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GAME STORY: ADVICE WANTED.
Posts
Airxzen
0
Airxzen
View playlists
CloseHey, Just want some advice on my story.
NOTE: It is a Work in progress
Game is called Crystal Memories(May or may not change it)
Story: You play as a 17 your old boy who has no idea who he is or where he is. You are found by a desert woman
who helps you up and gets you back to camp.
A dream you have reaveling your name and that a man is after you for reason that you are unclear of.
You find out that The Man from your dreams is from a Secret Organization They are pretty much Criminals, Thugs, Mercs funded by an unknowen source
You find out that it is you that holds the power to find the Crystal Heart, Which,
in legends is the Crystal that gives immortality
to the person who finds it
It is now your Destiny to find it before they do.
---
Advice, help, tips, pointers.
ANY kind of help would be appreciated.
Thanks
~Airxzen
NOTE: It is a Work in progress
Game is called Crystal Memories(May or may not change it)
Story: You play as a 17 your old boy who has no idea who he is or where he is. You are found by a desert woman
who helps you up and gets you back to camp.
A dream you have reaveling your name and that a man is after you for reason that you are unclear of.
You find out that The Man from your dreams is from a Secret Organization They are pretty much Criminals, Thugs, Mercs funded by an unknowen source
You find out that it is you that holds the power to find the Crystal Heart, Which,
in legends is the Crystal that gives immortality
to the person who finds it
It is now your Destiny to find it before they do.
---
Advice, help, tips, pointers.
ANY kind of help would be appreciated.
Thanks
~Airxzen
First things first, and this has nothing to do with the plot idea itself, but helps with the reading of it - get rid of the wrap thing you're doing to your posts. Type it out without hitting the enter button every few words - the site automatically moves the text to the next line when it gets long enough. The only time you need to press enter is when you finish a paragraph. Thanks. ^.^
As to the story, well there's a bit of cliche there. The whole amnesia thing has been done a thousand times. Not that that's a bad thing, per se, but if the character doesn't grow or isn't engaging he'll get boring fast, seeing as he's basically a blank slate. You really need to get a handle on your MC - his reasons and character - otherwise he'll come off shallow or boring.
He's a teen, yes, but is he loud and brash or quiet-spoken and serious? Does he want to go on this journey or is he reluctant to do so? Maybe he's being bullied into it by someone he knows or feels that it's his duty to do this. Does he want immortality for a reason - for himself or someone else? Does he even want to be immortal? Does he even know that the CH will make him so? Maybe he thinks it will do something other than what it does - has the power to heal or will divulge certain knowledge. Perhaps it doesn't do what everyone thinks it does... These are all things you need to know.
About the plot itself... when I first read it all I could think of was the crystal part. Usually 'collect the crystal' games are lauded as unoriginal but in this case I think it'd work as long as you keep the hunt fresh and interesting for the player. Of course, you could always change it to something else, or just have it called the Crystal Heart when it's really something entirely different.
The so-called thugs/criminals I'm not that keen on, though it does offer a break from the 'well-known but secretly evil corporation' or 'evil religious group' shtick. There's a lot that can be does with a gang of criminals, too. Things like in-fighting, back-stabbing, other criminal pursuits that are being undertaken and having to be careful not to alert the authorities as to what they're doing. There's a lot of promise there as long as you handle it carefully.
Now, is the MC (main character) going to have allies in this quest of his or will he have to do it all alone? Or perhaps people that come and go from your party? You'll have to think about these things for gameplay. You need to be very careful about how you handle your characters and their reactions. Have a good grasp of your characters and how they inter-act, what their motives are (for joining the group, for travelling in the first place) and their history.
It's late, so I'll leave it there, but hopefully that helps a bit. Remember to keep asking questions of your plot and characters - Who, why, what, where, when and how. That's the best way to flesh it out from something ordinary into something extra-ordinary.
As to the story, well there's a bit of cliche there. The whole amnesia thing has been done a thousand times. Not that that's a bad thing, per se, but if the character doesn't grow or isn't engaging he'll get boring fast, seeing as he's basically a blank slate. You really need to get a handle on your MC - his reasons and character - otherwise he'll come off shallow or boring.
He's a teen, yes, but is he loud and brash or quiet-spoken and serious? Does he want to go on this journey or is he reluctant to do so? Maybe he's being bullied into it by someone he knows or feels that it's his duty to do this. Does he want immortality for a reason - for himself or someone else? Does he even want to be immortal? Does he even know that the CH will make him so? Maybe he thinks it will do something other than what it does - has the power to heal or will divulge certain knowledge. Perhaps it doesn't do what everyone thinks it does... These are all things you need to know.
