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I NEED HELP...
Posts
imnotme
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imnotme
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CloseHey guys. I'm not exactly new here, and I'm probably breaking a few rules by doing this, but I wanted to do this "anonymously". This is an account I created solely for this post, and, if it is against the rules to have multiple accounts open, I will promptly delete this account without delay. And if you can figure out who I am, please don't out me... please. Again, if there is a problem with me doing this, let me know, and I'll undo it immediately.
I have struggled with depression for years. I honestly couldn't say the last time I wasn't struggling on a near day-to-day basis just to get moving with my day. Getting out of bed and getting to work isn't too difficult right now; I think it has been too ingrained in my routine that it is almost second nature. But after that, I struggle to focus on the positive side of life. I have only been with my current company for about a year and am already looking for a new job, but I am getting so tired of bouncing around... but the job side of things is really only a small portion.
I have few friends where I am right now, which really isn't that big of a deal most of the time, but those that I do have are almost "stand-ins". I say this for 2 reasons: 1. These people are planning on leaving soon (as am I). and 2. We don't get along on a lot of things, and there are plenty of times I would rather be alone than deal with the friction. It's also difficult to meet new people where I am. Even with the amazing advent of the internet, it's difficult to connect with people. The people around here seem like they're from a different planet... it's kind of scary from sometimes.
I know a lot of what I have said so far seems to stem from my job and the area I live, but it goes deeper. Long before I got here, and to this day, I CONSTANTLY battle with thoughts of suicide. I can say this almost lightly now because it has been such a constant thing in my life for so long, it's akin to thinking "I'm hungry" when it gets close to lunch time. I have done so many things to combat these thoughts on my own, and I have even gone to therapy quite a few times to try to sort things out as well. I was medicated for a while, but I quite taking it for several reasons. I honestly don't think I ever will kill myself. Not that I don't not want to (I think I said that right), but I could never put my family through that trauma. I couldn't possibly imagine what it would do to my parents and brother, so I stay alive for them, and to a slightly lesser degree my friends. If I somehow knew my family would be fine with my passing (suicide or otherwise), I may be able to go through with it, but as it stands, I think I'm stuck here.
I also struggle with an existential crisis. I really have no idea what I'm living for. I try to focus in on my day-to-day life, trying to see what good things there are to be had on a smaller scale. But there is usually something that will knock me back out of focus, careening back to a distance that shows me how insignificant I am, even on a human scale. I don't believe in an afterlife, and it would be difficult to change that with conventional means. I wouldn't be able to lie to myself for long.
I'm not even sure why I'm putting this out here... really all I'm looking for is advice, I guess. I know I should probably get back into therapy, although it is really starting to get exhausting... Anyway, I'm open to almost any suggestions.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings.
I have struggled with depression for years. I honestly couldn't say the last time I wasn't struggling on a near day-to-day basis just to get moving with my day. Getting out of bed and getting to work isn't too difficult right now; I think it has been too ingrained in my routine that it is almost second nature. But after that, I struggle to focus on the positive side of life. I have only been with my current company for about a year and am already looking for a new job, but I am getting so tired of bouncing around... but the job side of things is really only a small portion.
I have few friends where I am right now, which really isn't that big of a deal most of the time, but those that I do have are almost "stand-ins". I say this for 2 reasons: 1. These people are planning on leaving soon (as am I). and 2. We don't get along on a lot of things, and there are plenty of times I would rather be alone than deal with the friction. It's also difficult to meet new people where I am. Even with the amazing advent of the internet, it's difficult to connect with people. The people around here seem like they're from a different planet... it's kind of scary from sometimes.
I know a lot of what I have said so far seems to stem from my job and the area I live, but it goes deeper. Long before I got here, and to this day, I CONSTANTLY battle with thoughts of suicide. I can say this almost lightly now because it has been such a constant thing in my life for so long, it's akin to thinking "I'm hungry" when it gets close to lunch time. I have done so many things to combat these thoughts on my own, and I have even gone to therapy quite a few times to try to sort things out as well. I was medicated for a while, but I quite taking it for several reasons. I honestly don't think I ever will kill myself. Not that I don't not want to (I think I said that right), but I could never put my family through that trauma. I couldn't possibly imagine what it would do to my parents and brother, so I stay alive for them, and to a slightly lesser degree my friends. If I somehow knew my family would be fine with my passing (suicide or otherwise), I may be able to go through with it, but as it stands, I think I'm stuck here.
