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CRUSHING ON MY FRIEND.... + HE'S GAY?
Posts
Magical_RuNE_Knight200
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CloseThanks everyone who was trying to help.
:/
--------------
Hmm. Thanks a lot for ur advice. Ur reply rly helped me. (not being sarcastic for this one Xs) Bulmabriefs and Slashphoenix too.
i think i will try a more subtle approach in case he is rly gay. Like asking to hang out more or something. That way, if he is, we can b just close friends and i will b able to read any subtle clues of disinterest back. If he isn't though, it will give an opportunity to get to know him better and getting in a relationship/ asking him out wont b as awkward.
but this is a kind of bothering topic since pretty much what you ask is for us to give a miracle advice that will make the guy to fall in love whith you, ask you out and die as a happily old couple, but whatever we said it really depends in you to change things, and since we don't know you both irl, we won't know if our advice worked neither we will care.Aw, thanks. Sorry for opening my feelings up to you and bothering you in the process. And that I'm asking for miracle advice?
:/
just fucking ask him out, problem solved.Thanks for letting me know that 'shit' isnt rocket science?.. i'm glad it isn't.
this shit ain't rocket science.
--------------
author=eplipswichauthor=Magical_RuNE_Knight200Love is about taking chances. How will you know if you don't at least give it a try?
It seems i should... Just listen to my heart? But we r friends, so im worried that if i suggest going out, he might decline and it will b weird. :(
Or he might say "i thought u knew i was gay".
Besides, if he really says something like that, then you'll best be just friends with him.
I don't think being declined that way is all that weird, really. Maybe a little, but not too much.
If you truly want to confess, you would go for it. Rejections can be scary sometimes, but at least you confessed. Just be prepared for the rejection if it happens.
For a first, you can start by giving him hints that you want to go out with him and see if he gets it.
Hmm. Thanks a lot for ur advice. Ur reply rly helped me. (not being sarcastic for this one Xs) Bulmabriefs and Slashphoenix too.
i think i will try a more subtle approach in case he is rly gay. Like asking to hang out more or something. That way, if he is, we can b just close friends and i will b able to read any subtle clues of disinterest back. If he isn't though, it will give an opportunity to get to know him better and getting in a relationship/ asking him out wont b as awkward.
If he's gay, shouldn't you be more macho and direct?
The same qualities that attracted them to men, I can't see why trying for the opposite should do any good. So, subtle probably isn't gonna cut it.
The same qualities that attracted them to men, I can't see why trying for the opposite should do any good. So, subtle probably isn't gonna cut it.
eplipswich
2728
author=bulmabriefs144
If he's gay, shouldn't you be more macho and direct?
The same qualities that attracted them to men, I can't see why trying for the opposite should do any good. So, subtle probably isn't gonna cut it.
That is the point. Magical_Rune is trying to determine if he is really gay. If she is more macho and direct, that would kind of defeat the purpose of testing him out herself if he is gay.
Women like to test men out. And for a good reason.
It's better to just ask outright. No beating around the bush or playing silly games. Don't be that guy who 20 years later looks back and regrets not taking that chance.
(I've been there and it sucks, especially when he comes up and tells you years later that he used to have a huge crush on you around that time and if you'd just bothered to ask you might have been happily together for years - or not. Who knows what the future holds? I still regret not taking that chance, though. :/ )
Just remember that even if you do get rejected, you can still be friends. It might start awkward, but you can both work at it enough to get over any strangeness the confession puts between you.
(I've been there and it sucks, especially when he comes up and tells you years later that he used to have a huge crush on you around that time and if you'd just bothered to ask you might have been happily together for years - or not. Who knows what the future holds? I still regret not taking that chance, though. :/ )
Just remember that even if you do get rejected, you can still be friends. It might start awkward, but you can both work at it enough to get over any strangeness the confession puts between you.
LOL I love how so many bi people assume everyone is. Not everyone's sexuality can be turned on or off like a light switch, bulmabriefs.
