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DARK SLAYERS SCIFI RPG IDEA. HOW DOES IT SOUND?[RMVX ACE]

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This is an idea I have for a scifi rpg. I just want to make sure it makes sense, and that the sentences are not in error. I don't really want to change the story period. I just want suggestions, on my grammar, and spelling on how to make it sound better. This is something I made up. I also added character profiles. I am extremely sorry if this is not the right place in the forum to post this. No I didn't submit this idea yet. I just now thought of it, and typed it up in word, so that I wouldn't forget the ideas. Also how does it sound?

Dark Slayers


By: Rose_Guardian

Story:
In the midst of the 22nd Century in 2170 C.E. a mysterious rift opened on Earth. Through the rift came monsters known as Mimickers. Not all but some of them could disguise themselves into a human form. However these creatures were vile, and murdered humans. No one knew what their intentions were. It did say however according to a Philosopher the only thing that could destroy these creatures were eight humans born with special powers under the sign of the eight elemental dragons, Fire, Water, Wind, Earth, Shadow, Light, Chaos, and Spirit.

When the year 2197 C.E. came, a baby named Drago Tetsuya, was born in Japan. Shortly after he was born, his grandfather Akito Tetsuya sensed a disturbance with in the elemental stream for about twenty minutes. He looked at his grandson who his daughter in law was holding in her arms with her husband next to her. He whispered softly; “He is the one who will find the others.”

In order for Drago to fulfil his destiny, Akito found the home of a cat like demon named Setsuna. He asked him to watch over his grandson, and make sure no one interferes with his destiny. Disguised as a normal house cat Setsuna went over to Drago’s home with his grandfather. Akito gave them the cat and told them it was a gift.

One day when Drago’s father was out buying groceries for the house, he was killed on his way home by a mysterious man. Drago’s mother was struck with grief, so Akito helped her take care of Drago for a few years. However one night when Drago was eight years old, he heard his mother scream as he slept. Hearing the scream Drago ran out of his room only to find his mother murdered. There was a man standing in front of her body. He looked at Drago with a cold stare. Little did he was that this was the man who killed his father. This man started towards Drago however Setsuna assumed his human form, and stopped the man. He still got away however.

Since that day, and Akito, and Setsuna took care of Drago. They moved the United States Michigan a few years later, when Akito sensed that the other elemental users were there. They told Drago about his destiny, and trained him for ten long years. Now that he is eighteen years old he must find the others, and destroy the Mimickers.

















-Characters-







Drago Tetsuya

Elemental: Spirit

Profile: Drago is the one who was born under the Spirit Elemental Dragon. He has the ability to heal others, and cure certain types of illness. It is his destiny to find the other elemental users. He is a rather happy person. However he has a bad temper if anyone makes him mad. He likes to use his power to teleport on roof tops of buildings when he is bored, and look at the stars.

Setsuna Ryuji

Elemental: All of the first four elementals

Profile: Setsuna is a catlike demon who has watched over Drago his whole life. However even though he can use all of the first four elementals, and is immortal, even he is not strong enough to destroy the Mimickers. He likes to walk around the cities, and loves to eat fish when he is hungry.

Minsia Smithiton

Elemental: Fire

Profile: Minsia is a friend of Drago, and the first of the elemental users he met. She is the one who was born under the Fire Dragon. She is mean to people she doesn’t know however, and Setsuna sometimes gets on her nerves. She likes to read about everything, and often visits holographic libraries to learn more about the world, and its history.

Lexxion Henderson

Elemental: Water

Profile: Lexxion is the one who was born under the Water Dragon. He is Drago’s best friend, but he has no clue about his powers. He often keeps things to himself, and won’t talk about it. He seems to be moody sometimes, but always tells his friends, and family that nothing is wrong if they ask. He likes to write poems, but it seems like every poem he writes expresses nothing but anger.

Nancy Blake

Elemental: Earth

Profile: Nancy is the one who was born under the Earth Dragon. She is smart, and always figuring things out. She later notices she has super human strength when her power awakens. She has trouble trying not accidently break things if he she gets mad, or excited. She likes to study things thoroughly unlike Minsia.

Rygel Andros

Elemental: Wind

Profile: Rygel is the one who was born under the Wind Dragon. He has always had the ability to read minds. At first he just thought he was going crazy, and took medications to try to stop the voices of others thoughts. However the medications didn’t work. When he met Drago he learned that he had the elemental Wind. He likes to help others in need, even his enemies.



-Other Characters-





Akito Tetsuya

Profile: Akito is Drago’s grandfather. He helped his daughter in law take care of him for few years after his father was murdered. Then took care of him after she was murdered. He taught Drago how to control his elemental power. He likes to stay at home, and drink tea, but will help Drago if needed.



Ihara Katsurugi

Profile: Ihara is the man who killed Drago’s mother, and father. What they don’t know is that he has been alive ever since feudal Japan. He has not aged a day, and is immortal because he ate Ningyo meat (Japanese for mermaid) to become immortal with eternal youth. The only reason he did this was because he is an old enemy of Setsuna, and wants to do all he can to make him suffer. No, one knows why he has a grudge against Setsuna.

