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HEXATONA WRITES TERRIBLE EROTIC FANFICTION OF RANDOM RMNERS AND VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS AND NOBODY CAN STOP HIM
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Sgt M
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Hmm... I wonder if anyone would get mad at ACTUAL lewdness? well, just to be safe I'll put it in the hide tags. I mean, I don't think it's an issue. There was some pretty lewd stuff back in the generic erotic fanfiction thread. Let this be your warning - actual lewds ahead! And not the fun Las Vegas kind! Allonz-y!
See, now that's what you get when you complain about no eroticism.
We now return to our regularly scheduled programming of terrible fiction starring all of you.
See, now that's what you get when you complain about no eroticism.
We now return to our regularly scheduled programming of terrible fiction starring all of you.
author=Gourd_Clae
Of COURSE the first really lewd one has Kloe in it. XD
Do me, do me!
I'm not your fanfic badger!
(But, of course, Kloe is literally the perfect target)
(Edit: Gotcha, Libs! Also, who do you think Ryu would have picked at the end of BoFII? Nina or Katt?)
-----
Crono Cross
"Oi, it's in, yea?" Said the partially clothed Kid, leaned up against a wall. It had been a long dry spell for her, and she'd had just the right amount of drinks, and the guy at the bar wasn't the worst possible choice.
"U-Um, yes." Gourd replied, a bit nervously.
"Olroight, just relax, and show me whatcha got, big boy!"
After a few awkward thrusts and a few times having to restart, he apologized, "Sorry, it's just the accent. Kinda throws me off."
"Me accent!? Here oi am, givin ye the best cunny three towns over, and it's me freakin accent. Blimey! Ach, bloody 'ell, I'll do it meself!"
She turned around then, and pushed Gourd on the ground. "Ach, roight... THERE aah, that's better. Now, just sit back n let ol' Kid take on the starlight tour."
"The... starlight tour?"
"Ah sure - I call it that because, first I sent ya to heaven..."
Quick as a flash, she had out a dagger, up against his throat "And after we both had a good time, I knock ya out and take all your money!"
Gourd paused a moment, then said, "... But, after we're done, right?"
"Well yeesh, yeah. I'm not a monster am oi? Plus, the ol pole's no good to me without someone at the wheel, innit?"
----
After they had climaxed, gourd said, "Well, that was pretty great. Did you... have a good time?"
Kid replaced her disarranged clothing, and gave him a quick glance. "Welp, not the best, but ye got the job done."
BONK
As she walked out the alley, she murmured to herself while fondling a bag of coins, "Bloody hell, Is this wot Oim worth these days!? Blimey, Oi feel like Oi was robbed!"
~Fin~
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5354
author=Hexatona
(Edit: Gotcha, Libs! Also, who do you think Ryu would have picked at the end of BoFII? Nina or Katt?)
Why's it gotta be or?
@Hex Okay, but, that is almost exactly how a sexual encounter between me and Kidd would go. That was awesome! XD
turkeyDawg
195
author=Gourd_Clae
Kidd
for a moment I thought this meant Alex Kidd and was not sure how to feel about that
Oh, Frogge, don't think I forgot about you, buddy. I know this isn't exactly new, but I don't want this to languish just on discord.
-----
Frog's fingers were jittery. His fix was coming.
Ten minutes now.
5 Minutes.
And ... Steam Sale! Steam sale was here!
The checkerboard of colors, the glittering deals... frog was in heaven.
Already he was prying open his thick wallet.
The Tenth Line, Subnautica, Hotuful Boyfriend , they were all going to be his.
But then, he heard a noise. His door was rattling.
"What? Who's there?" he said.
The door opened, and Frog could not believe his eyes.
"Forgetting something?" they said.
It was... men. But they were not men. They were games... The Witcher? Time Gentlemen, Please? Jade Empire? And so many more. These were men that represented the neglected feelings of the games Frog had abandoned.
They all crowded into Frog's room. There was no chance of escape.
