WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?

Name:Prof. Snider, with security personnel #█████ assisting
Date: ██/██/████

Total items: 10 (10) Music CDs, "Queen's Greatest Hits Vol. 1"

Input: One (1) "Queen's Greatest Hits" CD
Setting: Rough
Output: Pile of plastic pellets of equal mass to the original CD.

Input: One (1) "Queen's Greatest Hits" CD
Setting: Coarse
Output: Round, blank plastic disc. Surface was completely smooth on both sides and unplayable.

Input: One (1) "Queen's Greatest Hits" CD
Setting: 1:1
Output: All songs were listed out of their normal order. Cover was from a completely different album.

Input: One (1) "Queen's Greatest Hits" CD
Setting: 1:1
Output: CD labeled "Queen's Greatest Hits: Vol. 5". Song list was completely different from the original.

Input: One (1) "Queen's Greatest Hits" CD
Setting: 1:1
Output: Red 510 MB flash drive containing *.mp3 files of all songs listed on original CD.

Input: Two (2) "Queen's Greatest Hits" CDs
Setting: 1:1
Output: Blu-Ray disc containing twice as many songs as original CD, including songs not originally listed.

Input: One (1) "Queen's Greatest Hits" CD
Setting: Fine
Output: Mp3 player of unknown make and brand containing all songs on original CD, including five not listed. Sound quality is superior to original.

Input: One (1) "Queen's Greatest Hits" CD
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Small plastic statuette of all four Queen members on a miniature stage holding their designated instruments. When given a song request (limited only to Queen songs), statue performs song with concert-quality sound. Currently resides on Prof. Snider's desk.

Input: One (1) "Queen's Greatest Hits" CD
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Five members were treated for injuries suffered from "furious headbanging".

Notes: I'm just glad I was out of that thing's range. - Prof. Snider