THE RANDOMIZED SMUTTY FANFIC CHALLENGE

50, 33
1) Samus Aran
3, 29
2) Gilgamesh (Final Fantasy)
3) Hermione Granger

If it's all the same to the rest of you pervs, I'll be using the original Samus Aran from the NES era and not the one introduced in the Gamecube era. Meaning red head body builder as opposed to blonde fashion queen. Hope you don't mind...but it doesn't matter...because...I'm doing it anyway.


Chapter I

Lord Gilgamesh gazed across Spira, the remains of Sin having long since decayed. It wasn't long ago that he witnessed an alien being on another world spread her tendrils across that world, robbing it of its mako. The people of these worlds passionately defended their families and that which they loved, a trait that never ceased to fascinate Gilgamesh. Yet, these worlds were all human worlds. They were alien to one another but not so much that it wouldn't be easy to find a common ground between them. The bonds between people within worlds were strong, but Gilgamesh now wondered if they would be equally strong across worlds.

Stepping through the tears in time and space, Gilgamesh searched for worlds he'd not yet visited. On this foray, he found himself in a bustling city. The fumes from automobiles made the air rancid and paths made of tar, concrete, and cement paved the ground. He sensed a dearth of magic in the denizens of these streets and he accordingly made himself insubstantial, or disguised himself as a lowly human as he needed. Yet, ahead, at a place called the Leaky Cauldron, he sensed immense magic, and a hidden realm beyond. A soul of great power shined like a beacon beyond. He had to find it. Whoever it was, they were special, just as Yuna had been special, just as Aerith had been, and so just as Terra had been.

The defenses before Diagon Alley were laughable, but Gilgamesh was sure they were intended only for the mundane humans that couldn't even see the Leaky Cauldron. It didn't take long for him to find this beacon of a human. At a massive stone structure, the biggest in the street. A sign above it read "Gringotts". Striding past the goblins, he noted that they perceived his presence, but wasn't quite sure if he was there. Perceptive little creatures. They would be worth later examination. There, at the main desk arguing with a goblin clearly in charge; a human woman dressed more like the mundane folks outside, yet she was just as magical as the more homely garbed humans in Diagon Alley.

“Ms. Granger, I appreciate that there are Death Eaters still lurking, but He Who Must Not Be Named has well and truly been destroyed! There was a body, and it's been a year!”

“Mr. Mirkrut,” the woman said, her tones clipped and sharp, “just because Voldemort's followers are leaderless doesn't mean they'll be idle. While most went into hiding last time, there were plenty that still remained an active threat, and the auror's office does NOT want another Dark Lord rising among their ranks.”

“And our security is the best in the Kingdom. I can promise you, we don't need aurors mucking about our vaults.”

“We won't be mucking about your vaults! Need I remind you that you fell straight in line with Voldemort when he came to power?”

“Not willingly!”

“And yet you did nothing, like everyone else, and assured he took power unchallenged. Your security may be the finest in the Kingdom, but for the time being, you're the last ones the Ministry trusts to run it. There were some very rich families among those Death Eaters that would be a terrible loss to your client list.”

“What are you insinuating?”

“I didn't think I was insinuating. I thought I was saying it outright! You're going to need a lot more than self-righteous indignation to convince the Ministry that you won't turn a blind eye to former Death Eaters hiding illegal goods in their vaults. You should have dealt with me. I'm the nice one. Shacklebolt and Dawlish aren't above charging you with treason if they think you're cavorting with Death Eaters.” With that, Ms. Granger turned on her heel and stormed out, the goblin Mirkrut imploring her to come back. Gilgamesh could see in her mind that she wasn't leaving to be onerous, but because she had lost her temper and didn't want to escalate any further.

He followed her a bit until finally she rounded on him. “Who are you? What do you want? How are you able to leave your haunt?” She gave a moment's thought. “Or is the alley your haunt, because I've never seen you before!”

Gilgamesh was taken aback. “Humans should not be able to see me at all lest I wish it. How did you see me?”

“All witches and wizards can see ghosts.”

“I am no ghost! I am a traveler. But mayhap, it is this power to see ghosts that allows you to see me. I shall have to study that, but later. Perhaps if I made myself more substantial, you'd realize the truth, Hermione Granger.”

“How did you know my name,” and she was no longer confrontational. Presented with a mystery, her demeanor was full of wonder and intrigue. She then reached out and touched his now solid form. “Ghosts can't do that. What are you?”

