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maladroithim
1495
maladroithim
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CloseAre you sure you aren't going out of your way to hide your insecurity? Women are not monsters and you have nothing to be afraid of. And who cares if other people gossip about you getting turned down for a date? If anyone talks about it they are unlikely to bring it up for more than a couple of days. Far more interesting things happen in a small town than someone getting turned down for a date.
But if you like to make yourself miserable by silently pining after some girl, be my guest. Just be aware that you will regret it for the rest of your life (there are at least three girls in particular that I am thinking of whom I was afraid to ask out in high school).
But if you like to make yourself miserable by silently pining after some girl, be my guest. Just be aware that you will regret it for the rest of your life (there are at least three girls in particular that I am thinking of whom I was afraid to ask out in high school).
demondestiny
889
Anyway, to keep this topic going i think you should go for it chaos and ask her out if that's how you feel. I know it may sound good to wait for a dance or something like that but you don't want to miss your chance. Trust me, i have gone through this scenario.
Clest
0
author=brandonabley link=topic=2473.msg48811#msg48811 date=1228320018
But if you like to make yourself miserable by silently pining after some girl, be my guest. Just be aware that you will regret it for the rest of your life (there are at least three girls in particular that I am thinking of whom I was afraid to ask out in high school).
Funny enough, there was only one girl I liked a lot in high school and couldn´t open to her... we didn´t lost contact and I we may be going out together, as friends soon, so maybe something happens (it all depends in how I will feel seeing her again).
I'm just going to cut straight to the point. I was a nerd at the start of my school days but have worked my way up to feeling confident with myself. A couple girls have asked me out and several were giving me major hints. I didn't really like any of them so nothing happened.
I still don't have the balls to ask out the girls that I do like. I don't know what I am waiting for but I think I expect them to do all the work probably because of my past experiences. Generally I am pretty quiet around new people unless they make it obvious that they are cool with me and in that case I will be able to relax.
I am pretty calm around girls, even ones I like. But when I start thinking about asking them out my calmness goes away. I have a wild imagination that I can only control if I am distracted by something like food, or games. I sometimes think I have mood swings or something because of the emotions I feel when I start thinking about hyothetical things seriously.
Someone tell me a way to keep my mind of things so I won't be such a baby in stressful situations.
I still don't have the balls to ask out the girls that I do like. I don't know what I am waiting for but I think I expect them to do all the work probably because of my past experiences. Generally I am pretty quiet around new people unless they make it obvious that they are cool with me and in that case I will be able to relax.
I am pretty calm around girls, even ones I like. But when I start thinking about asking them out my calmness goes away. I have a wild imagination that I can only control if I am distracted by something like food, or games. I sometimes think I have mood swings or something because of the emotions I feel when I start thinking about hyothetical things seriously.
Someone tell me a way to keep my mind of things so I won't be such a baby in stressful situations.
author=arcan link=topic=2473.msg49246#msg49246 date=1228450644
Someone tell me a way to keep my mind of things so I won't be such a baby in stressful situations.
I think that if anyone really knew that, humans would be much happier in general.
Basically, I just sort of go after people I like without reminding myself that I might be rejected. You have to play the game a little (a lot) if you're someone who's insecure and afraid of rejection, so you're at the point where the odds are in your favor. Does that make sense?
Also, something my mom always helped me with when I was a kid - she always used to ask me, what is the worst thing that could ACTUALLY happen. Seems like you imagine pretty stressful hypothetical situations, but when you get down to it, the most likely worst scenario is, as I said before, she says no and you're in the same position you're in now. It helps to take a deep breath and remind yourself that rocks won't fall, the sky won't open up and rain fire, and you'll pull through eventually no matter what goes down.
But I'm also not the most balanced person in the world, so take this with a grain of salt : ).
author=Asalieri link=topic=2473.msg44712#msg44712 date=1226895655
Chaos, the more you move into friend territory, the deeper a hole you dig from which you can't get out of.
I'm pretty much already in the hole. That's the issue.
author=ChaosProductions link=topic=2473.msg44696#msg44696 date=1226894361
The main issue, however, is that her mother is CHOKING EVERY FUCKING MINUTE OF TIME I CAN SPEND WITH HER. I can't barely manage two minutes here, five seconds in the hallway, maybe a half-hour after school should Lady Luck smile upon me. One can see very quickly how this can become frustrating. And too add to this, she's completely cool with it! She never sees a problems with being dragged home to mother's lair, out of the range of my attempts at socializing. Maybe - just maybe - she knows, and disapproves? That would be (simply put) devastating. Some mebers might recall:
Also she has re-stated this:
author=ChaosProductions link=topic=2473.msg44696#msg44696 date=1226894361
"Let's just... be friends."
...So now I'm pretty much lost. So much for just coming out honest.
Clest
0
Chaos: sorry to break it but... time to move on. Maybe, if you feel you need, take sometime away from her and distract yourself with something else.
April: your mom said the exact same thing as my dad :P
April: your mom said the exact same thing as my dad :P
maladroithim
1495
Yeah man maybe she just doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. You put yourself on the line and . . . surprise! You are still alive! You might be miserable but you'll make it bro. This really is the worst it gets.
You did what you had to do, and you got shot down. It happens to all of us. Once you realize how many girls are really out there you won't sweat it as much. Pull yourself away from the girl, and focus your attention elsewhere.
But like I said, once you take off the goggles and really realize how many other girls are out there, you'll put things in perspective; be grateful you weren't dating her and then you broke up, that's much more painful, and guess what, people move on from that as well.