About the plot itself... when I first read it all I could think of was the crystal part. Usually 'collect the crystal' games are lauded as unoriginal but in this case I think it'd work as long as you keep the hunt fresh and interesting for the player. Of course, you could always change it to something else, or just have it called the Crystal Heart when it's really something entirely different.
The so-called thugs/criminals I'm not that keen on, though it does offer a break from the 'well-known but secretly evil corporation' or 'evil religious group' shtick. There's a lot that can be does with a gang of criminals, too. Things like in-fighting, back-stabbing, other criminal pursuits that are being undertaken and having to be careful not to alert the authorities as to what they're doing. There's a lot of promise there as long as you handle it carefully.
Now, is the MC (main character) going to have allies in this quest of his or will he have to do it all alone? Or perhaps people that come and go from your party? You'll have to think about these things for gameplay. You need to be very careful about how you handle your characters and their reactions. Have a good grasp of your characters and how they inter-act, what their motives are (for joining the group, for travelling in the first place) and their history.
It's late, so I'll leave it there, but hopefully that helps a bit. Remember to keep asking questions of your plot and characters - Who, why, what, where, when and how. That's the best way to flesh it out from something ordinary into something extra-ordinary.
Airxzen
0
Okay Thanks for the reply Liberty
I Would tell you more About the CH. But that would RUIN the story.
There is a blank bit missing, Im not sure yet what pursueds him to go after the CH
Im still working on that, Maybe A Memory Flash back of some Kind. And Yes, He has 3 other allies as well as the NPCs that Help him.
They Are.
Naomi Waiten = A Born and Raised Desert girl, Practising Medicine(So she is the party healer)
Tyro: A Strange Young boy from the big city of Burcane, He keeps why he is coming along a secret but you later learn his Alterer Motives(Theif)
Reeta More: A Young Girl Found in an half burnt Shack. She dosnt Talk much but her reasons for comming are revenge. (She was Raped, Mulitple times & her sister Kidnapped Later Killed)(Battle Mage)
The MC Name is Skyle(More or less the Warrior)
Because he HAS Amnesia He is Unsure on how to act.
But at first Nervous but Willing.
Then he comes into his own With is own Personality
(which i am still developing)
He Wants to go on it, mainly just to find out WHO he is.
The Idea With the Thugs, I never actually Thought about the back stabbing thing that could really add a certain...Taste?...to the game. Do you mind if i work of that??
and dont worry I am working on my story & plot.
Bit by bit.
I Would tell you more About the CH. But that would RUIN the story.
There is a blank bit missing, Im not sure yet what pursueds him to go after the CH
Im still working on that, Maybe A Memory Flash back of some Kind. And Yes, He has 3 other allies as well as the NPCs that Help him.
They Are.
Naomi Waiten = A Born and Raised Desert girl, Practising Medicine(So she is the party healer)
Tyro: A Strange Young boy from the big city of Burcane, He keeps why he is coming along a secret but you later learn his Alterer Motives(Theif)
Reeta More: A Young Girl Found in an half burnt Shack. She dosnt Talk much but her reasons for comming are revenge. (She was Raped, Mulitple times & her sister Kidnapped Later Killed)(Battle Mage)
The MC Name is Skyle(More or less the Warrior)
Because he HAS Amnesia He is Unsure on how to act.
But at first Nervous but Willing.
Then he comes into his own With is own Personality
(which i am still developing)
He Wants to go on it, mainly just to find out WHO he is.
The Idea With the Thugs, I never actually Thought about the back stabbing thing that could really add a certain...Taste?...to the game. Do you mind if i work of that??
and dont worry I am working on my story & plot.
Bit by bit.
tpasmall
228
There is a great guide here to help with character development:
http://blog.hexagonstar.com/rpg-design-character-development/
http://blog.hexagonstar.com/rpg-design-character-development/
I don't mind if you use that idea for your thugs. I was just throwing random ideas out there.
Mage Girl - Be very, very careful on how you handle her back story. The issues it deals with are serious and if you don't handle it correctly people may get offended. It's best to just hint at her rape than just say it straight out.
Mage Girl - Be very, very careful on how you handle her back story. The issues it deals with are serious and if you don't handle it correctly people may get offended. It's best to just hint at her rape than just say it straight out.
