LET'S WORK ON YOUR GAME DESCRIPTIONS!
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Revised version:Keeping in mind that I am aware of the spelling errors/punctuation and sentence structure. The feedback that was given for this summary really helped me redo this so thanks for the feedback.
Roughly 6 months have passed since the events of Star Isis, the supernova took out the Valorik home world of Alchlys and Cahira, a starbase that the Valorik were using as a refuge, and a nearby moon that was used for the Valorik,as an outpost, and a fair chunk of the Estopian fleet the Valorik have only 3 remaining worlds. The Creen who were also at war with the Valorik are now falling in financial ruin and the Estopians have seemingly sided with the Ender's forces too attack the Valorik and wipe them out entirely. Ender is a prism master who has the ability too control and read minds wants nothing more than the complete submission and destruction of all the Valorik. The remaining prism masters are gathering to a place of refuge and are attempting to oppose his army and the other two races. With all of this standing in their way is there any hope for the Valorik to survive and win their war?
The game plays very much like a linear sci-fi/ rpg game with a some creative twists from your standard rpg game. The player will have the ability to travel around on a star map with the traditional airship to visit planets to give that feel of traveling around a galaxy. The main character has the ability to disguise herself in various forms so that she can infiltrate enemy territories. One of the characters that joins your team has the ability to read minds. So on occasion the player will have the ability too influence npcs and pick what they want them to do are a few of some of the features that will be in this game.
Roughly 6 months have passed since the events of Star Isis, the supernova took out the Valorik home world of Alchlys and Cahira, a starbase that the Valorik were using as a refuge, and a nearby moon that was used for the Valorik,as an outpost, and a fair chunk of the Estopian fleet the Valorik have only 3 remaining worlds. The Creen who were also at war with the Valorik are now falling in financial ruin and the Estopians have seemingly sided with the Ender's forces too attack the Valorik and wipe them out entirely. Ender is a prism master who has the ability too control and read minds wants nothing more than the complete submission and destruction of all the Valorik. The remaining prism masters are gathering to a place of refuge and are attempting to oppose his army and the other two races. With all of this standing in their way is there any hope for the Valorik to survive and win their war?
The game plays very much like a linear sci-fi/ rpg game with a some creative twists from your standard rpg game. The player will have the ability to travel around on a star map with the traditional airship to visit planets to give that feel of traveling around a galaxy. The main character has the ability to disguise herself in various forms so that she can infiltrate enemy territories. One of the characters that joins your team has the ability to read minds. So on occasion the player will have the ability too influence npcs and pick what they want them to do are a few of some of the features that will be in this game.
Off the top of my head, I would suggest these changes:
"The Creen, who were also at war with the Valorik, are now falling in financial ruin. Meanwhile, the Estopians have seemingly sided with the Ender's forces to attack the Valorik and wipe them out entirely."
"Ender is a Prism Master who, outside of having the ability to control and read minds, wants nothing more than the complete submission and destruction of all the Valorik"
"Thus, on occasion, you will have the ability to influence NPCs and pick what you want them to do."
*Edit: I think it would sound better if it were more like...
"With the event of Star Isis, there was a supernova that destroyed the Valorik worlds of Alchlys and Chaira, a starbase that was used for refugees, a moon that was used for an outpost, and a fair chunk of the Estopain fleet. Now, roughly 6 months after the event, the Valorik have but three habitable worlds left."
...this?
"The Creen, who were also at war with the Valorik, are now falling in financial ruin. Meanwhile, the Estopians have seemingly sided with the Ender's forces to attack the Valorik and wipe them out entirely."
"Ender is a Prism Master who, outside of having the ability to control and read minds, wants nothing more than the complete submission and destruction of all the Valorik"
"Thus, on occasion, you will have the ability to influence NPCs and pick what you want them to do."
*Edit: I think it would sound better if it were more like...
"With the event of Star Isis, there was a supernova that destroyed the Valorik worlds of Alchlys and Chaira, a starbase that was used for refugees, a moon that was used for an outpost, and a fair chunk of the Estopain fleet. Now, roughly 6 months after the event, the Valorik have but three habitable worlds left."
