DUNGEONS & DRAG-QUEENS: CAPED COSPLAY!

I'm travelling to Maui via Calgary tomorrow. So, I'll try to Game Post from Calgary. Failing that, we might miss a day until I'm finally in Honolulu.

Game Post 29
Rhys
Shaking your arms and going 'Ooga Booga' while motioning to your hat, the Riders gather the impression that you're a wizard.
"He's a wizard, Harry!" grunts Bruce Baker to a large hairy fellow to his left.
There's a general murmur among the group. They're still hostile towards you, but now a little nervous. The tension mounting, someone shouts "Go on and cast a spell or sommit then!"
Followed by a lot of agreeing mutterings from the peanut gallery.

Wes
Gracefully, the bosomy maiden seats herself beside you. Her gentle hands pass along a tall glass of warm cream. A delicacy in these parts, Olas Baker explains.
"This is Onesville of Rumpturnip. We are but a small town in the northeast corner of the map. You may not have heard of us, for our town is small, and our trade is in sheep and horses."
After a moment, she watches you. "You know... There is a shortage of boys in the village. All of them have been dragged for the war with Frankfoil. When you appeared, we were most frightened! No one has ever seen such interesting clothing before, and your bracer is quite pretty too.

Diamond
Outside the bar, the living statue attempts to greet or question passersby, only met by screams of terror. It isn't long until there's no one around, and for that matter no answers.
The prospect of this being the way your life will be now forever is so frighteningly lonely, that you yelp and become a little school girl.

Alex Rift
The sobbing goblin doesn't hear your approach, though when you ask,"What's wrong? Has something weird been going on with humans lately?"
The sheriff spins around with large bloodshot eyes. "Humans!"
At the sight of your very human size, the goblin kicks away his stool and reaches for a pair of daggers.
"You will be hanged for your kind's crimes!"

Game Post 31
Rhys
While Rhys and the Riders of Onesville head back to aforementioned Onesville, nothing of interest happens until after the Wes Side Story.

Alex Rift and Diamond
The angry goblins are confused and uncertain what to do. They are morally against attacking a little girl, but this man DID just kill their faithful deputy. After gathering into an angry huddle, and muttering incoherently amidst Diamond's wailings, the goblins come to an agreement.
"You should be ashamed of yourself, wizard!" Their spokesgoblin said. "Bringing your defenseless, annoying daughter into a bar like this, and starting a would-be brawl... It's utterly apprehensible. And what an ugly daughter too, I might add."
This last remark falls on Diamond's ears, and only break the spell of fear, replacing it with anger. At once, the little girl hugging her 'daddy' emerges as a giant stone monolith who is forced to stoop on one knee to avoid the ceiling.
All the goblins lose all sense and wet their baggy pants.

Wes
Standing awkwardly from the bed, you realise you are completely clean. Every possibly oriface. As if you'd never heard of mining in your life. Somehow even the dirt beneath your fingernails is scrubbed clean. Your clothing has also been freshly washed, and bracer polished beautifully.
There's something unnerving about the whole thing.
Downstairs, led by the beautiful Ola's Baker, you find yourself overlooking a very boring lobby. It is a great improvement on the drab miner life you've been living, but also quite far away from luxury. The rustic decor is minimalist, showcasing someone's furs, heads and other hunting trophies. The walls are made of wooden planks with pale wallpaper. Almost like a last ditch effort to make the place civilised.
At the door, stand Furto. You can now see the reason for his name. It's incredibly accurate. The man is about half your height, twice your width, boasting a unibrow, half-grown pedophile moustache, and a handful of whitehead pimples. Across his large, sweaty frame he is covered in elf fur. Fur from head to toe. Furto.
The lavish Furto is introduced to you and Olas by Mrs Baker, Andrella. Her beauty is matched by her daughters, but magnified due to her severe maturity.
"Olas, mysterious stranger, may I introduce Furto LeFarte."
"Your pleasure, I'm sure." Furto's tone is disenchanted, and distracted.
"Olas, it is grand news. Of all the girls in Onesville, Furto has chosen you to be his bride. What fantastic news, yes?"
"I daresay, Mother... I do not even know Mister LeFarte. How is it he has come to know me?"
"Now, daughter, be civil. The only reason Furto is here while all the other eligible boys are out at war, is because of his asthma. You are incredibly lucky to have this opportunity. Won't you show our guest to the gardens?"
Stricken by a forelorn air, Olas Baker says, "Y...yes, Mother."
Once Olas and the hauty Forte LeFarte leave through the back door, you are left with Andrella.
"Well then, Stranger. Will you be staying for supper, or heading away? I believe my husband is due with his Riders this night, will you feast with us? Mayhaps you may raise a glass to my daughter's marriage this night as well."
Andrella smiles amiably.

