DUNGEONS AND DRAG-QUEENS 2 - ULTRAMATE

A return to the wacky world of Drag.

  • Dudesoft
  • 05/07/2012 05:34 AM
  • 1568 views
This game is being played currently by Despite.

Drag-Master (DM) is played by Dudesoft
Ultramate (U) is played by Despite

Level 5 Bambi (EXP: )
Ultramate
Sex: Male (big penis)
Preferred Weapons: LONGsword
Race: Elkman
Stats:

HP: ||||| ||||| |||||
MP: ||||| ||||| |||||

Inventory:

1 Iron LONGsword (It's very long. 1 ATK)
1 Crabshell Shield (+1 DEF)
Fine Tailored Suit (+5 Style)
5 Bottles of Oil
90 Gold

Skills:
Compassion: (NPCs will agree to your terms.) Passive Ability
Magic Missiles: MP Cost: 2 (Roll for damage) Cool-Down 4 Turns
Magic Semen Bath: (You can cover yourself in your own semen to cure poison.) Limited to 3 times per day
Volcanic Jetstream Piss: MP Cost: 4 (User pisses out a highly concentrated stream of highly burning piss. It's like a laser, except it's lava. Roll for damage +2 ATK) Cool-Down 4 Turns
Elk Spirit: (Understand the direction of nearby towns, at least 1 days travel away) Passive Ability


-------------------------------

The setting is a quazi-slapstick medieval fantasy world. Anything mythical or fantastical exists in its place. You will be in the north-eastern shore of Essenogglefruit. A country west of Rumpturnip, South of Frankfoil, and north-west of Ferngullythemovie, home of the elves...

The port of Yulkespltown is busy, and there are galleons lining the docks. The dockmaster approaches you, as you come off your own ship. "I'm terribly sorry, sir, but there is an embargo in place. You'll have to stay docked for a few days."

U-
punch him in the face

DM-
(roll 5) Your fist drives directly into his skull, as if he were a mushy jack-o-lantern. +1 EXP
You are now level 2
you can pick a new skill
Also, I'm adding that you have the passive ability (always active) of "Compassion" which makes NPCs agree with you.


U-
i want to learn magic missiles

DM-
Magic Missiles cost 2 MP and take 4 turns until you can use them again. They'll be roll for damage.
the world is your oyster. You can follow the trail to town, go on your ship, look around, punch some more NPCs, find a tavern and get crunk, look for stuff, whatever

U-
i must look for my missing daughter, i go to the local whorehouse

DM-
You travel up the path into Yulkespltown, there you find many shops and taverns and inns. One such fine establishment is Mary Spreadeagle's House of Debotchery
You currently wear a fine tailored suit (+5 Style) and carry an iron LONGsword (it's very long. +1 ATK)

U-
i need money to buy hookers and booze, i look for quest givers

DM-
You find Mary Spreadeagle inside. She is looking annoyed and smoking a cigar with her bodice undone. She eyes you up. "Hey you! You look like a strong man with a big penis. Care to make a few bucks the hard way?"


U-
yes, please tell me more

DM-
"Yeah, so there's this old lady on the edge of town. See. Her old boy is dead, and she is mighty lonely. Head on up there and I'll toss you some gold."

U-
with a mighty thrust i i zip to the edge of town to confront this lady in a sexual duel

DM-
The old lady greets you with a wrinkly old grin. She asks if you will please bring in some wood from around back.

U-
i got your wood right here, I unzip my pants to reveal my enormous penis

DM-
The old woman adjusts her half-moon glasses, and lets you inside. "That will do nicely."

U-
punch her in the face

DM-
You fail to punch her in the face (Roll2), but thankfully she doesn't notice and thinks you are trying to hug her. She amiably hugs you back, a little too tenderly.

U-
i attempt to thrust my big titanic sized schlong inside of her

DM-
You succeed, despite the fact she's fully dressed. It's just that powerful a thrust! The old woman is instantly pleased, and falls asleep in your arms. Mission Accomplished! +1 EXP

U-
i bravely go back to lady whatsherface to report the good news

DM-
Mary Spreadeagle awaits your return.
She gives you 15 Gold and puffs her cigar

U-
i spend 15 on booze and hookers

DM-
Alright. After you are sexually gratified, you gain +10 Drunk and have the time of your life. It is truly a night to remember. Except... You can't remember it. The next day, you wake up in the middle of an oasis. The past night a blur.

U-
i look around

DM-
You are in an oasis. There is a pond of water, a couple palm trees, and some rough-looking bushes. Outside of that there is a vast desert.

U-
I thrust my big penis into the ground in hopes of finding oil to sell

DM-
Oil! By george, you struck liquid gold! The black stuff spurts out of the ground. Good thing you somehow managed to keep all your booze bottles with you! (They're empty)

U-
I fill up the bottles and try to peddle them in a nearby town- that is if i could find one

DM-
Which direction do you head?

U-
I head north, guided by the stars of my elk ancestors

DM-
To the north, you find the edge of the desert. There is an old, dead tree here. Nearby a bandit lays dead with a hole through his chest.

