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Gameplay: You Can't Ignore Its Girth.

  • tardis
  • 12/02/2010 10:53 AM
  • 34501 views

Legendary Legend
a game by Sibhod

Reviewed for your reading pleasure by tardis


I downloaded this game after seeing some heated discussion about it spring up on IRC, as well as argument about whether or not it deserved to be a featured game.
The prognosis didn't look good, but I had to see for myself. Unfortunately, we start low and snowball from there.

This is the first thing I saw after downloading the game:


Why anyone would actually use the untranslated RM 'installer' is beyond me, but I am thankful to say that due to this, I didn't start with huge expectations. I would have quit a lot quicker if not for this.

I'm going to forgo the traditional review format in favour of something of a play-by-play of the game. Everything you read from this point on was written as I played the game, so it's my immediate impression of what I experienced playing Legendary Legend.

Right out of the gate, the title screen music is some sort of horribly grating insipid upbeat midi. I'm terrified already, but it's nice to not hear any Final Fantasy music or anything I recognize immediately.
Nice photoshop text FX bro.

Textbox intro with visible blue RTP textbox and everything, then we cut to the dorms at the University of Miami. We're introduced to a group of students- Nick, Brian, and Steve. Is that Polyanna from Mother playing in the background? The scenes in the dorm involve a little tussle that ends in the presumable death of an innocent Dungeons & Dragons loving child and some mediocre banter. Cute, but stale. This looped earthbound music is really starting to get to me. All are shocked at the appearance of a mysterious fat man in a hat wearing some form of burlap sack robe. I think he's offering the characters psychotropic drugs of some kind. Something about "If the trip doesn't kill you." I don't even. The protagonists are proclaimed the "chosen ones" and are sent off on some sort of magical journey with a hearty "SHABONG."
Dude. Bong. He IS offering them drugs.

Masterful dialogue.


Cue screen tint transition to idyllic RTP village. The characters come to the conclusion that they have "GONE BACK IN TIME" (direct quote) and that they are "doomed to become lowly serfs in the feudal system!" (direct quote)
You can't make this shit up.


Run away while you still can.


Long story short, the crew meets up with "Rixislennia'Enlokulier-Horalenfilaasimelle, elven ranger!," a green-haired manlady with a horn- yes, like a unicorn- who forms them into an RPG PARTY. It's been a while now, and I'm still just scrolling through text. I'm starting to despair at the thought of ever actually getting to play a game in amidst all these insipid jokes about poking people with sticks and humorously named pubs, like the tee-hee worthy "Fornicating Goblin." Five seconds in RTPworld, and one of the characters has magically set a dog on fire.
You can't make this shit up.

Our heroes join up with Rixis(etc), get outfitted at the local Weapon/Armour shop(both shops share a building, of course) and AT LONG LAST, I get to control my characters! I hit up the local save point so I wouldn't have to sit through all of that shit again. I explored some houses. Judging from the fact the first one I barged into poked fun at the RPG trope referenced in this very sentence, I expected full-on RPG content to be found at every turn. I checked pots, dressers, miscellaneous items of furniture, everything. The two things I found that were actually interactable in the houses I checked were a bookcase with some unfunny fantasy book names and a pot that said "This is a pot!"


OH GOD IT HAS BECOME SELF AWARE RUN


One of the (very) few laugh-out-loud moments of the game came when I discovered a statue in town that told me if I started talking to statues, I'd never stop. Some graves in town had some pretty humorous flavour text as well.
Let's skip ahead a bit.
Went to the inn, ninja in my room, party leaves the in. LONG CUTSCENE.
I'm supposed to go invade some noble's house. Okay whatever. Rixis the Manlady goes to infiltrate the noble's house. My party watches through the window. They think they see the noble accosting their Obviously Hermaphroditic acquaintance. Then AWESOME SHIT HAPPENS:

This one totally came out of left field. I laughed pretty hard, even if it was just from the shock of the totally ridiculous splash screen popping up out of nowhere.


I found myself pausing to reflect at this point- the whole intro would have been a LOT less awful to sit through had it all been done in these comicbook splash screens. I could almost stand to look at that rather than the horrible RM graphics for the extreme period of time each cutscene seems to take.

I digress. Turns out I was breaking into this mansion to save- you guessed it- the princess. Oh, I didn't have to go looking for her or anything. The endless cutscene took care of any exploration I would have had to do, so I don't have to worry my pretty little head. Thus far I've gotten in about a solid minute and a half of actually controlling my characters and about 20 minutes of endless cutscenes and paging through text. Oh look, it's the title card that signals I'm finally into the game and out of the intro. About damn time.


