RMNVERSE BATTLEDOME 5 - COMPLETE!

Earth 69XX...
In the Ancient Times of Human history, rumours of war were plentiful. The truth has been discovered by Blake Seam of the Explorer's Guild. Not far from Titan City in Jupiter's orbit, laid this uncharted miserable wasteland. Rendered desolate by the over extraction of natural and fossil resources, there is little here that lives. The oceans are empty, the land is dry, and an era of nuclear winter has come to an end. The entire planet is toxic and cold. Controllers will be able to act only remotely from orbit.
*Giant cockroaches are one of the sole surviving species here. They will attempt to eat anything that moves. These are all over, and may be included in the Battle Plan; however, they cannot be controlled, have hides as strong as steel, have agility of 200, and will attack both robots equally.
*This battle takes place in London, UK. Use anything you might find in an abandoned UK at your disposal.

Battlechip: Jogo do Pau
Team: DUDE
Controller: Ronnie Ronno

Sponsor: Dudes Cola

Robot: Huge Mecha Mk.2


Battlechip: Jogo do Pau
Team: DUDE
Hide
I picked Jogo do Pau instead of other stick fighting because of what it stands for. The Agents of RUDE have a bone to pick with the status quo. We will unite undivided against the tyrannical Horc Empire and brutality that is the Battledome! This may be our first public appearance, but we cannot remain silent anymore!
Controller: Ronnie Ronno
Sponsor: Dudes Cola
Robot: Huge Mecha mk2
Drawings

HEALTH: 10+100=110-40*=70
ATTACK: 10+190=200
DEFENSE: 10+70=80
AGILITY: 10+50=60
ENERGY: 10+100=110-40*=70
*Mini Bots: HP:10 EP:10 (x4)
------
Remaining Space Bucks: 40,000 = 30 Items (+anti-theft)

4xWhetanium Arm Shields (hands)
2xPlasma Staffx2
1xMini Bots(4)
1xEnergy Shield
1xWeatherGuard™
4xGatling Gun
2xShock Kick
5xTracking Sensor
1xBeam Cannon(rear)
1xCrustacean Plate (bottom)
2xCrab Hands
4xWhetanium Arm Shield (arms)
1xTower Shield (front)
1xEnergy Stealer
4xRocket Boots
Anti-Theft Device (10000)

The Huge Control
When Ester Sharpe, an Agent of RUDE, entered the suite of Ronno, she was met with a disturbing vision. It had been a week since the previous round, and no one had heard from the front man of this operation since his victory. Now it was clear why. There, body crumpled over itself, lay Ronno's corpse. The wires webbing from his cybernetic arm to the data terminal had been severed. It was clear someone had cut them. From any guess she could make, this was sabotage. At once, Ester made to contact the Major. Yet, as she reached for her wrist-mounted comm device, a hologram appeared in the middle of the room. It was the Ugly Carrots' Carotinator robot, spinning slowly in the soft blue light.
A voice erupted from the data terminal from behind Ester, making her jump clean into the hologram. When she settled her nerves, Ester recognized the tone as Ronno. Although it had become very synthetic-sounding.
"There is a scheduled dual on the planet Earth between Huge Mecha mk.2 and the Carotinator. It will last considerable less time to complete than any match to date, with exception of the encounter with the remote controlled automobile."
"Whe...where are you, Ronno?" Ester stepped back from the hologram's light towards the door, glancing nervously at the rotting corpse nearer the far window. "How come you haven't messaged HQ?"
"There has been a transition. My consciousness has left the mortal shell you see before you. It has melded and devoured the systems known as Battledome. Now there is only Huge Mecha. While the petty continuing of these battles will ensue as per schedule, they no longer matter due to my complete control of this network.
"You will inform the RUDE organization of the following statement, acknowledge."
Tentatively taking a seat to settle her mind on the matter so dismissively passed off as fact, Ester was near choked at the thought of Ronno being dead. "A-acknowledged."
"Earth has exactly 0.02% of populating lifeforms, each being member to the unnaturally abominable cockroach species. My opponents, the Ugly Carrots, cannot succeed in drawing out any underworld deeds to end our battle outside of regulation rules. While these adversaries persist to elude authorities and any Battledome Referees, they will be forced into an even match.
Using the previous tactic, of withdrawing minibots into the core design of Huge Mecha's single-most powerful form; my stats will be superior in all except Agility and Energy. Equipment manages to remain equal on both parties, save for minor variances.
Each attack the enemy sends, Huge Mecha will answer in turn. There is a balance factor of 85%. Only Potential hazards include:
1 x Quarium Whip
1 x Electric Mace
1 x Laser Rifle
1 x Spear Cannon
In the event of Quarium Whip locking weapons with any part of Huge Mecha, I shall focus gatling fire on the whip, while swinging both staves in varying arcs and at full extension. This will maximize potential damage with staves.
Electric Mace may damage staves. Will require close-quarters. In this event of equipment connection, Tower Shield will need by elevated to full-raised position, acting as barrier buffer to deter frontal damage. Staves unleashed from side to side motions may incur further damage.
Laser Rifle may weaken minor-sized limbs, such as arms or fingers. Danger is acknowledged.
Spear Cannon is of more danger than all else. Should this connect, it may jar or disable gyroscopic pivot points. However, it is unmatched against Beam Cannon. Retaliatory fire may be used in this scenario.