...this?
Please help me! Something is wrong with my game description:
Eurisia is a story about a young warrior that as the commission to form a new team for the Special Squad of the king,and save Eurisia for dangerous enemies. The story begin from you choosing who you would be a female o male warrior.Your father is the leader of the Special Squad and your family serve the king for generation to generations,and now you will be in charge for such duty.
The Special Squad is a special unit of mix special people who has special abilities, they are activated only in extreme situation to save the kingdom.
This time the king solicit their service because of the Energy Orbs.
Their main source of energy is discharged and the only way to recharge is with the energy orb. Each energy orb is placed in different dungeons all around the world and you must obtain all the 5 Orbs for the sake of the kingdom's safety.
Because without the energy,the kingdom does not have the force field to protect against the attacks of the enemies.
This game is a RPG;that contains:
-8 character to choose.
-10 hour of game play.
-5 dungeons.
-36 hidden items.
-Treasure chest and secrets to be found.
-And 5 different region to explore.
This game is available in Amazon to purchase for only $2.00!!
Link here:Click here...
Note:When you Execute the installer Your antivirus will pop out.This video game DOES NOT contain any viruses.
You can see the trailer here:
Thank you for your support!You make our dream come true!
Stay tune for more out coming games!With original graphics!
Eurisia is a story about a young warrior that as the commission to form a new team for the Special Squad of the king,and save Eurisia for dangerous enemies. The story begin from you choosing who you would be a female o male warrior.Your father is the leader of the Special Squad and your family serve the king for generation to generations,and now you will be in charge for such duty.
The Special Squad is a special unit of mix special people who has special abilities, they are activated only in extreme situation to save the kingdom.
This time the king solicit their service because of the Energy Orbs.
Their main source of energy is discharged and the only way to recharge is with the energy orb. Each energy orb is placed in different dungeons all around the world and you must obtain all the 5 Orbs for the sake of the kingdom's safety.
Because without the energy,the kingdom does not have the force field to protect against the attacks of the enemies.
This game is a RPG;that contains:
-8 character to choose.
-10 hour of game play.
-5 dungeons.
-36 hidden items.
-Treasure chest and secrets to be found.
-And 5 different region to explore.
This game is available in Amazon to purchase for only $2.00!!
Link here:Click here...
Note:When you Execute the installer Your antivirus will pop out.This video game DOES NOT contain any viruses.
You can see the trailer here:
Thank you for your support!You make our dream come true!
Stay tune for more out coming games!With original graphics!
Off the top of my head...
...that would be my humble suggestion.
As an aside, you may want to consider looking into alternatives in regards to the installation program, especially if you know it throws exceptions from a typical antivirus program. I imagine many potential customers will just move to the next product without a second thought once they see that the issue hasn't been resolved.
Eurisia is a story about a young warrior that is commissioned by the King of Eurisia to be a member of a special squad, as your father and father's father have done before you.
The squad itself is mix people with unique abilities, activated only in extreme situations to save the kingdom. In this instance, their services are needed to gather, and recharge, the Energy Orbs, which powers a force field that protects Eurisia from it's enemies.
Features
-8 characters to choose from.
-10 hours of gameplay.
-5 regions to explore, each with their own dungeon.
-36 hidden items.
Trailer:
The game is available for purchase on Amazon! See our listing for details!
...that would be my humble suggestion.
As an aside, you may want to consider looking into alternatives in regards to the installation program, especially if you know it throws exceptions from a typical antivirus program. I imagine many potential customers will just move to the next product without a second thought once they see that the issue hasn't been resolved.
Ok TWICE my game has been denied due to grammar and structure, there are no grammar problems as I see here, so any ideas from anyone please?
STORY
Himeko and Kujiro have been in love for 5 years, they both study at one of Japan's top universities.
To celebrate their 5 year anniversary, they decided to take a walk through the forest just outside of Tokyo city, awaiting for their booking at a nearby restaurant in Tokyo itself, a private time and relaxation were what they wanted for a long time since their final exams are coming up.
Kujiro's romance knew no bounds as he was very hungry and wanted to leave for the restaurant, where Himeko, happily agreed.
