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I'M WRITTING A NEW HIP-HOP SONG, I NEED OPPINIONS
Posts
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1
Jparker1984
2008
Jparker1984
View playlists
CloseI've been doing hip-hop music since 2001. I just recently started a new song, it's called "Trapped." I'ts about someone really struggling to take care of their family and every day life. It's a bit about my own personal sittuation, but more so a song everyone would be able to relate to. Here's the refrain and the first verse. Let me know what you all think, thanks.
"TRAPPED"
refraine
I'm feeling trapped in lap running around all the time I barley make a dime im in a hard time i dont know what to do but I'm doing my best I'm still at a loss you can see it in my face i have the devotion but I lack the emotion I know where I'm at but I still feel lost
I'm feeling trapped in lap running around all the time I barley make a dime im in a hard time i dont know what to do but I'm doing my best I'm still at a loss you can see it in my face i have the devotion but I lack the emotion I know where I'm at but I still feel lost
verse 1
It's kinda like the time is dying working so hard so you know that I'm trying but every waking day ya knows it seems like I'm crying I got the love of my life my wonderful wife my whole world my little baby girl and it hurts to know that I cant support them the way that I want to I aint playing if ya wanna take a bet I got credit card debt imagine how it feels I'm behind on the bills months at a time it's like I'm digging a hole that I can't climb out it's like one big problem that I can't figure out If ya haven't heard me yet let me say it like this
(TALK)
It's like you work so hard your whole life and you still feel like you have almost nothing ofcourse you got your friends and family telling you it will be ok and you tell them you understand but do you really It sucks feeling like your best isn't good enough imagine havng to tell your kid they can't have that 3.00 snack because you can't afford it the pain is deep
refraine
I'm feeling trapped in lap running around all the time I barley make a dime im in a hard time i dont know what to do but I'm doing my best I'm still at a loss you can see it in my face i have the devotion but I lack the emotion I know where I'm at but I still feel lost
I'm feeling trapped in lap running around all the time I barley make a dime im in a hard time i dont know what to do but I'm doing my best I'm still at a loss you can see it in my face i have the devotion but I lack the emotion I know where I'm at but I still feel lost
"TRAPPED"
refraine
I'm feeling trapped in lap running around all the time I barley make a dime im in a hard time i dont know what to do but I'm doing my best I'm still at a loss you can see it in my face i have the devotion but I lack the emotion I know where I'm at but I still feel lost
I'm feeling trapped in lap running around all the time I barley make a dime im in a hard time i dont know what to do but I'm doing my best I'm still at a loss you can see it in my face i have the devotion but I lack the emotion I know where I'm at but I still feel lost
verse 1
It's kinda like the time is dying working so hard so you know that I'm trying but every waking day ya knows it seems like I'm crying I got the love of my life my wonderful wife my whole world my little baby girl and it hurts to know that I cant support them the way that I want to I aint playing if ya wanna take a bet I got credit card debt imagine how it feels I'm behind on the bills months at a time it's like I'm digging a hole that I can't climb out it's like one big problem that I can't figure out If ya haven't heard me yet let me say it like this
(TALK)
It's like you work so hard your whole life and you still feel like you have almost nothing ofcourse you got your friends and family telling you it will be ok and you tell them you understand but do you really It sucks feeling like your best isn't good enough imagine havng to tell your kid they can't have that 3.00 snack because you can't afford it the pain is deep
refraine
I'm feeling trapped in lap running around all the time I barley make a dime im in a hard time i dont know what to do but I'm doing my best I'm still at a loss you can see it in my face i have the devotion but I lack the emotion I know where I'm at but I still feel lost
I'm feeling trapped in lap running around all the time I barley make a dime im in a hard time i dont know what to do but I'm doing my best I'm still at a loss you can see it in my face i have the devotion but I lack the emotion I know where I'm at but I still feel lost
Jparker1984
2008
author=SnowOwl
You have truly touched my very being with your phat rhymes.
Obvious sarcasm, does that mean you don't like it?
Did anyone else imagine Mike Shinoda rapping this?
It's kinda hard to judge lyrics out of context with no music.
It's kinda hard to judge lyrics out of context with no music.
trentinxd
12
Maybe make it to where the person your talking about is in third person? Find a site with some free beats and spit the game and then see what people think.
That's just my idea.
I made a rap song but I'd be to embarrassed to share it :P.
That's just my idea.
I made a rap song but I'd be to embarrassed to share it :P.
Jparker1984
2008
author=trentinxd
Maybe make it to where the person your talking about is in third person? Find a site with some free beats and spit the game and then see what people think.
That's just my idea.
I made a rap song but I'd be to embarrassed to share it :P.
We are all adults here, share it lol. I have a beat for it, I just wanted some thoughts on the lyrics. I do like the 3rd person idea though.
HAHAHAHAHAHAha snowowl dont h8 bru
you can start by putting the chorus/verse etc. in stanzas instead of one long stream of consciousness. in this format i can't even see where a rhyme begins or ends!
you can start by putting the chorus/verse etc. in stanzas instead of one long stream of consciousness. in this format i can't even see where a rhyme begins or ends!
Jparker1984
2008
author=CashmereCat
HAHAHAHAHAHAha snowowl dont h8 bru
you can start by putting the chorus/verse etc. in stanzas instead of one long stream of consciousness. in this format i can't even see where a rhyme begins or ends!
True, I usually have things more formatted. I was at work at the time and my resources were limited to note pad.
TheNecromancer
3160
author=Jparker1984
We are all adults here, share it lol.
Clearly not all of us are. I recommend not sharing much outside of games on this site.
trentinxd
12
-.- Your not missing anything, trust me. If I wanted people to hear it, it would be on my youtube channel.
Jparker1984
2008
author=trentinxd
-.- Your not missing anything, trust me. If I wanted people to hear it, it would be on my youtube channel.
How bad can it be? You must be better then William Hung (American Idol.)
You're married & have a child... Shit I thought you were like 15-16, fuck me right?
Writing something like this is easy enough given time but honestly it all comes down to how you bring those words to life, how you perform, sound and show people that what you're saying is actually meaningful in some way.
@Jude - Ohk seriously either I'm just fucking stupid or I just don't understand what you're trying to say with that picture. Could someone enlighten my dumbass?
Writing something like this is easy enough given time but honestly it all comes down to how you bring those words to life, how you perform, sound and show people that what you're saying is actually meaningful in some way.
@Jude - Ohk seriously either I'm just fucking stupid or I just don't understand what you're trying to say with that picture. Could someone enlighten my dumbass?
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