Equipment matches are pointless in any event. The Terrain chosen by Battledome Council has offered ample advantages to knowledgeable individuals. Wealth of information streams through my consciousness by the second. Earth, London, UK. This is the arena. In these ravaged streets, there will be ample double-decker buses to equip as leg shields. Alternate plan: penetrate four double-decker buses with feet, and gain size bonus.

Should battle begin to towards large clock tower, 'Big Ben' as it was once called, Devastation awaits. The structural integrity of this tower rests uneasy since the nuclear war these people brought onto themselves. If Carotinar can be lured into range, this tower can be leveled atop of him, bringing for his 'timely' end.

If not, there are greater assets of similar nature to employ. For instance, there is a ferris wheel that hangs by threadbare bolts. This 'London Eye', as it was, will become a great collapsing death trap, awaiting my speedy competitor's arrival.

This enemy, though hasty in design, has been proven to fall for foolery in all aspects of former battle plans. What this mess of a machine may not know, is that my plan is to lure him on top of the London Eye, rather than beneath it. With a well-placed Gatling Gun fire, or staff strike, the ferris wheel will topple into the Thames Vein.

The depths of the Thames Vein caverns run for miles. Choked dry, this planet Earth has begun to open up. Releasing the lava-depths of hell, and ripping apart stone at every turn. Here, in the Thames, I will send my foe, with the London Eye following close behind. Even with the aid of Rocket Boots, Carotinator is doomed to plummet into the ungodly depths. While this is happening, I will detach my Minibots to ensure Carotinator is unable to grasp the walls, or fly to safety.


Forced now, to accept these plans will not be perfectly sound-proof, I have of course sought out further plans.
The next will be in the unlikely event, Carotinator winds itself unlikely into the London Underground. This chamber is a tomb, should he seek it out. My minibots will track his movements underground, and I shall unleash earth-shattering foot attacks to cave the Underground ceiling onto my opponent. Fore, Huge Mecha could never fit into these spaces. There is no other possible avenue to explore. This is my final report.
Should I fail, the Huge Mecha is rigged to self-destruct. It will take London, UK, and all who reside in the immediate premise."

After a moment, Ester spoke up. "What... what about you? Will you be alright? What about your body?"
"There is only Huge Mecha now. My consciousness has become fully integrated with the CPU, leaving this half-living flesh behind."
"You can't be serious! You'd just throw your life away, even if you lost a tournament?!"
"Without victory, there is no life to live."
"But that's just---" Ester tried to interject, but was promptly cut off.
"End of Line."