I just love those shockingly deep internal monologues, don't you?



Some other stuff happens, and we're finally introduced to the antagonists. As expected, it's some mysterious asshole in a throne facing away from the player and his evil henchman, some white motherfucker with cornrows or some shit. I don't even care any more, can I fight shit yet? Cut back to my party and I've been joined by Zegi, the Cleric of Raping Little Girl Booty. I wish that was his real title, but the game throws some "goddess of love" bullshit at you that's more creepy than anything else. Oh shit, I'm on a world map!

FIRST EVER RANDOM ENCOUNTER YEAAAH NOW THAT'S MORE LI-

default rm2k3 battlesprites against the default rm2k3 plain backdrop face dangerously close to palm--
Maybe the fight itself won't be so bad. Maybe I have some cool ski- all skills suck just mash attack
Did I mention I can't even RUN from the random encounters? This is the first RM game where I have actually used autobattle. No shit. I do want to call some attention to the actually pretty okay custom/mostly custom battler sprites. If the whole game looked like that, I'd be a lot more interested in... Well, looking at it.


truly inspired mapping


Some other stuff happened, I wound up in a cave. This game gave me a terrible infection in both eyes, because I just couldn't see playing any more.

Legendary Legend is clearly an older RM* game, created by an author with very little knowledge of the programme or good game design in general. After what felt like an eternity of truly terrible cutscenes, I finally got control of my characters for an extended length of time. At that point, the only thing I can compare exploration in this game to is Quest 64 on the N64. In Quest 64, you walk from location to location across pointlessly huge grassy field maps, never stopping to explore anything or search for items or do side quests because there is nothing. You just follow the damn road until you hit the next town or inn or whatever. Add truly bland, uninspired maps using tilesets compiled with no thought toward graphical consistency, and you've got a visual recipe for disaster.

The writing in this game is dreadful. Truly uninspired and sincerely unfunny humour the author seems to feel the need to interject every few moments in the hope of sparking a 'choice catchphrase' that will become INTERNET PHENOM. Every single character in this speaks in the same disgusting 13-year-old-internet-dweeb-speek that all webcomic authors seem to think is just ever so adorable. Occasionally, it all breaks down into the worst type of otaku-ese verbal self-masturbation- read: "Nick = Warrior = Can't possibly take that demon thingie." and "His taint is still upon me. I can feel it!"

At the end of the day, Legendary Legend fails in even the simplest aspects of game design. The writing could be pretty enjoyable if you're 13 or have never read a book in your life, but it's not enough to carry an otherwise really disappointing game. Not only is it disappointing in terms of content and game design, but it's barely a game at all- it's an interactive webcomic with shitty RPG Maker battles. If you're looking for an enjoyable gaming experience, I suggest you seek elsewhere.

If you are looking to read a webcomic, the author of this game has made one! Sibhod should stick to webcomics- it's actually pretty good from what I've seen. You can find that here at his site here: http://www.valsalia.com/llarchive.htm


i probably waited too long to do this.

Posts

author=Ciel
author=Abdel McCrack
So why don't you guys start featuring interesting looking games instead of "holy christ the balance is perfect!!!" or rtp comedy games?

I don't know, feature something special, as it stands, new people will just come on this site, see the featured game and think "wow, what a bunch of amateurs" then leave.
yes yes yes. 99% of the traffic, from what I hear, comes through the site and never touches the forums. that means there is an immense number of people for whom the featured game is the one and only impression of the site they ever get. that big screenshot and synopsis front and center on the main page should be of vital importance to the site's health. the game up there needs to be a representation of the finest quality rmn is capable of. (ended sentence with preposition!) it should not be changed lightly i m o.


hey listen to this guy.
author=Ciel
yes yes yes. 99% of the traffic, from what I hear, comes through the site and never touches the forums. that means there is an immense number of people for whom the featured game is the one and only impression of the site they ever get. that big screenshot and synopsis front and center on the main page should be of vital importance to the site's health. the game up there needs to be a representation of the finest quality rmn is capable of. (ended sentence with preposition!) it should not be changed lightly i m o.

I don't think only looking at the featured game follows from not looking at the forums.
While I think this is a good idea (having the best recent/retro enough game on the front page) I can tell you from my experience (a guy who looked at this site for three years without glancing at the forums) that the featured game being disappointing is not really a *new* thing to me. Around a third of them were awful, but I still kept coming to the site. I'm not claiming that this is the view of most visitors, but it was definitely mine.