I also struggle with an existential crisis. I really have no idea what I'm living for. I try to focus in on my day-to-day life, trying to see what good things there are to be had on a smaller scale. But there is usually something that will knock me back out of focus, careening back to a distance that shows me how insignificant I am, even on a human scale. I don't believe in an afterlife, and it would be difficult to change that with conventional means. I wouldn't be able to lie to myself for long.
I'm not even sure why I'm putting this out here... really all I'm looking for is advice, I guess. I know I should probably get back into therapy, although it is really starting to get exhausting... Anyway, I'm open to almost any suggestions.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings.
I'm not the best at giving advice, but I'll try my best since I want to help.
As someone who suffers with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Autism, and had suicidal thoughts before. I can somewhat relate.
Of course therapy can help a lot so I recommend staying, since you're dealing with professionals who care about you.
When I'm upset, I usually look up things that entertain me or make me laugh.
Example:
Or I have some alone time, play some games and listen to calm music.
Example:
Or I just search up things that make me happy like cute things or people doing good deeds
Example:
That's what I do, I apologize if my advice wasn't too helpful.
Stay strong.
As someone who suffers with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Autism, and had suicidal thoughts before. I can somewhat relate.
Of course therapy can help a lot so I recommend staying, since you're dealing with professionals who care about you.
When I'm upset, I usually look up things that entertain me or make me laugh.
Example:
Or I have some alone time, play some games and listen to calm music.
Example:
Or I just search up things that make me happy like cute things or people doing good deeds
Example:
That's what I do, I apologize if my advice wasn't too helpful.
Stay strong.
;_; I'm very sorry to hear this. I've also struggled with depression all my life, and I'm not proud to say that I'm tried to kill myself a few times. As for a solution to the problem, it's hard to say concretely, as I just stumbled into mine, for the most part.
It was after one of these suicide attempts, about ten years ago, that I was able to finally claw myself out of the pit and see the light again. I was at rock bottom. I had flunked out of college. I had nothing to live for.
Therapy had never worked for me. Therapists and psychiatrists just never seemed to click for me. I had been to almost a dozen of them at this point. I didn't see the point anymore, but I didn't have anything else that worked.
But as luck would have it, I finally found a therapist who clicked with me. He understood me, and really knew his stuff and how to relate to me person-to-person. He helped me rebuild myself and my life.
The mind is an amazing thing; it can be so self-destructive, but it can learn new thought-processes that can ease those tenancies. I now enjoy and cherish everyday life in a way I never knew was possible in my childhood. The self-destructive tenancies aren't completely gone; I still instinctively think about jumping if I'm on a balcony or a high place. But while it was once overwhelming, it is now tolerable and combat-able.
It wasn't just a purely mental process either. I had to start over from a physical and social standpoint, too. My therapist urged me to find a group of people with the same interests as me that met regularly and form friendships and bonds with that group. That helped tremendously, even though going out felt so frightening. I eventually learned I could do it and even started to look forward to social interaction.
Everyone is different and I don't know if my personal story will be of any help to you. But my point is, it is possible to get better. I thought I was beyond hope, and yet I was able to drastically turn my life around. The only advice I can offer is to keep trying, and to keep hope alive. Try different therapists, as it'll take both someone with professional training and someone you click with to help you. I wish I could give you more advice, but that's all I know.
Good luck to you. You deserve to be happy, to feel like you belong, and to feel like you have a purpose. I hope that one day you can feel that yourself. ^_^
It was after one of these suicide attempts, about ten years ago, that I was able to finally claw myself out of the pit and see the light again. I was at rock bottom. I had flunked out of college. I had nothing to live for.
Therapy had never worked for me. Therapists and psychiatrists just never seemed to click for me. I had been to almost a dozen of them at this point. I didn't see the point anymore, but I didn't have anything else that worked.
