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WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK OF THIS STORY AND CONCEPT FOR THE RPG I'M MAKING?
Posts
arcan
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CloseThe stuffed animal thing isn't an issue for me as you have already stated that this world has wizards.
I have never seen or heard of the movie Brazil and didn't feel the need to check it out because I thought I understood the tone of your game. The way you described your game and the tone of the movie turned out to be quite different. I guess the misunderstanding is partially my fault for just not watching the trailer.
You aren't being held to higher standards than those games, but you shouldn't just roll with things you pretty much admit are dumb. Commercial games can be good or shitty just like amateur games and it all depends on how much effort you want to put in.
I have never seen or heard of the movie Brazil and didn't feel the need to check it out because I thought I understood the tone of your game. The way you described your game and the tone of the movie turned out to be quite different. I guess the misunderstanding is partially my fault for just not watching the trailer.
You aren't being held to higher standards than those games, but you shouldn't just roll with things you pretty much admit are dumb. Commercial games can be good or shitty just like amateur games and it all depends on how much effort you want to put in.
suzy_cheesedreams
1480
@TagoMago If this game is a simple learning exercise for how to make an actual game, then you shouldn't get too defensive with people who criticize your premise when you have said yourself that it is a stream of consciousness thing and from my impression, made with a sort of throw-stuff-together mentality (and I guess other people shouldn't really nit-pick the details as you have stated that).
However, I am positive that Corfaisus has been trying to help you out; he was pretty blunt in the other thread, but as he said, sugar-coating can lead to complacency, and I think he was just trying to offer a more practical understanding of the reality of niche-within-a-niche indie game development (which Pizza rebuffed pretty well, too, so it may be a case of how different people prefer to work/what their intentions are with their games).
So really, I just want to repeat what I've already said in the other topic - instead of getting distracted here with defending your work, just go and make it so then you have a real example to show to people. Anyone can pick apart a synopsis for a story, because while it is just a nebulous idea it can be interpreted in any way - there is absolutely no way to guarantee that someone is going to have the same perception of your idea that you have. Once it's in a solid game format, however, there is much more context for which people can more accurately assess what you've done.
However, I am positive that Corfaisus has been trying to help you out; he was pretty blunt in the other thread, but as he said, sugar-coating can lead to complacency, and I think he was just trying to offer a more practical understanding of the reality of niche-within-a-niche indie game development (which Pizza rebuffed pretty well, too, so it may be a case of how different people prefer to work/what their intentions are with their games).
So really, I just want to repeat what I've already said in the other topic - instead of getting distracted here with defending your work, just go and make it so then you have a real example to show to people. Anyone can pick apart a synopsis for a story, because while it is just a nebulous idea it can be interpreted in any way - there is absolutely no way to guarantee that someone is going to have the same perception of your idea that you have. Once it's in a solid game format, however, there is much more context for which people can more accurately assess what you've done.
author=arcanYou'd have to watch the film to really get the just of the tone. As it has some cases of what you might call mood whiplash. Maybe I should've used A clockwork Orange as an example. Either way totally recommend Brazil to anyone in the mood for a high budget black comedy totally worth while experience and IMO one of the top 10 greatest movies ever as it successfully combines stark dramatic moments with sillier surreal moments.
The stuffed animal thing isn't an issue for me as you have already stated that this world has wizards.
I have never seen or heard of the movie Brazil and didn't feel the need to check it out because I thought I understood the tone of your game. The way you described your game and the tone of the movie turned out to be quite different. I guess the misunderstanding is partially my fault for just not watching the trailer.
You aren't being held to higher standards than those games, but you shouldn't just roll with things you pretty much admit are dumb. Commercial games can be good or shitty just like amateur games and it all depends on how much effort you want to put in.
Also althogh I used that TnT thing as an example I consider DQ 4 to be the in the top 5 greatest RPGs of all time. Its storytelling was revolutionary at the time and the TnT thing though silly in theory actually worked well in the game.