“A traveler. Many call me a god. Some call me an esper. Others call me an eidolon. What I actually am is far more complicated and irritating to explain, especially since I am not certain of many details.”

“Well, who are you? What's your name?”

“Most humans of most worlds call me Gilgamesh.”

“Humans of most worlds...”

“I travel between the paths of reality to many worlds, all different, but all the same. You fascinate me, Hermione Granger. You have power that few wield in any world.”

Her eyes were full of incredulity, but her aura was thick with wonder.

“Take my hand, Hermione Granger, and you will doubt no more.”

“I should think I know better than to take a strange being's hand.”

And yet, she did exactly that, and as soon as her hand grasped Gilgamesh's he stepped between the paths of reality. Reality twisted and turned around them. For a moment, it seemed as if Hermione would be sick. No matter; the journey was so far beyond mortal comprehension that she'd never recall it. She'd only remember taking his hand in Diagon Alley, a brief thrill that may or may not be uncomfortable--likely uncomfortable given her involuntary reaction--and landing in their destination with no perception of the passage of time. And land they did, and by the smell and feel, they'd landed in a stable.

“Well,” she said, standing up to dust herself off, “that wasn't quite as bad as apparating, but it does leave your stomach churning a bit.” She took in her surroundings, noting the straw on the floor, her nose wrinkling at the odor. Then she noticed the stalls, large enough for horses, each of them, and her eyes widened. “Are those...giant chicks?”

“Those are chocobos and they are the traditional beast of burden in this world. Welcome to Ivalice!”

Her eyes didn't leave the chocobo in the stall in front of her. The massive yellow bird stared at her docilely. She walked up to the chocobo and reached a hand out. “It's beautiful.”

The chocobo let her pet him on the cheek and let out a contented “Kweh.”

She then turned to Gilgamesh. “You know, there are many animals on Earth who's existences wizards hide from muggles due to their associations with magic. I'm certainly no expert on magical beasts. How do I know this isn't one?”

“I cannot prove that chocobos are no such creature, but perhaps you have a spell that could indicate you are no longer on Earth.”

She took out her wand, set it in the palm of her hand and said, “Point me.” The wand began to spin and didn't stop. “Well, it's not supposed to do that. It's supposed to point north.”

“It cannot point north if it north cannot be found. Perhaps you should ask it to find this world's north.”

Pocketing her wand, she said, “It could be a trick.”

Gilgamesh very much liked this woman. She questioned everything and took nothing at face value, even when she wanted to. “You're one of the cleverest mortals I've ever encountered.”

Hermione blushed. Apparently, compliments on her intelligence were a weakness of her's.

“A stable is a meager place to be introduced to a new world. Perhaps if you stepped outside, you can see things anew.”

As they left, the chocobo Hermione had been petting cried, “Wark!” in her direction. Exiting the stable, they walked past several people. “They're not bothered by us being in their stable?” asked Hermione.

“Perhaps they would be if I were not making them think we belonged here.” They turned onto a main street where the view was unmistakable. “Behold! The Imperial City of Rabanastre!”

Hermione's eyes widened as they found the palace towering above the cityscape. There could be no doubt if there was a structure like that on Earth, it would be as famous as Parliament. A bangaa peddled cheap jewelry on a corner and then a viera approached.

“Excuse me,” she said, her accent thick, “I have only just recently left my woods and have never been here. Do you know the way back to the inn?”

Hermione's voice caught a moment as she tried to think of an appropriate answer. “I'm sorry, I'm new here, too. I haven't even been to an inn, yet.”

“Oh...sorry to trouble you!”

“It's no trouble.”

The viera smiled and bowed and then turned around to leave. Hermione's eyes widened yet again. “I thought that woman was wearing a ridiculous rabbit ears head band but those are her ears!”

Gilgamesh looked on wistfully. “That poor creature is banished from her home.”

“What? Why?”

“For leaving, of course. She does not even yet realize that she may never return.”

Hermione looked at Gilgamesh for a moment. She could not possibly see as he saw. Yet, she said, “And you couldn't return to yours?” She was more perceptive than he had anticipated.

“There are other worlds to visit, Hermione Granger. Other people to meet.”

“What about this one? I've only been here a few minutes. Surely there's more to see.”

