GET SOCIAL: #1 SMALL TALK

Get Social!
Today: Small Talk

Social interactions are a wonderful little thing,
but something many people struggle with.
The internet is a place seemingly full of socially awkward and shy people trying their best.
And while it is more comfortable online, it is easier to fall into traps.
Conversation still follows the same principles as in real life,
so here is a little help along the way!



We all know small talk. And we all hate it.
Pointless interactions with no goal and no meaning.
... but is that all it can be?

What we want to achieve with smalltalk is to have an opener and reach better topics to talk about. It also is a means of starting a conversation if we do not know what the person in question likes to talk about.
Starting with "Did you see Mad Max already? Such a great movie!" will work with your movie-loving friend, but is only a guess with a stranger.

What happens a lot, especially out of loneliness or boredom, is that we start a conversation without having anything to say. We leave it to the other person to do anything with it.
Starting a conversation with "Hi" and waiting for conversation to happen is something we are all guilty of.

It often goes like this:

"Hi. How are you?"
"Good. You?"
"I'm fine."

We are now back to square one.
We are trying to search for new topics, events, happenings, anything to pick up. There isn't anything.

The solution: Start giving better answers to boring questions!

You cannot prevent people from using standard phrases. But you can lead the conversation to something more fun and meaningful by reacting in a better way.
It also means that you can influence the direction this conversation will go!

So if someone asks you the "how are you?" question, there are many possibilities of answering it. The idea is that you weave what is happening around you into it, and/or present part of yourself.
This way you "start out" giving more personal insights into your life and thus allow the other to do so more easily. It also means that if you give your topics of choice, the other will likely pick up one of these topics, and you will have chosen it.

As always with social interactions - it is not about making anything up, it is about expressing yourself more and talking more about what you usually keep to yourself.

Here a few ideas:

1. Go On A Rant

"So today I went into the city to get that book I wanted to get, and on the way I back I went into a random shop and literally drank the best coffee I've ever had. I feel great"

It does not matter what exactly you say, but look at all the things you can expand on now! What book you wanted, why you are not ordering it like any normal person on the world, your love for coffee, coffee shops, etc.
Just be sure to keep it short and simple - so that there is time and space to continue and to let the person respond.

2. Weave Activities Into Your Answers

"It's tough right now, with all the stress during work, I feel like watching a movie rather than playing a game."

If you are having a rough day, then it is fine to say it. But do keep in mind that you may not always want to remind yourself of the bad and keep talking about the bad when you could introduce more fun.
So if do not need to vent your problems, talking about how you deal with it rather than what it is, is a nice inbetween.

3. Joke Around

"I am doing awesome, I finally got an iphone. Senpai will notice me now for sure!"

Joking lifts the atmosphere and creates a fun environment to talk in. The other can follow up easily as well.
You can still use an event or anything that really happened, but make fun of it.


Of course, if you are the one starting a conversation ..

Start asking better and more questions!

With all the ways of making the standard more fun, you can also use better questions to encourage people to give better answers.


1. Be Specific

Instead of asking "How's it going?" you can ask about the highlight of the day, how it is going with their project, their hobbies or anything more specific.

2. Take Up Past Events

Ask them about how what you have been talking earlier is going along, whether he solved whatever was troubling him. If you are worried about him, ask how he has been dealing with whatever that's been going on!
Anything, you name it!

It shows you remember and care about how their life is progressing, and it also will make you continue right where you left off.

3. Be Honest

If you are curious about something, then just go ahead and ask. The worst that can happen is that someone says "No, don't wanna talk about it" and you ask something else instead and continue.

If you have no interest in keeping the conversation going or have to go, then you can just say it instead of giving half-assed answers and questions.
The example we started out with often happens when people either do not know what they want and what they are doing, or are not interested in the first place!
Saying that you simply are not in the mood to talk right now is nothing to be ashamed of.

And there you have it! A nice cheat sheet to have more fun with boring questions, now with the Unity Stamp of Approval!
Do it like politicans - whatever kind of question you are asked, say what you wanted to say anyway. If you are having fun with it you alrady won!

Always practice! It is okay to have a hard time starting things up or talking about what you did. The more you get used to it, the easier it is to find something interesting and to present it.