U-
Attempt to thrust penis into hole

DM-
You succeed, to much a squelching success. It achieves nothing, as the bandit is dead. However, in a disturbing twist, you orgasm and are now sleepy.

U-
I sleep using the dead bandit as a blanket

DM-
The night is uneventful. When you wake up you find a vulture pecking at the dead corpse blanket/jizz rag.

U-
Punch the bird in the face

DM-
You miss, and the bird flies away.
It is morning now, and you must eat.

U-
Eat the dead bandit

DM-
The undead flesh is delicious from toasting in the hot sun for two days. You are full, and now a cannibal. Your soul is tainted. Around you is a harsh grassland. To the west, a desert, to the south, a desert, to the north, more field, to the east, mountains.

U-
I travel to the mountains

DM-
As you get to the mountains, you notice the ocean is not far away. Tucked away behind the mountains is a pyramid, and along the coast to the south seems to be a temple of some type.
for your sanity sake, you knocked off about 1/3 of his health

U-
Go to pyramid

DM-
You find yourself in front of the pyramid, looking up. You find a few bricks missing from the south side...

U-
Jump into the hole created by the missing bricks

DM-
You hear the sound of some fat plumper entering a green tube and emerge inside a hallway covered in strange paintings of people doing things to one another. The hallway leads sloping down in one direction. The slope is so great you end up sliding. At the bottom, you are in a new hallway with three exits.

U-
I go right, in the direction of a noise

DM-
The noise turns out to be a bandit!

U-
I thrust my LONGsword in the direction of his neck

DM-
Your LONGsword misses and is stuck in the wall. The bandit helps you free it and lights a torch. He suspects you are a strong well endowed man, and tells you to follow him. There is treasure near.

U-
I follow him but ready my penis just in case

DM-
The man is speaking in a foreign language to you. You came aboard a ship from the northern province, Frankfoil. However, his unique blend of hand gestures and pelvic thrusts allow you to communicate well enough. The man leads you to a small room with no exit. He begins reading the wall pictures as if they were a language.

U-
I find a lever and pull it

DM-
>_> There is no lever.

U-
I get angry and demand the bandit do something

DM-
The bandit begins pelvic thrusting at the wall and yelling jibberish at you. However after the long, stupid yelling match of two cultures, the Bandit finally presses a certain symbol into the wall and one of the other walls swings open like a door. True pyramid fashion, the door squashes the bandit like a bug, and he drops his torch. +1 EXP for the Pyramid.

U-
I pick up the torch and head into the new pathway

DM-
The pathway is another slopping ordeal. Not as sloped as before and you can walk. About halfway down the pathway you find a crossroad, except this one is another pathway leading upwards that is seemingly built above the pathway continuing downwards. It is hard to reach.

U-
I use my penis to pole vault up to the hard to reach area

DM-
Your rock hard erection seems sufficient to reach the new area!
(but only just)

U-
I keep walking

DM-
The next room you find has three levers.

U-
I pull the middle one

DM-
The middle one opens a trapdoor beneath the 2nd lever.

U-
I jump into the trapdoor

DM-
In the bottom you find a room full of snakes. There are 5 of them, each with 3 HP and a 1-6 chance of poisoning you.

U-
I attach my LONGsword to the end of my penis to mantain a big distance between myself and the snakes, i start swinging and thrusting violently at the snakes

DM-
The snakes are at bay for the moment, and the wobbling length of your two weapons combined ends up killing one of them.

U-
I make an attempt to penis vault over the snakes

DM-
You skewer one, and are on the other side. Two snakes dead, but they attack. Collectively, they hit you for 2 and you are poisoned. 1 damage per turn.

U-
I attempt to rape the snakes to death

DM-
Your sword falls off your penis, happening to cut a snake in half by mistake. The other one is murdered by your long hard shaft being too big for it to swallow. The other attacks you, but misses. You take 1 damage from the poison. You have 2 HP left.

U-
I spray my magical semen on me which cures all poison

DM-
(Roll 4) Apparently you have a skill you can use 3 times a day that cures you of poison.
You are cured.

U-
I call it magic semen bath.
In a fit of blind rage i now attempt to pierce the last snakes skull with my penis

DM-
The final snake dies a bittersweet death.
+5 EXP
Level 4 with 1 exp left over
so that's 5 HP/MP increase, and you can make one more skill

U-
Volcanic Jetstream Piss
I piss out a highly concentrated stream of highly burning piss
Like a laser
But its lava

DM-
4 MP cost, Roll for Damage +2ATK and 4 turn cooldown
you find the chamber of snakes has four exits.

U-
I take the second

DM-
You find the resting place of a mummy. There are riches here beyond your wildest dreams.

U-
i stuff my pockets and anus full with as much gold as i can carry

DM-
You gain 90 Gold!
The Mummy awakens however, and emerges from the tomb.
Mummy has 10 HP and can hit for +2 atk. Weakness: Fire

U-
i use volcanic jetstream piss

DM-
Your burning lava piss rips right through the mummy. 12 HP causes the undead to die in an ...er undie... explode into flaming dust.