But as luck would have it, I finally found a therapist who clicked with me. He understood me, and really knew his stuff and how to relate to me person-to-person. He helped me rebuild myself and my life.
The mind is an amazing thing; it can be so self-destructive, but it can learn new thought-processes that can ease those tenancies. I now enjoy and cherish everyday life in a way I never knew was possible in my childhood. The self-destructive tenancies aren't completely gone; I still instinctively think about jumping if I'm on a balcony or a high place. But while it was once overwhelming, it is now tolerable and combat-able.
It wasn't just a purely mental process either. I had to start over from a physical and social standpoint, too. My therapist urged me to find a group of people with the same interests as me that met regularly and form friendships and bonds with that group. That helped tremendously, even though going out felt so frightening. I eventually learned I could do it and even started to look forward to social interaction.
Everyone is different and I don't know if my personal story will be of any help to you. But my point is, it is possible to get better. I thought I was beyond hope, and yet I was able to drastically turn my life around. The only advice I can offer is to keep trying, and to keep hope alive. Try different therapists, as it'll take both someone with professional training and someone you click with to help you. I wish I could give you more advice, but that's all I know.
Good luck to you. You deserve to be happy, to feel like you belong, and to feel like you have a purpose. I hope that one day you can feel that yourself. ^_^
Well, it seems you do having something to live for; your family. As someone who also struggles on a regular basis with the questions of"Why do I bother?" and "Maybe everybody would be better off without me?"; those sorts of things. You have a start though, I can see where having any sense of meaningfulness is still very much needed.
Maybe these vids can help you out?
If it's of any consolation, my PM box is open if you wnna discuss any of this in private.
Maybe these vids can help you out?
If it's of any consolation, my PM box is open if you wnna discuss any of this in private.
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5354
Have you tried multiple doctors/meds? I don't know the details of your treatment history, but if you tried one thing and then stopped, it may just be that that particular medication wasn't for you. Different antidepressants work different ways, and affect people differently, so if you haven't already, it might be good to keep trying and seeing if there's a better fit.
I can't give much good advice on your situation; it sounds a lot like you're stuck in a sort of limbo, which means that your best bet there is to hold on until it's time to change things.
However, I can offer some help on the existential crisis:
I've struggled with this before, myself, and what helped me was challenging the underlying assumptions. You're insignificant. So what? Why do you have to have meaning or importance in life? There are people close to you who value you. There's no need to earn a right to exist: the fact that you exist proves you have the right to continue doing so.
The most important thing, IMO, is to remember that the brain is not an objective entity even when functioning normally, and you've been given one that is constantly giving you distorted bullshit and calling it truth. This doesn't mean you're totally incapable of a fulfilled life, it just means it'll be harder, and you'll need to rely on other people to help you sort out reality.
Dealing with depression is a constant fight, and it will make your life harder than neurotypical folks, but it is absolutely worth fighting. Some days, things will not go well and you might be only able to maybe get out of bed and perform hygeine. That's OK; just do what you can and hold on for tomorrow, or next week, or whenever your ability to do things comes back.
I'm trying not to do a wall of text, so I'll just link a post I've done before with some general advice on living with depression.
Good luck, and keep fighting. It can get better!
I can't give much good advice on your situation; it sounds a lot like you're stuck in a sort of limbo, which means that your best bet there is to hold on until it's time to change things.
However, I can offer some help on the existential crisis:
author=imnotme
I also struggle with an existential crisis. I really have no idea what I'm living for. I try to focus in on my day-to-day life, trying to see what good things there are to be had on a smaller scale. But there is usually something that will knock me back out of focus, careening back to a distance that shows me how insignificant I am, even on a human scale. I don't believe in an afterlife, and it would be difficult to change that with conventional means. I wouldn't be able to lie to myself for long.
I've struggled with this before, myself, and what helped me was challenging the underlying assumptions. You're insignificant. So what? Why do you have to have meaning or importance in life? There are people close to you who value you. There's no need to earn a right to exist: the fact that you exist proves you have the right to continue doing so.