Team name / Bot operators / Sponsor: The Ugly Carrots
Carrots are an apiacean life form from the outer reaches of the Taproot Nebula. What they lack in physical size and industrial prowess, they more than make up for in cunning, mischievery and outright bloodthirsty violence. Carrots are the galaxy's undisputed masters of organized crime, even if it's not always exactly well organized.
Carrot society is mostly structured by clans, individual families forming alliances to create vast and powerful syndicates. The most powerful crime syndicate at the moment is without doubt The Ugly Carrots (T.U.C.) - they control anything from gambling, smuggling, prostitution and counterfeiting from the Taproot Nebula to the galaxy's core.
The T.U.C.'s chosen representatives for the tournament are Zed Nahoria, Karl Otto, and Daucus Carota. These three career criminals have worked together on an unbelievable number of improbable capers. It is to be suspected that the bot they will use for entering the tournament will mostly use stolen components, quickly cobbled together to create a weapon of bot destruction that may not look pretty or move elegantly, but will be a force to be reckoned with.

It is to be expected that the three Carrots will not shy away from bribery, blackmail, and behind-the-scenes violence in order to win the tournament.

Sponsor/Team logo:


Bot: The CAROTINATOR
Battlechip: Praying Mantis Kung Fu





1 - Transsonic Battleaxe. Works just like an Electric Mace, but gives that dwarven touch of ultraviolence to any battle.
2 - Clamped-on self-healing unit. Probably illegal.
3 - Additional clamped-on weapons arm, for handling the battleaxe
4 - BallistaTronic spear gun.
5 - MiniPopeBot. For moral support. Will not provide any morality whatsoever to the Carotinator.
6 - Experimental VALVE-1 energy gun. Like a laser rifle, but with pretty blue and orange lights.
7 - OTAKUTRON ANL-SX electrical whip. Like a Quarium Whip, but with added...intrusive...capabilities
8 - Little fairy. Will grant three wishes during battle. Unfortunately, the Carotinator will only ever wish for beer.
9 - Canga-R00 unit. For improved jumping capability.
10 - Good, old-fashioned Gatling gun. For oldschool bullet fun.
11 - EmpireTec RR comm/target acquisition unit.
12 - Optical target acquisition device.
13 - Tower shield, with (probably illegal) Blarg modifications. See below.
14 - Arm-mounted Destruct-o-Zapp. Like a thunder katana, but with added sparks and lightning effects. Sure to impress the judges, and a perennial hit with the ladies.
15 - Detachable nano bots. Not shown to scale.

Stats:
Health:    75 (+65)
Attack:    95 (+85)
Defense:   57 (+47)
Agility:  200 (+190)
Energy:   200 (+190)

Total Stats cost: 577,000

Items:
1 x Tower shield
1 x Thunder Katana
1 x Quarium Whip
1 x Electric Mace
1 x Laser Rifle
1 x Spear Cannon
1 x Gatling Gun
2 x Mini Bots
1 x Energy Stealer
1 x Rocket boots
1 x Tracking Sensor
1 x WeatherGuard
1 x Anti-Theft device

Total Item cost: 23,000

Illegal Mods:
As was to be expected, the Carrots couldn't resist equipping their robot with some potentially illegal modifications:

* Hidden backup battery: provides an additional 30 units of energy as an emergency reserve. Hidden deep in the Carotinator's groin region, where it is hoped no judge will ever venture. Because...ewww.
* Blarg technology modifications to Tower Shield: Can adapt to any and all energy attacks on the fly. Has its own independent energy supply. Will independently and uncontrollably try to assimilate everything, including, but not limited to, the enemy robot, judges, the audience, and beer bottles.
* Self-Healing Unit: Tries to repair damage to the robot on the fly. Disguised as a decorative mascot in the shape of an ambulance car.