No sooner were the words out of her mouth than a commotion started up across the street. A door slammed open and a small, white creature with a red ball hovering over his head, connected by the tiniest of strands of fur, a moogle, stumbled out backwards, pursued by a massive seeq brandishing a bullwhip. “Do you know how much gil you owe me for that little screwup of yours? Why do I even keep you around?”

“I'm ku-p-p-p...I'm sorry! It was an accident, kupo!”

Hermione, almost reflexively, shouted, “Hey!”

The seeq either ignored her, didn't notice her, or didn't think she was addressing him. “This time I'm taking it out of your hide, and your pay!” He raised his whip to strike.

The moogle quaked and cried out. “Please don't hit me! I'm sorry!”

Quicker than a twinkle, Hermione's wand was in her hand, pointed at the seeq. Hermione was nervous and frantic as she said, “Expelliarmus,” her voice slightly quaking. A bolt of red light jetted from the end of her wand precisely striking the grip of the seeq's bullwhip with sufficient force to wrench it from his hand and fling it several yards down the street. This woman was quick to enter confrontation, but was not comfortable in it.

The seeq's hands flung up in stunned surprise as he turned in Hermione's direction. Hermione's wand quivered a bit more than it should, but having already demonstrated that she was quite willing to use it, the seeq clearly decided not to take advantage of her apparent fear. Her eyes were the only things that didn't betray her fear, holding the seeq's gaze like steel. Once upon a time, Hermione might have backed down, frozen, been to afraid to go any further, collapsing under the pressure, but that was before the Second Wizard War where she fought for her life and even longer before becoming an auror.

She took a breath, steadying herself and then very evenly and firmly, she said, “That's hardly an appropriate way to discipline a creature that's barely as large as a toddler.”

The seeq was flustered as he said, “Someone has to show this little pipsqueak who's boss!”

Anger flashed in her eyes. “All you're showing him is that you're dangerous and mentally unstable.”

Gilgamesh continued to watch, amused by the confrontation. Hermione had to be painfully aware that she was standing off against a creature twice her height with muscular arms as large as she was. Yet the little woman with the steel eyes beat the massive brute with biceps the size of saurians as he waved off the moogle and said, “AH! Who needs you? Don't let me catch you around here again!” and stormed back into his shop.

The little moogle ran up to Hermione and said, “You saved my kupo! Thank you so much!”

“Why was he being so horrible to you?”

“He had me moving some of the merchandise onto the main floor. Some of it's a little on the big side and awkward to carry and I dropped a big vase on a box full of teacups.”

“Hmph. Serves him right, giving you a job like that and then blaming you when you can't do it.”

“Well, I don't think I have a job anymore, but it's okay! My brothers and sisters will give me a hand!”

At this point, several guards and a Judge were approaching, clearly drawn by the commotion. Gilgamesh put his hand on Hermione's shoulder. “It is time for us to leave. You've attracted the attention of law enforcement, and I am afraid they are not as interested in justice as you are.”

Hermione looked in the direction of the Judge. “Oh, I don't like the looks of them. Pity, this place is fascinating.”

“We can return at a later time.”

Gilgamesh stepped between the paths of reality yet again, but in this instance, the Judge perceived what was happening. Shouting, “HOLD!” he cast a spell at Gilgamesh in an attempt to keep him and Hermione in this realm. It didn't entirely succeed. He and Hermione slipped between reality, but something was wrong. Gilgamesh had experienced this several times before, but never with a passenger. When reality finally righted itself, they found themselves in a cavern devoid of breathable air. This was no problem for Gilgamesh, but Hermione would suffocate quite quickly here. Yet, she had a solution. Realizing she couldn't breath, she held her breath and calmed herself. Pointing her wand at her own head, a bubble formed around it and she was able to breath.

“That's better, then. What world is this, and why isn't there any air?”

“The Judge cast a spell that disrupted me. As such, I no longer know where we are, but the lack of air suggests that not only are we in a different world, but this time, we're on another planet altogether.”

“That sounds bad.”

“The Judge's disrupting magic has thrown me into an imbalance. I cannot walk between worlds until I've corrected myself.”

“How long will that take?”

“Minutes or hours. It all depends on how the magic affected me exactly.”

“Well, it's an alien world. I can't breathe the air here, but it doesn't feel like it's putting a bunch of pressure on me. No harm exploring, I suppose.”

“Be cautious. I sense there are beings here well adapted to this environment.”

