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KINDA SERIOUS TOPIC; HOW WELL DO YOU GUYS/GALS GET ALONG WITH YOUR DADS?
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CloseThis is actually a really interesting topic.
My parents divorced when I was about 7. Honestly I can't remember too much of the situation. I also didn't know the magnitude of what was happening. My dad willingly gave my mom primary custody of me and my two siblings. He eventually moved back north to Utah, as we were living down in Nevada at the time.
Due to this, I had a pretty distant relationship with my dad for many years. Every summer, I would go and stay at my dad's for a month or so. He's been a workaholic all his life and in that month, we never really had time to bond or anything.
When I turned 15, I decided to move to my father's permanently. After this, my relationship with him grew wonderfully. My dad was a smartass just like myself and we both saw things in the same light. The years after that have been great with him. We bonded in ways that we had both missed due to the divorce and distance.
My dad now lives back down in southern Utah. He comes up here all the time and stays with me every time. We go out to the movies, eat dinner, talk about anything. He isn't so much a fatherly figure anymore, as I have since grown out of the need for one. Now, he is just one of my best friends.
My parents divorced when I was about 7. Honestly I can't remember too much of the situation. I also didn't know the magnitude of what was happening. My dad willingly gave my mom primary custody of me and my two siblings. He eventually moved back north to Utah, as we were living down in Nevada at the time.
Due to this, I had a pretty distant relationship with my dad for many years. Every summer, I would go and stay at my dad's for a month or so. He's been a workaholic all his life and in that month, we never really had time to bond or anything.
When I turned 15, I decided to move to my father's permanently. After this, my relationship with him grew wonderfully. My dad was a smartass just like myself and we both saw things in the same light. The years after that have been great with him. We bonded in ways that we had both missed due to the divorce and distance.
My dad now lives back down in southern Utah. He comes up here all the time and stays with me every time. We go out to the movies, eat dinner, talk about anything. He isn't so much a fatherly figure anymore, as I have since grown out of the need for one. Now, he is just one of my best friends.
Family are just a bunch of humans you happen to share a bit of genetic material with, so it's kind of illogical to expect subatomic factors to cause you to be well suited for love, friendship, or even acquaintanceship with them. Like, it's not as if you chose to interact with those people based on a careful consideration of interpersonal dynamics, it is just sort of random chance that you deal with them at all. So unless you are the sort of person who gets on well with everyone chances are low the humans who happened to be your "family" will be people who are well suited for close personal relationships with you. For this reason I don't understand why people set so much store by relationships with their parents or siblings. I think it's the lingering remnants of some ancient tribal mentality, but really there is no logical reason to consider a poor relationship with one's father or any other genetically related human being cause for distress. Yet some people will harbor all sorts of neuroses for their entire lifetimes on the pretense of "did not get on well with my X". It seems like a waste to worry about it that much! Anyway that is just... how I see it. ^^
ps i was actually orphaned
ps i was actually orphaned
AznChipmunk
4613
post=104753post=104726Not mine they're Asian
Jeez, are everyone's parents divorced?
post=104844What brought about this decision?
When I turned 15, I decided to move to my father's permanently.
Canuck
0
post=104845
Family are just a bunch of humans you happen to share a bit of genetic material with, so it's kind of illogical to expect subatomic factors to cause you to be well suited for love, friendship, or even acquaintanceship with them. Like, it's not as if you chose to interact with those people based on a careful consideration of interpersonal dynamics, it is just sort of random chance that you deal with them at all. So unless you are the sort of person who gets on well with everyone chances are low the humans who happened to be your "family" will be people who are well suited for close personal relationships with you. For this reason I don't understand why people set so much store by relationships with their parents or siblings. I think it's the lingering remnants of some ancient tribal mentality, but really there is no logical reason to consider a poor relationship with one's father or any other genetically related human being cause for distress. Yet some people will harbor all sorts of neuroses for their entire lifetimes on the pretense of "did not get on well with my X". It seems like a waste to worry about it that much! Anyway that is just... how I see it. ^^
ps i was actually orphaned
You're joking, right? I just don't get the joke.
No I am not joking it is a pretty simple and logical philosophy regarding the concept of "family". I will understand if nobody gets it though.
Neok
3602
No, I think that's a very logical point of view. It's a sentiment that I find I share sometimes.
That said, this topic reminds me of something that happened to Will Smith:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hu_UpcRBnF0
I don't talk much with my dad. But that's cause we don't really speak the same language. He's pretty chill.
That said, this topic reminds me of something that happened to Will Smith:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hu_UpcRBnF0
I don't talk much with my dad. But that's cause we don't really speak the same language. He's pretty chill.
post=104846post=104753post=104726Not mine they're Asian
Jeez, are everyone's parents divorced?
post=104860
No I am not joking
Am I a terrible person if I laughed? At the wall of text part of the post, I mean.
