FAULTY FORTUNE COOKIES

You look so delicious reading this

You open the fortune cookie, and there is nothing inside. Beginning as nothing more than simple confusion, the doubt and sadness grow in your heart until you can't take it anymore. You are consumed by the darkness of the cookie's interior, forever spiralling into a hole from which there is no escape. This was your fortune all along.

"The time for the Purification has come..."

XD

"You looked good last night."

"Hi, Nathan." (Would work really well on people named Nathan, not so much on anyone else.)

"Hail Hydra."

"Your marriage won't last."

"This fortune cookie contains a lot of fat that you are going to struggle to work off."

You crack open the fortune cookie, but you're not prepared. Whatever you expected - pithy advice, inaccurate predictions, lottery numbers - you can no longer remember. It no longer matters. Nothing matters any more. The only thing you are capable of experiencing - the only sensation remaining in the entire universe, as far as you are concerned - is dread. You watch as black tendrils, with mouths growing along the lengths of them, slither and grow from within the fortune cookie, spreading outward like vines until they wrap around the entire table. The table is gone. Not crushed or devoured, but gone, as if it were never there. Gnawing teeth within the darkness's tainted maws slurp up the remains of your sister's chicken lo mein - and then, suddenly, you can no longer remember having a sister. Only a feeling of emptiness. Panic has overloaded your senses, and you stumble backwards as the writhing mass continues to emerge from its complimentary after-dinner hell portal, which you are beginning to wish had not been delivered to your table, though as your memories slip away you can no longer recall quite what you were doing here tonight. Was it someone's birthday? Were you simply too exhausted to cook at home? Primal pierce the air as you realize that the tentacles are attached to something, a larger creature that can only be described as an enormous insect made entirely of screaming human faces. Your attention is drawn to one of them, one that is impossibly familiar. A girl. You feel like you know her extremely well. As though she were your sister, though you are certain you never had one. The restaraunt is gone, the neon sign reading "China Queen" lying face-up in the parking lot. A thousand skeletal crows circle above your head, each speaking a number. You don't understand what the numbers are. You stand up - not entire sure when you fell down or how - but you can't look away as you keep backing up. The ground has been replaced by a sticky black tar. The crows keep calling out numbers - you don't understand the numbers. You suddenly realize you can no longer lift your feet. You somehow look away from the creature for just a moment, your fear momentarily overpowering your shock, but there's nothing behind you. The parking lot, the road, have collapsed into a void of darkness. You don't understand the numbers. You're staring at the beast again, unsure how long you've been doing so. Hours, perhaps. Years. You can't breathe. You can't see, but you can still see the creature. You don't understand the numbers. You realize, in your final moment of clarity, that you're looking out from its skin. When were you taken? You can't recall. To your left and right, and below you and above you, other faces are attached to yours, making up a carapace of flesh and nightmare. A crow lands on you, and clutches your eyeballs, and plucks them out. The crow speaking, whispers, in a raspy voice, "Your lucky numbers are 9, 13, 17, 18, 33, 41. Good fortune to you."

My personal favorites are "What is in an empty box?" and "You never know what you can do until you try."

author=Marrend
My personal favorites are "What is in an empty box?"

it depends on the atmospheric conditions under which it is operating.


also, adding ...except in bed is also fun for fortune cookies.

"You long to visit the Pyramids of Egypt." Yeah, I actually got this one.

Baby come back.