Having followed the Huge Mecha Mk2 through the tournament and having analyzed its strategy, the carrots noticed something disturbing. Deeply disturbing. The Mecha's winning move in many battles was to anchor itself to the ground and wildy whir its staves above its head in a spinning motion. Imagine looking at it from the top - does that remind you of something? Probably not, because you're not a carrot. But let me show you what it reminds the carrots of:



Or, even more pertinent and shocking:



The Huge Mecha Mk2 is a blender. It is the ultimate sacrilege. It is That Which Must Not Be Named. It is the unspeakable evil that gnaws at the very existence of Carrotdom. It violates all taboos. It must be utterly destroyed, without mercy and without leaving even a trace of its existence. This is no longer about winning the tournament. This has become personal. The kid gloves are off.

Thanks to the close proximity of Earth to Titan City, the carrots start off with a considerable planning advantage - they can send scout bots into Earth's atmosphere and gather intel on the battle ground for several days while Ronno and his bot are in hyperspace transit, and they will be able to call on the resources of TUC's Titan City branch to help them with that. They will be able to get very familiar with the street layout and scout out potential ambush points, but there is something even more important to do in preparation: find out what those cockroaches eat and what kind of smell lures them to a food site, then replicate huge amounts of cockroach bait, pack it up in thin, smell-proof plastic packages, and distribute tons of those evenly all over the city. Throughout the battle, the Carotinator will continually pick up the next available packet of bait, throw it at the enemy bot where it will burst on impact, see the Huge Mecha be overrun by cockroaches, and laugh. Even if the cockroaches aren't able to do permanent damage to the robot, they will keep him constantly busy, impair his movements and keep his tracking sensors permanently occupied, and the sight of cockroaches flying off in random directions while he whirls his staves around should be entertaining in its own right.

The nanobots pose an interesting question: just how nano are they, exactly? I can see two basic options for this: either they are small, fast and agile - in which case their gatling guns have to be miniature models with the attack power of a pellet gun. Or the gatlings are real, serious, heavy weapons - in wich case the bots can't be very fast and agile due to the sheer weight of their guns. Either way, the combination of 200 agility and tower shield should provide me adequate protection for a while, and my own gatling gun and nano bots should be able to deal with them (if his bots are small and agile, they don't pose much of a threat and can probably even be ignored or dealt with by a couple whip lashes when they come too close - if they are heavily armed and slow, they provide good targets for my own gatling, and my nanobots will be able to whizz around between them and create some havoc).

I can easily outlast the Huge Mecha in terms of energy several times over, so a completely defensive turtling strategy would be a fatal move for the enemy – this time, I would definitely hide out of sight and wait until my own energy level has dropped to about 50%, by which time he should be practically immobile. I expect him to realize that risk and give chase, and I won't make the mistake of underestimating his strategic cunning, but I do have several advantages in the city ruins which will allow me to fight on my own terms and be prepared for unexpected moves:

-He is slow, squat, and heavy, with heavy armor plating on the underside, and his legs are designed more for close combat fighting and for gaining secure footing on uneven ground than for moving quickly, so I will always be able to outrun and outmaneuver him.
-He does have a whole phalanx of rocket boots, but given his weight, they won't be useful for prolonged flight – he will be out of rocket fuel after a quick jump or two. Since his bot design doesn't exactly lend itself to scaling walls and fighting on the roof tops, I can climb buildings, get above him, and take the fight to the 3rd dimension.
-Apart from his nanobots' gatlings (which I hope to be able to deal with as described above), his only ranged weapon is a beam cannon on the back, but given his low agility, I should always be able to dodge and move away before he's even able to aim it at me.
-His armor is concentrated on the bottom and on the arms, leaving him relatively exposed to surprise attacks from the top.

Given all that, my main objective will be to lure him into an area that allows me to take full advantage of my high agility and of my ability to launch sneak attacks from the top – any street setting with sufficiently high buildings that allows me to jump from rooftop to rooftop should suffice, and the inner city has those everywhere. Depending on the structural integrity of the remaining buildings, I could even try and lure him into the inside of a sufficiently large domed building (St Paul's would fit the bill perfectly) – if the dome is still intact and stable enough, this would allow me to not only jump above him for my attacks from above, but to climb along the inner structure of the dome, thus remaining stationary above him for a moment for improved aiming. While remaining above him, I will use any chance I can get to fire a couple quick shots from the air with Gatling or laser rifle to wear him down and hopefully damage his arms, and of course I will continue to pelt him with roach bait any chance I get to keep him busy and hopefully have the cockroaches do some additional damage. If I get a clear shot and am reasonably sure he can't dodge and/or hasn't noticed me, a well-aimed shot of the spear gun should have some interesting effects on his upper body – with his relatively low armor, the spear should be able to pierce him from above, or at least do some lasting damage to his head.