AznChipmunk
4613
post=104863
I don't talk much with my dad. But that's cause we don't really speak the same language.
post=104845
Family are just a bunch of humans you happen to share a bit of genetic material with, so it's kind of illogical to expect subatomic factors to cause you to be well suited for love, friendship, or even acquaintanceship with them. Like, it's not as if you chose to interact with those people based on a careful consideration of interpersonal dynamics, it is just sort of random chance that you deal with them at all. So unless you are the sort of person who gets on well with everyone chances are low the humans who happened to be your "family" will be people who are well suited for close personal relationships with you. For this reason I don't understand why people set so much store by relationships with their parents or siblings. I think it's the lingering remnants of some ancient tribal mentality, but really there is no logical reason to consider a poor relationship with one's father or any other genetically related human being cause for distress. Yet some people will harbor all sorts of neuroses for their entire lifetimes on the pretense of "did not get on well with my X". It seems like a waste to worry about it that much! Anyway that is just... how I see it. ^^
ps i was actually orphaned
I get what you're saying but you can trivialize anything meaningful in life in this method so it doesn't really mean anything in perspective.
Also there are a lot of psychological aspects in familial bonds that completely deconstruct everything you just said, so...
EDIT: also sociological aspects
EDIT EDIT: what the hell ciel the more i think about it the sillier your post becomes
As an aside, it's interesting that those of us without strong father figures basically had to 'figure out' and 'teach ourselves' what it means to be a man, or more simply, just simple male stuff. Growing up, I had to 'figure out' and 'teach myself' how to do things like tie a tie, play sports, handle girls, etc without the presence of a strong male figure. Granted, none of that was ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT, because well, I was going to learn how to do that stuff one way or the other, lack of a father figure be damned, but still, I believe that a father is 'supposed' to assist their children, and specifically, their son, in that sort of thing.
Sometimes I wonder how much I'm 'missing' and whether or not I'll be a good father figure someday. Granted, I don't plan on having kids for quite a while, but sometimes when I wonder this aloud to myself in front of close friends, they assure me that I'd be a good dad. That makes me feel better.
Funny/interesting/irreverent side story; actually, it was my mother who first taught me how to fight, or simply how to defend myself. I was scrawny as a kid, and I remember coming home to tell my mom that I was being bullied. My mother was well aware that despite the best efforts of peacekeeping by myself/teachers/whoever that sometimes this sort of thing comes to blows, she was pretty determined to not let me get my ass kicked. "Just because your dad is AWOL doesn't mean I'M GOING TO LET MY OLDEST SON GET HIS ASS KICKED" Immediately after this she got into this fighting stance and insisted on showing 'me some moves'.
Even as a nine year old I found it pretty humorous that my mother, of all people was trying to teach me how to fight but that faded quickly as I soon found myself on the floor after my mom threw me several feet away from her over her head. Like, I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with this, but she quite literally did that move from King of Fighters where Geese Howard grabs you and tosses you across the screen. Apparently, this doesn't come from nowhere, according to my aunts and uncles, my mom was quite a scrapper as a kid and was apparently a self defense instructor for a time? Between that and boxing/martial arts a few years later, I didn't have any problems, haha.
Just something that I look back on and laugh at.
Sometimes I wonder how much I'm 'missing' and whether or not I'll be a good father figure someday. Granted, I don't plan on having kids for quite a while, but sometimes when I wonder this aloud to myself in front of close friends, they assure me that I'd be a good dad. That makes me feel better.
Funny/interesting/irreverent side story; actually, it was my mother who first taught me how to fight, or simply how to defend myself. I was scrawny as a kid, and I remember coming home to tell my mom that I was being bullied. My mother was well aware that despite the best efforts of peacekeeping by myself/teachers/whoever that sometimes this sort of thing comes to blows, she was pretty determined to not let me get my ass kicked. "Just because your dad is AWOL doesn't mean I'M GOING TO LET MY OLDEST SON GET HIS ASS KICKED" Immediately after this she got into this fighting stance and insisted on showing 'me some moves'.
Even as a nine year old I found it pretty humorous that my mother, of all people was trying to teach me how to fight but that faded quickly as I soon found myself on the floor after my mom threw me several feet away from her over her head. Like, I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with this, but she quite literally did that move from King of Fighters where Geese Howard grabs you and tosses you across the screen. Apparently, this doesn't come from nowhere, according to my aunts and uncles, my mom was quite a scrapper as a kid and was apparently a self defense instructor for a time? Between that and boxing/martial arts a few years later, I didn't have any problems, haha.
Just something that I look back on and laugh at.
post=104920
but that faded quickly as I soon found myself on the floor after my mom threw me several feet away from her over her head.
I have a very similar memory to this involving my mother. I still think she's an alien to this day. She's very thin and barely over 5 feet tall. All that faded away when I found myself on my ass after she grabbed me by one arm, swung me halfway around her head, and plopped my ass down in the grass.
That's when I learned that size really doesn't matter.