Kujiro knew the forest path well, but something strange had happened, he usually walks through this exact path to reach his girlfriend's house, only this time, an eerie looking old house seemed to just "appear" out of nowhere. Kujiro's confusion quickly had turned to curiosity, after persuading Himeko, who was against his decision, agreed to check inside the house before heading to the restaurant.
This was their deepest mistake.
FEATURES
- A dark and disturbing story.
- A unique battle system inspired by the Fatal Frame AKA Project Zero series.
- A J-Horror inspired game.
- Amazing music by ChainL!nkz and Aaron Krogh.
- Atmospheric ambiance by TECMO, KOEI.
- Only 40 - 50 mins gameplay.
STORY
Himeko and Kujiro have been in love for 5 years, they both study at one of Japan's top universities.
To celebrate their 5 year anniversary, they decided to take a walk through the forest just outside of Tokyo city, awaiting for their booking at a nearby restaurant in Tokyo itself, a private time and relaxation were what they wanted for a long time since their final exams are coming up.
Kujiro's romance knew no bounds as he was very hungry and wanted to leave for the restaurant, where Himeko, happily agreed.
Kujiro knew the forest path well, but something strange had happened, he usually walks through this exact path to reach his girlfriend's house, only this time, an eerie looking old house seemed to just "appear" out of nowhere. Kujiro's confusion quickly had turned to curiosity, after persuading Himeko, who was against his decision, agreed to check inside the house before heading to the restaurant.
This was their deepest mistake.
FEATURES
- A dark and disturbing story.
- A unique battle system inspired by the Fatal Frame AKA Project Zero series.
- A J-Horror inspired game.
- Amazing music by ChainL!nkz and Aaron Krogh.
- Atmospheric ambiance by TECMO, KOEI.
- Only 40 - 50 mins gameplay.
The first thing I'm noticing is this "awaiting for their booking" phrase that's just plain weird to read.
With that in mind, I might suggest a re-write like...
...this?
With that in mind, I might suggest a re-write like...
Himeko and Kujiro are both students that go to one of Japan's top universities. The pair have been romantically involved with each other for five years, and, as part of the celebration of their anniversary together, they booked a reservation at a restaurant in Tokyo.
The day of their anniversary, they decided to walk through a nearby forest that Kujiro knew quite well. It was meant to be a romantic walk that just so happened to also kill time until their reservation was ready. However, an eerie-looking house appeared out of literally nowhere. They were confused at first, but, Kujiro wanted to explore. Himeko was initially against the idea, but, eventually acquiesced.
That was the biggest mistake of their lives.
Features
- A dark and disturbing story.
- A unique battle system inspired by the Fatal Frame (AKA Project Zero) series.
- A J-Horror inspired game.
- Amazing music by ChainL!nkz and Aaron Krogh.
- Atmospheric ambiance by TECMO, KOEI.
- Only 40 - 50 mins gameplay.
...this?
author=Marrend
The first thing I'm noticing is this "awaiting for their booking" phrase that's just plain weird to read.
With that in mind, I might suggest a re-write like...
Himeko and Kujiro are both students that go to one of Japan's top universities. The pair have been romantically involved with each other for five years, and, as part of the celebration of their anniversary together, they booked a reservation at a restaurant in Tokyo.
The day of their anniversary, they decided to walk through a nearby forest that Kujiro knew quite well. It was meant to be a romantic walk that just so happened to also kill time until their reservation was ready. However, an eerie-looking house appeared out of literally nowhere. They were confused at first, but, Kujiro wanted to explore. Himeko was initially against the idea, but, eventually acquiesced.
That was the biggest mistake of their lives.
Features
- A dark and disturbing story.
- A unique battle system inspired by the Fatal Frame (AKA Project Zero) series.
- A J-Horror inspired game.
- Amazing music by ChainL!nkz and Aaron Krogh.
- Atmospheric ambiance by TECMO, KOEI.
- Only 40 - 50 mins gameplay.
...this?
Ah that does look much better, thank you for your help, appreciate it :)
Marrend is the guardian angel, Angel!
I think I could use some assistance with skill descriptions.