“Native non-terrestrial creatures. That would be fascinating!”

As they walked into the cavern system, they encountered several hostile creatures. Batlike beings hung from the ceiling and launched themselves at them. Hermione had to stun several of them. Examining the barbs on the heads of those creatures, Hermione cringed. “Those would do a little more than sting!”

Gilgamesh said, “Perhaps we should return to safety. Should one of these creatures strike you with those barbs, the injury could prove quite fatal.”

“Do you see that?”

Gilgamesh first looked at the creature, but then noticed that Hermione was gazing down the cave. A faint blue glow came from that direction. “Hermione Granger, it is in your best interest--”

Hermione stood up and walked straight for the glow.

“Impulsive.” He followed, wary of any other creatures that might attack.

Very soon, they found themselves before a door. It was a metal aperture with a round force-field over the front. Hermione's wand was already out to defend herself from the creatures in this cavern. Pointing it at the aperture, she said, “Specialus Revelio.” After a moment, she lowered her wand and said, “No magic. So it's a force-field!”

“Forgive me. I was under the impression that on Earth, the magical community was so segregated from the non-magical community that wizards are as ignorant of technology as muggles are of magic.”

“I'm muggle-born.” That explained her professional way of dressing, absent the accouterments of a usual witch, such as cloaks and large hats. “Well then...” she pointed her wand again. “Discernus.” Almost immediately, she said, “It's far more advanced than anything I know of on Earth, but it doesn't seem to be meant to be for security.” She pointed her wand once more. “Reducto.” A red jet flashed from her wand and the force-field immediately dispersed. “As I thought. It's a simple, unlocked door with a not-so-straightforward way of opening it. Well, I suppose it's straightforward to whoever made it.”

By now, the mystery of this place was far to great to make Hermione turn back now. She was going on, against anyone's better judgment. Stepping through, she found herself at a pit. The walls along the side had ledges but there were numerous gaps. There was another of these strange doors roughly 30 paces lower on the opposite wall. Observing the ledges, a path to that door became apparent. Hermione had a better idea. Pointing the wand at herself, she said, “Mobiliarcorpus.” She levitated in the air and gently, she descended to the door below.

Gilgamesh needed no such tricks to levitate himself, impressed though he was with this woman's ingenuity. Descending behind her, he waited for her to open the door. This time, her reducto spell wasn't effective. “Allow me.” Reaching his hand out, he simply willed the energy barrier from existence. The sensors would simply erect a new barrier after a few moments.

“Hmm...It seems some doors are more resistant. Higher security I would suppose. I wonder if the color has anything to do with it. This one was red.”

“Perhaps.”

Upon stepping through, the door closed behind them. Continuing on into this section of the cavern, they found themselves in a massive chamber. Then something happened that Gilgamesh didn't usually experience. Creatures began to surround them so subtly that he failed to perceive them until it was too late. These were remarkably different from the myriad types of other creatures they'd been encountering. They had simply been overly aggressive animals. There was a sinister intelligence in these creatures, and yet, it didn't belong them. It was as though their minds were supplanted by a greater mind, a mother brain somewhere deep in these caverns.

Hermione observed them. There was wonderment, but she was cautious. As Gilgamesh had already observed numerous times, she took nothing at face value. “They look like...jellyfish!” she said. “But those teeth--Fangs? Mandibles?--look like they could do some damage.”

“Their abilities are vampiric.” Now, here was a threat that Hermione might not be able to handle on her own. Gilgamesh steeled himself and built up the strength he needed for his offensive magic. “I can destroy them in a fell swoop, but I need time to build up my strength.”

Hermione pointed her wand at one. “Stupefy.” It seemed immune.

“Hermione Granger, these creatures are of high alien intelligence and they are parasites. They live to destroy. The time for niceties are over. It is kill or be killed!”

A massive sword appeared at Gilgamesh's side and he gripped it, preparing for the strike. Hermione pointed her wand at the one she had tried to stun and shouted, “Sectumsempre!” It cleaved the creature in two, and fell to the ground, lifeless. The rest seemed entirely undisturbed by this turn of events. As they got closer, Hermione blasted them more and frantically. “There's too many of them!” Her tongue began tripping over her spells and was failing to fire them off. As Gilgamesh had feared, in an unfamiliar, potentially life-threatening situation, Hermione Granger had a tendency to freeze and panic.

“Remain calm, Hermione Granger. Remain focused. To every problem, there is a solution.”

