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Anyone interested in testing my game out?

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It's just an intro; not really enough for a proper demo, but I want to hear some initial feedback before I move on to the next few scenes.

The game is 'Untitled', a visual novel of-sorts, with puzzle elements. It's not horror, trust me. A creatively-titled walking simulator, and an attempt to tell multiple, mostly unrelated stories about multiple, mostly unrelated individuals.

I still have some things to finish on it, so I don't have the dl right now. It should be ready tomorrow, or sunday at the latest.
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
29202
Sure. I can look at it when I get home.
Seems interesting, let's take a look. ^^
Thank you, Piano and Kevin!

I'm still travelling, but I should be back at the dorm by 6pm. That's... erm... 10am gmt? About 4 hours from now.

I'll be putting the zip in my locker. Should I post the link here, or do yiu prefer I pm it to you?
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
29202
Either way is fine. It'll be 4 AM for me when you send it. I'll probably still be awake, but I might not.
Oh, okay then.

But it's fine. I don't really need it immediately.
Here's the link.

I was too tired to put in the two extra scenes I intended to add, so this ended up even shorter than it already was. Total time to go through the whole thing should be no more than 10 minutes.

Let me know what you think, here or via pm (whichever is more convenient) :)
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
29202
There's really not much there. Are you sure it's not horror? O_o One girl desperately trying to find her friend and the other traumatized by recent events, both trapped in a mysterious mansion/castle? Anyway, there's enough to suggest an interesting story. The puzzle looks promising. It's always nice to see a game throw you into gameplay as early as possible.
It... looks like I forgot to reset the starting position. Sorry!
I'm updating the link.

If you could open it, the starting position is supposed to be the map named "SCN: Raeth".

Edit: Done updating.
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
29202
Well, that had a little more meat to it, and it doesn't so much look like a horror RPG, though the elements are certainly there. You take a lot of writing risks. Weaving three different threads together can quickly lead to plot confusion. I recommend that you don't reveal in the very opening that someone (almost certainly Lehane) is dead. The twins are a bit confusing. Are they sisters or alter egos of one person? I liked the scene on the ship. It helped to establish three characters without giving anything away.

Do you have any questions for me?
About the twins, it's kind of a spoiler.
Maruo isn't 'right in the head'. But while her sister may be a delusion, she is certainly real enough to kill people.


I do have a few questions:

* It wasn't supposed to be Lehane. What made you think it was Lehane? Any hints implying it that I might have missed myself?

* I was considering giving the player a choice after the ship scene, to choose which story they want to follow (which greatly boosts the game's consistency, at the expense of locking out the player from the other stories for a considerable time). It's either I let the player choose a path, and they have to stick with it until the end, or chop stories up to "episodes", and allow the player to jump to any of stories anytime after an "episode" is completed.he game's consistency, at the expense of locking out the player from the other stories for a considerable time). What do you think is better? Should I leave it as it is now (with its constant inter-story jumping)?

* A bit random, but how do you pronounce 'Lehane'? Just curious...
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
29202
karins_soulkeeper
* It wasn't supposed to be Lehane. What made you think it was Lehane? Any hints implying it that I might have missed myself?



Whoever Raeth is lamenting is clearly important to him. Next seems to be a flashback in which he is walking with Lehane. I could be mistaken about it being a flashback. It had that air. To me, it looked like the story was beginning with Raeth as sort of a narrator, and the flashback is the game. Next we see Leanne clearly in danger, searching for Raeth. The dialogue is consistent with this as well, as we see Raeth at the headstone telling whomever he's lamenting that s/he should have listened to him and saved herself, and then we have the scene where he's basically telling Lehane the same thing as he seems to fade away.


* I was considering giving the player a choice after the ship scene, to choose which story they want to follow (which greatly boosts the game's consistency, at the expense of locking out the player from the other stories for a considerable time). It's either I let the player choose a path, and they have to stick with it until the end, or chop stories up to "episodes", and allow the player to jump to any of stories anytime after an "episode" is completed.he game's consistency, at the expense of locking out the player from the other stories for a considerable time). What do you think is better? Should I leave it as it is now (with its constant inter-story jumping)?


Personally, I would give the player the choice because it would add to the game's replayability, but ultimately, I think you should probably present these options as a demo for play testers to see which method works better.

* A bit random, but how do you pronounce 'Lehane'? Just curious...


I pronounce it "Lee Anne".
Thank you, really, pianotm. This has all been of great help to me.

author=pianotm

Whoever Raeth is lamenting is clearly important to him. Next seems to be a flashback in which he is walking with Lehane. I could be mistaken about it being a flashback. It had that air. To me, it looked like the story was beginning with Raeth as sort of a narrator, and the flashback is the game. Next we see Leanne clearly in danger, searching for Raeth. The dialogue is consistent with this as well, as we see Raeth at the headstone telling whomever he's lamenting that s/he should have listened to him and saved herself, and then we have the scene where he's basically telling Lehane the same thing as he seems to fade away.
I did not see this connection at all. Damn.
I could re-write the story so it fits this connection. Or bend it a bit so it would seem like it does. I'll... get back to the drawing board.

Personally, I would give the player the choice because it would add to the game's replayability, but ultimately, I think you should probably present these options as a demo for play testers to see which method works better.
Seems good. It'll be some time before I could strap together a proper demo, though.

author=pianotm
* A bit random, but how do you pronounce 'Lehane'? Just curious...
I pronounce it "Lee Anne".
Ah, like how I intended then.
I asked because I've heard quite a lot of different pronunciations from my sister and my cousin. Things like "Le Hayn", "Leen(ee)", "Lan", and the sort.

Edit: Formatting
I'm late :s

Well, I don't have much to add over what Piano already said, but yup also took it as a flashback of some sort(And Lehane for dead) when the scene on the pit came, that part has some serious spiritual zone ambience.

I've got sort of confused by the twins too, I've thought Maruo had transformed, or had a awakening of some sort, and got lost of who were rescuing who when they talk at the cell. Would make sense on a alter ego scenario though.
(Didn't read the spoiler tag on them yet)

What's the "S" key for? :p

If there are any more questions left throw them up x3
The S key's for opening the item menu :)

https://rpgmaker.net/media/content/users/46909/locker/itemitemitemitemitemitemitemitemitemitemitemitemitemitemitemitemitemitemitemitem.png


Just one question: Should I further differentiate the twins? I could change how one of them speaks. Or maybe even both of them. Make it easier to distinguish which is which. Maruo (the saved) is supposed to be the meek, kind, emotional type, while Morue (the saviour) is supposed to be the old-fashioned, detached, rational type who only really cares about her sister.
pianotm
The TM is for Totally Magical.
29202
Actually, I'm not so sure if differentiating the twins is such a good idea. All I really think you should do is instead of having the twin appear, have her always there, but nobody acknowledges her. That's the only change I think you should make. Beyond that, leave them as they are. Don't give such obvious clues that the one twin is a delusion. Make it seem like they're both real. It'll not only eliminate a great deal of confusion, but it's fuel for a plot twist.
I see.
That's simple enough to do. I'll make her hide in a crevice somewhere, then pop up out of that instead :)

Thank you!
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