Our first skill is "Lotus Sword". This skill deals damage based on the amount of mana the character has remaining, and reduces that actor's MP to 0. My description of it now reads something like...
...this, and I'm not particularly confident this relays the information I want. On a similar point, we have "Fatal Mistake", which deals damage to an enemy based on the number of status conditional applied on that enemy. That description is a mess that looks like...
...that, and I just feel the concept can be relayed better.
Thoughts? Suggestions?
Our first skill is "Lotus Sword". This skill deals damage based on the amount of mana the character has remaining, and reduces that actor's MP to 0. My description of it now reads something like...
Damages all enemies; mana becomes 0 afterwards.
Physical; Damage: 10*current MP
...this, and I'm not particularly confident this relays the information I want. On a similar point, we have "Fatal Mistake", which deals damage to an enemy based on the number of status conditional applied on that enemy. That description is a mess that looks like...
Attacks an enemy.
Magical; Damage: 10*status effects
...that, and I just feel the concept can be relayed better.
Thoughts? Suggestions?
Damages all enemies at the cost of all your mana.
Physical; Damage: 10*current MP
Attack an enemy, striking through its weakpoints.
Magical; Damage: 10*status effects on enemy
Those any good?
author=TheGiantHand
The story takes place 500 years after the events of Lunar Silver Star Story. Several hundred years have passed since the last Dragonmaster, Alex Noa, has defeated Ghaleon and restored order to the world. But now a new threat has emerged in Loki, the god of evil, lies and mischief. Loki seeks to corrupt the church of Althena among several other powerful and influential groups to break the seal on Zonfar, the god of death and destruction, so that he may remake the world in his own image...
Enter young Jean de Reinhardt, a young beastman who wishes to join the ranks of Althena's guard. He and his childhood friend Lillian have just been summoned by the guard to investigate a disturbance; if they succeed they will be officially enlisted in the Church of Althena and Althena's Guard...
Little do they know that they are about to become major players in Loki's game and embark on a quest that could determine the fate of all of Lunar itself...
It feels a tad repetitive to state that it's 500 years after the events of Silver Star, then go on to say it's been several hundred years since Alex Noa did his thing. Which, if I recall, was the events of Silver Star? Anyway, I'm kinda thinking something along...
...those lines? The rest of it seems fine enough to me.
500 years have passed since the events of Lunar - Silver Star Story. While the threat of Ghaleon has been removed, a new threat dawns on the horizon: Loki, the god of mischief and lies. Seeking to corrupt the Church of Althena, among other influential groups, he seeks to break the seal of Zonfar, the god of death and destruction, to re-make the world into his own, twisted and demented, image.
...those lines? The rest of it seems fine enough to me.
Greetings everyone,
as requested, i'm posting here the description for my game "The Last Summer".
As i'm not a natural english speaker, maybe i can get some help with grammar! Thanks everyone in advance :)
---
~~ THE STORY ~~
Year 199X: Timothy is a young 10-years old boy very passionate about videogames and living his last days of childhood. The last two days of summer holidays between the ending of the elementary school and the starting of the middle school will teach him something both important and terrible. Behind the mask of a normal family, lies a secret that is slowly consuming Timothy's mind. Who is Mr. Knight? Who is the mysterious girl appeared all of a sudden? Who is the real Timothy?
~~ THE GAME ~~
The Last Summer is a psychological horror adventure about childhood memories, the fear of growing up and the fear of discovering the true identity of a family. No big jumpscares but just a story waiting to be discovered, with a sprinkle of items to find around and a lot of videogames references. Get ready to explore Timothy troubled mind and childhood as he unveils the secrets behind his apparently "normal" family life.
Deep story about childhood, family and a mind full of fantasy
Many classic videogames references
2 hours of gameplay
2 different endings
~~ THE TEAM ~~
The Last Summer is a game made with RPG Maker MV and has been created by a team of two people from Italy. Videogames are our passion and we aim to create a compelling story for everyone, as we try to make game developing a real work.