Ahh heres a good example of a game that got away with ideas that should not have worked at all. Have you played Earthbound? If so recall the part where the police ganged up on you? Really that situation didn't make a lot of sense but the way it was executed combined with the atmosphere of the game made it work gloriously and believable as well. There are plenty of other moments like this in the game so I don't think these kind of ideas are dumb if they work in the RPG universe you've made.
author=suzy_cheesedreamsReally it was the Teddy Bear thing that pissed me off for some reason and it did look like he was not picking every little thing to prove his earlier point or at least that's how it came off to me. I figured though a game where your turned into a teddy bear obviously isn't supposed to be entirely serious. I want a surreal nature where it can be really serious dark and emotional but at other times be whack out silly like in Brazil.
@TagoMago If this game is a simple learning exercise for how to make an actual game, then you shouldn't get too defensive with people who criticize your premise when you have said yourself that it is a stream of consciousness thing and from my impression, made with a sort of throw-stuff-together mentality (and I guess other people shouldn't really nit-pick the details as you have stated that).
However, I am positive that Corfaisus has been trying to help you out; he was pretty blunt in the other thread, but as he said, sugar-coating can lead to complacency, and I think he was just trying to offer a more practical understanding of the reality of niche-within-a-niche indie game development (which Pizza rebuffed pretty well, too, so it may be a case of how different people prefer to work/what their intentions are with their games).
So really, I just want to repeat what I've already said in the other topic - instead of getting distracted here with defending your work, just go and make it so then you have a real example to show to people. Anyone can pick apart a synopsis for a story, because while it is just a nebulous idea it can be interpreted in any way - there is absolutely no way to guarantee that someone is going to have the same perception of your idea that you have. Once it's in a solid game format, however, there is much more context for which people can more accurately assess what you've done.
author=suzy_cheesedreamsReally it was the Teddy Bear thing that pissed me off for some reason and it did look like he was not picking every little thing to prove his earlier point or at least that's how it came off to me. I figured though a game where your turned into a teddy bear obviously isn't supposed to be entirely serious. I want a surreal nature where it can be really serious dark and emotional but at other times be whack out silly like in Brazil.
@TagoMago If this game is a simple learning exercise for how to make an actual game, then you shouldn't get too defensive with people who criticize your premise when you have said yourself that it is a stream of consciousness thing and from my impression, made with a sort of throw-stuff-together mentality (and I guess other people shouldn't really nit-pick the details as you have stated that).
However, I am positive that Corfaisus has been trying to help you out; he was pretty blunt in the other thread, but as he said, sugar-coating can lead to complacency, and I think he was just trying to offer a more practical understanding of the reality of niche-within-a-niche indie game development (which Pizza rebuffed pretty well, too, so it may be a case of how different people prefer to work/what their intentions are with their games).
So really, I just want to repeat what I've already said in the other topic - instead of getting distracted here with defending your work, just go and make it so then you have a real example to show to people. Anyone can pick apart a synopsis for a story, because while it is just a nebulous idea it can be interpreted in any way - there is absolutely no way to guarantee that someone is going to have the same perception of your idea that you have. Once it's in a solid game format, however, there is much more context for which people can more accurately assess what you've done.
suzy_cheesedreams
1480
Well, I still stick to what I said. It's futile getting into arguments with people when you should just be working on your game. The best way to disprove somebody's assumption is to show them an actual game in action.
As a sidenote, forum rules are to post all your responses to people in the one post, rather than make separate posts.
As a sidenote, forum rules are to post all your responses to people in the one post, rather than make separate posts.
Avee
5794
Take it easy Mr_TagoMago. You asked for feedback on your story and you received it. Not everyone will understand what you truly have in mind or praise you. We all have different tastes and different aspects we focus on.
My advice to you is to use that feedback to maybe make slight adjustments to the story so it will receive more positive reactions. But at the end of the day, this is your project. Brush the criticism aside and make it however you feel it should be.
My advice to you is to use that feedback to maybe make slight adjustments to the story so it will receive more positive reactions. But at the end of the day, this is your project. Brush the criticism aside and make it however you feel it should be.
author=AveeAgain I was just annoyed because it seemed like he was just upset over what happened in another thread. Some of the stuff said was very useful.
