DUNGEONS AND DRAG-QUEENS

Drag-Master: You awaken in the middle of your masterfully crafted four-poster bed. There is a bosomly maiden looming over your bed with a tray of breakfast. Eggs florentine again, same as all week.

LongSchlongSilver: Schlong awakes stiff as a board:"Arrr, you doth disturb me sleep wench!" Schlong jumps out of bed naked: "Poseidon be damned! Where am I?!"

Drag-Master: 'why your estate, my lord. Same as always, I assure you. Please do not flog me again!' the maiden says cowering behind your breakfast. The room you are in has a high ceiling, painted in white with gold trim. a high window is wide open letting the breeze waft through the curtains, and onto your junk.

LongSchlongSilver: Schlong moves to the open window, his massive junk now waving in the wind like a flag. "Arrr yes, me ol' estate I stole from the king." Beyond the estate lies a port with a gigantic ship docked named "Penetrator", its glorious body glistening in the sun.

Drag-Master: There seems to be the remains of a town between you and your ship. The town is a smoldering pile of ash.

LongSchlongSilver: "Arrr I love the smell of burning flesh in the morning....Smells like....Victory..." Schlong turns away from the window and at his maid "Where art my mateys wench?!" 

DM: the maiden sets your breakfast on the bed and bows low. 'Your company of fine men are in the guest rooms, your greatness.' she curtseys and begs to be allowed your leave.

LongSchlongSilver: Schlong has sex with a bagel the maiden has set before him, he then gets dressed and walks out to the main hall of his estate. "WAKE UP SEAMEN, THE PENETRATOR SETS SAIL IN FIVE!!"

DM: your crew is found awaiting your orders. Though a motley crew of rapscallions, their First Mate is very commanding and orderly. The seamen cheer in unison over the thought of riding the Penetrator into uncharted waters again!

LongSchlongSilver: Schlong wraps his penis around the wheel of the ship "Arrr, off to plunder australia!"

DM: you sail away from the remote island of France to embark on a new and exciting journey! Along the way you meet a massive Bonerwhale. It rams your Penetrator with it's giant domed head.

LongSchlongSilver: "Arrr man the harpons men!! Show that boner what we seamen can do!"

DM: the Bonerwhale attacks your ship's bow. He really is pounding it hard.

LongSchlongSilver: As the boner attacks the penetrator, seamen spill all overboard and into the ocean. "Arr, are ye all sissies?! Shoot the cannons! Blow that boner off this planet!"

DM: the boner is pelted with seamen and falls limp into the waters, shrinking in the cold waters. It clearly was not happy about being covered in seamen.


Drag-Master: OK rule #4, you post actions, reactions, dialogue, and I act as your narrator 
Drag-Master: Let's Roll!
NewBlack: what happened ot rule 3? 
Drag-Master: I ate it
Shinan: I need to come up with a name for my character...
Drag-Master: There is no rule #3 in 50k
12:36 AM
Drag-Master: Code name Shindig
Drag-Master: Lol no, you pick
Shinan: Battle Brother(sister) Invernicus
Shinan is now known as BattleBrotherInvernicus.
NewBlack is now known as Glamouius.
Drag-Master: The starship Destiny is blasting across the inky black universe towards planet Sarcastimo-7. Your mission: Destroy the DUNGEON army's turbo tank armory.
Glamouius is now known as Glamourius.
Drag-Master: Ship, interior: Invernicus is at the helm, with navigator Glamourius beside.
12:39 AM
Drag-Master: (now Shinan's turn)
BattleBrotherInvernicus: I put on some sweet tunes to make the trip go faster
Drag-Master: The latest track of Giggly Belly Sisters blasts the newest tune, Tube Suckerz on the megaspeakers.
Drag-Master: (now Newblack)
Glamourius: I ready Freddy & Mercury, admiring the hot pink exteriors and look nervously out of the view port toward our destination.
12:43 AM
Drag-Master: The window display details on the planet, not minutes away at your present speed of Lightspeed 3. The planet is a swampy jungle world with apparently deadly polar ice caps.
BattleBrotherInvernicus: I let the ship hover over a mountain sticking out of the swampy jungle and leave the controls "It is time to do our duty to the Queen Battle Brother Glamourious" I say as I walk to a landing pod.
12:47 AM
Glamourius: I hesitantly follow Ivernicus to the landing pods and secure myself. "Are you sure we have the right location, Battle brother?"
Drag-Master: The ship is small, a two-man affair. The path to the shuttle pod passes from the cockpit through the bunk area, and finally into the decompression chamber outside the pod*
BattleBrotherInvernicus: "Do you not remember Historia-2 when I single-handedly navigated us out of the ruins of P'lagorath using only a tootpick?"
Glamourius: "Yes brother, MY toothpick.. I had an apple skin between my teeth for hours thanks to you... Anyway, let us look ahead to the task at hand"
12:50 AM
Drag-Master: The shuttlepod slides shut, dropping seamlessly from the ship, and down into the swamp. It opens to reveal a smelly cesspool of jungle creatures and pond scum