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
Liberty, he's just including a character who had something tragic happen in her past.
Airxzen, I'm pretty sure asking for advice about your story and then refusing to give spoilers defeats the entire purpose. You really ought to share the spoilers if you want any meaningful advice, since I have yet to engage in a work of fiction where the plot twists don't have a substantial effect on how I feel about the plot. If it makes you feel any better about spoiling me, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to play the game anyway either way.
Airxzen, I'm pretty sure asking for advice about your story and then refusing to give spoilers defeats the entire purpose. You really ought to share the spoilers if you want any meaningful advice, since I have yet to engage in a work of fiction where the plot twists don't have a substantial effect on how I feel about the plot. If it makes you feel any better about spoiling me, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to play the game anyway either way.
Airxzen
0
Okay. Thanks Liberty.
And as Mage girl(Still working on IF she is gunna be a mage)
Bio suggested, She dosnt talk much. She will only ever hint or refuse
to talk about it.
well, the CH gives Immortality to the person who has the power to find it.
OR the person who KILLS the person who has the power to find it.
and its kinda depressing knowing that someone just isnt gunna play your game
But oh well.
And This game is different to other, Collect the crystal(s) The CH is not as it seems.
To me, it seems pointless telling everyone what happens in the game then there is no point in playing the game, your not gunna get the normal reaction you may get from playing the game for the first time. like DOOM for instance. If you knew exactly when the enemies are gunna pop out from before you played it for the first time, Your not gunna get much out of a scare out of it are you. No. Not really.
so yeah. You see my point.
Same Goes with movies.
You know when something is gunna happen be it Funny or scary, your not gunna laugh or even jump at that bit because you knew it was coming.
p.s im not suggesting that people should stop watching movies after the first time. Its only an example.
And as Mage girl(Still working on IF she is gunna be a mage)
Bio suggested, She dosnt talk much. She will only ever hint or refuse
to talk about it.
well, the CH gives Immortality to the person who has the power to find it.
OR the person who KILLS the person who has the power to find it.
and its kinda depressing knowing that someone just isnt gunna play your game
But oh well.
And This game is different to other, Collect the crystal(s) The CH is not as it seems.
To me, it seems pointless telling everyone what happens in the game then there is no point in playing the game, your not gunna get the normal reaction you may get from playing the game for the first time. like DOOM for instance. If you knew exactly when the enemies are gunna pop out from before you played it for the first time, Your not gunna get much out of a scare out of it are you. No. Not really.
so yeah. You see my point.
Same Goes with movies.
You know when something is gunna happen be it Funny or scary, your not gunna laugh or even jump at that bit because you knew it was coming.
p.s im not suggesting that people should stop watching movies after the first time. Its only an example.
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
author=Airxzen
To me, it seems pointless telling everyone what happens in the game
You started a thread asking for advice about your story.
And then refused to tell us the story.
And then said you saw no point in telling anyone what happens in the story.
I am sorry, you have lost all speaking priveledges. You will be voted off the island at the earliest convenience.
Airxzen
0
Were on an Island?
ALSO
i dont see where i said that i refused to tell you.
I simply said it seems pointless.
So here is more on the CH.
The Crystal Heart:
In legands, The Cyrstal Heart is a small crystal that gives Immortallity to someone if they find it & absorb its power.
The Crystal Choose's someone to give its power to, it choose's the most suitable person, but will change if it
finds a better person, such as a person who kills the Owner of the power. If that person dies before he/she finds the CH, the CH finds another person.
But in actual fact.
Inside of the crystal lays a Demon, Called Crystiria, Thousands of years
ago, she was once worshipped by hundreds of Cultist Call "Shards", Every Year the Selected "Shard" would be a sarifice to her so that she could keep on living in her Demon form, Without the sacrifice she would turn into a crystal. Thats what the cultist's believed. She Never needed the sacrifice every year, Only when her demon form was too badly injured, she used the sacrifice the to keep the "shards" from stop worshipping her), It wasnt in till she went on a rampage of murderous killings that she really needed a sacrifice. During her rampage She killed EVERY single one of her Followers. Apart from the one who Stabbed her in the back of the head with a sword, Her demon form died, turning her back into the crystal, The man that killed her Sealed of the Cultist cave entrance and then Killed himself for unknown reasons.(To me & now you)
ALSO
i dont see where i said that i refused to tell you.
