BEST RPG BOSS BATTLES

Nue: Bunyan told you to. And Teepo wants to help Rei for whatever that's worth. It was fucking up the local ecology or something. I think I lost this fight.

Dog: Some guard is a jerk. Shadow of Rome had better stealth and it's a game that focuses on grabbing a giant two handed serrated sword and cutting off people's heads and arms in a single swing.

Rocky: You took an egg and it becomes a distraction that means nothing because you ultimately need Rei to be a distraction anyways.

Ghosts: Because McNeil wasn't going to defend himself from robbers! Because Loki's greedy and Teepo has a tiny dick.

Balio and Sunder: To make up for Teepo's tiny dick. Also want to sell dragons and princesses. One of the walkthrough has a huge break down of the first fight with these two just to prove the strategy guide is wrong.

Mutant: Because Palet told you to. Ultimately pointless. Has an annoying 250 HP / turn regeneration and... sleep? Almost got wrecked here too.

Dodai: Tournament to try and get free of Buttmunch and Suckit (this was totally a clever name when I was 10 and first played the game). Carries people but nobody goes for them anyways. Use ivory dice here.

Emitai: Same as above. These guys also wrecked my shit because I never bought healing items. Oops!

Garr: Same as above.

Stallion: Climax of B&S arc. Pretty fucking stupid transformation. Easier than Emitai.

Gazer: The faeries got him to guard the lighthouse so nobody could turn it on. If you hit him with blind he gives double EXP! Also fuck the entire Raphala arc, it's so fucking stupid and pointless. I'd go with everything in this segment as pointless just to spit in its eye.

Dolphin: The reason why the faeries didn't want to turn the lighthouse on because he can summon tsunamis I've never been able to learn. Fight him because Raphala is still stupid and in 'wait to see if the boat comes' mode and it's a JRPG. Pushover, the team is kinda hitting a workable spot.

Gisshan, Greek Mythology Reference #, Greek Mythology Reference #2: It seemed like he was supposed to be in an arc involving the brood except it started and ended with Gisshan's entrance. Probably got cut for the fucking Raphala section! Could have a point but it doesn't. I forgot every fire resistance thing ever so it was a bit rougher than it should've been. (I even had a Magma Armor drop, fucking hell)

Garr: Climax with Garr pretty much. Doesn't hit for 100 HP anymore.

Dragon Zombie: rar i am mad at garr. Not even a real dragon. Some vague hints or something with the brood that's immediately forgotten about by everybody. Hilarious pushover, I won't be doing 700+ damage a turn for some time again.

Weretiger: Oh hi Rei. Gotta see what you've been up to in the last seven years. Looks like you got nothing done so I'll just wreck your face.

Mikba: Because Rei can't solve shit in seven years and really wants revenge on somebody that nobody cares about now (except Rei but fuck him). Rei's stuck in the party, fuck him. Mikba resists shit and counters so he's the first hard boss in forever if you hate using wisdom fruit.

Huge Slug: King of pointlessness. You can't avoid the room he's in, the game will put you in it when you try to walk past it. You get nothing in that room. Not even a good drop or steal item.

Shroom: Because Palet... because Nina... because you can't go east without the king's permission and the party comes up with a dumb course of action to get it. It's pretty dumb. Boss can either 1) Chain powerful spells on you or 2) Fart on you and hope you die of the smell. Force gene wrecks him.

Gaist: To release Deis because the seal is tied to Gaist's life so she can tell Ryu to cross the ocean to find Myria. That would be great when crossing the desert but instead it only shows that the automatic boat will get us closer then use a preset teleporter to get us even closer and then turn back because the party won't jump down ten feet and go somewhere else instead. Pushover unless you think the Eldritch gene is still worth something without fusion.

Angler: The only appropriate end to a dumb minigame. Comes out of nowhere as well as his lighting absorption. That's always a fun surprise the first time through!

Ammonites: Because a giant black ship can't ignore these two twirps bumping into the stern. About as pointless as the Angler. These guys have a crazy lighting weakness, I think they died in two or three turns. Fusion+Eldritch+Gross hit for amazing amount of damage. I've also never managed to get them in position to get hit by the cannons because who knows when you can move back to get them closer or when you can't.

Manmo: Just to make the dumb fucking desert last a bit longer. Nobody likes the desert. You should be able to skip it if the party would just hop off a block at the container yard. There is nothing interesting at all here. You can just walk one step east of the north star and make it in a few days and not give a shit about directions or stars or whatever. Dumb dumb dumb. Kinda like Mikba except dies in no time.

Chimera: I think it introduces the paralyze status effect. First boss since Mikba or so to not go down immediately. Behind him is the HE Shells which you need to kill some weeds that can stop a dragon that can drop an atomic bomb or something. Oh and a keycard that gives access to a shitty sword.

Arwan: So Ryu can't escape from the dream world. Laugh and drop him with Kyrie. Then get rid of it because Vampires aren't undead. I think I used that skill four times where it actually worked. It's kinda dumb and not worth signing up with that master to learn (and the three levels with durandal either).

Dragon Lord: Remember that purple hair dude you saw twice earlier in the game? Like, at the start and after Angel Tower? And Teepo? Let's try to resolve those plots now! Oh and he believes Myria who doesn't give a shit what Ryu does. You'd think she'd intervene with Ryu like she did Teepo back when he was tangled up with the worst murderers of the game: Balio and Sunder. I'm pretty sure an abusive childhood with them would've made Ryu far more mentally unstable than sitting a million miles away doing jack shit! Oh then Teepo and Ryu killing each other is also better than Myria trying to make peace. Must've been washing her hair. Dragon Lord looks much cooler than Kaiser too, I want Teepo's gene! First boss with actual stopping power, like can OHKO a character. Also a ton of HP, I ultimately had to splurg on a wisdom fruit... on the turn he died. Too bad he's dumb and spams Sirocco and Inferno when the party has ring of fire equipped (hi fire drakes!). Preview of what's to come in the next area at least. Howling sucks.

Myria: Laziest villain who says she is trying to do what they think is the right thing. Maybe she has a stack of how to be proactive books lying around but never got around to reading them. There's something about a desert in here too but nobody cares about that. I don't think any of the hanging plot threads are resolved here either (desert spreading, machines, Kombinat's populace not giving a fuck about anything). Just beat her up. Can't say much about the fight except I haven't fought her yet. The team is showing problems with how it was built so I'm grinding for EXP when watching shitty TV. I guess I could take her with enough good healing items but fuck fishing for whales. In fact just fuck fishing. I did it the one time and that was it.