That said, I don't think it's fair to whoever chooses the featured game to imply that they put little thought into this decision.
author=Craze
author=Ciel
author=Abdel McCrack
So why don't you guys start featuring interesting looking games instead of "holy christ the balance is perfect!!!" or rtp comedy games?

I don't know, feature something special, as it stands, new people will just come on this site, see the featured game and think "wow, what a bunch of amateurs" then leave.
yes yes yes. 99% of the traffic, from what I hear, comes through the site and never touches the forums. that means there is an immense number of people for whom the featured game is the one and only impression of the site they ever get. that big screenshot and synopsis front and center on the main page should be of vital importance to the site's health. the game up there needs to be a representation of the finest quality rmn is capable of. (ended sentence with preposition!) it should not be changed lightly i m o.
Hi guys, please listen to this.

I cannot believe I just read this BS.

I have a difficult time believing that someone would come on this website, look at this game, think that EVERY game on this website is like this and leave in a haste without browsing through the website itself first to make a more informed judgment.

I have visited several websites that featured games that looked like they were made in Microsoft paint in about 2 minutes that the site's community praised to be the greatest thing ever. I never went "lol whack" and left without seeing what other features/games the site had first.

Some of you care entirely too much about what other people supposedly think. The comments in this review would "damage" this site's reputation far more than this game being featured ever could. The fact that 85% of the comments here are from people who never even touched the game, yet are being so ridiculously nasty towards the game itself and the creator is really quite pathetic.
First impressions are important, Yeaster. That's all Ciel was really trying to say. Don't look too much into it; it is what it is.
I was more so replying to the "99%" comment, which was way OTT.
TFT
WHOA wow wow. two tails? that is a sexy idea...
445
author=Feldschlacht IV
author=Ciel
author=Abdel McCrack
So why don't you guys start featuring interesting looking games instead of "holy christ the balance is perfect!!!" or rtp comedy games?

I don't know, feature something special, as it stands, new people will just come on this site, see the featured game and think "wow, what a bunch of amateurs" then leave.
yes yes yes. 99% of the traffic, from what I hear, comes through the site and never touches the forums. that means there is an immense number of people for whom the featured game is the one and only impression of the site they ever get. that big screenshot and synopsis front and center on the main page should be of vital importance to the site's health. the game up there needs to be a representation of the finest quality rmn is capable of. (ended sentence with preposition!) it should not be changed lightly i m o.
hey listen to this guy.

whos going to listen, dude? ciel fires like, a million ideas that are worth checking into and whoever is in charge just goes(???) "herp derp"
Yeaster, may I once again bring up the point of how a while ago we supposedly didn't care enough about our community, but now that we do it's all GIVE IT A REST GUYS GEEZ NOBODY CARES
Yeaster, may I once again bring up the point of how a while ago we supposedly didn't care enough about our community, but now that we do it's all GIVE IT A REST GUYS GEEZ NOBODY CARES


When have I said that no one cared about the community? I have never implied that (at least not intentionally).

A lot of other people have however, same as how other people have shared your sentiments and made huge double standards by doing so. You aren't obviously, but still.
I definitely do understand where you all are coming from though, in terms of wanting only the "cream of the crop" featured (looks don't make a game but that's another discussion =P).

However, I do believe that most people who are looking for games to play, just want to find something they think think looks fun/interesting and (most importantly!) is free. I don't think anyone ventures through this site or other freeware sites looking for the next FF13. That could be pure delusion on my part, but I digress.
I think that's sort of true what Yeaster is saying. It's sort of polarizing how people view our community and communities like these; on one hand, you have people who go 'EW RM GAMES', and you have the other end of the spectrum where people REALLY REALLY enjoy RM games, especially with the release of popular ones like Hero's Realm, AAG, Last Scenario, and so on and so forth. The latter group is growing, by the way.

I remember a Chrono fan game, that would ordinarily get ripped apart by our standards, was received to great acclaim at ChronoCompendium, with a forum topic dedicated to the game and everyone stating how far along they've gotten.

Sometimes we're too hard on ourselves (and each other), and sometimes we're too soft on our standards. I think the main issue with this community is that we don't know what the players want. At our worst, we sit around beating off to each others game dev theories like a bunch of knock knock kids with Aspergers or something, but at the end of the day we don't play each others games, we don't know what players want, and we don't know what it takes to be really successful at our trade.