Sooner or later. I will run out of ammo and will be forced to close in. In close combat, he has three things going for him: insanely huge attack against my relatively low HP and armor, the long reach of his staves, and the ability to use the full potential of his staves thanks to his selection of battle chip. This is offset by my immense agility advantage (allowing me to dodge, block, and attack from unexpected directions), the reach of my battleaxe and whip being comparable or even superior to that of his staves, and the beating he will have taken from my ranged weapons before I decide to close in (I'm ignoring his pincer/shock-kick legs and my katana as I strongly suspect the fight will be decided by staves vs whip/axe before we get close enough to use our close-contact weapons). As my whip has a longer reach than his staves and I absolutely outclass him in agility, my first priority will be to catch his staves in mid-air with a whip grapple, hold on tightly, and disarm him, while staying far enough away to avoid stave hits to my body. Once I manage to get rid of at least one of his staves, it's time to get really close and personal, with axe, katana, and whip against maybe one remaining staff and shock-kick legs. The resulting melee clash will mainly be a fight of high attack against high agility, and as we all know from the movies, speed and cunning always trumps brute strength, so I should be easily able to defeat him.

I am aware that my whip grapple strategy may backfire if "attack“ equals "strength“ in clasic RPG terms – he may potentially be able to throw me to the ground by brute force as soon as I grab his staff, or to draw me into range of his other staff to deliver a devastating blow to my robot's body. But I do have the agility to react in time to this potentially deadly situation – even if I'm not able to let go in time, I have the option of cutting off my own whip with my Katana. This would admittedly hamper me a bit and leave me with only my battle axe against his staves, but even in the absolute worst-case scenario, we are on more or less even footing – even if I somehow manage to completely blow all my chances to bring my ranged weapons into play before closing in, our HP and armor are more or less equal, my battle axe still has comparable range to his staves, and my superior agility should still allow me to dodge and counter his stave attacks with impunity and land a couple axe blows in between. If I manage to do anything at all right in the phase before the final close-combat duel, I will have a considerable advantage.

If all of the above fails, the carrots will try to ram Ronno's controller ship in orbit, potentially disabling him or at least distracting him long enough to get a couple heavy blows in before he can react – three carrots means two of them can control the Carotinator while the third one can steer the orbiting space ship.

If that fails too, the carrots will go down in a blaze of glory and use their controller ship for a Kamikaze attack on the Huge Mecha. The Blender must be destroyed, at whatever cost. For the greater glory of Carrotdom.*
___
(*) be assured that in that case, the bodies of the carrots will never be found in the wreckage. Instead, three of the escape pods will be found mysteriously missing.

This world was recently discovered by the Explorer's Guild. The unknown beauty of this rare sanctuary has captivated the RMNverse for many eons as a mere myth. A bill was passed by the Horc Galactic High Council that makes it illegal to damage or alter this world in any way. However, the Battledome lead administer, Dungeon Orc, snuck in a deal to host the Bronze Match on this tranquil beauty. So, all bets are off! If you destroy this elusive world, you will *not* be sent to the new Maximum Security Prison on Welp-X2.
*the world has rare ancient technology from the Unicorn Age of old. Create and use 1 piece of ancient tech in your battle plan! (Note, unicorns had no hands, so you should be thinking in terms of what a unicorn could use!)
*There are dangerous Whetanium stone spires that prod out at odd angles across the otherwise magnificent vistas. Like ancient unicorn horns, these are raser sharp and deadly. Do not touch them or even a Crustacean Shell would be rent cut like butter...

