Heartache 101 ~Sour into Sweet~

author=Ertad
Try this for grammar fixing http://prowritingaid.com/ Its free and good:)
And congratulations for the beta release:)
Report of the day:)
Finished fixing grammar mistakes in story 3 (Imean the whole story not just abranch story but all possible choices related:)

I've checked it out ^^
The overused words section are very useful, but I really missed suggestions of correction for some areas, like glue words or redundancies. Some things that it said to erase because was redundant would make the phrase have multiple interpretations, and I don't really understand what a glue word is :s
But the thing that most worried me was that when I pasted the "White coupe" text. It didn't corrected the "Mine" that was in the place of "My".

So I decided to give a little test to it with a purposefully wrong text, (the second quote is how I would write without trying to miss. but still failing)

Edit: The text below don't appear on WolfPack. Riho may or may not get along with Eliza enough to tell her interesting things about the <player>.

author=Sample text - Wrong version
"I am at the library, and Eliza kept staring all the time with her signature mean look. When I asked why she was like that she refuse told me, stating it was obvious.
I'm pretty sure it's Riho's fault."

author=Sample text - Right(?) version
"I was at the library, and Eliza kept staring me all the time with her signature mean look. When I asked why she was like that she refused to tell me. Stating it was obvious.
I'm pretty sure it's Riho's fault."

It said that I overused "it" and "Was", using two times each, and said that the glue index was 2.5% over the target.
But, it stated only one grammar issue... Riho. Ignoring the "I am" on a phrase written in the past and the "refuse told me" :/

Overall: I liked some features of it, but I can't really trust it enough to post the text as finished without someone of the community take a look at it first. :s

Eliza Route at 90%, To do list:
Edit two events, play-test, and maybe change the regular ending to a custom one.

author=Marrend
It was pretty close, though. I would have suggested:

"I was at the library. Eliza kept staring at me with her signature mean look. When I asked why she was like that she refuse to tell me, stating it was obvious."

*Edit: As test-sentences, though, I guess it's a moot point.

I'm quite sure that it's mine persistent misunderstanding problem but... the editor didn't corrected the above to the below, both texts were written by me. ^^

I've tried to rewrite the text -only- avoiding his warnings, it got this way.

I am at the library, and Eliza kept staring with her signature mean look. When I questioned her she refuse told me stating "it's obvious".

The good part is that his 'glue' thing, made me erase the "all the time" matching your correction, that bad part is, the "I am" and the "refuse told me" are still there.

author=Marrend
The "I'm pretty sure it's Riho's fault" sounds like it comes somewhere else in the conversation/scene to me.

The scene would be Yuriko questioning where player was. So in the first line he's talking in the past, explaining where he was, and in the second he make a assumption about why the first happened. ;)

*Get's back to this site after two weeks of focusing on his RPG maker project*

It feels so wonderful to be back. I should check my notic-

*Seees that he has nearly two hundred notices*

Or not. I'm going to go with not.

author=Marrend
*Edit2: Has there has been an unnerving lack of Dozen, or is it just me?

I've been wondering about the whereabouts of the overseer too, even thought about send him a PM once. x3
Maybe he's stalking our progress from the shadows.

author=Ertad
Lol Iwas with acold for 3 days now so my focus went down Iam going to speed up starting tommorow or Iwill never finish Midori:)
(As for reports Ifelt lazy lately) Ican right?:)
Iam looking forward to Eliza-chan(Its okay being freindly with her right?:)
2000 lines? Ican understand being lazy with this much content...Think of it like that:you release atest for her so dont kill yourself with over checking her:)
50 mb is okay since its part of the content:)
(Iam still with a cold so ignore 50% of what I say right now Iam bad with colds)

I don't want to encourage laziness here but... guess you can. :3
As long as you don't put on a undefined hold, it can even be a little beneficial, since you can think more about the events. Or not. At least it's what I say to myself while slacking.
You can, her sister even go far as calling her "Li-chan". ^^
But... She may not react that friendly with other people calling she that way, you know, usual tsundere based personality issues. :3

EDIT: I was thinking about a beta to check how much and where the revision is needed, but as help the beta affects the experience of playing the full game, I've came to think about recruiting awarding only one player with the beta-test, which would tell me how it went. Maybe give some story suggestions if he fell up to do so.

That makes her even more cute:)
So who is the beta-tester?

BTW-Who is Dozen? Imean Idont read old comments but Iwas here for 3 weeks now and never saw him...So Ihave no idea who are you speaking about...

author=dewelar

author=Marrend
Has there has been an unnerving lack of Dozen, or is it just me?

Perhaps it's time to un-barricade the door...

It's never time to do that...

author=Ertad
That makes her even more cute:)
So who is the beta-tester?

I worded recruit and award but, the better option is choose a volunteer, (if anyone is up to), beta-testing and reviewing can be a considerable amount of work after all.
Edit: I plan to reward the guy brave enough to candidate himself, but I cannot find anything else I can do but graphics and beta-testing.
We have a volunteer? :3

author=Marrend
His most recent post was this one, but I swear I saw his name listed on the bottom of the Community page (where it lists who's online) since then. I just forget when that was.

So he's in fact stalking us. :3

author=Ertad
From the post it might be better he dont look at my work right now...Ican only see my awfull English being slayed on the spot...Iwill try to make it as good as Ican but its nowhere on the level of my Hebrew...

If you look analyse his posts carefully, Dozen is a cool evil overseer ^^
He even gave me one or two English lessons last year, just don't let him get you slacking... oh... we just posted about slacking... maybe I should get some barricades. :p

Amazing Ithink we might really need barricades lol
And Iwas sure mine was ahopeless case:)
But Idid write today...So maybe Iam not such ahopless case...(Which is it anyway???)
Iam used to writing in Hebrew so much that Ifind it strange writing in English and Icant even say 10% of what Iwant because Idont know how to translete the words to English...(Kind of stupid problem-exuce but also reality)

author=Mute
I'm making such little progress. Some time ago I decided to axe all 35 of the stories I had written and start anew as they were really.. bad. Or that's what I think, anyway. Almost three weeks later and I've only written.. 8 stories. There's all this free time and yet I feel more like doing something else..

I don't actually write stories much at all. All day, I scribble notes down on a piece of paper or type them into a text document, and I think of ideas, and I occasionally test the stories in the game, and I go back and make some of the stories better, and I refine them, but I can't really write stories.

TL;DR: I'm a lazy, unmotivated fuck. I haven't really written that much.
ID = Mute
(This is depressing.)

I know that feel... I argue the whole week about how work prevents me from editing, and then I often find myself loitering around on the weekends. Finished Crysis 2 last week. :p
About throwing and creating stories, that's normal, the current Eliza route is actually the 3th time starting from the scratch. I cannot even believe how her lines were written at the 1st one, she was behaving paranoid to a irrational degree, and her violent side was way overboard...
I generally have random ideas when listening to music, and then write it straight away on the files, (not a efficient way to do at all, some events took four reviews to actually sound like Eliza :p )
Keep thinking/developing your chars and the base plot, stories will pop up soon or later, as Marrend said, nothing is going to come if you force yourself to write. ;)


As a little progress note.
I'm trying to make a (young)adult tachie, it's a little far from being complete but have a preview ^^
How and if I'll use it on Wolfpack depends in how it goes.