That's what I have thought of so far. I would like some ideas on features that are not too hard for me to do as well. If you have any ideas for features please make sure they do not include having to make a script that doesn't yet exist. I am can't script to save my life. Also if it could be evented make sure the idea feature is easy to event.

EDIT:
Does anyone have any suggestions, or ideas on how I could make the story more scifi without completely changing it?
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
You'll have to forgive me, but, almost none of that story sounds very "science fiction" to me. While you may say that the story began in the far future (relative to now), that doesn't make it a science fiction tale. Actually, if you ask me, it has more of a modern-with-fantasy-elements feel to it.

But that's just me talking.
It's fine. I'm not changing the year though. I want it to be in the future.

EDIT:
I forgot to ask does anyone have any suggestions, or ideas on how to make the story more scifi without completely changing it?
Linkis
Don't hate me cause I'm Cute :)
1025
No idea how to make it more scifyie :) or why your determined to make it scifi, but if it was a fantasy, it sure sounds like it would be a fun game.

Whatever you do, don't lose the idea :)
Thank you. I'll make sure I never lose this idea. :)
Trihan
"It's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly...timey wimey...stuff."
3359
Sounds like it would make an interesting anime, but not sure how well it would work as a game plot.
Don't worry, I'll have a friend, or someone help me with it, and see how it goes. You maybe right, but it's worth a try for a game. :)
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
There are two types of science fiction. You need to understand the difference between science fiction as a setting, and science fiction as a genre.

The Star Trek TV series, for example, was the quintessential example of science fiction as a genre. The story was about human explorers finding strange new worlds with alien cultures, and watching how they would interact with and respond to those cultures, and how those cultures would respond to the humans. If the exploration of intriguing ideas is what your story is about, and is the main reason why people play your game, then your genre is science fiction.

In contrast, the new Star Trek movies made by JJ Abrams have science fiction as a setting, but that's no longer what they're about. They're action movies. The strange worlds and the futuristic technology are there because they create an interesting backdrop for the action to happen in. The setting is there to give context to the action, and a scifi setting was chosen as opposed to other types of settings simply because it's a neat flavor, or because it allows certain events to occur that would otherwise not make sense, or for some other reason. But the story isn't about the scifi, it's about the heroes and the villains and their fight. That makes it an action story.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with either of those. They will just appeal to different audiences.

It's hard to tell from your description which one you're trying to do. Either way though, I wouldn't worry about making it feel more scifi. The idea of "destiny" is extremely counter to both types of science fiction, and elemental affinities and dragons are totally pure fantasy tropes. What you have is probably futuristic fantasy, not science fiction. But that's fine. Just call it that.

If you're trying for science fiction as a genre, you can still pull it off even with a fantasy setting. Focus on what all of those magical and futuristic and supernatural elements mean, and what they imply, and how they came to exist, and how they affect people's lives, and explore them as deeply as possible. In your game description, say that you're doing that. When possible, rather than calling your game "science fiction," say that it's meant to appeal to fans of science fiction. If you just want science fiction as a setting, not a genre, then focus on the characters and the drama and the conflict. Let the magic and the spaceships and the supercomputers create the context for the main story, and use them to do cool stuff whenever you can, but don't spend too much time on them. Don't spend more than two sentences explaining any of them.
author=Rose_Guardian
I forgot to ask does anyone have any suggestions, or ideas on how to make the story more scifi without completely changing it?


It seems that you're probably aiming more for the Science-Fantasy genre than science fiction. I'd suggest reading up on a bit of shadow run kind of things, which have a similar themes to what I think you're suggesting.

As to making it seem more Sci-Fi; that comes more with the setting than the story (though they both greatly influence each other). Much of that will become apparent with the equipment available and how the world looks. Take some time to think of how technology has advanced, and how that would affect the people who live in the world.

I'd definitely suggest having a read about Aetherpunk, Shadow Run/Sixth world and similar genres to see if any of them give you more ideas.

author=LockeZ
Focus on what all of those magical and futuristic and supernatural elements mean, and what they imply, and how they came to exist, and how they affect people's lives, and explore them as deeply as possible. In your game description, say that you're doing that. When possible, rather than calling your game "science fiction," say that it's meant to appeal to fans of science fiction. If you just want science fiction as a setting, not a genre, then focus on the characters and the drama and the conflict. Let the magic and the spaceships and the supercomputers create the context for the main story, and use them to do cool stuff whenever you can, but don't spend too much time on them. Don't spend more than two sentences explaining any of them


This definitely -^
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21806
I think the point LockeZ makes about having a science fiction setting versus being in the science fiction genre is pretty important! In the case of a science fiction setting that has mystical elements, the big name to drop would probably be Star Wars. In particular, the original trilogy, if not the very first film. Take away any instance of technology, and the setup could come right out of a fantasy novel: a wide-spanning empire that rules with an iron fist, a guy that works on a farm that becomes an unlikely hero, and a hermit that's got more going to him than meets the eye.

There's also a game called Arcanum - Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura. This game is based more on an Industrial Era setting, but there is this concept of how the mystical elements in the game interact with technology.
Thank you Merrend. :) I'll think about that. That is a good idea.
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