Take it easy Mr_TagoMago. You asked for feedback on your story and you received it. Not everyone will understand what you truly have in mind or praise you. We all have different tastes and different aspects we focus on.
My advice to you is to use that feedback to maybe make slight adjustments to the story so it will receive more positive reactions. But at the end of the day, this is your project. Brush the criticism aside and make it however you feel it should be.
I'll be bluntly honest, and say that I stopped reading when I noticed the huge text-dump. There has got to be a better way to describe your game than that wall-of-text!
<says a guy that is subscribed to the description help thread>
<says a guy that is subscribed to the description help thread>
author=Marrend
I'll be bluntly honest, and say that I stopped reading when I noticed the huge text-dump. There has got to be a better way to describe your game than that wall-of-text!
<says a guy that is subscribed to the description help thread>
At least I had the courtesy to warn you right? Seriously though I'm a lazy bum but I've never had trouble reading a wall of text I don't know why everyone else does.
TheNecromancer
3160
author=Mr_TagoMago
At least I had the courtesy to warn you right? Seriously though I'm a lazy bum but I've never had trouble reading a wall of text I don't know why everyone else does.
In order to become a good gave dev, you should consider your audience. Saying "well, I can do that" isn't going to help other people who have trouble with something. Whether it be reading as fast as your wall of text is scrolling or remembering what they read in that wall. That's the biggest problem. You will introduce all kinds of information, you will overload the player, and they will forget most if not all of it. Remember, you wrote it and it's in your mind. Players are reading everything for the first time and they are generally expected to remember it for other parts of the game to make sense. Introducing it slowly, with a matching image, makes it stick in the players mind and makes it more engaging for them. Reading a giant wall of text can be boring. Cutscenes are exciting and entertaining.
author=Link_2112author=Mr_TagoMagoIn order to become a good gave dev, you should consider your audience. Saying "well, I can do that" isn't going to help other people who have trouble with something. Whether it be reading as fast as your wall of text is scrolling or remembering what they read in that wall. That's the biggest problem. You will introduce all kinds of information, you will overload the player, and they will forget most if not all of it. Remember, you wrote it and it's in your mind. Players are reading everything for the first time and they are generally expected to remember it for other parts of the game to make sense. Introducing it slowly, with a matching image, makes it stick in the players mind and makes it more engaging for them. Reading a giant wall of text can be boring. Cutscenes are exciting and entertaining.
At least I had the courtesy to warn you right? Seriously though I'm a lazy bum but I've never had trouble reading a wall of text I don't know why everyone else does.
Oh I didn't mean my reply like that I just meant in general I don't mind reading walls of text on the internet just a casual response and joke. I do plan on having scroll with changing images and have eerie music play with it. It doesn't have to be entirely remembered but just the just gotten. I wanted it to catch the viewer with its gruesome nature and warn them that the game isn't for those who are easily offended. Its a tone setter as the beginning is melancholic and bleak though it turns into a black comedy with the occasional mood whiplash.
This wouldn't be good as an RPG adventure, but it'd be cool as an interactive fiction for the beginning half. The story's a bit cliche in my opinion, but then again I just read a lot, so what do I know? :I
Anyways, the ending's a bit loose-ended and the story flow's clunky. The story's a predictable one, so I suggest adding a few extra factors to change up the story rather than making it straight forward. Treasures are also cliche and can be deemed unnecessary since not all adventures are about treasures but still fantastic nevertheless.
The second half of the story, I see no direction or important purpose other than that it was shoehorned in to extend to story. Longer stories don't necessarily mean better, just saying. It's better to end it off at the ripe time rather than extend it longer without a specific direction.If you ended with the king dying it'd be better than just extending it with the wizard and the princess. I suggest you include the princess and wizard in the first half of the story somehow for a different purpose, like you have to kill the wizard in order to get the poison and the princess is a healer/Wicca that helps you out in battle, but do not shoehorn it in if you can't include it.