The most important thing, IMO, is to remember that the brain is not an objective entity even when functioning normally, and you've been given one that is constantly giving you distorted bullshit and calling it truth. This doesn't mean you're totally incapable of a fulfilled life, it just means it'll be harder, and you'll need to rely on other people to help you sort out reality.
Dealing with depression is a constant fight, and it will make your life harder than neurotypical folks, but it is absolutely worth fighting. Some days, things will not go well and you might be only able to maybe get out of bed and perform hygeine. That's OK; just do what you can and hold on for tomorrow, or next week, or whenever your ability to do things comes back.
I'm trying not to do a wall of text, so I'll just link a post I've done before with some general advice on living with depression.
Good luck, and keep fighting. It can get better!
I stand by Sooz advice, it's good.
That stuff will help you!
Go out everyday, especially in the morning to get some sun, with continuation it will improve your mood.
Try to visit different places everytime, your brain needs to see new stuff to get out of the loop.
Hang out with good friends, take your mind of the problems, distract yourself.
Consider that depression will make you look at a problem you have and see it much darker then it really is, like there's no way out, this is a lie your subconscious brain is telling you, there's always a way out.
And it's not suicide. The answer in never suicide.
When you have these thoughts, it's your brain lying to you.
Once you realise it's a lie, it gets much easier to deal with it.
We lose our rationality when we feel this way.
Most times the answer is really simple, but we can't see it until later when we're felling better.
At these times we seem to forget everything we love, so when you're feeling better make a list of the things you love, big things, little things, everything that makes you happy, no matter how small it seems (videogames, kittens, someone, etc).
Reading that list and reminding youself of those things when feeling low will help.
You can beat this! :)
That stuff will help you!
Go out everyday, especially in the morning to get some sun, with continuation it will improve your mood.
Try to visit different places everytime, your brain needs to see new stuff to get out of the loop.
Hang out with good friends, take your mind of the problems, distract yourself.
Consider that depression will make you look at a problem you have and see it much darker then it really is, like there's no way out, this is a lie your subconscious brain is telling you, there's always a way out.
And it's not suicide. The answer in never suicide.
When you have these thoughts, it's your brain lying to you.
Once you realise it's a lie, it gets much easier to deal with it.
We lose our rationality when we feel this way.
Most times the answer is really simple, but we can't see it until later when we're felling better.
At these times we seem to forget everything we love, so when you're feeling better make a list of the things you love, big things, little things, everything that makes you happy, no matter how small it seems (videogames, kittens, someone, etc).
Reading that list and reminding youself of those things when feeling low will help.
You can beat this! :)
imnotme
0
Thank you guys, sincerely. This is a large part of why I truly love this community. I won't say I feel perfect, but I can at least take comfort in the fact that there are people that have overcome the same thing I'm going through right now. It's difficult to keep your chin up all the time; I know that first hand. But having friends or a community to rally behind helps.
I wish I could personally hug everyone of you, and allow you to give me a swift, but loving, kick in the ass. I really should come by here more often. Thank you all again.
Although this has given me a boost for the moment, I would like to invite others to comment if they wish. I wouldn't be surprised if this advice would help a few others. And, if/when I get through this, I really hope I can do the same. Sorry for doing this under a secondary account. Maybe I'll revisit this one day and let you guys know who I am and that I'm okay.
I wish I could personally hug everyone of you, and allow you to give me a swift, but loving, kick in the ass. I really should come by here more often. Thank you all again.
Although this has given me a boost for the moment, I would like to invite others to comment if they wish. I wouldn't be surprised if this advice would help a few others. And, if/when I get through this, I really hope I can do the same. Sorry for doing this under a secondary account. Maybe I'll revisit this one day and let you guys know who I am and that I'm okay.
I am known for making large piles of crap and hurting people whenever i try to help them so i'm gonna keep it brief and just address what I feel I can comfortably speak of.