Even as he spoke, one of them latched onto her arm. Gilgamesh could see the blood drain from her face as her life-force slowly bled out, but more than that. There was confusion. This creature directly attacked the mind. The air bubble around her head burst and she could no longer breath. In a moment of clarity, she pointed her wand at the attacker and fired a silent sectumsempre, slashing the metroid in half, and doing minor damage to her arm in the process. She fell back, unable to breathe, pointing the wand ineffectually at her head several times, until finally she succeeded, and with a great gasp, she pointed the wand and shouted, “Avada Kedavera!” This surprised Gilgamesh; not that she cast a killing spell, but that the spell she cast seemed to do absolutely no physical harm to the creature. It seemed to simply cancel the creature's life. In truth, it was as deadly as any other killing device, but he could easily fathom why this one would be particularly terrifying to mortals.

The problem was that the more of these metroids they killed, the more their were. Their numbers were doubling minute by minute. Hermione attempted a spell that struck a large swath of them, but it was as ineffective as stupefy. Hermione had been exhausted by just one creature's attack. Gilgamesh could feel the power building within him and within his sword. Any moment now, he could wipe these creatures from existence. The metroids had attempted to attack him, but upon realizing they had no affect on him, abandoned such efforts and focused solely on Hermione.

From the other end of the chamber, there was a flash of light, and a pulse of energy fired across, blasting one of the creatures from existence. Then another, and another. Whatever or whoever was doing it was coming closer. It didn't take long to identify the source of the attack. A warrior concealed in very intimidating armor ran into view. The metroids divided their attention between Hermione and the newcomer. The match between the metroids and the warrior was a bit more even. The gold and red power suit was very effective at resisting the metroids' acidic saliva, but it wasn't proof against it. The cannon that the warrior's arm was inserted into could shoot multiple salvos. It could still kill the creatures only one at a time, but far more quickly. Hermione was unperturbed, firing sectumsempre and avada kedavera at anything translucent with total abandon. Still, it was clear that even with this prepared armorine, the metroids would soon overwhelm them. No matter. Gilgamesh's power was fully charged. He swung his sword in a massive arc.

“ZANTETSUKEN!”

The energy blast washed harmlessly across Gilgamesh's allies, but every last metroid was destroyed. Hermione looked around the cavern. The metroids that Gilgamesh killed didn't fall to the floor. No, they were obliterated. They were simply gone. The armored warrior looked around at the carnage, standing almost as tall as Gilgamesh. The warrior was just as bulky, too. Or perhaps the armor simply made him or her look that way.

Hermione said, “Next time, I'll just stay put,” and passed out from exhaustion.

Chapter II

Hermione recovered in the healing tube upon the warrior's space ship. She wouldn't be in there too long. The warrior removed her helmet revealing a human woman. She looked to Gilgamesh, who's armor, heavy and concealing as hers, though not technological, was certainly magical.

“Who are you?” the woman asked. “How did you get here? And why did you bring her?”

Gilgamesh said, “I am Gilgamesh. I stumbled to this world after being knocked off course by an attack. Is it an issue that I brought her along?”

“You're prepared. Your armor puts off massive energy signatures but the only tech she has is that little stick in her pocket. I'm not even sure what it is, or how she was even breathing down here.”

“As I stated, we are here by accident. I have nearly balanced myself. We will be able to leave shortly.”

“Balanced?” asked the warrior woman. “You're going to have to explain that.”

“I owe you no such thing, mortal. We have aided each other in battle. Ms. Granger only needed to survive long enough for me to discharge my Zantetsuken. You assisted. I was personally in no danger.”

The warrior narrowed her eyes and said, “I suppose I've got no room to argue.”

“I believe I gave you my name, Samus Aran.”

With this, Samus raised an eyebrow. “So you say.”

“It is of no consequence. Courtesy is easy to forget.”

“You've told me how you're here. Why travel to a world like this in the first place? I know. Accident. Bullshit. This planet is out of the way of every spacing lane. Nobody's in this region unless they're coming here.”

“And yet it is the truth. I am a traveler of reality, and have been throughout much of history, observing moments of historical significance on Earth and its many variations across the planes of reality.”

At this, Samus's forehead furrowed and she moved over to a piece of equipment, examining something on the monitor.

“A simple magical attack at our previous location disrupted my focus.”

“That explains the quantum displacement surrounding you.”