Nightblade
2723
Right now, my father and I get along as well as two strangers would get along. He doesn't act as harsh as he was during my childhood, but this is merely a farce brought upon by guilt.
Often times when I hear him rambling on the phone to one of his imbecile friends, he describes me as "angry". During another occasion; I overheard my mother say to my father "You know, it's your fault he's like that".
No matter how nice he may try to act now, nothing can erase the scars his acts have wrought. I'll never forget being strangled and thrown to the floor for getting a division problem wrong several times, the moment he beat my brother so violently, the shelving in the adjacent room collapsed, the way he used to beat my beagle with a broom stick (after asking several hours before "How can someone beat a dog with a stick?), or that delightful time when I was 6 when he kicked me in the middle of a busy street for screwing up my class photo.
Not that any real change has occurred mind you, from time to time he still blows his gasket and gets pissed off over the dumbest fucking things such as Ice Cream.
If I have any type of father figure at all, that would be my brother; though upon discovering him badmouthing me while I was "sleeping" about a year ago; I don't think I can really trust anyone in this family... Not that he's even the same anymore after he got married.
Often times when I hear him rambling on the phone to one of his imbecile friends, he describes me as "angry". During another occasion; I overheard my mother say to my father "You know, it's your fault he's like that".
No matter how nice he may try to act now, nothing can erase the scars his acts have wrought. I'll never forget being strangled and thrown to the floor for getting a division problem wrong several times, the moment he beat my brother so violently, the shelving in the adjacent room collapsed, the way he used to beat my beagle with a broom stick (after asking several hours before "How can someone beat a dog with a stick?), or that delightful time when I was 6 when he kicked me in the middle of a busy street for screwing up my class photo.
Not that any real change has occurred mind you, from time to time he still blows his gasket and gets pissed off over the dumbest fucking things such as Ice Cream.
If I have any type of father figure at all, that would be my brother; though upon discovering him badmouthing me while I was "sleeping" about a year ago; I don't think I can really trust anyone in this family... Not that he's even the same anymore after he got married.
As a new dad, it is apparent to me that to keep up with past dads I have to:
1) drink more
2) have anger issues
3) be more cold and distant
4) divorce my wife
Good to know that I have a roadmap!
1) drink more
2) have anger issues
3) be more cold and distant
4) divorce my wife
Good to know that I have a roadmap!
post=104845
Family are just a bunch of humans you happen to share a bit of genetic material with, so it's kind of illogical to expect subatomic factors to cause you to be well suited for love, friendship, or even acquaintanceship with them. Like, it's not as if you chose to interact with those people based on a careful consideration of interpersonal dynamics, it is just sort of random chance that you deal with them at all. So unless you are the sort of person who gets on well with everyone chances are low the humans who happened to be your "family" will be people who are well suited for close personal relationships with you. For this reason I don't understand why people set so much store by relationships with their parents or siblings. I think it's the lingering remnants of some ancient tribal mentality, but really there is no logical reason to consider a poor relationship with one's father or any other genetically related human being cause for distress. Yet some people will harbor all sorts of neuroses for their entire lifetimes on the pretense of "did not get on well with my X". It seems like a waste to worry about it that much! Anyway that is just... how I see it. ^^
ps i was actually orphaned
nature vs nurture baby
Kef
0
I agree with Ciel. While the effects of bad human relationships are mostly subconscious, it is still a stupid thing to get hung up on, and I find it immensely childish when people don't take personal responsibility for their issues. You might say 'well it's not like they can help it', but if I can grow past 99% of it then so can anyone.
My relationship with my mom was distant too (though she didn't abandon the family, and in fact worked very hard to support us), and I only recently became able to speak frankly to her, but I turned out better than most if I do say so myself.
I dwelled on the situation a lot when I was a kid, and I was a bit awkward until partway through HS, but eventually I just said to myself 'I can't let some dirtbag influence who I am' and forced myself to deal with all the little hang-ups, from trust-in-relationship issues to low self-confidence, in any way I could. It took work, but I got over all those humps.
Then again, the very fact that I don't really trust people older than me now, and my general don't-need-anyone-I-can-do-this-myself attitude, might be the remnants of all that, after all ^^
i also might be an utter psychopath; this bears more research
My relationship with my mom was distant too (though she didn't abandon the family, and in fact worked very hard to support us), and I only recently became able to speak frankly to her, but I turned out better than most if I do say so myself.
I dwelled on the situation a lot when I was a kid, and I was a bit awkward until partway through HS, but eventually I just said to myself 'I can't let some dirtbag influence who I am' and forced myself to deal with all the little hang-ups, from trust-in-relationship issues to low self-confidence, in any way I could. It took work, but I got over all those humps.
Then again, the very fact that I don't really trust people older than me now, and my general don't-need-anyone-I-can-do-this-myself attitude, might be the remnants of all that, after all ^^
i also might be an utter psychopath; this bears more research
kentona that's not football this is football