U-
i take the loot and run

DM-
+1 EXP btw. You feel the pyramid crumbling behind you. A section of the roof collapses, revealing a room above. It is possible to reach via the rubble.

U-
i climb with all my might

DM-
Let's skip this. You find the room above leads to the hall where you entered in the first place. In no time, you are free, and in the world again.
I like that you have like 40 gold up your ass

U-
i try and find signs of a nearby town

DM-
There are no signs, and in fact, no town nearby you. (Your elk spirit tells you this.)
+1 Skill Elk Spirit: (Understand the direction of nearby towns, at least 1 days travel away) Passive Ability
You camp for the night, as it is getting late. In the morning, you find yourself hungry and still a long way from town. HP/MP Restored! Magic Semen Bath Replenished!

U-
i head east, guided by the stars of my ancestors

DM-
To the east, you find the coast. The sea goes as far as you can see.

U-
i search for something i may use as a makeshift flotation device

DM-
You find a long piece of drift wood, but the tide is crashing against the rocks. You cannot go this way.

U-
i search along the beach for signs of life

DM-
You spot a large crab, but that's about it. To the south, you spot a temple.

U-
punch crab in the face

DM-
The crab is twice your size. When I say large, I mean LARGE! Crab HP: ||||| ||||| ||| +1 ATK! You get pre-emptive strike! -5 HP!
Crab HP: ||||| |||

U-
i swing my LONGsword

DM-
-3 Damage, the Crab attacks with his crabby legs, they stomp and shit. -3 HP to you! CRAB HP: |||||

U-
fuck that shit, i thrust my mighty penis at its crabby anus

DM-
Poor Crab, takes 5 Damage. You got a Deep Penetration modifier! Crab becomes a crabcake on your manmeat. +1 EXP, and you gain +1 Crabshell Shield (1 DEF)

U-
i equip crabshield and take a nap on the beach because i am tired

DM-
all that crabsex huh

U-
its tiring

DM-
alright, later that evening you wake up, HP/MP mysteriously restored! It is now nearly sundown.

U-
i head towards the mysterious temple

DM-
the temple has a wooden sign outside it. "Beware: Ghosts!" This is the Temple of Scary Shadows. It looms over you, casting a long, dark shadow.

U-
i grab my long penis and swing it over my shoulder, "bring it on!", i head towards the entrance

DM-
Inside the temple it is very dark to see. There is a lantern nearby, but it is out of oil.

U-
i squirt semen into the latern and try and light it using rocks and shrubbery i find on the ground

DM-
The semen is uneffective, but you had to go pee a little bit and your lava piss lights the lantern.

U-
i head deeper into the temple

DM-
The first area was just a square room with some pots. You find the next room to be strange. There is a door locked with an iron slab, and two empty oil lamp posts. It's a puzzle. You can use skills or items to solve it.both oil lamps are on either ends of the room

U-
i spin around like a top and use volcanic jetstream piss to try and light both lamps at the same time

DM-
haha, not what I had in mind, but it works. +1 EXP, and the door opens. You are now a Level 5 Bambi! Gain 5 HP/MP
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QFhnNXTynY

U-
with a mighty thrust i proceed through the door

DM-
Alright... In the next room you find a stairwell downwards. Here, the temple lights up. There are torches lit everywhere when you accidentially step on a pressure plate. The stairwell leads down into a long corridor. The corridor goes well beyond a single door, but there is only one exit, thus we head into the next chamber. Here you find an open door to the south, and a locked door to the north (you will need a key). There is a ghost wandering around looking for Pac Man and not currently attacking you.

U-
i shape my penis into pac man and confront the ghost

DM-
Ghost HP: ||||| ||||| +4 ATK, you have initive

U-
i try talking to the ghost
"why are you still wandering in the afterlife?"

DM-
The ghost replies, "I have lost my lover, Pinky, to the great yellow Pac. OooooOOoooo.... It irks me so. I cannot pass on...."

U-
i try to reason with this ungodly creature "how may I help you find peace?"

DM-
"There is no peace for me, I must live on, and catch the Pac," the ghost wails

U-
fuck that emo shit, aim penis at the ghosts anus
mighty thrust

DM-
This time, the mighty thrust fails, as your penis goes into the underskirt of the ghost, you are filled with a great chill... Sending shivers down your spine and through your Elk Spirit. The ghost however, seems amused. "Why do you poke things with your penis, Elk?"

U-
i recoild in great terror and confusion, "why does your anus not receive mine poke upon thou?"

DM-
Now, with much a slur, the ghost replies (while limp-wristedly shooing you on) "Oh puh-leassse. As if I'd go with an Elk! Ahoo hoo hoo hoo!" the ghost floats around you and eyes you up. "Shay big boy, you sure have spirit. Elk spirit even, let's say you help me get that Pac Man. I could use an extra pair of hands~ What's this? Oh, I don't have hands at all? Ahoo hoo hoo hoo!" The ghost levels with you. "Let's go together, shall we? My name's...."

U-

Posts

Pages: 1
Despite
When the going gets tough, go fuck yourself.
1340
this is the best drag game.
Pages: 1