This is less about sexuality and more about actual people, though. Sexuality denotes your general liking, whilst (if society wasn't like it is) separate cases might happen. It isn't uncommon for a mostly gay man to fall for a woman. (It is, when it comes to straight people, because "AMFG IMNOT A FAGOT", but if there wasn't any social interferences it wouldn't be uncommon. Not common either, anyways.)
What I mean is two things: There isn't such a thing as a 3-point "Gay - Bi - Straight" scale. There are many subtle blends in between and 99% of the humans are in them. Actual gay, bi and straight people are extremely rare. (But assuming a sexuality for yourself and going from there makes it easier and simpler, not to mention straight people who'd disjoint anyone who tries to question their sexuality)
Being so, chances are he isn't gay. If he is gay, chances are he is bissexual - hanging towards the homossexual side.
She is a person, not a walking uterus. What attracts (most) people aren't other people's genitalia either. From this assumption is safe to assume that even if he is gay (or rather, bi - gay), if she manages to be sincere and give him what he needs, she has a chance. Especially considering sexually open people (and also women in general) are more free to consider doing whatever they want of their love life without considering society dilemma, even living a heterossexual life.
=]
>_> #Bible
What I mean is two things: There isn't such a thing as a 3-point "Gay - Bi - Straight" scale. There are many subtle blends in between and 99% of the humans are in them. Actual gay, bi and straight people are extremely rare. (But assuming a sexuality for yourself and going from there makes it easier and simpler, not to mention straight people who'd disjoint anyone who tries to question their sexuality)
Being so, chances are he isn't gay. If he is gay, chances are he is bissexual - hanging towards the homossexual side.
She is a person, not a walking uterus. What attracts (most) people aren't other people's genitalia either. From this assumption is safe to assume that even if he is gay (or rather, bi - gay), if she manages to be sincere and give him what he needs, she has a chance. Especially considering sexually open people (and also women in general) are more free to consider doing whatever they want of their love life without considering society dilemma, even living a heterossexual life.
=]
>_> #Bible
Really, honestly and truly the best and easiest way of getting the answer to this question is to just ask. Trying to sneak it out of him is unreliable at best and may drive him further away.
And few things in life are totally binary.
And few things in life are totally binary.
author=bulmabriefs144
If he's gay, shouldn't you be more macho and direct?
The same qualities that attracted them to men, I can't see why trying for the opposite should do any good. So, subtle probably isn't gonna cut it.
this post is so bad and presumptuous.
Karsumanbulmabriefs144this post is so bad and presumptuous.
If he's gay, shouldn't you be more macho and direct?
The same qualities that attracted them to men, I can't see why trying for the opposite should do any good. So, subtle probably isn't gonna cut it.
i think you meant to say "this post is offensive."
anyway looks like liberty said something like this but let me screenshot a conversation i had with an RMN lurker-friend of mine
i said i wasn't going to but it's relevant so:
>this summer i was working at a summer camp with a dude I'd known for a few years
>now that we were co-workers and a bit older I was like "wow we share interests and his genes are ones that are attractive to me"
>a few weeks passed and like good friends do we watched things together and hung out in general, with and without other people
>starting talking to friends about "uh i think he might like me but he might be totally straight? but I totes like him"
>eventually was like "uh okay i really like him but he probably doesn't reciprocate beyond friendship"
>one night we had plans to hang out watching game of thrones alone so I put on a semi-casual polo instead of just a t-shirt (-fancy- I know, it was just for the confidence boost, not really peacocking)
>while we were walking back to base camp in the dark woods I was just like "hold up, <name>. i gotta say this. i like you. like, a lot. you probably already know this, but I wanted you to hear it from me."
>guy was like "yo. it's cool."
>next day guy saw me trying to walk by his cabin without acknowledging him and was all "good morning <name>!"
>I still felt awkward as hell but he was both giving me some space while also not letting me hide from him
>talked to his friends, he hadn't even bothered bringing it up with them, it was such a non-issue
>we were and still are good friends
>even just this morning we were texting about how he bleached his hair
SO WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY HERE IS
if you're actually good friends with a person, and you confess your attraction, they won't be a dick about it. if you're not good friends with them and they react poorly, then you can write out a negative person who would just bring you down in the long run.
