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NEED HELP ON REWORDING SOME LINES (FOR A TUTORIAL PIECE)
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MoonWolfV
3001
MoonWolfV
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CloseCould someone help me reword this dialogue. It's supposed to be a short notice to the player about not wandering off from the current objective.
The monster encounters are a lot like Final Fantasy II (On the NES) where you can wander in to other areas even though you don't have any reason to be there yet. Like in II where the territory for the Mysidia area encounters is right next door to the encounters you fight at the beginning of the game (Mysidia came in a fair while later in the course of the game).
This is what the text currently looks like but I think it comes across as a bit awkward. Definitely the second sentence.
Sophie: Oh, and one more thing. Vincent, don't lead us off of the path of our set destination. There are stronger monsters prowling the lands to our north, between us and Sagarisk, and they'll likely be beyond our capabilities.
The monster encounters are a lot like Final Fantasy II (On the NES) where you can wander in to other areas even though you don't have any reason to be there yet. Like in II where the territory for the Mysidia area encounters is right next door to the encounters you fight at the beginning of the game (Mysidia came in a fair while later in the course of the game).
This is what the text currently looks like but I think it comes across as a bit awkward. Definitely the second sentence.
Sophie: Oh, and one more thing. Vincent, don't lead us off of the path of our set destination. There are stronger monsters prowling the lands to our north, between us and Sagarisk, and they'll likely be beyond our capabilities.
Well, I kind think it could be slightly better as...
...that, or something like it. I kinda think it depends on the personality of the character speaking, though.
Sophie: Oh, and one more thing, Vincent. If we go too far north between here and Sagarisk, we may come across some really strong foes. I would advise avoiding them for now.
...that, or something like it. I kinda think it depends on the personality of the character speaking, though.
Ramshackin
1462
Sophie: Oh, and stick to the path, Vincent. There are monsters stronger than you or I between us and Sagarisk.
--
Another option. Though it's hard to write without knowing the full context and the character's voice.
--
Another option. Though it's hard to write without knowing the full context and the character's voice.
dethmetal
990
Are you a fellow fan of FF2 on Famicom? I completed it for the first time a couple months ago and absolutely loved it.
MoonWolfV
3001
I played it once on the Gameboy Advance version and all the other times I've played the PSP version.
I've never played the NES edition.
I've never played the NES edition.
Kaempfer
1932
author=Ramshackin
Sophie: Oh, and stick to the path, Vincent. There are monsters stronger than you or I between us and Sagarisk.
you or me*
;)
Merlandese
3235
author=Kaempferauthor=Ramshackinyou or me*
Sophie: Oh, and stick to the path, Vincent. There are monsters stronger than you or I between us and Sagarisk.
;)
Double approval on the "you and me," although I think it'd sound more fluid just saying "us" and changing the second "us" to "here."
Sophie: Oh, and stick to the path, Vincent. There are monsters stronger than us between here and Sagarisk.
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