But like I said, once you take off the goggles and really realize how many other girls are out there, you'll put things in perspective; be grateful you weren't dating her and then you broke up, that's much more painful, and guess what, people move on from that as well.
What do you do in a situation where you just happen to see a really hot girl on the streets and she makes it noticable that shes interested but you don't know her so it would be akward to stop and chat.
"The book" (http://www.amazon.com/Layguide-Seduce-Beautiful-Dreamed-Possible/dp/0806526025) will tell you to vaguely insult the girl and talk about something completely unrelated to her. I don't know if the first part works, so I'm going to go with the second.
Don't eagerly rush up to her, wait and see if you can bump into her in a more natural way. Then comment on something in your surroundings that might be common to both your interests. Like if you're in a bookstore, talk about the books in the section. Make it seem like you're there for the section and not for her. "Oh, sorry I'm looking for (such and such) author," maybe ask her if she's seen it while she was over here, or maybe ask her to move out of the way if she's near the book you're looking for.
Then you can maybe strike up a conversation about the author, the book, some other stuff. The goal here is to seem interesting and deep, and not just some desperate guy who compliments women he barely knows (and yes, I know, just because you're complimentary doesn't mean you're desperate, but in the unfathomable mysterious workings of the female mind, it tends to come off that way).
Yeah. But I can't say I've had much opportunity to just ask people on dates, because I'm a serial monogamist. The last time I hit on someone I didn't know was at a mutual friend's birthday party a little over 4 years ago. I asked him how he felt about this one anime, then blatantly asked him if he was gay. We dated for 2 years. Don't try that one at home, though, folks.
Don't eagerly rush up to her, wait and see if you can bump into her in a more natural way. Then comment on something in your surroundings that might be common to both your interests. Like if you're in a bookstore, talk about the books in the section. Make it seem like you're there for the section and not for her. "Oh, sorry I'm looking for (such and such) author," maybe ask her if she's seen it while she was over here, or maybe ask her to move out of the way if she's near the book you're looking for.
Then you can maybe strike up a conversation about the author, the book, some other stuff. The goal here is to seem interesting and deep, and not just some desperate guy who compliments women he barely knows (and yes, I know, just because you're complimentary doesn't mean you're desperate, but in the unfathomable mysterious workings of the female mind, it tends to come off that way).
Yeah. But I can't say I've had much opportunity to just ask people on dates, because I'm a serial monogamist. The last time I hit on someone I didn't know was at a mutual friend's birthday party a little over 4 years ago. I asked him how he felt about this one anime, then blatantly asked him if he was gay. We dated for 2 years. Don't try that one at home, though, folks.
Well, it was at a bus stop. I don't know if its the best place to find something interesting to chat about.
maladroithim
1495
author=arcan link=topic=2473.msg49321#msg49321 date=1228509701
What do you do in a situation where you just happen to see a really hot girl on the streets and she makes it noticable that shes interested but you don't know her so it would be akward to stop and chat.
You tell her she is pretty and ask her if she likes ballet. If she says yes, offer to take her to one. If she says no, offer to take her to one anyway.
This is how I met my girlfriend but I don't think she likes me very much anymore. Anyway it was successful in hooking us up.
I know people don't like hearing this, but a certain degree of arrogance attracts women like absolutely nothing else in the world.
author=Feldschlacht IV link=topic=2473.msg49347#msg49347 date=1228511874
I know people don't like hearing this, but a certain degree of arrogance attracts women like absolutely nothing else in the world.
That's because we're easily led by our ovaries. Deep down, we females of the species want to mate with the males with the best genes. It's like how male birds have the most brilliant plumage - it's a way that we "know" that we're going to be making awesome babies instead of loser babies.
Also, it is a perhaps false indicator of whether someone has a life beyond women, which makes you (again) seem deep and non-desperate.
author=Blitzen link=topic=2473.msg49113#msg49113 date=1228407616Women arenotmonsters and you havenothingto be afraidof.
Fixed.
qft ;D (I love you sweetie.)
modify: my girlfriend sometimes reads this forum so the above was NOT directed at blitzen
author=Feldschlacht IV link=topic=2473.msg49347#msg49347 date=1228511874
I know people don't like hearing this, but a certain degree of arrogance attracts women like absolutely nothing else in the world.
People don't like hearing that? I don't know, I always kind of knew this.
author=Clest link=topic=2473.msg49287#msg49287 date=1228489846
Chaos: sorry to break it but... time to move on. Maybe, if you feel you need, take sometime away from her and distract yourself with something else.
April: your mom said the exact same thing as my dad :P
author=brandonabley link=topic=2473.msg49295#msg49295 date=1228506808
Yeah man maybe she just doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. You put yourself on the line and . . . surprise! You are still alive! You might be miserable but you'll make it bro. This really is the worst it gets.
author=Feldschlacht IV link=topic=2473.msg49301#msg49301 date=1228507252I'll probably retreat into 2k3 and various TCG leagues for a month or so. But how bad is it that all I get in response to my dilemma irl is "Hell, try something else!" "TRY WHAT!?" "I don't know, you're the pimp*, not me."
You did what you had to do, and you got shot down. It happens to all of us. Once you realize how many girls are really out there you won't sweat it as much. Pull yourself away from the girl, and focus your attention elsewhere.
But like I said, once you take off the goggles and really realize how many other girls are out there, you'll put things in perspective; be grateful you weren't dating her and then you broke up, that's much more painful, and guess what, people move on from that as well.
Basically, thanks for the consolation.
*I'm referred to as such because I wear gloves everywhere.
Clest
0
Sorry pal, but we are not bards here, best we can do is say what you can do, we can´t heal your wounds no matter what we say. If that didn´t help much...
