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This page is for discussion of the technical side of content creation. If you have a technical issue or question with regards to a character or story you are creating, talk about it here.
(The old Custom Content thread can be found here)
Helpful things:
--> Medium build girl, the .psd that was used to create the built-in characters, is available with layer names in English.
--> Kudos to SparkleFox for finding us a male tachie generator, authored by "彩 雅介" (Aya Mayabaikai?)! This one is put together as a program, but has PSD files with layer-names in Japanese. No "fan-translation" available at this time.
--> You can use any of these images for making new custom characters.
--> Notepad++ with syntax highlighting for Heartache 101 can be a big help with story creation. To set it up, go to the View menu and set User Defined Language to HeartAche. Then close View, go to the Language menu and select HeartAche. (If you already have Notepad++, here's userDefineLang.xml by itself)
--> Mr. Help File has, regrettably, forgotten to mention certain locations! They are as follows:
Beach (sunset), Grounds (sunset), Roof (sunset), Bedroom (Morning), Downtown, Studio Room.
Note that these locations must be specified via a PLACE command. To the best of my (ie: Marrend's) knowledge, they cannot be obtained via the generic "School" or "City" code.
--> If you are writing story content that includes the appearance of existing characters (built-in or custom), the following list may be of reference:
ID 0 = The Player
ID 1 = Nakajima Miki {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 2 = Ikeda Keika {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 3 = Onishi Tsubasa {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 4 = Kaneshiro Shihoko {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 5 = Kaneshiro Riho {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 6 = Sato Akari {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 7 = Hiraoka Hinami {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 8 = (Secret character) {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 9 = Watanabe Junko {Nekochi, "Junko"}
ALSO = Tsukino Emi {Silent Pheonix, "Tsukino Emi", in progress}
ID 10 = Mitsuya Masako {Marrend, "Masako"}
ID 11 = Monotami Ruri {Marrend, "Uchioniko"}
ID 12 = Nemoto Mayu {Marrend, "Uchioniko"}
ID 13 = Terakado Shoko {Marrend, "Uchioniko}
ID 14 = Shirazu Izumi {Marrend, "Uchioniko"}
ID 15 = Watanabe Aoi {Nekochi, "Junko"}
ALSO = Lambaria Yuu {KimotoDragoon, "Yuu", in progress, Caretaker: Marrend}
ID 16 = Ran Fujioka {Neckochi, unpublished}
ID 17 = Torako Koizumi {Neckochi, unpublished}
ID 18 = Yumemi Tanno {Neckochi, unpublished}
ID 19 = Umehara Joruri {Marrend, "Joruri"}
ID 20 = Sakuragawa Fuyuki {Fuyuki, "Fuyuki", cancelled}
ID 21 = 21 Ways {dude797, "21"; Caretaker: Dozen}
ID 22 = Ikari Kyouki {Dozen, unpublished}
ID 23 = (Reserved for Nekochi)
ID 24 = (Reserved for Nekochi)
ID 25 = Kuwabara Emiko {Marrend, "Emiko"}
ID 26 = Tanaka Yoko {triad2/Noone42, in progress}
ID 27 = Katanashi Seira {triad2/Noone42, in progress}
ID 28 = (Reserved for KimotoDragoon)
ID 29 = Shitazawa Arika {Dozen, unpublished}
ID 31 = Maeda Eriko {triad2, "Meada"}
ID 32 = ? Genji {triad2, "Meada"}
ID 33 = ? Ryoko {Dozen, unpublished}
ID 34 = (Reserved for Tthedragon)
ID 35 = (Reserved for Tthedragon)
ID 36 = Murakami Megumi {Render, unpublished}
ID 37 = Kawano Fujiko {Render, unpublished}
ID 38 = Matsuhara Akane {Render, unpublished}
ID 39 = Momohana Nami {GloopMaster, Unknown, in progress}
ID 40 = Konohana Midori {LordNight, "Midori", RMN only, in progress}
ID 41 = Natsume Rika {LordNight, "Midori", RMN only, in progress}
ID 42 = (Reserved for LorSquirrel)
ID 43 = Hasegawa Kanon {LordNight, "Midori", RMN only, in progress}
ID 44 = Kirihara Kana {LordNight, "Midori", RMN only, in progress}
ID 45 = (Reserved for LordNight)
ID 46 = (Reserved for LordNight)
ID 47 = (Reserved for LordNight)
ID 48 = (Reserved for LorSquirrel)
ID 49 = (Reserved for LorSquirrel)
ID 50 = (Reserved for LorSquirrel)
ID 51 = Shiromiya Kagami {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 52 = Tsuchitsuru Airi {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 53 = Kimura Shizuka {Mute, unpublished}
ID 54 = Columban Kuri {?, unpublished}
ID 55 = Shikimori Asuka {Render, "Clique", unpublished}
ID 56 = Shikimori Sanako {Render, "Clique", unpublished}
ID 57 = Nakao Yasuko {Render, "Clique", unpublished}
ID 58 = Sakaki Usagi {Render, "Clique", unpublished}
ID 59 = Waifu Mai {pegaso, "Mai", unpublished} (temporary reserve?)