Controller: Zwiflan the Owlman

An Owlman originating from Surly Landing, he was hired as a quality controller by Toadly Industry. He uses the Toadly Visor and Strap-on Holographic computer to do this. He was tasked by the industry to "Control" the "Quality" of their fighting robot entered into the tournament as some elaborate, well-thought-out and probably poorly executed marketing campaign. Either way, Zwiflan is getting paid based on how well the bot does. It's in every interest of his to make sure this happens.
With his brain-linked holographic computer, he can instantly make an input and instantly understand the output, making his calculations instant. His visor provides vision on all the spectrums; Light, heat, X-Ray, Radiation... if it exists, this visor grants vision of it.

Sponsor: Toadly Industry

This Industry has been crafting products of amazing quality throughout the years and continues to profiteer off of any problem, dispute, or war. The methods of their creation would be investigated had they not wiped their name from the Nature Inspectors' list. No one knows what goes into making their trademark candy, Toadbomb, but everyone eats it up! Their reason for entering the tournament is simply to test their hand at robot creation and as a marketing movement.

Robot: ROYALE


Stats
Health: 160
Attack: 107
Defense: 120
Agility: 30
Energy: 200
Total cost: 567,000
So that's about 33 weapons!

Arsenal:
x15 Mini-Bots, x1 Gatling Gun, x1 Jaws of Death, x3 Crustacean plate, x6 Qurium Whips, x2 Tracking sensors, x4 Tower Shield, x1 Water Canon and x1 missile Pod.

"Analyzing... Analysis Complete..."
"These bullshit fighters and their high agility have roO0Oo)o0bed me of too00 many victories. Your extreme incompetence at building r-r-r-robots disgusts me. The idea was sound and the execution horrendous. What can I do? Stand there and have him cut me down while I turn for half an age!? No. This robot is truly the scum of the earth. How did it even get this far? I have deluded myself into thinking it was my own ingenuity. Pure dumb luck. You should have let ME design it! Lethal and silent! Cunning and wise! Just like an owl. I can't work with this... abomination.
I'll submit a strategy alright, should teach you a lesson that hits you where it hurts. Your bank accounts. Your counter-intuitive designs sicken me.

Strategy: Opponent most likely will attempt to disarm me completely. The only chance I have of hurting it is with the quarrium whips, and opponent is agile enough to cut them off with it's buzz-saw. So it will be his down, my fall.
I will release the full swarm of mini-bots whose agility greatly outclasses anything. They shall attach themselves below me immediately. Then, with most of my energy, I will boost myself up a good amount of height with the mini-bots thrusters as well. Diagram:


The opponent, who should be under me or nearly under me, should leap up in an attempt to attack. Once it does...
Action FUT: De-activate engine wings, quarrium grapple sequence. Crush him under this hulking mass of scrap you call a robot between the ground and me, then my jaws of death.
If the opponent had instead of rushing me on the ground, rush me by jumping above me or directly at me, have mini-bots grab the bottom of the bot and push it so that the quarrium whips are facing up, then slow down my robots descent.
Diagram:


Once the opponent is going to fall on me, activate quarrium grapple sequence and reverse position via mini-bots. See action FUT.

There, the merger chance of my victory comes at 27.77&
That is the highest possibility I can achieve. By the time the match has completed and the victor decided, no matter the outcome, I will be gone and so will your money. Until we meet again a piece of advice, change your passwords weekly instead of yearly.

Save File."

"Contact..."

Chip: Bajiquan
Team: Novasolo Shadowalkers
Sponsor: Kabomb!
"Specializing in planetoid destruction and removal.  Is your planet threatened by a meteor or asteroid belt? Is your hyperspace route clogged up by dangerous asteroid fields?  Call Kabomb! and it's gone!"

Controller: a Keralatican warrior-woman
Robot: The Squaturian

Bajiquan is a Chinese martial arts that is famous for its explosive power and elbow strikes. In Chinese, Baji Quan means "Eight Extremities Fist" or "Eight Extremes Fist".

