THE PROBLEM PAGE GAME

Solution: You've got yourself quite a conundrum there ... I suggest not even trying. Given the law of averages and the Poisson distribution (both k and lambda are unknown here), the solution will be revealed to you in time, but not until you desist in its futile search. Sings "But I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" ...

Problem: I'm a tree and nobody heard falling to the ground in the forest. Now I can't get up ... Help!

Solution: Create a device that allows you to live through others. Now you have plenty of fools to manipulate and act out your every theory!

Problem: Game breaking bugs suck! How does one squash these before they come to light?

Solution: Die, that will deplete you of energy.

Problem:

Solution: You should try playing it backwards to see if it has a hidden clue to fix your conundrum or whether it has some demonic message. If that doesn't work just slow to 1/100 normal ... that'll give you plenty of time to figure out the note that just played and record it in whatever form you choose. If that doesn't work, just break your shiny new ocarina to have an excuse if somebody asks. Just make sure to insure it to get your money back after the deductible is paid.

Problem: I'm sleepy all the time. Even getting some sleep can't seem to fix the probelam and permasleep (death or cryogenic suspension) can't fix my conundrum.

Solution: That sounds like an orange-level terrorist threat. Fear not, I've notified Homeland Security and they are on their way.
Problem: I never learned how to read! Speech-to-Text typed this for me!

Solution: I don't know skype her or something

Problem: My owner's never hold the back door open long enough for me to decide weather I want to stay inside or go outside...or stay inside... or go outside.

Solution: Cut them off "accidentally". Then, write a sob story with your toes and become rich. Next, fund a campaign to find a way to grow limbs from a serum smeared on the skin. Finally, use the serum and get hands. Didn't work? Repeat everything.

Problem: Whenever I buy a car, my neighbor comes over and "practices his magic" (puts it under a blanket and smashes it with a mallet). Every time my car ends up destroyed. What can I do?

Solution: I seriously thought that everybody knows that when you need more gold, you buy more gold. As for the person who keeps blowing up your cars, it sounds like you should listen to your own advice.

Problem: Fudge. No, seriously, there is a box of fudge brownies that have been sitting on the counter-top for the past month or so, and somehow, somehow, I've not gotten around to making it. It's not as if I cannot set aside time to do it, so I'm beginning to suspect that there is something terribly, terribly wrong with me.