ID 60 = Makoda Yuuki {Ilan14, unpublished}
ID 61 = Hisatsuki Seiryuu {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 62 = Torahashi Mio {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 63 = Eienji Rie {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 64 = Hamaguchi Takako {dewelar, unpublished}
ID 65 = Yoshimura Noriko {dewelar, "Noriko"}
ID 66 = Ichini Sanshi {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 67 = Kimura Sachiko {Mute, unpublished}
ID 68 = Hitsuragi Yuureiko {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 69 = Hanata Haruka {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 70 = Shiraki Kotone {BasedMG, "Kotone", in progress}
ID 71 = Kurokawa Sarako {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 72 = Kurokawa Mikari {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 73 = (Reserved for LorSquirrel)
ID 74 = Yamisaki Eliza {Kevincalanor, Wolfpack}
ID 75 = Yamisaki Alessa {Kevincalanor, Wolfpack}
ID 76 = Nakamura Yuriko {Kevincalanor, Wolfpack}
ID 77 = Harada Himeko {Garage, "Winggirl"}
ID 78 = Fujikawa Sayumi {Garage, "Winggirl"}
ID 79 = Fujikawa Mayumi {Garage, "Winggirl"}
ID 80 = Hashimoto Midori {Ertad, unpublished}
ID 81 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 82 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 83 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 84 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 85 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 86 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 87 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 88 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 89 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 90 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 91 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 92 = Itawa Miyuki {RukasuWYZ, "Ijona on'nanoko", probably canceled}
ID 93 = Shogowa Yuka {RukasuWYZ, "Ijona on'nanoko", probably canceled}
ID 94 = Fujita Suki {RukasuWYZ, "Ijona on'nanoko", probably canceled}
ID 95 = Chihiro Sato {RukasuWYZ, "Ijona on'nanoko", probably canceled}
ID 96 = Shingoza Ayumi {RukasuWYZ, "Ijona on'nanoko", probably canceled}
ID 97 = Sawada Merika {Garage, "Winggirl - Pathways"}
ID 98 = Nagai Shika {Garage, "Winggirl - Pathways"}
ID 99 = Harada Hibiko {Garage, "Winggirl - Pathways"}
ID 100 = Robin Clark {Wowzer_, "Robin"}
ALSO = ? Takuya {Kevincalanor, "Built-off", tachie/profile only}
ID 101 = Miyazaki Kiyoka {Nedras, "First Years", unpublished}
ID 102 = Matsumoto Atsumi {Nedras, "First Years", unpublished}
ID 103 = Kagawa Yasuna {Nedras, "First Years", unpublished}
ID 104 = Azuka Ishikawa {Nedras, "First Years", unpublished}
ID 105 = Hayashito Kaede {ShinigamisApples/KiyokoKaia, unpublished}
ID 106 = Hayashi Kitsune {Garage, "Kitsune"}
ID 107 = Sasaki Riku {Garage, "Nadeshiko"}
ID 108 = Yamaguchi Ayame {Garage, "Nadeshiko"}
ID 109 = Kimura Nanashi {Garage, "Nadeshiko"}
ID 110 = Takahashi Karen {Garage, "Rivalries"}
ID 111 = Inoue Azami {Garage, "Rivalries"}
ID 112 = Yamamoto Hina {Garage, "Crossover", unpublished}
ID 113 = Kojima Daishi {Garage, "Crossover", unpublished}
ID 114 = Hashimoto Chiyo {Garage, "Crossover", unpublished}
ID 121 = Furuya Reika {ScarbucksCoffee, "Reika", unpublished}
ID 122 = Furuya Shunpei {ScarbucksCoffee, "Reika", unpublished}
ID 123 = Shimada Tsukasa {ScarbucksCoffee, "Reika", unpublished}
ID 124 = Shimada Tomo {ScarbucksCoffee, "Reika", unpublished}
ID 130 = Tanaka Grace {mysteriousone3, "Grace"}
(Note: You don't need to care about this list if your story events will not include existing characters, as ID numbers for characters in separate files don't have to be unique)
--> Finally, I've listed the game cheats here. You can use these during story events to test your content:
(The old Custom Content thread can be found here)
Helpful things:
--> Medium build girl, the .psd that was used to create the built-in characters, is available with layer names in English.