HEALTH: 100
ATTACK: 190
DEFENSE: 150
AGILITY: 120
ENERGY: 63

Rockfist x2
Buzz Saw Arm (on back!)
Beam Cannon
Rocket Boots
Energy Stealer x2
Charge Blade
WeatherGuard
Energy Shield
Shock Kick x2
Tracking Sensor
Water Cannon
Rust Gel
Whetanium Arm Shield x2
Anti-Theft Device

Quick breakdown on costs
600,00
-90,000 health
-180,000 atk
-140,000 def
-110,000 agl
-53,000 energy
-17,000 weapons
-10,000 antitheft

A short-range explosive fighter, the Squaturian wants to close ranks quickly and unless a barrage of devastating attacks quickly and decisively to defeat his foes.  Powerful, moderately heavy armored, and agile, the Squaturian is fearsome in a tight battle.  Low energy is offset by two chest-mounted energy stealers, and utmost protection afforded by a state of the art Anti Theft Device.  A tracking sensor, energy shield, and high agility aids in avoiding the enemy's long range attacks while rocket boots propel the fighter into close range.  Two rocket-fists pummel opponents, two forearm/elbow mounted Whetanium Shields provide extra durability with elbow strikes, two knee-mounted Shock Kicks deliver shocking knee blows, and a third back-of-the-shoulder mounted Buzz Saw Arm provides cutting moves!  A Water Cannon is mounted on the left arm, used for maximum damage to exposed electrical areas and to amplify Shock Kick and Charge Blade attacks.  Water splashback (and possible enemy environmental attack) is avoided by a coating of WeatherGuard.  As a final defense-eroding move, a crotch-mounted Rust Gel gun will eat through all but the toughest of opponents.  As a finisher, the Squaturian has a powerful Beam Cannon embedded in its chest.

artwork to follow

EDIT:
a quick MS Paint sketch I did freehand at work, to give an idea of the Squaturian:

This battle will be over very quickly. The Royale will be destroyed in mere moments.

First off, I have discovered a wonderous ancient tech of the Unicorn Age of Old - the Bununu Device. You see, the ancient unicorns loved the delicious fruit of the Upple and Bununu Tree, but lacked the means to pick the fruit when ripe. Their solution? The Bununu Device - an artifact capable of generating a powerful gravitational field. The Unicorns would place the device beneath a bununu tree and remotely activate the device, creating a gravity well below the tree, plucking all of the fruit off the tree at once!


fig. 1 - Delicious upples and bununus!



My plan is ...Bununu Swordstrike Maneuver!

I will draw my charge sword and toss the Bununu device directly below the plodding Royale mech (such low agility!) and rocket up above it with my rocketboots! I will quickly activate the Bununu device, which will cause myself AND the Royale to plummet to the surface at great speeds. I will flip around and lead with my sword edge. With great crushing force my sword and weight of my massive mech will CRUSH AND SEVER the head of the Royale, sending it flying!

I will turn off the Bununu device, pick myself up off the crumpled remains of my foe, and raise my non-broken arm in victory.


fig. 2 The 'Bununu Swordstrike Maneuver'



Backup plan: The Squat-nado

Should the Bununu Swordstrike Maneuver miss, or is unable to be employed (due perhaps to an unforeseen tactic), I will resort to a more traditional fight.

I will approach my foe, draw my charge sword, and feint arm-strikes and sword-strikes. Indubitably, the Royale will latch on with his quarium whips should I get too close - this is EXACTLY what I want. I will drop my sword, grab on tightly with my hand, launch my energy stealers into the Royale's body (extra grip!), and FIRE MY WATER CANNON AT A RIGHT-ANGLE to the orientation of our bodies! This pirouette of death will cyclone the Royale with amazing centrifugal force directly into the path of WHETANIUM SPIRES, slicing his hapless body into a hundred shards!


fig. 3 the Squatnado (top-down view)



After coming to a stop, I will steady myself, and raise my arms in victory!