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THE MIDDLE FINGER'S OF NORMAL SIZE I DON'T GET WHAT

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Okay. Find some baking soda, pour some on your stump, and when the acid has eaten your finger to the desired length (measure carefully), dump baking soda on it so that no more gets removed.

Wash them off, put the detached finger on ice, and wait calmly for the ambulance to arrive so that they can take you to have it reattached. Possibly.

...You're paying close attention, right?
Grow another finger on your palm so you can be awesome like that.
Cut off your other middle finger, so they match.
Get a proesthetic finger that doubles as a MILK DISPENSER
Rent the middle finger out to a troupe of travelling Irish gypsies and they will give you lots of shiny bottletops for it!
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