"I'm... I'm sorry! I just, you know... got busy!" frog stammered.
Dungeons of Dredmore knelt down beside him, and rested a gentle hand on Frog's Shoulder. "Hey hey, we get it. Don't worry. We know life's tough. It's just , we want to play. And you bought us, so we can only play with you."
King's Bounty stepped behind Frog, and his hand was not gentle...
The night was long. It did not end by the dawn, nor the afternoon.
Dozens of men came and went. Everything was everywhere.
After everyone was gone, Frog lay unmoving on the floor. There were footsteps. Frog looked up.
"Steam? is... is that you?"
Steam knelt down and put Frog's wallet back into Frog's hand. "Hey man, that looked pretty rough. I just stopped by to give you this 50% off coupon for Creeper World 3. Oh, and here's a sticker pack for checking out the Summer Sale!"
He patted Frog on the head, wiped his hand off on the door, and saw himself out.
-----
Frog's fingers were jittery. His fix was coming.
Ten minutes now.
5 Minutes.
And ... Steam Sale! Steam sale was here!
The checkerboard of colors, the glittering deals... frog was in heaven.
Already he was prying open his thick wallet.
The Tenth Line, Subnautica, Hotuful Boyfriend , they were all going to be his.
But then, he heard a noise. His door was rattling.
"What? Who's there?" he said.
The door opened, and Frog could not believe his eyes.
"Forgetting something?" they said.
It was... men. But they were not men. They were games... The Witcher? Time Gentlemen, Please? Jade Empire? And so many more. These were men that represented the neglected feelings of the games Frog had abandoned.
They all crowded into Frog's room. There was no chance of escape.
"I'm... I'm sorry! I just, you know... got busy!" frog stammered.
Dungeons of Dredmore knelt down beside him, and rested a gentle hand on Frog's Shoulder. "Hey hey, we get it. Don't worry. We know life's tough. It's just , we want to play. And you bought us, so we can only play with you."
King's Bounty stepped behind Frog, and his hand was not gentle...
The night was long. It did not end by the dawn, nor the afternoon.
Dozens of men came and went. Everything was everywhere.
After everyone was gone, Frog lay unmoving on the floor. There were footsteps. Frog looked up.
"Steam? is... is that you?"
Steam knelt down and put Frog's wallet back into Frog's hand. "Hey man, that looked pretty rough. I just stopped by to give you this 50% off coupon for Creeper World 3. Oh, and here's a sticker pack for checking out the Summer Sale!"
He patted Frog on the head, wiped his hand off on the door, and saw himself out.
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5354
Pounded in the Butt by my Video Games
Dear hexatona,
thank you for sharing your WONDERFUL smut that you wrote for me with the world
I shall return the favor to you by sharing the smut i wrote back as a gift for you a while back
Best Wishes,
Frogge
thank you for sharing your WONDERFUL smut that you wrote for me with the world
I shall return the favor to you by sharing the smut i wrote back as a gift for you a while back
Hex looked around in curiosity. He was in a truly wonderful place, he knew it. The colorful handdrawn banners at the top of the building said ''Steam Fall Sale'' on them.
There were countless podiums with games on them. They all had green stickers on them showing discounts, and next to it was their price. Stardew Valley and Firewatch and Tomb
Raider and so many others, Hex couldn't even pick which ones he wanted.
Then, something happened. Hex turned around. Behind him was an angel.
''Welcome.'' the angel said. ''You have been chosen.''
''Chosen for what?'' Hex asked.
The angel grinned. He put his hand on Hex's shoulder. ''You'll find out soon.'' he said.
Suddenly, the games around Hex started to glitch. They all switched to pictures of Gaben. The banner at the top of the building became Gaben pictures. The floor itself turned into
a series of Gaben dick pics.
''What is going on?'' Hex asked.
Then, trumpets began to play. The giant door to the building swung open. A blinding light was coming in from the door, and a silhoutte was standing there. He looked fat.