Your grammar could use improvements, but it's not too important here since we're just looking at the story. However, I do suggest diversifying your words so it'll make people more interested in it.
Also, the protagonist's name is a bit plain, especially since he's a warrior. Usually names like Alex are better for people like in school settings, but even then the name doesn't draw as much attention unless you somehow find a specific reason as to why they chose that name so the name has more impact on the player/reader. The torment methods are a bit cliche, but I'm a fan of necrophiliac villains, though the sadism is a bit extreme in the story and it dropped my interest.
I hope this isn't too harsh on you, but there is quite a bit of stuff you need to fix to improve the story's quality. Good luck~ :3
Anyways, the ending's a bit loose-ended and the story flow's clunky. The story's a predictable one, so I suggest adding a few extra factors to change up the story rather than making it straight forward. Treasures are also cliche and can be deemed unnecessary since not all adventures are about treasures but still fantastic nevertheless.
The second half of the story, I see no direction or important purpose other than that it was shoehorned in to extend to story. Longer stories don't necessarily mean better, just saying. It's better to end it off at the ripe time rather than extend it longer without a specific direction.If you ended with the king dying it'd be better than just extending it with the wizard and the princess. I suggest you include the princess and wizard in the first half of the story somehow for a different purpose, like you have to kill the wizard in order to get the poison and the princess is a healer/Wicca that helps you out in battle, but do not shoehorn it in if you can't include it.
Your grammar could use improvements, but it's not too important here since we're just looking at the story. However, I do suggest diversifying your words so it'll make people more interested in it.
Also, the protagonist's name is a bit plain, especially since he's a warrior. Usually names like Alex are better for people like in school settings, but even then the name doesn't draw as much attention unless you somehow find a specific reason as to why they chose that name so the name has more impact on the player/reader. The torment methods are a bit cliche, but I'm a fan of necrophiliac villains, though the sadism is a bit extreme in the story and it dropped my interest.
I hope this isn't too harsh on you, but there is quite a bit of stuff you need to fix to improve the story's quality. Good luck~ :3
author=DakuRaita
This wouldn't be good as an RPG adventure, but it'd be cool as an interactive fiction for the beginning half. The story's a bit cliche in my opinion, but then again I just read a lot, so what do I know? :I
Anyways, the ending's a bit loose-ended and the story flow's clunky. The story's a predictable one, so I suggest adding a few extra factors to change up the story rather than making it straight forward. Treasures are also cliche and can be deemed unnecessary since not all adventures are about treasures but still fantastic nevertheless.
The second half of the story, I see no direction or important purpose other than that it was shoehorned in to extend to story. Longer stories don't necessarily mean better, just saying. It's better to end it off at the ripe time rather than extend it longer without a specific direction.If you ended with the king dying it'd be better than just extending it with the wizard and the princess. I suggest you include the princess and wizard in the first half of the story somehow for a different purpose, like you have to kill the wizard in order to get the poison and the princess is a healer/Wicca that helps you out in battle, but do not shoehorn it in if you can't include it.
Your grammar could use improvements, but it's not too important here since we're just looking at the story. However, I do suggest diversifying your words so it'll make people more interested in it.
Also, the protagonist's name is a bit plain, especially since he's a warrior. Usually names like Alex are better for people like in school settings, but even then the name doesn't draw as much attention unless you somehow find a specific reason as to why they chose that name so the name has more impact on the player/reader. The torment methods are a bit cliche, but I'm a fan of necrophiliac villains, though the sadism is a bit extreme in the story and it dropped my interest.
I hope this isn't too harsh on you, but there is quite a bit of stuff you need to fix to improve the story's quality. Good luck~ :3
Main characters name isn't Alex that was just a character who is mentioned in the back story and that name wasnt meant to be final just a name I pulled out temporarily. Its supposed to be surreal with heavy moments of black humor and stark drama like in Brazil or A clockwork Orange. I was going for a stream of consciousness style where I make up the story as I go along since I'm a novice and this way I can modify the story as I please. Thanks for all the input its still a work in progress though. That wasn't the actual end just the farthest ive come up with.