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Wes
The look on Andrella's face when you announce, "Though your daughter is beautiful, I am afraid I simply could not take her hand in marriage. For you see... I... um... have my eye on... another, yes. I simply could not marry your Olas for I have a fiancee back at home. Though I cannot marry your daughter, I would be delighted to stay for dinner, miss." is one of stunned shock. After a moment, she seems to think you were joking and begins laughing.
"To imagine," she laughed, patting you on the back. "To imagine such a man in such odd garments would begin to think he a chance at wedding fare Olas, is to be a joyous joke. What wit you have, sir! Come, my good fellow, and have a seat by the fire. I shall fetch you an ale so you may relax until our feast.
As you sit there, comfortable from the ale and warm hearth, you hear distantly through the half-opened window, "No means no!"

Diamond and Alex Rift
The sight of the monstrosity and his chilling silence breaking word, "Run." sends nothing but awe into Alex Rift's heart. However, the woeful stalemate it brought for questioning stung a little. It only became impossible when the majority of the goblins sprang for the door or windows, as the entire bar was flung at the wall with smashing ease. It even killed a few of the goblins.
Turning for the door, Rift stepped over a fainted goblin and motioned for the big stone lug to follow. Nothing more to do here.
In the streets, you can hear voices. The likes of which are not human, and definitely not goblin.

Rhys
As your companions and yourself arrive over the final hill, you are privy to the distant view of Onesville. A modest trades town fenced all around by tall pointed logs. There are log cabins throughout, visibly smoking from the chimneys, and a large long cabin atop the highest hill within the town walls. Flying high and free are long silver and golden banners of the House of Ones.
"Bask in the glory, sir Wizard." Bruce Baker's meaty hand lays on your shoulder suddenly. "The indomitable spirit of Onesville. Come. We shall feast at dusk."
As the evening passes, you are comfortably greeted in the large long cabin that serves as the town hall. Here, the King of Ones awaits the Riders with patience.
"Greetings, O King!" proclaims Bruce Baker, kneeling. The other Riders follow suit, while Rhys hangs out near the back. "We come with meat for tonight's feast, as well as a welcome guest in our lands."
The king's hard eyes seem to be glazed over with milky weariness. Giving him the look of someone under a weird spell that withers a spirit or something. From behind the throne crawls a seedy looking fellow, dressed all in black. His sallow skin only exemplifies his seediness. You can tell from across the room that this guy is no good. Probably the sort who sinks sinister words into the heart of a king whom is under a spirit-withering spell or something. He's just gross. Probably got lots of pimples on his back too.
"The King is unappreciative of the lackluster efforts his Riders are amounting. What manner of feast will a few pheasants and rabbit-dogs be? Have you no honour?"
"Honour enough to remain hunting while the world turns its attention on Frankfoil."
"Pittlesticks!" the seedy man spits. Literally spits on the ground. It's all green and chunky. He must have been saving it in his cheeks because at no point did he hork that gross shit up. "The matters of Rumpturnip are of no consequence of Onesville!"
At this point, the king begins muttering something. The seedy man whisked over to his side at once and began listening intently.
"The king says that you are to be... oh, sire, are you sure? He says, you are to be banished!"
"Heresay! I'll not have such orders spat from a pathetic worm as yourself, Turto LeFarte!"
"Guards! You heard the King's orders! Seize these men!"