BattleBrotherInvernicus: I crawl out of the pod and stretch a bit
You have returned from being away.
You have returned from being away.
Drag-Master: The air assaults your helmeted head, noisily bouncing off
Glamourius: I look around at the hostile environment and worry about my DRAG armour getting stained.  I survey the environment for threats...
12:53 AM
BattleBrotherInvernicus: (what is pond scum anyway? gambling frogs?)
BattleBrotherInvernicus: (ah it's the floaty thing on swamps!)
Drag-Master: There are twenty five threats (pond scum are gambling frogs yes) not including the frogs
Glamourius: (shouldn't we just use the /me command instead of saying "I"?)
Drag-Master: (go nuts)
Drag-Master: (Shinan's turn)
BattleBrotherInvernicus: I ready Betsy a shout a battle prayer "For the Godess-Queen-Empress!" then launch a plasma rocket into one of the larger trees
12:57 AM
Glamourius: I count the ammunition in Freddy & Mercury (40 rounds total) and dive into a nearby puddle, guns blazing.. Hopeing to hit something
Drag-Master: There are terrordactyls, gobohobos, undercrooks, and gambling frogs dying left right and centre! You kill all but one, a little lillysucker man in the direct centre. He is cowering beneath a little white flag on a toothpick.
1:00 AM
Drag-Master: (newblack for future ref, it goes me, shinan, me, you, me, shinan etc)
Drag-Master: (gives you a better chance to react to shinan, we found in a previous DDQ)
Glamourius: (oh yeah, sorry :P)
Drag-Master: (np)
BattleBrotherInvernicus: "Say your last words. The Goddess-Emperor knows mercy only in death" I say as I point Betsy point blank at the lillysucker man.
Glamourius: (brb going to grab a drink/snack, will be 2 secs)
1:03 AM
Drag-Master: The little lillysucker is rather an old specimen, wrinkled like a sundried gargle prune. He raises both doe-like eyes and pleads, "Please no hurt Sodo, Sodo good lillysucker! Sodo help nice DRAG marines! Yes! Help you Sodo will!"
Glamourius: "Wait a second! Isn't that my toothpick?!" - I grab the toothpick/suddender-flag combo from the lilysucker, pulling him to his feet in the process.
1:07 AM
Drag-Master: the lillysucker pats Glamourius's hand like a nice kitten, and coo's, "Why nice DRAG marines on Sarcastimo-7? Sarcastimo-7 very far from DRAG-Master Central Command!
BattleBrotherInvernicus: "We are on a most holy quest to destroy the One R... DUNGEON Turbo Tank Factory"
Drag-Master: "ooooh" Sodo says "oh ho! Sodo know where this is! Oh hooo! Sodo show you, yes! Show you Sodo will, but first must eat! Yes! Good food Sodo make you!"
1:11 AM
• Glamourius reminiscense of hours spent playing Simon the Sorcerer... Then grabs Sodo by the neck and says "Look, we don't have much time! this better not be a trick!!"
Glamourius: (gah, sorry for spelling there, it's 6am)
Glamourius: (and.. Hope you got the reference:/)
Drag-Master: Gasping for breath, Sodo splutters, "Sholdo noach lie!"
Drag-Master: (nope  never played Simon the sorcerer)
• BattleBrotherInvernicus stomach growls "These frogs look tasty though. And that one there is really bad a blackjack"
BattleBrotherInvernicus: *bad at
1:14 AM
Drag-Master: You are able to pocket forty delicious gambling frog legs while Sodo struggles for his life.
You have returned from being away.
You have returned from being away.
• Glamourius releases Sodo from his grip and asks Ivernicus: "How are they? They're not poison-flavoured are they, brother?". Whilst turning to face his battle brother.
Drag-Master: The little Sodo tries to ease his neck muscles. The surplus of swamp monsters start to slither into your empty area. This planet is an EXP bargain bin
1:18 AM
BattleBrotherInvernicus: I take off my helmet to show my long flowy hair then stomps some swamp monsters while making my way to where-ever Sodo is going to lead us.
Drag-Master: Sodo is surprised at the callous disregard of the other marine, but nonetheless makes his way through the jungle to his hidden home, keeping a slow pace for you both to follow  
1:21 AM
• Glamourius whipsters to Ivernicus "I still don't trust the little whelp" and reloads his weapons, remembering that he expended so much ammo carelessly in the prior fight.
Drag-Master: The little home is actually not far off. It also looks like a giant crystal palace that reaches to the clouds. He humbly invites you in for tea and crumpets, not bothering to wipe his feet at the entrance.
1:26 AM
BattleBrotherInvernicus: I stop at the entrance and whispers to Battle Brother Glamourious "I do not trust him either. Did you see how he neglected to wipe his feet. Be cautious. Something foul is in the air."
1:29 AM
