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1st archived artistic content creation thread. For the active thread, click here.

Posts

Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
author=Dozen
Okay, this conversation is taking a comically bad turn. Marrend meant Takuya was saying it wrong. Have them say the family name first. Stay accurate.


Perhaps I could have been clearer by not just pointing out the problem, but by writing the correction as well? I dunno. This has not been the first time that reading comprehension has been a problem. I know I've been accused of it!

Anyway, am I the only person who thinks that a Nami/Shoko scene could be either really awkward, or really funny?
author=Marrend
Anyway, am I the only person who thinks that a Nami/Shoko scene could be either really awkward, or really funny?

Shoko:*pops out of nowhere*
Nami:...
Shoko:*tilts head*
Nami:...
Shoko:...
Nami:...
Shoko:...
Player:*asleep*
Nami:...
Shoko:*nods and walks away, mildly confused*

Heh. First time Shoko is the most active in a conversation.

...

You didn't like the puppy! Are you more of a cat person, then? I'm making notes!
Well Nami isn't exactly distancing herself from others; she isn't exactly going after friends either. So she's kinda a happy(ish?) medium.

And yes, a Shoko/Nami conversation would be very strange, mainly because Nami would pretty much ignore Shoko standing there making motions. She hardly notices when the player is talking directly to her, for crying out loud! Of course, if Shoko somehow makes it obvious that she's "talking" to Nami... That could be interesting.

And I'm just gonna make Takuya say only her first name (and the player automagically knows her last name (like the name event with Tsubasa)). She will say her name with first name first.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
author=Dozen
author=Marrend
Anyway, am I the only person who thinks that a Nami/Shoko scene could be either really awkward, or really funny?
Shoko:*pops out of nowhere*
Nami:...
Shoko:*tilts head*
Nami:...
Shoko:...
Nami:...
Shoko:...
Player:*asleep*
Nami:...
Shoko:*nods and walks away, mildly confused*

Heh. First time Shoko is the most active in a conversation.

Niiiice! This is the kind of thing that cheers me up!

*Edit:
author=GloopMaster
And I'm just gonna make Takuya say only her first name (and the player automagically knows her last name (like the name event with Tsubasa)). She will say her name with first name first.

I'm okay with Takuya saying just her first name. However, when the character introduces herself, it would behoove you to follow Japanese nomenclature rules.
author=Marrend
Niiiice! This is the kind of thing that cheers me up!
:O!... :'D! ^^...

author=GloopMaster
automagically
Best portmanteau ever.

author=GloopMaster
Well Nami isn't exactly distancing herself from others; she isn't exactly going after friends either. So she's kinda a happy(ish?) medium.
That's what I said. I just used fancy words.
... Just realized I did a bunch of stuff wrong. Wow, I feel stupid. Guess I'll have to work harder. *sigh*
Marrend: Got it. Revision #infinity of those two lines...

Dozen: "automagically" is not coined by me. And fancy words and my brain don't work well.
For whatever my opinion is worth, I hardly care whether an author follows Japanese name order strictly ^^; More important that the story/characters is interesting.
i'm having a lot of trouble sorting out my friends criticisms of yoko. hes right of course but i'm not sure how to fix them all or even half of them.

1 her power of deduction is all over the place she has to blackmail keika to figure out something that is common knowledge but she knows the reason behind junkos reputation

2 The player is too in-tuned to her using him as an experiment he would more or less just go along with the honey thing

3 the way she treats him is also all over the place sometimes she's overly flirty and the rest of the time she ignores him and not just with masako around

There were alot more but those are the ones i don't know how to fix without scrapping it all again
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Yoko has probably heard about the relationship that <player> and Miki share, but confirming the truth of what rumors exist about them is probably the angle you might want to have with the Kieka scene.

With the "honey" appellation, I don't think <player> tries to correct Yoko on that to a degree that makes it a "running gag". I think it only really happens once or twice, but I could be wrong. Either way, once or twice is probably about right for <player> to realize that Yoko is going to do whatever she wants.

Personally, I'd like to understand why Yoko seems interested in <player> in the first place. Then again, perhaps she's initially interested because she learned about this competition, and she wants to see what kind of events transpire by putting a wedge (herself) between <player> and, well, everybody else?
marrend thank you!!! you gave me an idea, if she already knew about their relationship instead of confirming it she could be running an experiment to test keika's loyalty. As for why she's fixated i have two explanations planned for that but i don't know which one i will use or if i will use both. and i did some small rewrites to make her acknowledge the player more in said situations so that is solved all that is left is how to make the player a little more clueless to the fact that shes experimenting on him.

EDIT: it's all fixed now i added a new scene at the beginning where he takes her a little too seriously and she laughs at him saying it's just an experiment. I don't want to talk too much about my plans for the ending but i will say this your theory is off but not a bad guess
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
"Hey, Marrend, what's cooking in that head of yours?"

