge advertisement. Even past that, she's like an in-universe stand-in for the author, and the story has some mythical themes later on.
Unfortunately, I feel like Marrend wasn't taking this route so seriously, or maybe he just lost some of his arcane charm, because it was just satisfactory for me. But, this is a completely subjective review, so it might just be that this story didn't appeal to me personally.
STORY: 4/5
- The events that happens between the characters.
Pretty cool. I will say that it's not amazing. The story did not leave me with a charm that, say, Riho or Junko did. The story mostly takes place at the Market Street, seeing as how Emiko works there. The initial part, for me, was annoying. Marrend was trying to drill through the fourth wall, I tell you. The amount of references just left me feeling like I was watching a commercial. Well, of course it wasn't that bad, but it still left something of a sour taste in my mouth.
However, it's really adorable seeing the two bond through goddamn video games. I don't know how plausible that is, but I'm willing to ignore that. They form a relationship at a nice pace, going slow enough to show that Emiko has a life away from the player, and yet fast enough for the major events to happen when they need to, and when the reader wants them to.
Now.. I'm not a major fan of fantasy in my realistic, slice-of-life Heartache world. That's why the latter portion of the route, when Emiko finds out she is a MAGICAL WIZARD FROM ANOTHER WORLD*, killed me a little bit. That's more of a personal issue, really. I would have rated this lower if Marrend failed to make the bonding and romancing interesting. You can see the subtle and less subtle bonding between the two protagonists during Emiko's crisis/the fantasy events, and it was that development that let me survive.
*Not really. I'm not actually sure. The route itself does not tell us where she got the powers from directly, but I'm guessing one of Marrend's games would explain it well enough.
CHARACTERIZATION: 3/5
- The characters themselves and how they contribute to the story.
Good, I guess. Emiko is pretty solid. She's a person. She has friends, family, habits, tendencies, mannerisms, etc., but I feel like she's way too solid. In the beginning of the story, she seems to be completely fine. She was stable and supporting herself well, she had no issues of any sort, and the main conflict isn't about the person, it's about the person's magic powers. Other characters have their own problems that affect them.. not their bodies, that reflect on how they act and what they do. Emiko could have been any random shmuck, but the crisis would still be able to apply to them.
I wanted to support her as she dealt with her personal problems. Since I couldn't.. I wasn't so satisfied.
The player feels more like Marrend than flowerthief's player, but Marrend writes the player well enough so I didn't notice this until I read the story a second time. He doesn't change very much throughout the story, but I guess Emiko and the player clicked. There wasn't a need for him to change much.
EXPERIENCE: 4.5/5
- How smoothly the route goes for the reader.
Great. There are some missing brackets and periods, but otherwise, no issues that can be accredited to you.
CONTENT: 2.5/5
- The amount of stuff there is to do.
Well, fuck. I so badly want to give Marrend another 1/2 point here for finally managing to write forty main-route stories on one character (this is an accomplishment for him), but it's still only forty damn stories.
OVERALL SCORE: 14/20
This would be, like.. B-. Satisfactory. For me, that's good enough.
I'm not a professional reviewer. This is completely subjective. I probably missed a lot of things, and some of this info might be incorrect, so don't take this review too seriously.
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