--> Kudos to SparkleFox for finding us a male tachie generator, authored by "彩 雅介" (Aya Mayabaikai?)! This one is put together as a program, but has PSD files with layer-names in Japanese. No "fan-translation" available at this time.
--> You can use any of these images for making new custom characters.
--> Notepad++ with syntax highlighting for Heartache 101 can be a big help with story creation. To set it up, go to the View menu and set User Defined Language to HeartAche. Then close View, go to the Language menu and select HeartAche. (If you already have Notepad++, here's userDefineLang.xml by itself)
--> Mr. Help File has, regrettably, forgotten to mention certain locations! They are as follows:
Beach (sunset), Grounds (sunset), Roof (sunset), Bedroom (Morning), Downtown, Studio Room.
Note that these locations must be specified via a PLACE command. To the best of my (ie: Marrend's) knowledge, they cannot be obtained via the generic "School" or "City" code.
--> If you are writing story content that includes the appearance of existing characters (built-in or custom), the following list may be of reference:
ID 0 = The Player
ID 1 = Nakajima Miki {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 2 = Ikeda Keika {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 3 = Onishi Tsubasa {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 4 = Kaneshiro Shihoko {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 5 = Kaneshiro Riho {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 6 = Sato Akari {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 7 = Hiraoka Hinami {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 8 = (Secret character) {flowerthief, Built-in content}
ID 9 = Watanabe Junko {Nekochi, "Junko"}
ALSO = Tsukino Emi {Silent Pheonix, "Tsukino Emi", in progress}
ID 10 = Mitsuya Masako {Marrend, "Masako"}
ID 11 = Monotami Ruri {Marrend, "Uchioniko"}
ID 12 = Nemoto Mayu {Marrend, "Uchioniko"}
ID 13 = Terakado Shoko {Marrend, "Uchioniko}
ID 14 = Shirazu Izumi {Marrend, "Uchioniko"}
ID 15 = Watanabe Aoi {Nekochi, "Junko"}
ALSO = Lambaria Yuu {KimotoDragoon, "Yuu", in progress, Caretaker: Marrend}
ID 16 = Ran Fujioka {Neckochi, unpublished}
ID 17 = Torako Koizumi {Neckochi, unpublished}
ID 18 = Yumemi Tanno {Neckochi, unpublished}
ID 19 = Umehara Joruri {Marrend, "Joruri"}
ID 20 = Sakuragawa Fuyuki {Fuyuki, "Fuyuki", cancelled}
ID 21 = 21 Ways {dude797, "21"; Caretaker: Dozen}
ID 22 = Ikari Kyouki {Dozen, unpublished}
ID 23 = (Reserved for Nekochi)
ID 24 = (Reserved for Nekochi)
ID 25 = Kuwabara Emiko {Marrend, "Emiko"}
ID 26 = Tanaka Yoko {triad2/Noone42, in progress}
ID 27 = Katanashi Seira {triad2/Noone42, in progress}
ID 28 = (Reserved for KimotoDragoon)
ID 29 = Shitazawa Arika {Dozen, unpublished}
ID 31 = Maeda Eriko {triad2, "Meada"}
ID 32 = ? Genji {triad2, "Meada"}
ID 33 = ? Ryoko {Dozen, unpublished}
ID 34 = (Reserved for Tthedragon)
ID 35 = (Reserved for Tthedragon)
ID 36 = Murakami Megumi {Render, unpublished}
ID 37 = Kawano Fujiko {Render, unpublished}
ID 38 = Matsuhara Akane {Render, unpublished}
ID 39 = Momohana Nami {GloopMaster, Unknown, in progress}
ID 40 = Konohana Midori {LordNight, "Midori", RMN only, in progress}
ID 41 = Natsume Rika {LordNight, "Midori", RMN only, in progress}
ID 42 = (Reserved for LorSquirrel)
ID 43 = Hasegawa Kanon {LordNight, "Midori", RMN only, in progress}
ID 44 = Kirihara Kana {LordNight, "Midori", RMN only, in progress}
ID 45 = (Reserved for LordNight)
ID 46 = (Reserved for LordNight)
ID 47 = (Reserved for LordNight)
ID 48 = (Reserved for LorSquirrel)
ID 49 = (Reserved for LorSquirrel)
ID 50 = (Reserved for LorSquirrel)
ID 51 = Shiromiya Kagami {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 52 = Tsuchitsuru Airi {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 53 = Kimura Shizuka {Mute, unpublished}
ID 54 = Columban Kuri {?, unpublished}
ID 55 = Shikimori Asuka {Render, "Clique", unpublished}
ID 56 = Shikimori Sanako {Render, "Clique", unpublished}
ID 57 = Nakao Yasuko {Render, "Clique", unpublished}
ID 58 = Sakaki Usagi {Render, "Clique", unpublished}
ID 59 = Waifu Mai {pegaso, "Mai", unpublished} (temporary reserve?)