Simone "Lord Macbeth" Granata - Eventing/Programming/Storywriting/Game design
Dave "Mishima" - Character design/Additional pixel art
THANK YOU FOR VISITING OUR GAME PAGE! Your support is crucial and really appreciated! - Kibou Entertainment Team
as requested, i'm posting here the description for my game "The Last Summer".
As i'm not a natural english speaker, maybe i can get some help with grammar! Thanks everyone in advance :)
---
~~ THE STORY ~~
Year 199X: Timothy is a young 10-years old boy very passionate about videogames and living his last days of childhood. The last two days of summer holidays between the ending of the elementary school and the starting of the middle school will teach him something both important and terrible. Behind the mask of a normal family, lies a secret that is slowly consuming Timothy's mind. Who is Mr. Knight? Who is the mysterious girl appeared all of a sudden? Who is the real Timothy?
~~ THE GAME ~~
The Last Summer is a psychological horror adventure about childhood memories, the fear of growing up and the fear of discovering the true identity of a family. No big jumpscares but just a story waiting to be discovered, with a sprinkle of items to find around and a lot of videogames references. Get ready to explore Timothy troubled mind and childhood as he unveils the secrets behind his apparently "normal" family life.
Deep story about childhood, family and a mind full of fantasy
Many classic videogames references
2 hours of gameplay
2 different endings
~~ THE TEAM ~~
The Last Summer is a game made with RPG Maker MV and has been created by a team of two people from Italy. Videogames are our passion and we aim to create a compelling story for everyone, as we try to make game developing a real work.
Simone "Lord Macbeth" Granata - Eventing/Programming/Storywriting/Game design
Dave "Mishima" - Character design/Additional pixel art
THANK YOU FOR VISITING OUR GAME PAGE! Your support is crucial and really appreciated! - Kibou Entertainment Team
Off the top of my head, I would suggest...
...this? Though, I may have gone a bit overboard with some points, and I apologize for doing so.
Plot synopsis:
Timothy is a 10-year-old boy, who's very passionate about videogames, and living out the last days of summer before he goes to middle school. It is during this time that he learns some of the most important things in his life, and the most dangerous. Behind the mask of "normal family" are secrets that gnaws at Timothy's very being. Who is this Mr. Knight that his parents have started to see lately? Who is the girl that appears in his dreams? Who is Timothy?
About the game:
The Last Summer is a psychological horror adventure game about childhood, memories, the fear of growing up, and the fear of the unknown. No jump-scares, but, a story waiting to be discovered, with a sprinkle of items to find around, and a lot of videogames references. Get ready to explore Timothy's troubled mind, and childhood, as he unveils the secrets behind his "normal" life.
Features:
-Deep story about childhood, family and full of fantasy
-Many classic videogames references
-2 hours of gameplay
-2 different endings
About us:
The game was made with RPG Maker MV, and made by two people from Italy. Videogames are our passion, and we aim to create a compelling story for everyone as we try to make this game a real work of art.
We Are:
Simone "Lord Macbeth" Granata - Eventing/Programming/Storywriting/Game design
Dave "Mishima" - Character design/Additional pixel art
Thanks for visiting our gamepage! Your support is crucial and really appreciated! - Kibou Entertainment Team
...this? Though, I may have gone a bit overboard with some points, and I apologize for doing so.
author=TheGiantHand
The story takes place 500 years after the events of Lunar Silver Star Story. Several hundred years have passed since the last Dragonmaster, Alex Noa, has defeated Ghaleon and restored order to the world. But now a new threat has emerged in Loki, the god of evil, lies and mischief. Loki seeks to corrupt the church of Althena among several other powerful and influential groups to break the seal on Zonfar, the god of death and destruction, so that he may remake the world in his own image...
Enter young Jean de Reinhardt, a young beastman who wishes to join the ranks of Althena's guard. He and his childhood friend Lillian have just been summoned by the guard to investigate a disturbance; if they succeed they will be officially enlisted in the Church of Althena and Althena's Guard...
This is more of a canon nitpick than a critique of the description, but I'm pretty sure the God of Destruction in the Lunar games was Zophar rather than Zonfar.
Hrm. I don't recall one way or another. A quick Google search leads me here, if that's any indication.



