I often felt the same, and I'm gonna kind of echo what Sooz said, but yeah so what if we're insignificant? Isn't it wonderful? It's a different point of view. But it IS amazing. To be part of such an infinitely huge universe of strung together delicate pieces. What is a human close to the huge imensity of the sun? But a human in the earth is rarer than a sun in the galaxy. The sun is "insignificant", too. Things scale much beyond anything we can ever know -- now. Yet we manage to live, surprisingly, we are part of the infinitely small and rare portion of matter that actually lives in our solar system, it seems. It is a blessing, to be that, it is a fleeting moment that will eventually dissipate. Nobody can know what will come after that, but I am sure whatever it is, it will be nothing short of amazing. The universe is still young, it seems. I remember havign read somewhere that only ~4% of the planets that will ever be have already been formed -- 96% will still come in the future. And after that? It's impossible for a human mind to know. I think it's just a thing about seeing things in the right perspective, I don't know... At the same time it is absolutely terrifying, isn't it amazing? I personally am not scared at all. Of living, that is. I'm not scared of dying either. Let's just try to enjoy (please, be wide with you interpretation of enjoy) this glimpse of a moment in the history of the universe where humans have treaded the earth and lived their dreams and nightmares. In 5 billion years we will be eaten by the sun, and maybe perhaps be absorbed into another, new sun? Or maybe even as some teories say be sucked into a black hole and expunged through a white hole cloud in another dimension. Yeah. I'm just trying to say stuff is amazing.
...I wrote a wall of text. The last time I said something like that to someone I made that person cry -- I'm not sure I should be replying to this thread at all but HEY
also
look up nice recipes and cook
then eat or share even
cooking is nice
edit: so you're feeling better! I'm glad. We're here for you bud. And I hope that you're being there for yourself as well, if possible. :')
I also struggle with an existential crisis. I really have no idea what I'm living for. I try to focus in on my day-to-day life, trying to see what good things there are to be had on a smaller scale. But there is usually something that will knock me back out of focus, careening back to a distance that shows me how insignificant I am, even on a human scale. I don't believe in an afterlife, and it would be difficult to change that with conventional means. I wouldn't be able to lie to myself for long.
I often felt the same, and I'm gonna kind of echo what Sooz said, but yeah so what if we're insignificant? Isn't it wonderful? It's a different point of view. But it IS amazing. To be part of such an infinitely huge universe of strung together delicate pieces. What is a human close to the huge imensity of the sun? But a human in the earth is rarer than a sun in the galaxy. The sun is "insignificant", too. Things scale much beyond anything we can ever know -- now. Yet we manage to live, surprisingly, we are part of the infinitely small and rare portion of matter that actually lives in our solar system, it seems. It is a blessing, to be that, it is a fleeting moment that will eventually dissipate. Nobody can know what will come after that, but I am sure whatever it is, it will be nothing short of amazing. The universe is still young, it seems. I remember havign read somewhere that only ~4% of the planets that will ever be have already been formed -- 96% will still come in the future. And after that? It's impossible for a human mind to know. I think it's just a thing about seeing things in the right perspective, I don't know... At the same time it is absolutely terrifying, isn't it amazing? I personally am not scared at all. Of living, that is. I'm not scared of dying either. Let's just try to enjoy (please, be wide with you interpretation of enjoy) this glimpse of a moment in the history of the universe where humans have treaded the earth and lived their dreams and nightmares. In 5 billion years we will be eaten by the sun, and maybe perhaps be absorbed into another, new sun? Or maybe even as some teories say be sucked into a black hole and expunged through a white hole cloud in another dimension. Yeah. I'm just trying to say stuff is amazing.
...I wrote a wall of text. The last time I said something like that to someone I made that person cry -- I'm not sure I should be replying to this thread at all but HEY
also
look up nice recipes and cook
then eat or share even
cooking is nice
edit: so you're feeling better! I'm glad. We're here for you bud. And I hope that you're being there for yourself as well, if possible. :')
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5354
Glad we could help you, mang!
Another thing I'd recommend in general for all sorts of emotional issues is the DBT Workbook. It's best in concert with a headshrinker, but can help you develop skills to catch some bad thoughts/behaviours and train yourself out of them (at least mostly).
ETA:
Haha JoSe, I'm not terribly surprised that's gotten you some bad reactions, since a lot of people really prefer to feel like they matter to some extent, but if that helps you feel happy, do you. ;D
Another thing I'd recommend in general for all sorts of emotional issues is the DBT Workbook. It's best in concert with a headshrinker, but can help you develop skills to catch some bad thoughts/behaviours and train yourself out of them (at least mostly).