"Oh, I was just thinking about the expansion to Uchioniko that's been going nowhere fast. I've been recently thinking of making a separate story file, including everybody's favorite intellectual!"

"Tsubasa?"

"Uh, no. That would be Masako. As some may recall, I drew up a mock scene between Masako and Shoko, so we have an idea how they would interact. But, how would Masako interact with Ruri? What about with Mayu? Or Izumi?"

"What ever happened to Fran? Also, didn't you have plans to re-work Emiko?"

"Well, if something inspirational should actually happen with them, I'll be sure to let this thread know. Unless I'm feeling especially tricky, and want to spring something on you. In which case, watch out!"

This does not represent an actual conversation. It would be really cool if it did, though!
Talking to yourself is a sign of madness! In your case, sweet, sweet madness>:D I can't work on Ryoko until Nekochi reviews the file I made. As long as she is absent, I'm up to the task! By the time we're done, Uchioniko will be the longest set ever!
...and then the Bludgeon got bored. So doth it basheth Dozen. 'Twas hard. Dozen, fearing wrath, began to polish It's most laid back of ideas to perfection. Months pass- And thus came this spell into existence:

From the H101 Campaign Setting
Marrend’s Pout
Transmutation,Enchantment (Compulsion) {Fear, Mind-Affecting}
Level: Clr 4, Brd 3, Sor/Wiz 4
Components: V, S
Casting time: 1 standard action
Range: 30 feet
Targets: self
Duration: 1 round/level (D)
Saving Throw: Will negates
Spell Resistance: No

„I am not pleased with everyone staring at her chest.”

Upon completion, the caster gains a gaze attack which emanates the very essence of her disapproval towards a course of action(or the lack of it thereof). All creatures affected immediately become aware what caused the caster’s disdain and must make a Saving Throw or also become Intimidated. In addition, subjects who failed their save will try to avoid and prevent anything that would further upset the caster as if affected by a Suggestion spell. A very reasonable wish or command on the caster’s behalf for the duration of the spell causes the save to be made with a penalty (such as –1 or –2). Trying to force the creature to do some obviously harmful act automatically negates the effects.

And 'twas silly. Amen.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
I could be horribly mistaken, but I think you forgot a very important component?

*Edit: What manner of component would that be, even? Also, I'm a little fuzzy on what "V" stands for. I think "S" stands for "semantic" (words), but it has been a while.
author=Marrend
What manner of component would that be, even? Also, I'm a little fuzzy on what "V" stands for. I think "S" stands for "semantic" (words), but it has been a while.

"S" stands for somatic(the very imortant part included). "V" stands for vocal.
Aaand a little excerpt of 21 2.0.(Huh. It's sound weird to say it like that. Numbers for names, right? What's their deal?) I think I managed to nail this particular one quite good, so here you go. I'd mark what I changed, but in the end, I all but rewrote this whole story. Except the check success branch, that was pure genius on Dude's part.

STORY 203
CONDITION = 202 DONE
PLACE = Courtyard
ID = 0
zzz...beep...zzz
(I got a message? Who would send me messages while I'm at school? What if I was in class? Do they want me dead? Let's see...)
ID = 21
<player>, it's horrible. You have to spring me out of detention. I think I'm gonna die of boredom.
ID = 0
(Of <b>course</b> it was 21. Typical of her, too. She faces hundreds in the spotlight without dropping a sweat, but a little peer pressure and she's done.)
(Hmm... maybe I could convince the teacher to let her go. But should I?)
A: (Personality) I can do this!
B: Not a chance.


BRANCH A
(Can't hurt to give it a try. Well, okay, it can, but 21's a friend. And dangerous to refuse, on top of that. )
(I send her a message saying I'm on my way.)
Off I go!
JUMP C

BRANCH B
# the hell?! you chose not to help 21? what's wrong with you!
##Gee, not wanting to suck up to a girl? Dude...
(I don't think so. 21 got herself into this mess. She's on her own.)
(I send her a message saying so.)
ID = 0
zzz...beep...zzz
(Here it comes...)
ID = 21
I hate your guts! I can't believe you let an innocent girl rot in detention!
AFF DOWN 40
ID = 0
Innocent?
(But damn, she sounds mad. I better watch my back. I get shivers just thinking what she might do to me, if she finds me...)