“Ah! You have a rudimentary understanding of the Veil Between Realms! That shall make this meeting much easier!”

“Okay...You're an interdimensional being. She's not. She doesn't have a quantum displacement effect surrounding her. Explain. Did you abduct her?”

“She was a willing passenger. It's an experiment of sorts. I have observed humanity across countless realities for thousands of years. I have seen their struggles. I have seen their triumphs. I have seen their defeats. I have aided them with my power in times of great need. You have had a small taste of that power today. I have seen the friendships they form. I have seen the family they cherish. But never have I seen these connections span the gaps between worlds. I wanted to see if humans could develop bonds with others from alien realities. There is great magic in these bonds, but such magic is often tied to the point of origin. I wanted to see if the string could stretch, as it were. You saved her life where I may have been too late. Perhaps that is a start.”

It was only half an hour before the tube opened and Hermione awakened. She looked around to find she had been stripped of all clothing. It was probably necessary for the medical tube. Still, she couldn't help but feel a bit self-conscious.

Samus looked with concern at the scar on her arm that had been an open wound just hours ago. “The tube is supposed to get rid of all damage.”

Hermione looked down at it. “That was from sectumsempra, when I used it to knock one of those creatures off of my arm. Nothing in the world can heal an injury caused by a curse.”

Samus raised an eyebrow. “A curse? You mean like magic.”

“I must still be confused from whatever that creature did to me. I shouldn't be talking about that with muggles.”

“Gilgamesh talked about magic. I suppose whatever reality you're from, magic is real. How else could you breathe on this planet wearing a suit and skirt?”

Hermione was giving Samus the strangest look and simply blurted, “You saved my life.”

“You were holding them off fairly well despite what you were using.”

“None of my more powerful combat spells were working on them. They were just shrugging them off. The only spells that were working hit one at a time. If I could have gotten them in a line, sectumsempre might have taken more of them out. My apologies, but you're a woman!”

“Hah! Just noticed that, did you?”

“I'm sorry, but when you appeared in that massive armor, I expected someone more...male.”

Samus flexed her biceps. “Bulkier than this?”

Hermione flushed red. “Oh, my...”

Insubstantial, invisible, seemingly everywhere, Gilgamesh observed the powerful bond forming between Samus and Hermione. The metroid's effect on Hermione made her quite susceptible to Samus's charm, and Samus was the type of person to make connections where she could find them. It was true, the deck was stacked a bit in favor of Gilgamesh's experiment, but the point of it wasn't to prove anything specific. The experiment was simply intended to see if it was possible. The attachment between them was growing stronger. In truth, it was largely physical, but it promised to be a strong attachment, regardless.

Hermione reached up and put a gentle hand on Samus's bicep. “You're quite athletic, aren't you?”

“I assume magic takes no small amount of brilliance to master. You were mustering a solid defense given that your full arsenal wasn't working on them.”

By this point, they were so close to each other, they were nearly in each others arms.

Hermione gave a weak smile. “Hardly a master, mostly just memorizing the books.”

“Isn't that where learning starts?”

“Sooner or later, reading isn't enough. One needs to act.”

Samus leaned in. “Like this?”

And their lips met, their tongues twisting and coiling around each other. For both women, it was as though flood gates had opened. Unconsciously, Hermione's hand gone under Samus's shirt and was caressing her bare breast. As Hermione explored Samus's body, her fingers found their way deep into a substantial scar on the side of her chest. Hermione pulled her lips away and said, “My god, how did this happen?”

Samus smiled and pulled her shirt off. Her physique was impressive, and arousing. Hermione's gaze lingered on her perfect breasts but soon found their way to a horrid scar that wrapped from the front of her torso almost to her spine, a disfiguring canyon almost two inches deep covering half of Samus's torso.

“This was what began my career as a bounty hunter. The metroids invaded my planet. We had to evacuate. I was dragged to a ship, almost dead. We didn't have any medical equipment. They could only treat my wound the best they could and pray I didn't die. Their prayers were answered. Mine weren't. I was one of the hundreds of thousands of orphans to survive the rampage. I healed. I trained. I made myself stronger. When I eventually returned to my home planet to remove the metroid infestation, it had been turned into a desolate, lifeless rock. Only the metroids and the creatures they cultivated lived there.”

Hermione's expression was one of profound sadness. “I'm so sorry.”

“It was a very long time ago. Another life, really.”