TL;DR
just do it. if they react well or not it's a good thing because you are: 1) working toward a relationship, 2) still friends and got something off your chest, or 3) removing a bad thing from your life
also this entire topic is stupid and obnoxious and somewhat offensive but HEY enjoy my lowercase wisdom ("""wisdom""")
-.- uhhh. I have to say that im honestly not sure how some ppl find this topic offensive or obnoxious?.. Or things like stupid/ bothersome?
Yea. An explanation behind that would b most welcome. Or an explanation on why someone was saying i was stereotyping cuz i wasnt sure about his sexual oriention??
Srsly guys. Im sorry, but i would rly love to understand how ppl r getting these reasonings.
Edit: i would love to know why i shouldnt b someone to procreate as well. Maybe ur friend can explain that to me.
Anyway, like i said, i think i will just take it slow/ hint at it, like episwitch suggested. :/ Yea, i know a relationship isnt about just making out. I just want us to get closer; but i realize now that i can take it one step at a time and just approach it as us becoming closer friends, instead of that we have to date/ say we want to date to be in a relationship.
Hope that makes sense. i rly appreciate the helpful advice i got.
Yea. An explanation behind that would b most welcome. Or an explanation on why someone was saying i was stereotyping cuz i wasnt sure about his sexual oriention??
Srsly guys. Im sorry, but i would rly love to understand how ppl r getting these reasonings.
Edit: i would love to know why i shouldnt b someone to procreate as well. Maybe ur friend can explain that to me.
Anyway, like i said, i think i will just take it slow/ hint at it, like episwitch suggested. :/ Yea, i know a relationship isnt about just making out. I just want us to get closer; but i realize now that i can take it one step at a time and just approach it as us becoming closer friends, instead of that we have to date/ say we want to date to be in a relationship.
Hope that makes sense. i rly appreciate the helpful advice i got.
Actually Craze did something really Crazy there. People aren't supposed to share their intimate lives on the web. Especially not on Rpg Maker forums. You should be grateful to him that he tried to help you using his own experience.
Also this can yes be seen as rather obnoxious. This is important to you, I do respect you, but no, this isn't supposed to be receiving, for example, as many views and results as it is (especially in comparison to, say, game design topics), not to mention that it is also a rather redundant topic. I don't care about this, though.
There are people who do, and they are on their right.
Anyways good luck, whatever happens, happened! I also could share my own story but long story short we're good friends 'till today. So you see, I think 90% of the (decent people who have the courage to tell their feelings) have gone though this. It isn't like your heart's gonna shatter into 7 pieces and scatter through the world. =P
<3
Also this can yes be seen as rather obnoxious. This is important to you, I do respect you, but no, this isn't supposed to be receiving, for example, as many views and results as it is (especially in comparison to, say, game design topics), not to mention that it is also a rather redundant topic. I don't care about this, though.
There are people who do, and they are on their right.
Anyways good luck, whatever happens, happened! I also could share my own story but long story short we're good friends 'till today. So you see, I think 90% of the (decent people who have the courage to tell their feelings) have gone though this. It isn't like your heart's gonna shatter into 7 pieces and scatter through the world. =P
<3
author=JosephSeraph
Actually Craze did something really Crazy there. People aren't supposed to share their intimate lives on the web. Especially not on Rpg Maker forums.
Sometimes the best advice is anonymous and alien advice. If you can filter out the noise, there are voices of people who can say things without worrying about upsetting you. Sometimes you hear the truth that no one you know, not even yourself, can bear to say to you.
Sometimes. Take it all with a grain of salt. A massive, massive grain of salt.
@joseph: Ahh, i see. Although not sure why someone would call something/ someone obnoxious just bcuz it/they r getting more hits than them. :/ that seems hypocritical on its own, even though this may b a game development site.
I would not mind hearing ur story btw. :) U can PM it to me if u want. Some of these replies r rly helping me grow courage/ hope-- i am making plans to see him sometime this week or later tonight now.