The figure began approaching as it became clearer who it was. It was Gaben.
''Hello.'' Gaben said. ''I'm Gaben, the founder of Steam. You are the new chosen one.''
''Why are there dick pics of you everywhere?''
''Why, to show you what you will be dealing with, of course.'' Gaben said.
Hex looked at Gaben in horror. Gaben pulled out his phone.
''Everyone thinks I'm fat.'' he said. ''But, I'm actually really thin.''
Gaben showed Hex a picture of his abs. It was impossible, to look that fat normally but be this thin in a shirtless picture.
''How?'' Hex asked.
Gaben began untying his shirt. He slowly took it off to make a huge revelation.
Inside his shirt was another person. He was tied to Gaben from the belly, upside down, in a way that made his mouth fall exactly on Gaben's dick.
''I always carry a 'sucker' with me. It makes me look fat, when in truth, I'm just a really thin person with another person sucking on them at all times.''
He untied the person who fell on the ground head first. He looked dead.
''I've been using him for a few months now, and he's starting to get boring. So I need someone new.'' Gaben said.
Hex tried to run, but the angel flew over his head and stopped him. He took out a rope and tied Hex by the arms.
''Let me go!'' Hex shouted.
''Oh no, no no no.'' Gaben said with a smile on his face. ''Welcome to your new job. You'll be working 24/7 for what little remains of your life. Hope that's ok. Well, even if it
isn't, you don't have much of a choice!''
There were countless podiums with games on them. They all had green stickers on them showing discounts, and next to it was their price. Stardew Valley and Firewatch and Tomb
Raider and so many others, Hex couldn't even pick which ones he wanted.
Then, something happened. Hex turned around. Behind him was an angel.
''Welcome.'' the angel said. ''You have been chosen.''
''Chosen for what?'' Hex asked.
The angel grinned. He put his hand on Hex's shoulder. ''You'll find out soon.'' he said.
Suddenly, the games around Hex started to glitch. They all switched to pictures of Gaben. The banner at the top of the building became Gaben pictures. The floor itself turned into
a series of Gaben dick pics.
''What is going on?'' Hex asked.
Then, trumpets began to play. The giant door to the building swung open. A blinding light was coming in from the door, and a silhoutte was standing there. He looked fat.
The figure began approaching as it became clearer who it was. It was Gaben.
''Hello.'' Gaben said. ''I'm Gaben, the founder of Steam. You are the new chosen one.''
''Why are there dick pics of you everywhere?''
''Why, to show you what you will be dealing with, of course.'' Gaben said.
Hex looked at Gaben in horror. Gaben pulled out his phone.
''Everyone thinks I'm fat.'' he said. ''But, I'm actually really thin.''
Gaben showed Hex a picture of his abs. It was impossible, to look that fat normally but be this thin in a shirtless picture.
''How?'' Hex asked.
Gaben began untying his shirt. He slowly took it off to make a huge revelation.
Inside his shirt was another person. He was tied to Gaben from the belly, upside down, in a way that made his mouth fall exactly on Gaben's dick.
''I always carry a 'sucker' with me. It makes me look fat, when in truth, I'm just a really thin person with another person sucking on them at all times.''
He untied the person who fell on the ground head first. He looked dead.
''I've been using him for a few months now, and he's starting to get boring. So I need someone new.'' Gaben said.
Hex tried to run, but the angel flew over his head and stopped him. He took out a rope and tied Hex by the arms.
''Let me go!'' Hex shouted.
''Oh no, no no no.'' Gaben said with a smile on his face. ''Welcome to your new job. You'll be working 24/7 for what little remains of your life. Hope that's ok. Well, even if it
isn't, you don't have much of a choice!''
Best Wishes,
Frogge
Delsin7
6029
Wow Hex, your porn is sure popular. It'd be a shame if Kloe was a recurring victim. I mean character.
author=suzy_cheesedreams
I always thought Kid had an Australian accent for some reason.