And their lips met again, but this time, Hemione moved her lips gently down Samus's neck, to her shoulders, then kissing her chest, and gently kissing the scar. She nuzzled Samus's stomach. Finally, she pulled the rest of Samus's clothes off. While they were drunk on each others sex, Gilgamesh spoke in both of their minds, expressing his pleasure that they had so bonded with one another. Wordlessly, silently, unconsciously, Samus and Hermione invited him to join them, and so he did, becoming substantial and enveloping them both in a form especially fashioned for pleasuring two women simultaneously, for it was not without reason that many believed him to be a god. All at once he was beside them, around them, and in them. Countless caressing hands making both of them scream with pleasure. He satisfied them both in a way no mortal could, and when Hermione and Samus craved each other, he enhanced their sensations as their tongues explored each others bodies. And when Gilgamesh felt he had done all that he could, he dispersed once again, and Hermione and Samus fell asleep in each others arms, contented.

An entire night passed, and in the morning, they woke up in each others arms, their bodies sticky from being covered in each others fluids. Waking up in the arms of someone so strong was the most comfortable feeling Hermione had ever experienced. It was perfect comfort.

“I've never done anything like that before in my life,” said Hermione. “I never thought I would do anything like that in my life. Now, all I want to do is make love to you.”

Samus grinned. “'Make love' to me. You're so proper.”

Hermione smiled back. “Proper?”

“So British.”

“I am British.”

“Well, Miss British, you enjoyed making love to me and I enjoyed fucking you.”

“And sucking, presumably? I sure liked it.”

“So there's a Britain on your Earth?”

“Yes, there's a Britain on my Earth. I assume your Earth is like mine.”

“I don't know. I've never been to the Core Worlds. I'd give my life to defend them, though. So what do you do on your Earth?”

“I'm an auror. It's not too different from a bounty hunter, except we're official and we're trained by the Ministry.”

“So, basically, police.”

“Not really. After a fashion, maybe. Our concern is a very specific kind of crime: dangerous dark magic being misused. Some of the worst wars in our history were caused by dark wizards thirsting for power. We not only defend the nation from these wizards but we prevent them from exposing the non-magical community to us.”

“I thought your world was just magic and mine was technological.”

“No. The non-magical community goes on with no knowledge of the existence of witches and wizards, with a few necessary exceptions. Sometimes, non-magical people, or muggles, are born with innate magical abilities and have to be trained. Like me. I'm what's referred to as a muggle-born. We can be a danger to ourselves otherwise. I had no idea all the strange things I could do were magic until I got my letter to school. I thought magic was a fairy tale and that we just lived in a world of rockets and computers.”

Samus was now looking very concerned.

“What's wrong?”

“Who was the first man on the moon?”

“Neil Armstrong.”

Samus's eyes widened. “Who first broke the sound barrier?”

“Chuck Yaeger? You see, most wizards wouldn't even know those names. Does this bother you?”

“So there could actually be a hidden world of wizards and witches that I don't even know about in my reality.”

Hermione's eyes widened in understanding. “I'm so sorry, I did NOT mean to flip your world on its side!”

“Or maybe we're from the same reality and just different times.”

“At least we both know what cunnilingus is.”

“Hmm...you know it very it very well.”

“Maybe we should double check to see how well we know it.”

Hermione and Samus's bodies entwined once more. This time, though, their passion and love-making didn't last for hours on end and Gilgamesh didn't join in. Though they should have been wide awake at this time, upon freshly covering each other with (and swallowing) each others fluids, they both fell fast asleep, and each awoke in their own bed, in their own reality, in their own time. Hermione would have believed it a dream if not from the scar caused by sectumsempra, and she was definitely covered by a sticky substance with a very arousing odor.

For her part, Samus's flight recorder captured the entire encounter. Strangely, Gilgamesh didn't appear once, even though he should have been in full view of several cameras. It occurred to each of them that Gilgamesh was involved in that love-making session, though his presence seemed far more like a dream.

Hermione and Samus both at the same time realized how far Gilgamesh's involvement in their tryst truly was, both waited the exact same amount of time before acquiring a very specific type of plastic stick. Going to the bathroom at precisely the same time, they both put that plastic stick to the intended use at the same moment, and upon looking at it, both said, “God damn it!”

Yay!
It was fun putting Hermione in a literal Metroid level. A bit of effort. Maybe a lot.