The Painted Knight

The rap no one asked for, to the sequel no one asked for! Whipped this up as a spur-of-the-moment idea. Inspired by MandoPony's "Inside of Me" song for Starfox 64, and a Fallout 3 rap by JT Music, this song is a retelling of the game through Tawny's point of view. Spoilers are abound if you've not finished this game yet!

author=The Painted Knight Rap, by AtiyaTheSeeker
A lot changes in a year it would seem
That first quest we survived would thus redeem
Our rank, our file, our identity
To put it simply, and with brevity:
Was once a dancer with a knack for knives
A cleric now, my holy help saves lives
Big man took it hard when that warlock croaked
City soldier with a sword, no more warlock jokes
My girl found a calling with the secret arts
Doubled down, took elemental magic to heart
Why wouldn’t I hire those loveable bastards
To come with me to this artist’s pad, a total dastard
How the hell’d he learn to paint like a Renaissance master
Out of nowhere he gained skills faster and faster
So when I saw his last painting doing the wave
We wound up in another quest, time to be brave

Wall of fire blocked our way out from this plane
What do you mean you can’t get rid of it? What a pain!
We stroll through the painted castle’s open foyer
Place looks good, nice gig; ayet nd to our horror
We found the crooked painter, stone cold on the rug
Long dead, no traces of what ended the bub
He was chased by this demon into his pocket realm
Only way out is to bash him in his big-ass helm
Did the painter sell his soul to this fiend, who knows
Doesn’t matter, we’re here; cut a swath through the foe
Break the skeletal guard to the painting’s depths
Interior design onward, one can save their breath
Don’t know who got lazier, the painter or Atiya
Whoever that is, back on track to our fight
Kicked the asses of the crew of the Painted Knight

One by one, rats imp and ghouls dropped dead
Haunted armor blocking hall, underfoot did we tread
Made our way to a sanctuary where demons don’t dwell
Maybe Bartleby the painter knew that the forces of hell
Were ready to collect, so he whipped up a sword
Couldn’t grab it, but its power left our warrior floored
Little foreshadowing, now we’re back in the mix
Stumbling through a dark’ning dungeon, what a half-assed trick
You think we’d ever stop, even bumping into walls?
Wasting you our only home ticket, we wouldn’t fall
Ladder down to the basement, carved out of the stone
My girl thinks that she could hear the painter’s ghost give a moan
Nothing down here but a metal chest, time to loot stuff
Big man grabbed my hand; if I touched it I’d snuff
Out our lives by the maw of a mimic I nearly woke
Braced ourselves, gave it hell, left the hungry chest broke
Painter’s ghost in a gem, hey, easy transport
Got the sword, to the foyer, cut this bad joke short

Purple glass floors, like a succubus’s bedroom
Knight towered over us, massive, to spell out our doom
Wouldn’t banter, wouldn’t tell us some villainous plot
With a simple ‘en guarde’, three-on-one, we fought
Went well enough, we made plenty of treats
To help, made from mana of monsters who met their defeat
At our hands, and why would this be anything new?
Painted Knight had his groupies but I’ve got my crew
Cleric-Warrior-Mage, couldn’t ask for more
Gygax, bless his soul, made from his game of war
To the biggest damn roleplaying game long ago
Got distracted; what the hell?! Oh Ranaton no
Our attacks can’t faze this goliath anymore?
I can’t smite him dead; I have basic rotes
Heal, revive, wind blast, elementary prayers
Fire, ice, lightning, even those couldn’t fare
Against a peerless ward; that coward, that dick!
Big man pulled up fast, he had one more trick
Up his sleeve; bloodlet, told him “Come into this”
Deadly blast from his blade, perfect aim, no miss
The Painted Knight crumbled dead, no more
Even wounding himself, big man told him the score
Don’t mess with us, even less screw with him
With the demon deceased, pigment world sooned dimmed

In the bright of the light, we appeared in the home
Of the painter, ghost free, to hereafter would roam
Open and close, but without any answers
The three of us fell back onto our banter
Big man needed healing, and I did oblige
Fancy sword from the sanctuary didn’t survive
But the job was complete, now to hand in the piece
To the temple, and with our pay, time for double meat
The allure of kebabs put a spring in our step
‘Cause my temple would shell out the coin of their debt
No idea if this would be our last quest yet
Two under our belts, I’ve got no regrets
Walking outside to Medit’ranean sun
Painted Knight was vanquished, and the day was won