She does. Or at least, that's what they were aiming for. XD
Katt should have been the choice, but honestly, Nina was likely what happened - what with the whole 'repeating pattern' thing the series had going on, Nina 1 and Ryu 1 ended up together which led to the Windians loosing a lot of their racial abilities.
My cockblock headcanon of frogge's smut is that hex became the curator for steam and had to deal with an endless stream of dickpic games
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5354
author=Delsin7
Wow Hex, your porn is sure popular. It'd be a shame if Kloe was a recurring victim. I mean character.
I'm not sure the word "victim" applies in Kloe's case.
Avalon Code: Realworld Edition
"Starmage! You have been chosen by The Book! You must catalogue all that must be saved, and when the world is remade, your vision will be realized!"
The words echoed through starmage's head as he walked around town, holding on to the eerie tome. He had tried scanning several things, and got some interesting, (and sometimes, haunting) personal glimpses into the psyche and motivations of the people and creatures around him. It wasn't long, though, before he really got the courage to edit what he found.
Putting some dog tags on a cat, made it much fiercer! And vice versa, cat tags on dogs made them much more affectionate, and lithe.
He wondered what would happen with people?
He wanted to go into the castle one day, and so he scanned a guard who had rebuffed him the previous day, and removed all his intelligence, and added as many gullible tags as he could. And, then, bam - in he went to the castle.
"Oh my god..." he said to himself, once the gravity of the powers at his disposal were finally coming to his mind. "I could... become king? Or convince almost anyone of anything! I'm like... A God..."
At that point, a plan had begun to form. His only limiting factor was having the right number of tags.
He dissappeared into the wilderness, then. He was hunting. Everything he could find, he scanned, looking for those precious tags of integral data. And, one day, five months later, he returned...
*** Thus began the Rule of Starmage, the First of His Name ***
Princess Dorothea, in her newly tailored outfit, designed especially by Starmage himself, was kneeling before Starmage's Throne. Behind her were the other members of his harem: His childhood friend (recently cured) Fana, The fiery Catgirl Lauca, The Seer Nanaida, The haughty Half-Elf Sylphy, and the (formerly) condescending daughter of a merchant family Francesca.
"Please, Lord Starmage! Allow me to be the first to carry your child!" Dorothea begged, crawling towards him. The girls began to bicker at this, but he silenced them with his hand.
"Girls, girls - you'll all have a turn. Come, we'll have a day of it! Fana, go and fetch the deposed King Xenonbart, he should probably watch this. Sylphy, Francesca - amuse and prepare The Princess until his return, then we may begin."
Lauca chimed in next - "And then Lauca! Lauca has lots of energy!"
"Hmph, but not the experience needed, I think" Nanaida murmurled loud enough to hear.
"Ah," Starmage sighed, smiling, "The beginning of another long day, I think!"
~Fin~
"Starmage! You have been chosen by The Book! You must catalogue all that must be saved, and when the world is remade, your vision will be realized!"
The words echoed through starmage's head as he walked around town, holding on to the eerie tome. He had tried scanning several things, and got some interesting, (and sometimes, haunting) personal glimpses into the psyche and motivations of the people and creatures around him. It wasn't long, though, before he really got the courage to edit what he found.
Putting some dog tags on a cat, made it much fiercer! And vice versa, cat tags on dogs made them much more affectionate, and lithe.
He wondered what would happen with people?
He wanted to go into the castle one day, and so he scanned a guard who had rebuffed him the previous day, and removed all his intelligence, and added as many gullible tags as he could. And, then, bam - in he went to the castle.
"Oh my god..." he said to himself, once the gravity of the powers at his disposal were finally coming to his mind. "I could... become king? Or convince almost anyone of anything! I'm like... A God..."
At that point, a plan had begun to form. His only limiting factor was having the right number of tags.
He dissappeared into the wilderness, then. He was hunting. Everything he could find, he scanned, looking for those precious tags of integral data. And, one day, five months later, he returned...