ID 60 = Makoda Yuuki {Ilan14, unpublished}
ID 61 = Hisatsuki Seiryuu {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 62 = Torahashi Mio {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 63 = Eienji Rie {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 64 = Hamaguchi Takako {dewelar, unpublished}
ID 65 = Yoshimura Noriko {dewelar, "Noriko"}
ID 66 = Ichini Sanshi {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 67 = Kimura Sachiko {Mute, unpublished}
ID 68 = Hitsuragi Yuureiko {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 69 = Hanata Haruka {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 70 = Shiraki Kotone {BasedMG, "Kotone", in progress}
ID 71 = Kurokawa Sarako {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 72 = Kurokawa Mikari {BDFalcon, unpublished}
ID 73 = (Reserved for LorSquirrel)
ID 74 = Yamisaki Eliza {Kevincalanor, Wolfpack}
ID 75 = Yamisaki Alessa {Kevincalanor, Wolfpack}
ID 76 = Nakamura Yuriko {Kevincalanor, Wolfpack}
ID 77 = Harada Himeko {Garage, "Winggirl"}
ID 78 = Fujikawa Sayumi {Garage, "Winggirl"}
ID 79 = Fujikawa Mayumi {Garage, "Winggirl"}
ID 80 = Hashimoto Midori {Ertad, unpublished}
ID 81 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 82 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 83 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 84 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 85 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 86 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 87 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 88 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 89 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 90 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 91 = (reserved for Ertad)
ID 93 = Shogowa Yuka {RukasuWYZ, "Ijona on'nanoko", probably canceled}
ID 94 = Fujita Suki {RukasuWYZ, "Ijona on'nanoko", probably canceled}
ID 95 = Chihiro Sato {RukasuWYZ, "Ijona on'nanoko", probably canceled}
ID 96 = Shingoza Ayumi {RukasuWYZ, "Ijona on'nanoko", probably canceled}
ID 97 = Sawada Merika {Garage, "Winggirl - Pathways"}
ID 98 = Nagai Shika {Garage, "Winggirl - Pathways"}
ID 99 = Harada Hibiko {Garage, "Winggirl - Pathways"}
ID 100 = Robin Clark {Wowzer_, "Robin"}
ALSO = ? Takuya {Kevincalanor, "Built-off", tachie/profile only}
ID 101 = Miyazaki Kiyoka {Nedras, "First Years", unpublished}
ID 102 = Matsumoto Atsumi {Nedras, "First Years", unpublished}
ID 103 = Kagawa Yasuna {Nedras, "First Years", unpublished}
ID 104 = Azuka Ishikawa {Nedras, "First Years", unpublished}
ID 105 = Hayashito Kaede {ShinigamisApples/KiyokoKaia, unpublished}
ID 106 = Hayashi Kitsune {Garage, "Kitsune"}
ID 107 = Sasaki Riku {Garage, "Nadeshiko"}
ID 108 = Yamaguchi Ayame {Garage, "Nadeshiko"}
ID 109 = Kimura Nanashi {Garage, "Nadeshiko"}
ID 110 = Takahashi Karen {Garage, "Rivalries"}
ID 111 = Inoue Azami {Garage, "Rivalries"}
ID 112 = Yamamoto Hina {Garage, "Crossover", unpublished}
ID 113 = Kojima Daishi {Garage, "Crossover", unpublished}
ID 114 = Hashimoto Chiyo {Garage, "Crossover", unpublished}
ID 121 = Furuya Reika {ScarbucksCoffee, "Reika", unpublished}
ID 122 = Furuya Shunpei {ScarbucksCoffee, "Reika", unpublished}
ID 123 = Shimada Tsukasa {ScarbucksCoffee, "Reika", unpublished}
ID 124 = Shimada Tomo {ScarbucksCoffee, "Reika", unpublished}
ID 130 = Tanaka Grace {mysteriousone3, "Grace"}
(Note: You don't need to care about this list if your story events will not include existing characters, as ID numbers for characters in separate files don't have to be unique)
--> Finally, I've listed the game cheats here. You can use these during story events to test your content:
SHIFT + F5 -- Adds 10 to Looks
SHIFT + F6 -- Adds 10 to Athletics
SHIFT + F7 -- Adds 10 to Personality
SHIFT + F8 -- Adds 10 to Mind
SHIFT + F9 -- Adds 10 to Soul
ALT + F5 -- Adds 1000 to yen
ALT + F6 -- Active speaker's affection decreases by 100
ALT + F7 -- Active speaker's affection increases by 100
ALT + F8 -- Advances the calendar by 1 day
ALT + F9 -- Advances the calendar by 7 days
SHIFT + F6 -- Adds 10 to Athletics
SHIFT + F7 -- Adds 10 to Personality
SHIFT + F8 -- Adds 10 to Mind
SHIFT + F9 -- Adds 10 to Soul
ALT + F5 -- Adds 1000 to yen
ALT + F6 -- Active speaker's affection decreases by 100
ALT + F7 -- Active speaker's affection increases by 100
ALT + F8 -- Advances the calendar by 1 day
ALT + F9 -- Advances the calendar by 7 days
Posts 
Garage
2374
Garage
View playlists
Closeauthor=Marrend
A Nil::nilClass error usually means that an object is being defined incorrectly. However, I cannot figure out why that error is being produced. Seira's story-file has no PHONE stories. So, whatever phone conversations players would have with her should default to generic events. Which would lead be to believe that the error is somehow within the code, itself?