It rly made me feel better having someone i could talk to. Thank you.
@FlyingJ: wow, that was deep. I will have to go back and think about that.
Im not sure i understand, however. Would u b able to PM me if u have the time?
Thanks. :-)
I would not mind hearing ur story btw. :) U can PM it to me if u want. Some of these replies r rly helping me grow courage/ hope-- i am making plans to see him sometime this week or later tonight now.
It rly made me feel better having someone i could talk to. Thank you.
@FlyingJ: wow, that was deep. I will have to go back and think about that.
Im not sure i understand, however. Would u b able to PM me if u have the time?
Thanks. :-)
author=Magical_RuNE_Knight200
@joseph: Ahh, i see. Although not sure why someone would call something/ someone obnoxious just bcuz it/they r getting more hits than them. :/ that seems hypocritical on its own, even though this may b a game development site.
I forgot to mention that this topic actually does sound rather offensive to bissexual and gay people, because it involves stereotyping and this is always offensive. =>
Sigh, there's not too much to tell, it's basically the same story as craze's except it happened when I was thirteen, I was much more intense / direct, and the whole situation lasted a freaking 3 awkward years. =_=
But we're very good friends now! To tell the truth we never ceased to be so.
What I mean is, pretty much everyone has a variation of this story to tell, regardless of gender or sexuality. It's one of the staples of human life haha x3
At any rate don't question why people find things offensive. They have the right to! When in doubt of someone's legitimacy just check the makerscore. =_=
Makerscore is given when an user participates on the community, so if an user has 7330 makerscore you can be pretty sure that h/she is a pretty active / meaningful member, and thus likely isn't saying bullshit. xD
(It's not like every good member has high makerscore, but every high-makerscored member is a good one. xD)
This topic involves stereotyping??
... I barely even wrote anything. And actually, i would not b surprised if i am slightly bi myself.
But. Well then.
.. I would like to ask how, but i agree, ppl can b offended by different things, so its okay. Sorry, i hope it does not feel like i am pointing fingers at u.
3 years is awful though. :( wow; im glad u guys r still good friends.
But thanks so much; i will keep the makerscore thing in mind if i continue being a part of this site. Idk yet. But yea.
:-)
... I barely even wrote anything. And actually, i would not b surprised if i am slightly bi myself.
But. Well then.
.. I would like to ask how, but i agree, ppl can b offended by different things, so its okay. Sorry, i hope it does not feel like i am pointing fingers at u.
3 years is awful though. :( wow; im glad u guys r still good friends.
But thanks so much; i will keep the makerscore thing in mind if i continue being a part of this site. Idk yet. But yea.
:-)
In a way or another it does. Don't question, when somebody says you said something offensive or something, not get enraged nor anything. Unless you're genuinely worried about having offended that person (as opposed as annoyed by that person), don't question! Just say I'm sorry or something like that! And if you ARE worried, go ask personally, not in public. (PMs exist for that).
also that obviously goes to offline life too
You don't have very good manners, I'm sorry to say. xD
But whatever, maybe it's just bad luck. I too commit lots of mistakes, so~~
also that obviously goes to offline life too
You don't have very good manners, I'm sorry to say. xD
But whatever, maybe it's just bad luck. I too commit lots of mistakes, so~~
Kersh
0
Well the other day my best friend now told me he has a crush on me and has for a long time. I didn't really take it in shock (It's not uncommon for my friends to fall for me.) but too me it made sense because him crushing on me made everything make way more sense our synergy together and how we are closer than most people are without being together in a relationship.
I have never ever pursued a relationship with a friend and I know a girl who thinks dating friends is gross. I don't think that way though pursueing the relationship you have to take a few things into fact. How you both take breakups (Since you've never been in a relationship I'm going to say you wouldn't take it the best.) I'm the type of person that doesn't really see gender when it comes to love so I can't really speak towards his orientation except for the fact if he is purely gay he'll make sacrifices if you two are together and has a good chance it wouldn't end well if he needs to be physically be with a man instead of a woman.