*** Thus began the Rule of Starmage, the First of His Name ***
Princess Dorothea, in her newly tailored outfit, designed especially by Starmage himself, was kneeling before Starmage's Throne. Behind her were the other members of his harem: His childhood friend (recently cured) Fana, The fiery Catgirl Lauca, The Seer Nanaida, The haughty Half-Elf Sylphy, and the (formerly) condescending daughter of a merchant family Francesca.
"Please, Lord Starmage! Allow me to be the first to carry your child!" Dorothea begged, crawling towards him. The girls began to bicker at this, but he silenced them with his hand.
"Girls, girls - you'll all have a turn. Come, we'll have a day of it! Fana, go and fetch the deposed King Xenonbart, he should probably watch this. Sylphy, Francesca - amuse and prepare The Princess until his return, then we may begin."
Lauca chimed in next - "And then Lauca! Lauca has lots of energy!"
"Hmph, but not the experience needed, I think" Nanaida murmurled loud enough to hear.
"Ah," Starmage sighed, smiling, "The beginning of another long day, I think!"
~Fin~
Hmm, wasn't a fan of this one after all, so got rid of it.
----
Princess Zelda had very few activities that were her own. There was a plethora of classes on etiquette, politics, history. Not to mention the 'Hobbies' her parents approved of: Flute, fencing, riding, archery... needlework.
She had come to accept them all in a way, but none of them were hers. But she had made one hers, despite her parents and teachers. Fencing was always something she was somewhat interested in, but being forced to go took the fun out of it... Until... Kloe arrived.
She was an unusually skilled girl, who had recently moved into the castle town proper and began taking lessons. It was total chance they had met, but as soon as she arrived, the pair had formed a fierce rivalry.
Zelda, calm and measured, was exacting in her movements and strikes. She wasn't particularly strong or enduring, but she could easily pick out the weaknesses of her lessers so far. Kloe, however, was wild and untamed - an improviser. Swift movements, coupled with a good eye and fast reflexes, got out of more trouble than she got herself into. Each clash between them grew more and more heated - and their friendship also bloomed.
One day, many months since they had met, Kloe had snuck into the castle grounds with a pair of rapiers strapped to her back.
"Heya shortstuff, how'sabout we settle our score in a little private match," Kloe said.
"Ugh, stop calling me short!" Zelda Barked, turning to see her friend in her grove. "Besides, I've been going easy on you all this time! I could defeat you in a heartbeat you buffoon!"
"Pfft, Oh okay." She smirked, and tossed a sword over to the princess. "How about you shut my big damn mouth, then?"
Zelda regarded the blade "Wait, these aren't tipped. We could get seriously hurt with these."
"Oh, c'mon - that's just the stakes. A little nick here or there won't kill us.
We're a careful sort, ain't we?"
"Not to mention, if anything happened to this dress I'd be-"
"Hmmhmhm, now you're getting it. Let's call it motivation."
Zelda paused a moment, and a fiery grin grew on her face. "Hmm, very well, I see your game. En garde!"
The two squared off, and began the dance of death. Zelda began with a simple press, which was easily knocked aside. Kloe recovered with a slash to the side, which was a feint, and almost speared one of Zelda's ribbons.
Zelda stamped her foot and edged in a deep lunge, which but Kloe off balance, and also barely avoided being sliced along her hip.
The two went back and forth in a dancing flurry, almost as though music was playing to them. Soon, slivers of cloth were falling between them, though neither would admit a single true hit to pass them.
After an hour, they both stood panting, their clothes in tatters and only barely covering their respective shames. They locked eyes.
"I've got you now, little princess!" Kloe said with a great lunge.
"Just what I was waiting for, barbarian!" Zelda replied.
A series of furious blows, feints, counter-feints, replies exploded between them, until finally...
"Ah ha! Got you, fiend!" Zelda cried, slicing open Kloe's bodice and stopping the blade at her throat.
But Kloe just grinned, "Ah ah ah, shortsutff." And Zelda followed her gaze downward.