Drag-Master: Sodo hums a little lillysucker tune, mixing snake bones and terrordactyl dung together in a bowl. 'come, come, he beckons. Good food I make you. Fire over there for making frog legs if you desire. He indicates with his mixing spoon to a little fireplace no bigger than a dining room table.
• Glamourius sits down by the fire, kicks off his battleboots and begins sticking small cotton balls in between his toes. He grabs some violet nail polish from his utility belt and gets ready to rock.
Drag-Master: (lmao!)
Drag-Master: The fire, though smaller than you are accustomed to, suits the needs of keeping you warm and safe from DUNGEON troops, who fear fire.
1:33 AM
Drag-Master: (furthermore "Dungeon"
BattleBrotherInvernicus: I boil my frogs but keep three in case we get a hold'em game going later. "Sodo, where do you keep the seasoning?"
Drag-Master: Sodo indicates to a cabinet set. Two side by side, there is a sign sticking out of the wall between the two reading "Danger! Poison!" but does not indicate which
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1:36 AM
• Glamourius shouts "READY THE MEAT BROTHER!" as he focuses intently on his left pinky toe with expect pedicurist precision. "don't be stingy on the seasoning!"
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You have returned from being away.
BattleBrotherInvernicus: I open the cabinet and take some things from both sides, reasoning that it is better to get only half poison than all poison.
Drag-Master: The little Sodo sets a table and pours the concoction he was working on into three glasses. It oozes out of the bowl like molasses
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1:40 AM
• Glamourius finishes up painting his toenails, gets up and goes to the table. He eyes up Sodo questioningly,sits down and hastily digs into the veritable swamp feast in front of him.
You have returned from being away.
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Drag-Master: The swamp feast poison is rather tasty, like Ras'hidt hot sauce. You survive the meal. Sodo says over after dinner nightcaps, "we leave shortly. Armory not far."
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1:44 AM
BattleBrotherInvernicus: I produce a bottle of P'lagorathian wine to share.
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Drag-Master: Lol
Drag-Master: Hang on dudes gotta walk for 10 min
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Glamourius: (using this opportunity to stock up on drinks/snacks/to smoke :P)
Glamourius: (this is kinda fun though tbf :P)
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BattleBrotherInvernicus: Maybe we get a quick round of hold'em going while the drag master walks
Drag-Master: Yes, it will catch on once I find a better name lol
Glamourius: I can't play poker!
Drag-Master: It seems to make people weary
1:47 AM
Glamourius: well it's a camp-themed game 
Drag-Master: Like looking at the cover of a Katamari game
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Glamourius: what exactly is this for? Something you're planning on making into a real cardgame/table game?
BattleBrotherInvernicus: "I can teach you." and then I teach Battle Brother Glamourious poker. And slap one of the cheating frogs to death
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Glamourius: "GLORIOUS!" (brb :D)
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1:56 AM
Drag-Master: I'll log in on my laptop in a sec
Glamourius: (back)
Drag-Master: This game was something I've been building since I got stranded in the Edmonton airport
Drag-Master: I was bored, saw a D&D DM set for sale but it was like $50 and I didn't want to learn all the rules
LongSchlongSilver: LongSchlongSilver arrives at the scene, crashing through helpless civilians with his ship THE PENETRATOR. "Arr, give ye gold or I'll keelhaul yer mothars!"
Drag-Master: So I made up some stringy rules based on a 6s die and the game rocked with hilarity
BattleBrotherInvernicus: for traveling a great RPG to get is Savage Worlds Explorer's Edition (It should be only about 10 moneys or so)
Drag-Master: As I went along I modified the dice rules
Drag-Master: And eventually ditched dice altogether
1:59 AM
BattleBrotherInvernicus: http:/​/​www.peginc.com/​games.html
Drag-Master: It is still Beta form, but it seems to be a hit, so, i keep trying new things
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• Glamourius exclaims "SHIT ME.. A time-travelling pirate"
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Drag-Master: Despite, this is a different campaign
Drag-Master: Shinan, I have this thing about making stuff myself
Drag-Master: I like doing it more than anything
2:03 AM
BattleBrotherInvernicus: and this is more free-form than any proper rules
Drag-Master: Though it can be played on irc...
Drag-Master: It is intended for text message
bletch joined the room.