BRANCH C
PLACE = Classroom B
ID = Teacher
<player>, what are you doing here? I don't recall giving you detention.
D: PERSONALITY 30
ID = 0
(Oh. I didn't think of an excuse, really. I'll have to improvise.)
ID = Teacher
Well?
ID = 0
(Come on, something good, fast!)
Well, you see, 21's cat, Fluffy... ton, um Fluffyton has... a bad fur ball attack and needs to be... taken to the vet?
ID = Teacher
I stand corrected. You <i>do</i> have detention.
ID = 0
What? Why?
ID = Teacher
For coming up with the absolute worst story I've heard since "my dog ate my homework".
ID = 0
It's no story, I swea-
ID = Teacher
Enough. You want to be with Miss Ways so badly, you can enjoy the entire afternoon with her. In detention.
ID = 0
(Defeated, I pulled a chair next to 21.)
ID = 21
DISLIKE
SHOW CENTER
...
ID = 0
Umm, hi?
ID = 21
<i>My cat had a hairball attack?</i>
ID= 0
I thought it sounded urgent.
ID = 21
UNFRIENDLY
No doubt you must be retarded.
FRIENDLY
AFF UP 40
Oh well, at least now we can--
ID = Teacher
Silence, you two! This is detention, not "let's enjoy idle conversation".
ID = 0
(This is going to be a hell of an afternoon.)
# I thought it'd be kinda interesting that player's be rewarded by failing an attribute test.
## Dude said that, people. I swear.


BRANCH D
# this section occurs if you pass the attribute check
ID = 0
Where's 21?! I have urgent news!
ID = Teacher
Miss Ways is ov--
ID = 0
21! Why aren't you answering your phone?! It's your father, he's been in an accident. We have to go, now!
ID = 21
LIKE
SHOW CENTER
My fath-
ID = 0
Let's move!
ID = 21
But I'm in deten-
ID = 0
No time for silly notions like that, we <i>have</i> to get to your father!
ID = Teacher
Go! Go! Forget detention, get to your father!
ID = 21
Thank you, teacher.
ERASE CENTER
JUMP 204

BRANCH 204
CONDITION = 204 DONE
PLACE = Grounds
ID = 21
LIKE
SHOW CENTER
ID = 0
(21 and I stop to take a breath after a sprint through the courtyard, just to be sure.)
(To our luck, today's detention room doesn't have windows facing the grounds. We're relatively safe.)
ID = 21
:pant: Geez, <player>! :pant: I had no idea you were so good at lying. You almost had me convinced Dan was at the hospital.
ID = 0
Yeah. :pant: I don't know what came over me... Hey, you call your pops by his first name?
ID = 21
FRIENDLY
What else would you call somebody? I can't just refer to Dan as "you there" <i>all</i> the time.
ID = 0
Don't get smart. You don't let me either.
ID = 21
I hold privileges.
ID = 0
What privileges?
ID = 21
NEUTRAL
These in my fist right here. You're welcome to take a closer look.
LIKE
ID = 0
No! I'll manage without! Thanks!
Regardless, it's kinda weird. I mean, mom or dad might do the job.
UNFRIENDLY
ID = 21
It's kinda original, rather. Do you expect any less?
ID = 0
Heh, point. In retrospect I shouldn't be suprised, knowing you.
ID = 21
FRIENDLY
More like it.
UNFRIENDLY
ID = 0
But actually, I am still surprised you haven't assigned your folks a number by now. What's the hold up?
ID = 21
DISLIKE
AFF DOWN 20
Well who asked your dammed opinion!
ID = 0
Wait! I <i>just</i> got you out of...
ERASE CENTER
(Too late, 21 ran off. How can she keep going after the 300 meter dash we pulled just a minute ago? Her drive never ceases to amaze me.)
(This sort of situations make me wonder why do I bother to keep up with her. What did I do wrong?)
(I guess no good deed goes unpunished... Any less than you can call a prison break a good deed.)
# Yup, this may be the only occasion when having too much of an attribute is a bad thing. Ain't I a stinker?
## IT WAS DUDE STOP LOOKING AT ME.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
Small correction in STORY 204:

ID = 0
(21 and I stop to take a breath after a sprint through the courtyard, just to be sure.)
(To our luck, today's detention room doesn't have windows facing the grounds. We're relatively safe.)
ID = 21
:pant: Geez, <player>! :pant: I had no idea you were so good at lying. You almost had me convinced Dan was at the hospital!

Otherwise, the game will think <player> is spouting the line ":pant: Geez, <player>! :pant: I had no idea you were so good at lying. You almost had me convinced Dan was at the hospital."


I'd also like to think that Masako's less-than-X-intelligence-check came before 21's less-than-X-personality-check, but...
author=Marrend
I'd also like to think that Masako's less-than-X-intelligence-check came before 21's less-than-X-personality-check, but...

It probably did. Masako's was the first route to come out. You know it better than me.
Marrend
Guardian of the Description Thread
21781
One moment. I have to go post-hunting.

*Edit: I swear, there was a post about how 21 was "the only character" that used the stat-less-than-X technique. I could have also sworn the post was authored by flowerthief, of all people, too. Then again, I can't seem to find it under his posts, so it might have been somebody else.

Of course, it would probably help me more if I knew which thread it was under!

Alternatively...

...one can ignore my ramblings.