Kloe's blade had bisected the front of Zelda's dress clean in half, and stopped just short of her... ahem.
Zelda blushed furiously, and sighed, "Damn."
They locked eyes an instant, and the next their blades had been disposed and their hands were all over each other, and began kissing each other madly.
"You slovenly beast," Zelda began, breathing out the words in gasps between kisses, "How on earth am I going to explain this dress to mother and father!"
Kloe just smirked, "Well, excuuuuse me, Princess~"
~Fin~
----
Princess Zelda had very few activities that were her own. There was a plethora of classes on etiquette, politics, history. Not to mention the 'Hobbies' her parents approved of: Flute, fencing, riding, archery... needlework.
She had come to accept them all in a way, but none of them were hers. But she had made one hers, despite her parents and teachers. Fencing was always something she was somewhat interested in, but being forced to go took the fun out of it... Until... Kloe arrived.
She was an unusually skilled girl, who had recently moved into the castle town proper and began taking lessons. It was total chance they had met, but as soon as she arrived, the pair had formed a fierce rivalry.
Zelda, calm and measured, was exacting in her movements and strikes. She wasn't particularly strong or enduring, but she could easily pick out the weaknesses of her lessers so far. Kloe, however, was wild and untamed - an improviser. Swift movements, coupled with a good eye and fast reflexes, got out of more trouble than she got herself into. Each clash between them grew more and more heated - and their friendship also bloomed.
One day, many months since they had met, Kloe had snuck into the castle grounds with a pair of rapiers strapped to her back.
"Heya shortstuff, how'sabout we settle our score in a little private match," Kloe said.
"Ugh, stop calling me short!" Zelda Barked, turning to see her friend in her grove. "Besides, I've been going easy on you all this time! I could defeat you in a heartbeat you buffoon!"
"Pfft, Oh okay." She smirked, and tossed a sword over to the princess. "How about you shut my big damn mouth, then?"
Zelda regarded the blade "Wait, these aren't tipped. We could get seriously hurt with these."
"Oh, c'mon - that's just the stakes. A little nick here or there won't kill us.
We're a careful sort, ain't we?"
"Not to mention, if anything happened to this dress I'd be-"
"Hmmhmhm, now you're getting it. Let's call it motivation."
Zelda paused a moment, and a fiery grin grew on her face. "Hmm, very well, I see your game. En garde!"
The two squared off, and began the dance of death. Zelda began with a simple press, which was easily knocked aside. Kloe recovered with a slash to the side, which was a feint, and almost speared one of Zelda's ribbons.
Zelda stamped her foot and edged in a deep lunge, which but Kloe off balance, and also barely avoided being sliced along her hip.
The two went back and forth in a dancing flurry, almost as though music was playing to them. Soon, slivers of cloth were falling between them, though neither would admit a single true hit to pass them.
After an hour, they both stood panting, their clothes in tatters and only barely covering their respective shames. They locked eyes.
"I've got you now, little princess!" Kloe said with a great lunge.
"Just what I was waiting for, barbarian!" Zelda replied.
A series of furious blows, feints, counter-feints, replies exploded between them, until finally...
"Ah ha! Got you, fiend!" Zelda cried, slicing open Kloe's bodice and stopping the blade at her throat.
But Kloe just grinned, "Ah ah ah, shortsutff." And Zelda followed her gaze downward.
Kloe's blade had bisected the front of Zelda's dress clean in half, and stopped just short of her... ahem.
Zelda blushed furiously, and sighed, "Damn."
They locked eyes an instant, and the next their blades had been disposed and their hands were all over each other, and began kissing each other madly.
"You slovenly beast," Zelda began, breathing out the words in gasps between kisses, "How on earth am I going to explain this dress to mother and father!"
Kloe just smirked, "Well, excuuuuse me, Princess~"
~Fin~
Sooz
They told me I was mad when I said I was going to create a spidertable. Who’s laughing now!!!
5354
Yeah, that one's better.