*confused*
As I understood it, he was playing with "all them" girls enabled. Perhaps so many that the phone list could not really handle them? I.E. there might be a bug (like a buffer overflow) which will only be triggered if there are more then ... dunno 40 girls in the phone list.
Garage
2374
author=dewelar
Fair enough. However, my recollection of this isthat I went to the gym with her three times, and got the exact same story all three times. That was quite discouraging.
Ah - let me guess:
You had a pretty high level in ATHLETICS before you even started training her, right? In that case you'll get multiple "she was no match for me" results before she catches up with you.
Maybe I'll rework this.
By the way: you should take her to the beach too. Or the greenhouse. Especially if she's already @LOVE
dewelar
627
author=Garageauthor=MarrendAs I understood it, he was playing with "all them" girls enabled. Perhaps so many that the phone list could not really handle them? I.E. there might be a bug (like a buffer overflow) which will only be triggered if there are more then ... dunno 40 girls in the phone list.
A Nil::nilClass error usually means that an object is being defined incorrectly. However, I cannot figure out why that error is being produced. Seira's story-file has no PHONE stories. So, whatever phone conversations players would have with her should default to generic events. Which would lead be to believe that the error is somehow within the code, itself?
*confused*
This was post-pruning, but I did have around 20 on the list, having added Midori and Merika fairly recently. Still, I only had actual numbers for perhaps 2/3 of them, but I was still adding phone #s periodically throughout the game (e.g., I think I only got Keika's at around day 110). Not sure if that helps.
author=Garageauthor=dewelarAh - let me guess:
Fair enough. However, my recollection of this isthat I went to the gym with her three times, and got the exact same story all three times. That was quite discouraging.You had a pretty high level in ATHLETICS before you even started training her, right? In that case you'll get multiple "she was no match for me" results before she catches up with you.
Maybe I'll rework this.
Yeah, I was probably
already at least 40+ ATH by the time I even got her phone number
author=GarageBy the way: you should take her to the beach too. Or the greenhouse. Especially if she's already @LOVE
Noted :D .
Garage
2374
author=dewelar
This was post-pruning, but I did have around 20 on the list, having added Midori and Merika fairly recently.
Wait? You have Merika on your phone list? Are you sure? She's not a dateable char in WingGirl itself, and I have not released her own storyline yet.
dewelar
627
author=Garageauthor=dewelarWait? You have Merika on your phone list? Are you sure? She's not a dateable char in WingGirl itself, and I have not released her own storyline yet.
This was post-pruning, but I did have around 20 on the list, having added Midori and Merika fairly recently.
I was just assuming I had -- after checking my save file, I see that I do not. Sorry.
Anyway, while looking, I counted 18 characters on the phone list, with numbers listed for 13. That doesn't really seem like all that many, so probably not the cause of the error.
Garage
2374
@dewelar: I've just thrown out that unfortunate route you didn't seem to like anymore then I do myself, you know "twelve years later" ...
It will not be part of a the next release of WingGirl.
Any other bugs not-nice-things or spelling errors you have for me would be very much apprechiated.
@Marrend: speaking of release ...
Mayumi, Sayumi and Himeko are still listed as "unpublished" in that nice list at the top of this page ;)
It will not be part of a the next release of WingGirl.
Any other bugs not-nice-things or spelling errors you have for me would be very much apprechiated.
@Marrend: speaking of release ...
Mayumi, Sayumi and Himeko are still listed as "unpublished" in that nice list at the top of this page ;)
author=Garage
@Marrend: speaking of release ...
Mayumi, Sayumi and Himeko are still listed as "unpublished" in that nice list at the top of this page ;)
I probably thought I already did it when I set them up in the Finished Content thread, or with custom_content.zip's update. Thanks for the heads-up!