Crushes like yours are not uncommon and it'll last for a while. The best way is to tell him like everyone said otherwise keeping it in isn't healthy and if he starts another relationship you may resent him without telling him. Also even ifit hurts if he rejects you, your crush will fade quicker than it would have never telling him.
I have never ever pursued a relationship with a friend and I know a girl who thinks dating friends is gross. I don't think that way though pursueing the relationship you have to take a few things into fact. How you both take breakups (Since you've never been in a relationship I'm going to say you wouldn't take it the best.) I'm the type of person that doesn't really see gender when it comes to love so I can't really speak towards his orientation except for the fact if he is purely gay he'll make sacrifices if you two are together and has a good chance it wouldn't end well if he needs to be physically be with a man instead of a woman.
Crushes like yours are not uncommon and it'll last for a while. The best way is to tell him like everyone said otherwise keeping it in isn't healthy and if he starts another relationship you may resent him without telling him. Also even ifit hurts if he rejects you, your crush will fade quicker than it would have never telling him.
author=OP
-.- uhhh. I have to say that im honestly not sure how some ppl find this topic offensive or obnoxious?
What I find obnoxious is your constant use of-- What do you kids call it? Chatspeak? ...If you do it once or twice is not really an issue and it's even kind of cute (like with emoticons), but when you insist in replacing every "are", "you" or "be" (among other words) with their "too-lazy-to-type" counterparts, it starts to become difficult to read. So please. Stahp! :|
author=OP
Anyway, like i said, i think i will just take it slow/ hint at it...
Welp! Congrats on doing the opposite of what most people told ya to do, and effectively wasting their time replying to this thread. =B
Seriously, this is not about being 'direct' or 'passive'. It's just about honesty, both to yourself and this person you like. Therefore, just telling the guy that you like him is the only logical path you can take. Tip-toeing around the issue to protect either your or his feelings is utter nonsense. And I blame that on the current 'political-correctness' fad that people get too much into these days...
I forgot to mention that this topic actually does sound rather offensive...
"OMG! You made me feel like I'm not a special snowflake anymore! I demand an apology and I want it to sound sincere!"
Being honest and direct isn't about political correctness. Anyone who's felt like that probably knows it's not easy to be brutally honest about your feelings - I was taught that, as a guy, I have to keep that stuff inside, even though growing up you realize that hiding your emotions is dangerous too, and males can be just as emotional as females can.
Making assumptions about anyone based on gender or personal preferences (or anything at all really) makes you sound foolish. The biggest thing we have in common here is that we love video games and the making of them, but other than that we're all very likely vastly different from each other, which is a good thing! You get to connect over common ground and learn about new things at the same time! I like the idea that we could use this forum to talk about problems we have with games and with life, because it's really nice to have a place to rant sometimes, but - and this goes for everyone, all the time, obviously - you have to think before you speak OR post, and make sure you're not making brash assumptions about people you don't really know. There's no reason we should be scared of anyone else.
MRK, I know it's hard, but if you build up the courage to talk to him about this, I guarantee that in the long run things will be easier for you. I've never been in your exact situation, but I know how it feels to be so scared of someone's answer that you never bother to ask the question. Best of luck to you.
Making assumptions about anyone based on gender or personal preferences (or anything at all really) makes you sound foolish. The biggest thing we have in common here is that we love video games and the making of them, but other than that we're all very likely vastly different from each other, which is a good thing! You get to connect over common ground and learn about new things at the same time! I like the idea that we could use this forum to talk about problems we have with games and with life, because it's really nice to have a place to rant sometimes, but - and this goes for everyone, all the time, obviously - you have to think before you speak OR post, and make sure you're not making brash assumptions about people you don't really know. There's no reason we should be scared of anyone else.
MRK, I know it's hard, but if you build up the courage to talk to him about this, I guarantee that in the long run things will be easier for you. I've never been in your exact situation, but I know how it feels to be so scared of someone's answer that you never bother to ask the question. Best of luck to you.