ETA:
Haha JoSe, I'm not terribly surprised that's gotten you some bad reactions, since a lot of people really prefer to feel like they matter to some extent, but if that helps you feel happy, do you. ;D
In fact it makes me feel perfectly comfortable and I've already eradicated all sorts of glimpses of existential crises I was having (the peak was jan this year) but now that you mention it NOW I SEE WHY I HURT PEOPLE
yeah
um
the problems I do have now are more body health issues + anxiety + depression which i assume must have a chemical basis + having to come out everytime i go somewhere new + i don't want to make this thread about me so i'll stop here
aaaaaaaa i'm as delicate and perceiving of other's sensitivities as an IRON MACE OF DESTRUCTION +5 >w>' anyway
your reply to me has helped me notice perhaps why I hurt people. I shall be more attentive >w>' TY! <3
yeah
um
the problems I do have now are more body health issues + anxiety + depression which i assume must have a chemical basis + having to come out everytime i go somewhere new + i don't want to make this thread about me so i'll stop here
aaaaaaaa i'm as delicate and perceiving of other's sensitivities as an IRON MACE OF DESTRUCTION +5 >w>' anyway
your reply to me has helped me notice perhaps why I hurt people. I shall be more attentive >w>' TY! <3
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5354
Getting used to other people having different viewpoints: it can take some practice!
I can't help you, but I want to express that I honestly hope you feel better soon.
RMN is pretty much one big, silly family and you've got it's support just by being you. The sense of connection is that deep/easy and is one of the reasons I think the internet is one of the most inventions of mankind.
RMN is pretty much one big, silly family and you've got it's support just by being you. The sense of connection is that deep/easy and is one of the reasons I think the internet is one of the most inventions of mankind.
It's amazingly reductionist but also I think profoundly true: the solution to your problem like the root of it is almost purely neuro-chemical. What you need is to talk to a psychiatrist, not a mere psycho-therapist. Tell them exactly what you told us, ESPECIALLY the part about struggling with recurrent suicidal ideation and how it is effecting your quality of life.
If this practitioner is remotely qualified, they will prescribe you something that should make you feel loads better within like two weeks. If that shit doesn't, tell them and they should try something else. I'm not a big proponent of "the talking cure" but proper psychiatric meds are really important when battling depression.
If this practitioner is remotely qualified, they will prescribe you something that should make you feel loads better within like two weeks. If that shit doesn't, tell them and they should try something else. I'm not a big proponent of "the talking cure" but proper psychiatric meds are really important when battling depression.
It can be purely physical, can also be more.
Sadly, fact is also that the way we think can affect the way our neuro-chemicals are produced and emitted as well. It goes both ways, and both ways can help tremendously.
First of all - a huge kudos to you for speaking up. As an anon or not, it takes a lot of courage to speak up about a depression, it's something rarely brought out into the open, when it is part of life. A strong and long hug to you!
Frankly, I wouldn't have been able to do it back then. I was depressed all my childhood, pretty much, continuing as a teen until I couldn't go to school anymore. A lot of physical health issues later came ontop of it (and still continue, but I now adjusted), and I can say your physical condition adds a lot. A cure was my turnaround for many reasons, but also because I just did physical stuff, was in a different environment, I was around people, and ate more properly.
A lot adding, but I can't pinpoint it exactly just now.
Looking back, for me, personally .. it was just a cry out for many many things going wrong and needing to be changed. Not interests or any of that .. but the way I handled myself, my emotions, people and problems. Living not for myself and never stopping to look and appreciate myself. Nobody ever told me it's okay to have and express emotions, or that you need to learn to love yourself like you need to learn anything else. But before I could start doing anything about it, I needed a little bit of energy.
Anyhow, what I know is that taking care of your body a bit can help. I later also started taking care of your mind more, I actively use positive affirmations (like "even when I feel like crap, I still love myself") - to get them down to my "automated" subconscious thought train instead of just negative stuff of "my god, why are you tired already. you didn't even do anything yet". Even if you don't have any weight behind it, it works. But not something that is "easy" to try, for it feels odd, when it's just where we want to get to.