*Edit: Aaaaaand updated!
dewelar
627
author=Garage
@dewelar: I've just thrown out that unfortunate route you didn't seem to like anymore then I do myself, you know "twelve years later" ...
It will not be part of a the next release of WingGirl.
*nods approvingly*
author=Garage
Any other bugs not-nice-things or spelling errors you have for me would be very much apprechiated.
Unfortunately, last week wound up being much busier than I expected, so I haven't started on a new playthrough yet. I hope to do so this week. However, since I'm here and posting, I'll start at the top of the story file:
In STORY 7600:
(Stop starring at them. Either approach them, or move on.)
- Should be "staring", one 'r'
On a more global view, you might want to consider using more contractions, such as:
(The right one turned away - maybe she is a bit shy?)
- "she's" rather than "she is" would flow better
(That, or she does not like me.)
- "doesn't" feels better here
(They did not even seem to notice me.)
- "didn't"
It might seem minor, but I think it would make things feel more natural.
Garage
2374
author=dewelarAny feedback is better then none ;)
Unfortunately, last week wound up being much busier than I expected, so I haven't started on a new playthrough yet. I hope to do so this week. However, since I'm here and posting, I'll start at the top of the story file:
Sigh - I tend to use "I do not" instead of "I don't" as emphasis. I do tend to overuse this. And I don't always remember that contractions are the norm.
Example: "No. They are two. We are two." - I would deliberatly leave the "are"s uncontracted here because the speaking person is trying to make a point.
dewelar
627
author=Garage
Sigh - I tend to use "I do not" instead of "I don't" as emphasis. I do tend to overuse this. And I don't always remember that contractions are the norm.
Example: "No. They are two. We are two." - I would deliberatly leave the "are"s uncontracted here because the speaking person is trying to make a point.
Understandable. Still, in such cases you should probably consider adding bold and/or italic formatting to the text to properly convey that emphasis.
EDIT: While I'm here, STORY 7601...
Hi, my name is <player> I'm from the 2nd year.
- This probably should be either "I'm in the second year" or "I'm a second-year".
We're 2nd year, too.
- This one definitely should be "We're second-years, too."
On a side note, from a style standpoint there aren't supposed to be spaces before and after an ellipsis in written English. However, since it does make it easier for me to read the text in-game, I'm not going to complain about it :D .
Garage
2374
author=dewelarI changed most of the not contracted phrases to contractions, some of the others get italics. Others like that example above will stay as they are.author=GarageUnderstandable. Still, in such cases you should probably consider adding bold and/or italic formatting to the text to properly convey that emphasis.
Sigh - I tend to use "I do not" instead of "I don't" as emphasis. I do tend to overuse this. And I don't always remember that contractions are the norm.
Example: "No. They are two. We are two." - I would deliberatly leave the "are"s uncontracted here because the speaking person is trying to make a point.
author=dewelar
EDIT: While I'm here, STORY 7601...
Hi, my name is <player> I'm from the 2nd year.
- This probably should be either "I'm in the second year" or "I'm a second-year".
We're 2nd year, too.
- This one definitely should be "We're second-years, too."
On a side note, from a style standpoint there aren't supposed to be spaces before and after an ellipsis in written English. However, since it does make it easier for me to read the text in-game, I'm not going to complain about it :D .
... I'll change that 2nd year stuff.
About the elipsis(es) ... nope. I just like it better my way. ;)
Garage
2374
Talking about contractions. Is there a rule for when "I am not" will be come "I'm not" and when it should be "I ain't" ... ?
Similar: "You are not" -> "You're not" ./. "You aren't" ... ?
Oops - according to wikipedia there are contractions like "could not have" -> "couldn’t’ve" ... really?
Similar: "You are not" -> "You're not" ./. "You aren't" ... ?
Oops - according to wikipedia there are contractions like "could not have" -> "couldn’t’ve" ... really?
dewelar
627
author=Garage
About the elipsis(es) ... nope. I just like it better my way. ;)
I can live with that :) .
author=Garage
Talking about contractions. Is there a rule for when "I am not" will be come "I'm not" and when it should be "I ain't" ... ?
"Ain't" is not typically considered to be grammatically correct, and when it's used in writing it's generally meant to convey that the person using it is uneducated, extraordinarily informal, or from an area where it's in common use, such as the Deep South.
author=Garage
Similar: "You are not" -> "You're not" ./. "You aren't" ... ?
"You're not" is probably the more commonly heard of the two, but there really isn't a solid difference.
author=Garage
Oops - according to wikipedia there are contractions like "could not have" -> "couldn’t’ve" ... really?