I simply said it seems pointless.
So here is more on the CH.
The Crystal Heart:
In legands, The Cyrstal Heart is a small crystal that gives Immortallity to someone if they find it & absorb its power.
The Crystal Choose's someone to give its power to, it choose's the most suitable person, but will change if it
finds a better person, such as a person who kills the Owner of the power. If that person dies before he/she finds the CH, the CH finds another person.
But in actual fact.
Inside of the crystal lays a Demon, Called Crystiria, Thousands of years
ago, she was once worshipped by hundreds of Cultist Call "Shards", Every Year the Selected "Shard" would be a sarifice to her so that she could keep on living in her Demon form, Without the sacrifice she would turn into a crystal. Thats what the cultist's believed. She Never needed the sacrifice every year, Only when her demon form was too badly injured, she used the sacrifice the to keep the "shards" from stop worshipping her), It wasnt in till she went on a rampage of murderous killings that she really needed a sacrifice. During her rampage She killed EVERY single one of her Followers. Apart from the one who Stabbed her in the back of the head with a sword, Her demon form died, turning her back into the crystal, The man that killed her Sealed of the Cultist cave entrance and then Killed himself for unknown reasons.(To me & now you)
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
We've always been on the island. The island is all there is. Beyond the island there is nothing. And at the heart of the island is a golden light. That light is the source of everything. If the light goes out there, it goes out everywhere. You must always protect it, Jacob. As I did before you.
Drink this. Now we are the same.
4 8 15 16 23 42
Drink this. Now we are the same.
4 8 15 16 23 42
LockeZ
I'd really like to get rid of LockeZ. His play style is way too unpredictable. He's always like this too. If he ran a country, he'd just kill and imprison people at random until crime stopped.
5958
Well you didn't seem to recognize the original "vote you off the island" reference, which was from Survivor, so I figured I'd confuse things even further by muddling multiple island-based references together. But yeah, that was paraphrased from Lost.
The backstory sounds fairly interesting. I hope the villain gets some characterization beyond "lying demon who stole people's lives and went on a murderous rampage" because she actually sounds pretty interesting. I like that her main reason for manipulating the cultists was just that she liked being worshipped. I've seen villains with a lot of different motivations, but "attention whore" is a pretty uncommon one and I actually like it a lot. It's not something you typically expect even a crazed demon to kill hundreds of people over, so it makes her stand out in my mind among all these games with dry villains that have no personalities.
It sounds like the demon's mere existance is a secret at first, though. How late in the game do you plan to introduce her as a character? Aside from just being an interesting character, I think it's important to set up the game's main villain pretty early to make the reader care about the game's conflict. You don't want to end up with something like FF4 where you never even hear the main villain's name until the last 10% of the game and the two of you never meet until the final battle, because then people just don't really care about the villain. You may consider having the demon repeatedly speak to the main character in dreams, or even telepathically communicate with him while he's awake, so that when she's revealed to be a demon and not just the "voice of the crystal heart" the player is more connected to the plot twist and immediately cares about the villain.
...@Max, I think it's funny that out of the 150+ typos he's made in this topic, you chose to point out the one that was just a matter of him leaving out punctuation for the sake of typing speed.
The backstory sounds fairly interesting. I hope the villain gets some characterization beyond "lying demon who stole people's lives and went on a murderous rampage" because she actually sounds pretty interesting. I like that her main reason for manipulating the cultists was just that she liked being worshipped. I've seen villains with a lot of different motivations, but "attention whore" is a pretty uncommon one and I actually like it a lot. It's not something you typically expect even a crazed demon to kill hundreds of people over, so it makes her stand out in my mind among all these games with dry villains that have no personalities.
It sounds like the demon's mere existance is a secret at first, though. How late in the game do you plan to introduce her as a character? Aside from just being an interesting character, I think it's important to set up the game's main villain pretty early to make the reader care about the game's conflict. You don't want to end up with something like FF4 where you never even hear the main villain's name until the last 10% of the game and the two of you never meet until the final battle, because then people just don't really care about the villain. You may consider having the demon repeatedly speak to the main character in dreams, or even telepathically communicate with him while he's awake, so that when she's revealed to be a demon and not just the "voice of the crystal heart" the player is more connected to the plot twist and immediately cares about the villain.
...@Max, I think it's funny that out of the 150+ typos he's made in this topic, you chose to point out the one that was just a matter of him leaving out punctuation for the sake of typing speed.