I still struggle with reaching out to people and opening up, I was used to completely repressing my emotions and it still happens every now and then, but it is something I am working on, and I have never been happier in my life.
I agree with a lot Sooz says.
Point is, your mind is not the friend you'd like it to be, so recognizing that is key. And since your mind is clawing at you already, anything good you do to your body will help you. Either being in the ruts is tough, both is .. problematic.
Try some different meds if you didn't, any help is good, and it's a good thing to try.
- be out in the sun (missing that can hit healthy people already), if you aren't used to direct sunlight, you may feel sick afterwards, like tired and headache (has to do with the way it's processed). If that happens, use morning/evenings and just a little at a time and be aware that this can be natural and will go away.
- move your body a bit
- try to eat healthy/healthier
I don't mean to say you need to make anything special, just try to cook something simple, or add stuff instead of just ready-made stuff. Adding a salad or cutting some tomatoes to add to pasta or rice is simple, but can go a long way. You may not always be able to do it, but find some simple, easy-to-do veggies and stuff to add.
Now that may be more personal .. but I find physical contact very comforting, especially when you don't really have anything to say or share (or can't). You know, long hugs, stuff, I never was able to get them back then, and I didn't realize I wanted it, either. Depends on who is around you, tho.
And also what you are trying to do .. thanking and appreciating the small things you do. It doesn't need to click or feel right, but trying to take in some positive notes is good. It may help to think of treating yourself like you would someone else.
You sound like you are working very hard and hang in there really really well given how you are feeling. Hang in there. You have people with you.
Sadly, fact is also that the way we think can affect the way our neuro-chemicals are produced and emitted as well. It goes both ways, and both ways can help tremendously.
First of all - a huge kudos to you for speaking up. As an anon or not, it takes a lot of courage to speak up about a depression, it's something rarely brought out into the open, when it is part of life. A strong and long hug to you!
Frankly, I wouldn't have been able to do it back then. I was depressed all my childhood, pretty much, continuing as a teen until I couldn't go to school anymore. A lot of physical health issues later came ontop of it (and still continue, but I now adjusted), and I can say your physical condition adds a lot. A cure was my turnaround for many reasons, but also because I just did physical stuff, was in a different environment, I was around people, and ate more properly.
A lot adding, but I can't pinpoint it exactly just now.
Looking back, for me, personally .. it was just a cry out for many many things going wrong and needing to be changed. Not interests or any of that .. but the way I handled myself, my emotions, people and problems. Living not for myself and never stopping to look and appreciate myself. Nobody ever told me it's okay to have and express emotions, or that you need to learn to love yourself like you need to learn anything else. But before I could start doing anything about it, I needed a little bit of energy.
Anyhow, what I know is that taking care of your body a bit can help. I later also started taking care of your mind more, I actively use positive affirmations (like "even when I feel like crap, I still love myself") - to get them down to my "automated" subconscious thought train instead of just negative stuff of "my god, why are you tired already. you didn't even do anything yet". Even if you don't have any weight behind it, it works. But not something that is "easy" to try, for it feels odd, when it's just where we want to get to.
I still struggle with reaching out to people and opening up, I was used to completely repressing my emotions and it still happens every now and then, but it is something I am working on, and I have never been happier in my life.
I agree with a lot Sooz says.
Point is, your mind is not the friend you'd like it to be, so recognizing that is key. And since your mind is clawing at you already, anything good you do to your body will help you. Either being in the ruts is tough, both is .. problematic.
Try some different meds if you didn't, any help is good, and it's a good thing to try.
- be out in the sun (missing that can hit healthy people already), if you aren't used to direct sunlight, you may feel sick afterwards, like tired and headache (has to do with the way it's processed). If that happens, use morning/evenings and just a little at a time and be aware that this can be natural and will go away.
- move your body a bit
- try to eat healthy/healthier
I don't mean to say you need to make anything special, just try to cook something simple, or add stuff instead of just ready-made stuff. Adding a salad or cutting some tomatoes to add to pasta or rice is simple, but can go a long way. You may not always be able to do it, but find some simple, easy-to-do veggies and stuff to add.