This one's more about people having a tendency to run words together when speaking. It comes out sounding like that, and so it leaks its way into the language as recognized usage. It's also why so many people mistake it for "couldn't of", which...is nonsensical, but when has that ever stopped us :/ ?
STORY 7602 and 7603 ahead...
7602:
Ah. <player> - do you know who is responsible for the personal lockers in this school?
- "personal" probably isn't necessary here and through the rest of the scene, as it would be understood
7603:
(This must be the first time I see one of them without the other ...)
- Should be "first time I've seen"
Each time to see one of us you have to guess the name.
- Each time you see one of us
I don't see no point in trying.
- English grammar frowns on "double negatives" like this (since, technically, if you "don't see no point", then you do see a point :) -- although, as with the "ain't" case above, you still hear it fairly regularly). Since Kazuhiko tends to sound at least somewhat educated, this should be either "I don't see the point in trying" or "I see no point in trying". If I had to pick, I'd go with the first one.
Garage
2374
author=dewelar
"Ain't" is not typically considered to be grammatically correct, and when it's used in writing it's generally meant to convey that the person using it is uneducated, extraordinarily informal, or from an area where it's in common use, such as the Deep South.
Highschool kids / juveniles have a tendency to break rules. Especially about what to say and how to say it. Some sentences by Kazuhiko sounded rather sloppy to me ... but - on the other hand - I'm definetely aware that I can't pull off English youth language convincingly enough to make it work.
STORY 7602 and 7603 ahead...
7602:
Ah. <player> - do you know who is responsible for the personal lockers in this school?
- "personal" probably isn't necessary here and through the rest of the scene, as it would be understood
Hmm
Shihoko used the word "locker" and meant the "locker room" ... So I thought Sayumi should indicate that she's talking about a "lockable closet" and not a "room" - anyway ... I'll try using just locker. It does seem more natural.
author=Johnny Cash
I ain't never got nothin' from nobody, no time
;) quintuple nagatives ftw.
author=Garage
Shihoko used the word "locker" and meant the "locker room" ... So I thought Sayumi should indicate that she's talking about a "lockable closet" and not a "room" - anyway ... I'll try using just locker. It does seem more natural.
My opinion on this might be to lampshade/reference this, but still come out saying what you mean. Such as...
ID = 78
Hey, <player>, do you know who's responsible for the lockers?
ID = 0
The locker rooms? No clue!
ID = 78
What? No, not the locker rooms! The lockers in the hall!
# FRIENDLY, maybe? Whatever would make the next line to feel like she's coming off as kidding/teasing.
You know, the ones you use to give, or receive, anonymous love-notes in?
...this, or something like it.
dewelar
627
author=Garageauthor=dewelarHighschool kids / juveniles have a tendency to break rules. Especially about what to say and how to say it.
"Ain't" is not typically considered to be grammatically correct, and when it's used in writing it's generally meant to convey that the person using it is uneducated, extraordinarily informal, or from an area where it's in common use, such as the Deep South.
*nods* That would fall under "extraordinarily informal" :D .
author=Garageauthor=Johnny Cash;) quintuple nagatives ftw.
I ain't never got nothin' from nobody, no time
Ah, I see you are a person with good taste! Excellent!
author=Marrend
My opinion on this might be to lampshade/reference this, but still come out saying what you mean. Such as...
Yeah, I like Marrend's idea here. Come to think of it, from what I've seen most Japanese schools don't have gym lockers, just changing areas with cubbies where you stash your regular clothes. Then again, I haven't done any research in this particular area and am only going by what I've seen in anime/manga, which I wouldn't exactly consider a trustworthy source :| .
Continuing my proofreading, we jump down to STORY 7613:
(Seems like I guessed their names wrongly once to often!)
- should be "once too often"
Garage
2374
author=MarrendHmm about the last sentence - there are several reasons why Sayumi should not do this. If she did Mayumi's reaction would probably be along the line of
My opinion on this might be to lampshade/reference this, but still come out saying what you mean. Such as...
ID = 78
Hey, <player>, do you know who's responsible for the lockers?
ID = 0
The locker rooms? No clue!
ID = 78
What? No, not the locker rooms! The lockers in the hall!
# FRIENDLY, maybe? Whatever would make the next line to feel like she's coming off as kidding/teasing.
You know, the ones you use to give, or receive, anonymous love-notes in?
...this, or something like it.
ID = 79
# Or better yet something *real* angry.
OTHER3
:yelling: <b><i>SIS!</i></b>
<b>That's <i>not</i> funny. Some perv has broken into my locker and browsed through my cloths and my private stuff and instead of helping me you're joking about love-letters in front of a boy we only just met. A boy we know nothing about. He might be nice and cute. Or <i>he</i> might be the one who broke in my locker.</b>
ID = 0
(She kept shouting at her sister for about another minute or so.)