Before someone throws a fucking fit at what I just said, keep in mind I said "at our worst."
Ciel
an aristocrat of rpgmaker culture
367
author=Yeaster
I have a difficult time believing that someone would come on this website, look at this game, think that EVERY game on this website is like this and leave in a haste without browsing through the website itself first to make a more informed judgment.

why would the staff of a user content contribution web site feature material that is not representative of the userbase's best and brightest? it is FEATURED. that means 'we as an institution are recognizing the exceptional work done by this particular creator and feel it is of sufficient importance and quality that it can represent the site's merits as our flagship title for the next x period of time'. why should a new visitor NOT take that as an indication of the standards and expectations held by the community?
author=Yeaster
author=Craze
author=Ciel
author=Abdel McCrack
So why don't you guys start featuring interesting looking games instead of "holy christ the balance is perfect!!!" or rtp comedy games?

I don't know, feature something special, as it stands, new people will just come on this site, see the featured game and think "wow, what a bunch of amateurs" then leave.
yes yes yes. 99% of the traffic, from what I hear, comes through the site and never touches the forums. that means there is an immense number of people for whom the featured game is the one and only impression of the site they ever get. that big screenshot and synopsis front and center on the main page should be of vital importance to the site's health. the game up there needs to be a representation of the finest quality rmn is capable of. (ended sentence with preposition!) it should not be changed lightly i m o.
Hi guys, please listen to this.
I cannot believe I just read this BS.

I have a difficult time believing that someone would come on this website, look at this game, think that EVERY game on this website is like this and leave in a haste without browsing through the website itself first to make a more informed judgment.

I have visited several websites that featured games that looked like they were made in Microsoft paint in about 2 minutes that the site's community praised to be the greatest thing ever. I never went "lol whack" and left without seeing what other features/games the site had first.

Some of you care entirely too much about what other people supposedly think. The comments in this review would "damage" this site's reputation far more than this game being featured ever could. The fact that 85% of the comments here are from people who never even touched the game, yet are being so ridiculously nasty towards itself and the creator is really quite pathetic.


This is really hard to read with a straight face. please don't troll us yeaster.
Magi
Resident Terrapin
1028
author=Yeaster
I have a difficult time believing that someone would come on this website, look at this game, think that EVERY game on this website is like this and leave in a haste without browsing through the website itself first to make a more informed judgment.

You are either quite dense or just enjoy pretending to be so.

Don't consider your experiences to be a rule and not the exception, this is advertising 101 we are speaking about here..
author=TFT
author=Feldschlacht IV
author=Ciel
author=Abdel McCrack
So why don't you guys start featuring interesting looking games instead of "holy christ the balance is perfect!!!" or rtp comedy games?

I don't know, feature something special, as it stands, new people will just come on this site, see the featured game and think "wow, what a bunch of amateurs" then leave.
yes yes yes. 99% of the traffic, from what I hear, comes through the site and never touches the forums. that means there is an immense number of people for whom the featured game is the one and only impression of the site they ever get. that big screenshot and synopsis front and center on the main page should be of vital importance to the site's health. the game up there needs to be a representation of the finest quality rmn is capable of. (ended sentence with preposition!) it should not be changed lightly i m o.
hey listen to this guy.
whos going to listen, dude? ciel fires like, a million ideas that are worth checking into and whoever is in charge just goes(???) "herp derp"



HOLY SHIT! This is beyond ridiculous!

Are you all really that lame? You need to shit all over someone's work just because we feel like someone else deserved it more? There are 12 months in a year, and unless you believe that 2012 is the end, there are a shitload more coming to us. There's still time for other great games to be featured.

It is NOT RMN's responsibility to market your game, it is yours! So don't pretend it's the Featured Project's fault you aren't getting the hits you want for your shitty ass games. If you aren't getting the downloads or attention you want, then it falls on YOU to fix the problem. Upload it to other sites, share your best images, whatever ya gotta do.

I've never seen so much whining and bitching in my life. What kind of a fucking jackass do you have to be to say this shit where the author can read it? Blaming one guy for a month worth of potential visitors you probably wouldn't have gotten anyway because your game oozes of shit and semen... If life is so bad that your only ray of hope is to get your game featured, you might want to take a hard look at yourself.

You really care about this community and wanna see it grow? Stop shitting on your fellow members' games!
man i dont know what to make of this post

someone help me out here
Ciel
an aristocrat of rpgmaker culture
367
oh god..........og hgod

author=newdisciples
Blaming one guy for a month worth of potential visitors you probably wouldn't have gotten anyway because your game oozes of shit and semen...


author=newdisciples
You really care about this community and wanna see it grow? Stop shitting on your fellow members' games!
everybody shut the fuck up i just got an idea for a sickass anime