Now that may be more personal .. but I find physical contact very comforting, especially when you don't really have anything to say or share (or can't). You know, long hugs, stuff, I never was able to get them back then, and I didn't realize I wanted it, either. Depends on who is around you, tho.
And also what you are trying to do .. thanking and appreciating the small things you do. It doesn't need to click or feel right, but trying to take in some positive notes is good. It may help to think of treating yourself like you would someone else.
You sound like you are working very hard and hang in there really really well given how you are feeling. Hang in there. You have people with you.
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5354
Since it's getting to be wintertime, at least in my hemisphere, I recommend getting some sunlight spectrum bulbs and a desk lamp and giving yourself fairly continuous exposure with the light. It's a serious boon for me, especially since right now my area's set to "all dreary, all the time." :/
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5354
There's also the option of actual SAD-treatment lightboxes, though those are more expensive; I can't speak to their effectiveness in comparison to my cheapskate method.
imnotme
0
Sooz: I really found a lot of your comments helpful. I actually want to exercise more; I keep track of how much I walk at work on a daily basis, and I already average 2-3 miles a day as is, but I want to do something a bit more strenuous. I love riding my bike, but there are very few places to do it where I live right now.
J.S.: The thought of insignificance isn't really frightening to me. It's more... overwhelming...? Not sure that's the best word either. Really, I see it as a lack of focus. It's awesome to think about from time to time, but it can cause someone to lose themselves fairly easily. And, no, nothing you said hurt me, haha. Though I guess I can see how it might rock some people's foundations.
unity: Thank you for sharing your story. It always makes me sad to hear people went through/go through something similar to me. I don't think I ever actually attempted suicide, but I had a pretty well thought out plan that involved prescribed sleeping pills. I was lucky the doc didn't actually send the script to the pharmacy... When I have been really low, I have done research on things (I'm a scientific person, it's what I do), but I almost never follow through. Either way, I do need to see a new doctor. I Just need to find someone in the area...
Thank you all again. I promise to come back in the near future to update you guys on my progress. I am going to do some homework on where the best care is local to me. In the mean time, I'm going to try and take better care of myself physically.
J.S.: The thought of insignificance isn't really frightening to me. It's more... overwhelming...? Not sure that's the best word either. Really, I see it as a lack of focus. It's awesome to think about from time to time, but it can cause someone to lose themselves fairly easily. And, no, nothing you said hurt me, haha. Though I guess I can see how it might rock some people's foundations.
unity: Thank you for sharing your story. It always makes me sad to hear people went through/go through something similar to me. I don't think I ever actually attempted suicide, but I had a pretty well thought out plan that involved prescribed sleeping pills. I was lucky the doc didn't actually send the script to the pharmacy... When I have been really low, I have done research on things (I'm a scientific person, it's what I do), but I almost never follow through. Either way, I do need to see a new doctor. I Just need to find someone in the area...
Thank you all again. I promise to come back in the near future to update you guys on my progress. I am going to do some homework on where the best care is local to me. In the mean time, I'm going to try and take better care of myself physically.
So much, I just don't know what I can say that can help. I've read this thread over and over again. What you say about an existential crisis, I completely understand that. I've never had thoughts of suicide, but for the past couple of years, I've wondered what my reason for living was. I've course, I've always had pets to give me someone to care about. While I may not have thoughts of suicide, I sometimes think I can just go to sleep and never wake up. But I do, and I feel like, "Hmm...another day." I used to be sad, but now it's just like...eh. And no, I haven't been taking care of myself either.
What really helps me, what really makes me feel like I have a purpose is when I sit down and write, whether it's music, a story, or even gam mak. As long as I'm doing that, I'm alright, and I can even go to sleep cheerful.
What really helps me, what really makes me feel like I have a purpose is when I sit down and write, whether it's music, a story, or even gam mak. As long as I'm doing that, I'm alright, and I can even go to sleep cheerful.
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5354
Keep it up! :D The more you practice healthy stuff, the easier it gets, whether that's exercise, getting up on time, or just forcing yourself to think neutral-to-positive things until your brain stops being a douche again.