ID = 78
Are you done yet?
ID = 79
OTHER4
yes.
ID = 78
I'm sorry, sis.
ID = 79
NEUTRAL
I'm ... too. Sorry<player> ... :cough:
I am sorry <player>, that I lost my temper in front of you. I will try to not let this happen again.
# NOTE: she does not say it WON'T happen again. She'd know that this would be a lie.
But this ...
OTHER4
... embarrassing ...
Would be interesting to watch for both Kazuhiko and the playing person, but I'm not sure if it would work well with the rest of that scene. And the rest of her storyline, for that matter.
On second thought ... I kinda like it anyway. Maybe I'll do something like this, but waaaay less dramatic.
author=dewelarHope Mayumi's music too ;)author=Garageauthor=Johnny Cash;) quintuple nagatives ftw.
I ain't never got nothin' from nobody, no time
Ah, I see you are a person with good taste! Excellent!
author=dewelarauthor=MarrendI don't know nuffin' 'bout other schools in Japan, but "our" school clearly has both locker rooms (referenced in several stories) and individual lockers in the hall (somethimes visiable during the roll-the-dice part).
Come to think of it, from what I've seen most Japanese schools don't have gym lockers, just changing areas with cubbies where you stash your regular clothes. Then again, I haven't done any research in this particular area and am only going by what I've seen in anime/manga, which I wouldn't exactly consider a trustworthy source :| .author=dewelarMy favorite speelink erorr. I'm happy it's not been "two often".
Continuing my proofreading, we jump down to STORY 7613:
(Seems like I guessed their names wrongly once to often!)
- should be "once too often"
To be fair, I didn't know the context of what that conversation was about off-hand. If the context was some perv stealing her sister's stuff, I doubt she would make that reference, and make a different one. Like, if it's in the Hall, point one out, or something?
dewelar
627
author=Garageauthor=MarrendHmm about the last sentence - there are several reasons why Sayumi should not do this.
My opinion on this might be to lampshade/reference this, but still come out saying what you mean. Such as...
ID = 78
Hey, <player>, do you know who's responsible for the lockers?
ID = 0
The locker rooms? No clue!
ID = 78
What? No, not the locker rooms! The lockers in the hall!
# FRIENDLY, maybe? Whatever would make the next line to feel like she's coming off as kidding/teasing.
You know, the ones you use to give, or receive, anonymous love-notes in?
...this, or something like it.
Yeah, angry rather than teasing.
author=Garage
Hope Mayumi's music too ;)
Actually, I generally play with sound off now, since my PC isn't the only one in the room and wearing headphones gives me a headache pretty quickly.
author=Garageauthor=dewelarI don't know nuffin' 'bout other schools in Japan, but "our" school clearly has both locker rooms (referenced in several stories) and individual lockers in the hall (somethimes visiable during the roll-the-dice part).
Come to think of it, from what I've seen most Japanese schools don't have gym lockers, just changing areas with cubbies where you stash your regular clothes. Then again, I haven't done any research in this particular area and am only going by what I've seen in anime/manga, which I wouldn't exactly consider a trustworthy source :| .
True enough. That was meant as a comment on flowerthief's design, not your story choices ;-) .
Next up, STORY 7700:
Seems you're in advantage of me.
- Usually, this would be phrased as "Seems you have me at a disadvantage," but "Seems you have an advantage on me" would also work.
She is from the same year as me - so I run into her regularly.
- This doesn't need a dash - just a comma, I think. ;-)
Garage
2374
author=MarrendWell - Mayumi's reaction is a bit too strong.
To be fair, I didn't know the context of what that conversation was about off-hand. If the context was some perv stealing her sister's stuff, I doubt she would make that reference, and make a different one. Like, if it's in the Hall, point one out, or something?
Context: She has had "bad experiences" with boys and her locker is sometimes unlocked, while she's sure that she's locked it. And personal objects of hers keep "disappearing" ... So she *thinks* she has a stalker ...
Kazuhiko has no way of knowing this at this point in time. Hints and pieces of actual information are scattered all over her route. Like she'll be missing a hairbrush ... or once she starts to come out of her shell and tells him why she'd acted shyly.
Plust this is only the second time they meet Kazuhiko. So she might have a positive first impression of him, but she really doesn't know anything about him.
Kazuhiko has no way of knowing this at this point in time. Hints and pieces of actual information are scattered all over her route. Like she'll be missing a hairbrush ... or once she starts to come out of her shell and tells him why she'd acted shyly.
Plust this is only the second time they meet Kazuhiko. So she might have a positive first impression of him, but she really doesn't know anything about him.
*EDIT:* clarified context some more.
